Happy New Year!!

May the new year bring you may new experiences and spankings!

Submitting to Him

Dragon is tired.  He has worked long hours firstwith with a cold and then the flu.   Needles to say, he hasn't felt like having much fun.  

I decided to do something to cheer him up just a little.  It had been a long day.  We were both tired and ready for some much needed sleep.  I almost fell asleep completely dressed AGAIN!  Iwoke up just enough to realize how uncomfortable I was and got up.  

When I stood up, I decided to do something just for my Dragon.   When I slid my jeans down,  I took my panties off too.   My shirt and bra both hit the floor.  

I had his full attention.

When I crawled back in bed, he reached over and pulled me against his chest.  Heaven!  That is how I fell asleep and I woke up the same way.

No sex?   Nope.  He couldn't find the new box of condoms.   Since we really don't want a new baby in the house,  those things are a necessity.

He went to work with a very big smile on his face.   I plan on sleeping the same way tonight. I lolove seeing him so relaxed.

Ps.   Shakeology ordered!   I changed 'map my run'  from miles to km today and walked.   My walking path was just short of a kilometer.  I'll have to re map it to make it just a little longer.   I'll get the alli next time I go to the store.   Baby steps.  

Sorry for the weird outo correct mistakes.  My smart phone is kinda dumb

A New Year

It is a time for new beginnings.  

Nope.  I don't make resolutions.   My plans are based on other things.  

My health took a steep nose dive in October.   I am beginning to feel better.   I still hurt but not constantly.   It is time to get back on my fitnes schedule.   Walk /run and the p90x.   I couldn't do either one with the pain.  Everything made it worse.  

This time I am going to do something different. I am over 40. That means my metabolism sucks.   I can tone the body that I have but I can't seem to shed the pounds.   Payday I am buying Allie.   It takes my low fat healthy diet and cuts the fat even more.   In addition to that I am going to replace lunch with shakology.

Between the exercise, pill and supplement shake, I should shed some pounds.

Dragon just told me that he isn't buying me any new clothes.   I have to make them.   Yikes.  A scarry though but since I can't find clothes I like in the store,  I guess it works.  

A new year with new goals and new beginnings.  

Ps.  After two doses of the tamiflu, Dragon is feeling much better.  He was frisky this morning.   I wonder.....

Is there a spanking in the near future?  A girl can hope.  

Spank-no ho ho ho

This is turning into a spank-no season of not getting "you know what"  for me!

Dragon's crazy schedule.

The flu both A and B

Mina's boy friend on the couch

My chronic pain

AND NOW????

Surprise!!!

Granny is coming for a visit.  

We did sneak a little sex in this afternoon.   That is something but I am beginning to think that my bottom will not get any attention until next year!

Okay,  yes I know.   Next year is only a few days away.   But but but....   I neeeed to feel his dominance.   I need to feel his power and authority.   I don't feel balanced without TTWD.

I sshould have let him spank me over the pot discussion.   That was my last opportunity for anything impact.   I hate punishments but right now,  I'll take what I can get.

Spoken by a true spanko....

Dragon just took the second dose of tamiflu.   He is snoring away next to me.   I hope he is back on his feet soon.   Granny will only be here for 5 days and she is spending that time in a hotel.   She is bringing her smoking,  smelly, man toy.   I am not going to argue with her decision.  

Hope it helps

Last visit with my mom didn't go so good.   I have hopes.  

If not I have an almost full bottle of Bush mills honey whiskey.   I'll be just fine.  

Merry Christmas!

I hope your holiday was great.  We had a relatively relaxed day.   It felt off but things are changing.   The kids are getting older and I am not ready.  

What was on your Christmas wish list?

Did you get it?

I got something unexpected.  A weather station. Where we live, the weather can turn deadly in seconds.   This will give us real time information and help keep us safe.   I have wanted one for years but they are expensive.   This isn't top of the line but far from the cheepest.

When the weather gets ugly, I turn on the ham radio.   Eyes on the sky help accurately locate the worst areas.   Being able to share the wind speed and rain fall will help others around me know what is coming.

Yes I am a nerd.  I am happy about getting a weather station for Christmas and a better 2 meter radio is on the wish list.   I would say that I must be getting old but I would have been happy getting the same gift 20 years ago.  

I am just that much of a nerd.  

My kids all had a great Christmas too.   LOTS of squeals and happy faces.  

Daydreams and Christmas Candy

I need to get busy. Today is for baking and making candy.   Yum!  But I just had to take a little time to daydream.  

I can almost feel Dragon's hands on my body.   I can almost hear his voice.

Undress.   

Lay on your tummy...  No,  up on your knees.   

Yes,  perfect 

You must be very quiet.  The kids are awake.   Not one sound.   Are you ready? 

I can imagine the sting of the paddle and the bite of the belt.   There is a hand of ginger in the refrigerator.   Would he be sadistic enough to use it Christmas day?  

Of course he would.   After another warning to be silent,  I can imagine him gently placing the shaped finger of ginger deep inside my body.  

Wow how that stuff burns.  

And now my imagination goes crazy!  What next?  More impact?  Or would he take me while the ginger sets my body on fire?   Hmmmm.  

Will Dragon be to tired to play tomorrow?  I may just have to brat to get a spanking.   Slam a few doors?  

Sigh....

Yes,  I am starting to get just a little desperate for his touch.  Nothing else will work.   Just him.   No substitutes.   My poor hitachi can't scratch this itch.  

A better Christmas

I have a box of ornaments that make me cry every year.  Little angels that Dragon bought for me after my last miscarriage.  

Every year, I pull the out of the big box I use to store them.   Every year I try to hide my tears.   Then someone will set off my temper.  

Last year a Blogger friend suggested that I store the angels separately.  

I did....

And forgot...

Oops

The kids decorated the tree as I unpacked the box.   All smiles and hugs.

Then a few nights ago I rembered them.   My tears fell in private.   I took the small white box to the living room and we put the angels on the tree together.   The younger kids asked about each one.  

I'll have to go back in blog land and see who suggested the separate box.   I wonder if it was Bas?

Dragon is still working crazy hours.   He is working hard to make sure others have a great holiday.   Still no fun for us.  He is to tired and I completely understand.  

Remembering Bas

Gone but not forgotten.

He is missed

I still visit his blog from time to time just to remember.  

Over time

Christmas is one of the busiest times of the year for Dragon.   He works long hours.   Those hours take a toll on all of us.

TTWD has been reduced to major infractions.  Those things that I avoid at all costs.   No pleasure spanking at all.   It is difficult with the cool weather but this streak of warm temps let me get my hopes up.

Nope.   Nothing.

What else can I expect after a string of 16 hour days?   It was still a little bit of a let down.

Then there is that very short time that we can go without a condom.   It is a risk but only a small one.  I keep careful records.

I wanted that skin to skin contact so much.  But it was not meant to be.   We fell asleep in each others arms.   We were not ready for bed.   All we did was kick off our shoes.  Teeth not brushed.  Doors unlocked.

We slept just like that until our oldest daughter called at 2 am to let us know that she finally got off work.

I guess we both needed the extra rest.

Memories

I am propped up in an empty bed waiting on Dragon to get home from work.   He has worked yet another 16 hour day.   It brought back a memory from one of his deployments years ago.

I don't remember where he was going this time.   They just blur together.   The first night is always the hardest.   Facing the empty bed was so hard.   I curled up and faught the tears.   First my oldest crawled in bed with me carrying the cat.  Then came Pooh bear with her rather LARGE dog.  My little flower was next with her two small dogs and a long comes my son.   He looked at the already crowded bed, crawled across the animals and his sisters to lay right on top of me.

I didn't have to face an empty bed after all.   We offered eeach other some much needed comfort.   My tears came the next morning when I realized that Dragon didn't have anyone.

I didn't complain about kids in my bed after that.   I was grateful to have them.   The kids, dogs and even the crazy cat.

Holy Cat Batman!

I have a small alter on my kitchen counter.  The kitchen is the heart of the house and I think it is the perfect place for the alter.   My rocking chair sits right next to it.  A perfect place for prayer.

Why Holy Cat?

I have a small fountain of holy water.  It is the focal point of the alter.  

Well....

The first bottle of water lasted a good while.  The second bottle was gone in a week.   The third was gone even sooner.  

What is happening to the water?

The cat!

She is such a good kitten during the day.  She would never get on the counter.  Nope,  no her.   Until everyone is in bed!

The little sneak.

She has been drinking the holy water.

The priest thought it was funny and just told me to bring a bigger bottle.   I am glad that he has a sense of humor.  

Pu pu punishment?????

For what?


I just asked a question!


Okay.  Now I guess you want the story.  

I have chronic pain.   I can go for months pain free but when it hits, it is relentless.   Doctors just accuse me of being an addict after drugs.   I am addicted to NOTHING!!!  I have issues with alcohol.  Which is why I rarely drink.  But no addictions.  I am not after narcotics.   Only a moment of relief.

My aunt caught me in a moment of weakness.   Hours of unbearable pain.   I was ready to do just about anything for relief.  

She offered me some weed.   She thought it would help.   I have to admit,  I thought about it.   I decided to ask Dragon what he thought.  

MISTAKE! ! !

I had just about decided totally against it.  But I did want his opinion.  He didn't hesitate with a loud NO and are you crazy?

He planned a barn burner because I asked.   I think he may not understand how bad it gets.  

I explained that even if he had said yes,  I would have still had to think long and hard.   I have NEVER used illegal drugs and don't want to start now.   Nor do I want to use a drug that is potentially addictive.  

More checks in the con column than the pro.  

I just needed to hear it from him.   I doubt that I would use weed even if it was legalized.  I have seen it ruin lives.  I don't want to be a pot head.

Dragon was most relieved after we talked.   He didn't want to punish me any more than I wanted it.

Now that is what I call relief! ! !

No punishment for me!

Shivers

It is starting to warm up a little but it is still cold.   We have had a lot of melt.   Just the North facing areas are still ice covered.   Branches are falling so it isn't safe to start the clean up yet.  

The trees are looking pitiful.   More branches on the ground than left up in the trees.   I am glad we have two chain saws and a house full of kids.   It is going to take a lot of work to get the yard cleaned up.   I won't be buying fire wood for a while!

Now Dragon needs a day off.  It is to much for me to do on my own.  He was scheduled for a short work week.   Only 3 1/2 work days.  Boy did that change in a hurry.   Now he will probably go into over time again.

Spanking, love making and fun are non existent right now.   But we are getting cuddle time.   We have to cuddle to get warm.   I put an extra quilt on all of our beds but we can't seem to get warm.  

I am not a winter /cold weather kind of person.

Hopefully we can get the yard done this weekend and get back to our regular schedule.

Frightful Weather

It isn't snow but it is Frightful!  The roads are slick and the trees are breaking under the weight of the ice.   The good news is that I have power and heat.  So many people don't.  

Ice!

Did you get snow?

We have ice.   It is falling out of the sky and hascoated everything.   Dragon got off of work early last night.   I say early but it was almost 9 when he got home.  The roads were to bad to finish the job.   Mina made it to work okay but at 1am,  I didn't want her driving all the way home.   She spent the night with a friend in the city.  Her husband drove her car for her.  She has driven in snow but this is ice.

Dragon is back at work this morning.   Took him almost two hours to make a drive that normally takes. 30 minutes.  

It is nasty

Prayers please for all those who have to be out in this mess.   I keep hearing limbs hit the roof. I hope they are jujust sliding off and not doing any damage.

Play time and pervertables

Nope,  I am not getting any.

Dragon is working late again.  Even though the weather is nice and warm tonight he will be ready for his dinner and the bed.   But with my last post I decided to talk about pervertables.   Those things around the house that can be used to great effect in the bedroom.

When I say kink, my vanilla friends think black leather, chains and whips.   I think pretty silk scarves,  peacock feathers and Dragon's hands.  

What a difference!

While I would love to have the black leather, it is very expensive.   Chains are fun but not for heavy duty play.   I shop in the house wares section of The Wall market for most of our pervertables.  They live in the toy bag, not in the kitchen.  No worries about eating in my kitchen.   I keep things separate.  

What would I buy in the kitchen section of the store? A wire wisk feels devine when Dragon taps it lightly across my back.   Spatulas and wooden spoons make good impact toys.  A cake knife lets Dragon blow my mind with knife play without the danger of doing real harm.  Clothes pins make fun nipple clamps.  Spray bottles cool over heated skin.

There are so many options.  The choices are endless in such a big store.   Introduce only one new sensation at a time and use your imagination.  

May you never look at the kitchen section the same again.  

What pervertables do have in your toy bag?  What would you like to bring home?

New ratchet straps are on my wish list and a strap wrench. The ratchet straps for bondage anchors and the strap wrench?  It looks like a devilish impact toys.  

Sex

Why is sex a dirty word with christians? ? I am a life long Christian and have often asked that question.   Sex provides the heat that warm the heart of a marriage.   It heals and brings the couple closer than any other action can.  

For the wife, it is the ultimate act of submission.  He asserts his dominance when he enters her body.   It defines the role of husband and wife.   Even the act of making love, of touching, caressing and kissing brings an intimacy that is impossible to get while you are sitting across the room from each other.

Now add in the more interesting things.  Spanking?  Now dear husband is an abuser?   Whips and chains?  Oh my, you crazy man.   Get away from her.   A knife?   Bondage?  

QUICK!   CALL THE POLICE!

Really people?

We do the things we do because it feels good.   That flogger feels like a gentile leather rain.   Nothing happens unless we BOTH consent.   There are safe words to let each other know in a single syllable what is going on mentall .   No mind reading going on.  

We talk about the things we do with other people to stay safe.   Some of the things we do are not safe to do without the knowledge that others have.   Suspension and Bondage for example.   Someone can really get hurt if it is done wrong.   We are open and honest with each other when we meet in groups.   We talk about kinky things and sex.   We meet to share knowledge.  

One dominant will show another how to use a flogger or introduce a submissive to the Violet Wand.   There may be a fire play demo or knife work.   Branding and maybe even a single tail whip.   So many yummy things.  

Is is un-christian?   I don't think so.   Sex and love making takes place within the confines of marriage.  Play and learning among friends.  

You have to learn this stuff somewhere!

I think that if people would loosen up and enjoy sex the divorce rates would be much lower.   You learn something new from a friend and want to try it out.  Suddenly that cold bed gets a lot warmer.  

Try something new.  Add a few sprinkles to your boring old vanilla marriage.   It is as simple as buying a scarf to learn bondage or discover the joys of a blindfold.   Bring a glass of ice water to the bedroom and discover what a chilling effect it has when you dip your fingers in it before you caress her.  

Relax,  communicate and ask lots of questions.

Sex and kink are not dirty.  Open up your mind and find out what you are missing!

Confused

Things see to be going so good.   We are making bills plus some.  Dragon's job is still iffy but we will worry about that when it happens.   The kids are getting a very good Christmas.  

Life is good.

Right?

Then I learn that my baby girl,  my oldest daughter had a miscarriage.  

I feel like I am on a roller coaster.  

The football game today did make me smile and do a happy dance.  But made the loopty loops on my roller coaster day nauseating.  

You see, in the south,  football is King.   In the grand state of Alabama (my home state)  you are either for Alabama or Auburn the under dog.   Most of my family cheers for Alabama.  As a small child, I thought the whole thing was stupid.  So...  I did what any defiant child would do.   I chose the other team.  

Alabama wins more games but I am loyal.   Every year,  I cheer for Auburn.   This year they weren't ranked.   Not even on the charts.   They played hard and only lost one game all season. AlAlabama was unbeatable.   ZERO losses.  Until today.

WAR EAGLE!!!!!

WE WON!!!!

Auburn now holds the #1 spot

I am currently in a series of loops on this roller coaster of mine.   Dinner is ready but I can't eat.   Best pot of chili I have ever made and all I want to do is cry.

Yep.   Feelin just a little emotional tonight.  

Tomorrow, I will be the mom in tears.  My two youngest kids will be baptized.  

See?

I don't know how I am supposed to feel.   Happy?   Sad?   Both?

I am confused....

Little Angel

Today is the day I lost my little angel.   I was just over 7 weeks pregnant and thought that I finally had a baby that was going to stick.   She was named already.  Sarah Faith.  A little sister for my beautiful daughter.  

But it wasn't ment to be.   My tummy felt funny and I just didn't feel right.   I told Dragon that she was gone.   The spotting started.  Then the tissue came.  And finally a tiny baby.   A perfectllittle head.   Arms and legs.   They didn't let me see her on the ultrasound but she had a heart beat just hours before I held her.  

If she had just been a little older.  A little bit bigger.   Today she would have turned 18 years old.   She was my fourth miscarriage and very nearly my last pregnancy.   Dragon didn't want to try again.   We are both very happy we did .   Three more pregnancies and three beautiful children.  

All these years later it still hurts.   My Christmas tree is filled with angels for her.  All year long you can find angels in every room of my house. I see one and have to have it.   One day I will meet my lost babies but for now I will enjoy the ones I have here on earth.   Heaven will just have to wait.

Sleepy Sex

We had a quiet Thanksgiving.   Church in the morning and an afternoon drive.  Barbecue and potato salad for dinner.  Family time.   It was nice.  

By 9 I was ready to go to bed.  I left the kids in the living room watching Christmas movies.   For a change, I fell asleep without any problems.   I guess that is what a stress free day does for me.   :-) My daughter came home from work and woke me up just enough to let me know that she was home safe.   (house rules)

Sometime in the middle of the night, I felt my panties slide off my bottom.   Not all the way off,  just enough for wandering hands to explore.   I heard paper rip and felt Dragon shift his weight.

I was to sleepy to care what he was up to.   My memory of the late night activities is a bit foggy.  I remember thinking "WOW it doesn't hurt tonight.  He must be taking his time."  A little latter I think I said, "Hmmmm,  that feels good."  Not sure if I just dreamed that part.  

When I woke up this morning, my panties were back in place and I was left wondering if it was just a dream.   Before Dragon left for work, he let me know how pleased he was with me.  

The great, sleepy sex that I thought was a very very good dream was real!

Today is a wonderful day.  I am just a little sore today.   A reminder of his touch every time I sit.

Happy Spanksgiving

We had our Thanksgiving celebration last Sunday.  It was the only day both Dragon and my daughter would be home.   So....  Thursday we will smoke a briscit and celebrate spanksgiving privately.  

It has been very cold the last few days.   Cold for us this far south!  The garage and my bottom have been neglected.   Since this time of the year is hard for both of us,  that is a very bad thing.

I am going to move the space heater back out to the garage,  vacuum the rug and do a little cleaning.   I found the little glass dildo in a box. I tthink Dragon has forgotten about it.   I'll get it ready for play and move the hitachi to a plug in the garage.   Line up the paddles and floggers.

Hmmmm....

What else?   Maybe a knife and a hand of ginger.   This is going to be play and not anything as serious as a maintenance or punishment.   But.....

Who knows?   These things tend to go in unexpected directions.

I'll have to wait and see.  

Other plans for the day?
Fill a quart jar with change and a few bills.  Then go out and find someone who needs a blessing.   Have the youngest family member give it to the person, say happy Thanksgiving and run.  

Yeah me!

I am the queen of procrastination.  Yep,  that is me.  I have been dreading a chore.   I have managed to put it off for over a year.   It has turned into an even bigger job.  Eeekkk.

Sorting a few mixed up boxes the movers made a disaster of.   One box is gone.  Linnens are in another box.  Most of the stuff in that box is in the garage.   Just the usable stuff is left.   One more box to go.  

I now have a spot for the cat playpen.  She has been naughty.   Every time the door opens,  shestreaks out and won't come back.  She comes back hours later, covered in fleas.

Yuck!

I can't have that.  Not when I am finally getting the fleas under control.  So the cat goes in the playpen I have for foster cats.   It is either that or get rid of her.   Not an option.

She will still have some freedom of the house but it will help us keep her safe.  

Yeah!  No punishment for me!  Dragon made it a task.   He got tired of my bad attitude and took it to the seat of the problem.   If it didn't get done today,  he was prepared to for the worst.  A barn burner.   Yeash....  

Hey,  I may just get a good girl spanking out of this.  Happy me. :-)

Ps Dragon's biggest problem with the cat wasn't her sneaking out but that was part of it.   She has decided that his clean clothes make a perfect litter box.   Never mine,  just his.  After going to work twice smelling like cat pee he had enough.  

I can't blame him.   Not sure what to do with her other than trying the crate for a while.  

Letters from home

We were cleaning up the garage yesterday and found a box of letters.   Ones I sent to Dragon when he was deployed.   Those ment more to him than I ever imagined.  Here is the first one I picked up out of the box.   He wrote this one to me in 2009.

My Love,
I am sorry I haven't written more.  I know how much a letter means.  I guess I have been lazy this deployment.   Every day I wake up and think I am one day closer to you.  Right now that is all I want to know.  Then someone comes to me and says we only have xx days to go and that sounds like forever to me.  I am looking forward to spending time with you again.  I am going to try to be a better husband when I get back.  I know we have changed and it is hard to make the switch from being around people I really don't like all that much to being with those I love dearly.  It seems like it would be easy but for some reason the jerck stays with me too long.  Please help me so that I can make the transition and show you how much I really love you.  I don't want to get home and hurt you.  I know that I already have by the lack of letters this trip and I am very sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you always.



This was written during a huge ptsd break.   We were holding on but only just.   When he came home,  we were able to put our marriage back together.   We dated,  went on picnics and long walks.   It was hard but we came out of it better than ever.

Indian summer

It isn't the rain we so desperately need but the weather was perfect for working outside.   Chores that would have been done in the freezing cold when we lived up north.   It was a busy day.   It was so nice that my kids didn't even fight.

Gutters cleaned,  fire wood cut, the first stage of Christmas lights up.   Like I said, it was a productive day.   Lots done on an 80* day.  Temps unheard of up in the mountains of Idaho for November.  

After a shower and a nice sit down meal with my family,  it was time for some fun.   The flogging ended up being much shorter than either one of us wanted.   A muscle in my shoulder protested.   A burning ache that had nothing to do with the floggers and didn't feel good at all.   We went inside to continue the fun.

Well....  That didn't last long either.  I over did it working outside.   The damaged nerves in my face had enough. It was time to get some rest and my body demanded it.  No play, no movie or story book.   Nothing worked.  Just sleep.

But Dragon still got his fun.   Since I ended up going to bed supper early,  I was up at 4:30. Dragon was ready to play.   We had over an hour to play before he needed to get ready for work.  

Best way to start the work week ever!

Lullaby

After the Veterans Day flogging,  Dragon rediscovered one very big side effect he had forgotten about.   After a good hard scene of impact,  I sleep better for days.  

It was great!  I went to bed and actually got some sleep.  No tossing and turning.  Actual sleep.  

The effects are starting to ware off a bit.   Dragon tried to find time to warm my back last night but it didn't work out.   We are going to have a late night tonight but we are going to try again anyway.   It is worth the effort.

Now for the mystery.   Why can I handle a hard flogging but not even the lightest of a paddling?
I guess I better follow the rules and not frustrate Dragon.  I DONOT WANT a paddling.  

A Busy Day With a Flogging on Top

LOL DAY interrupted my schedule on blog land.  But now the traffic has cleared out and I can make the post I have had in my head all day.

We started Veterans Day off with early Mass and Christmas shopping.   Dragon got some really good discounts.   I now have a new rosary to replace the one Mina lost and a prayer book that is so complicated I need to attend Seminary for 5 years to figure it out.   Blag.

We hurried home to get the kids.   Thor is out inthe ttheaters now and we are all Stan Lee fans.   Marvell Comics rock!  When we discovered that we wouldn't make the first showing of the day,  we had a little time to spare on a busy day.  

Dragon hid the presents we bought out in the garage and I joined him.   I need to know where these things are.   No early reveals for the kids. We moved the Christmas decorations to an area I can reach and dug out the light clips.  

Wow...  Time to spare and a moment of privacy?   What in the world would two kinky people do with a bag full of toys?  

It really shouldn't take that much imagination.   Or maybe it does....

"Take off your shirt, " he says as he walks toward the toy bag.   He pulled searched for the floggers at the bottom of the bag.  

" Kneel"

He took my bra off and and followed what has nearly became a ritual with us.

You know I love you. . .
I would never intentionally hurt you in any way.
What are your colors?

Then he added one more word.  "BRACE"

Talk about getting the heart going.   He started with the elk.  No gentile warm up.  It felt like a fist hitting my back.   Then he moved on to the snake.   Yowza that thing packs a sting.  

After a few swings hit the same spot,  I called a safe word.   YELLOW!  That thing is intense when it hits the same spot repeatedly.  

He stopped for a few moments to let the redness rise on my back.  Sometimes it takes  few mminutes.  Then he began again.   Swinging the whip first in a figure 8 then whirling it in a circle incredibly fast.  

He didn't take easy at all.  It felt like heaven.  

"Will you submit to me?  Do anything I ask? "

Silly question.   I was so deep into sub space that I couldn't hold my head up.   When he was sure that I was properly submissive,  we went back into the house.   He asked me latter if I was okay.  Checking in because of the safe word.   I told him that I only used the safe word when it really hurt.   He thought that was funny.I had to re word my answer.  

I only used my safe word when it didnt hurt good.  

He was happy with that one.   That was one hard flogging.   It kept me happy all evening long.   We still made the matinee.   Cheaper tickets!  Yeah!

Short and VERY sweet.   Yep,  Dragon is back.  

Love Our Lurkers

Today is LOL day!  My little blog gets more views than I have followers.   I know Lurkers are out there.   I appreciate your visits and your occasional comments.  

I would love to hear from you today!!!  Come on out and say hi!  

Strangers

Why do I share this every year?   Most people have no idea what it is like to be military.   Most people have no idea what it is like to be the one left behind.

This was written at the beginning of a deployment to a war zone, at the mid point and finally back at the airport.   The journal page was tear stained.   That was the hardest deployment of a long career.


I hate airports. They are places of tears. My body shakes as I try to control them. Then I look at my children and I see their hearts breaking. My own tears fall….He sees my tears and his iron grip of control begins to slip. People turn away. They can’t stand to see our pain. They know where he is going. They know we are left behind. I stand at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Walk that lonely walk back to the car. The drive home seems longer than ever. The house does not feel like home.

My best friend, my husband, the father of children has left. I don’t know where he is going. Don’t want to know. More questions than answers. When will he come home? Will he come home? How do I survive? He is my life. He is everything. I am me because he is with me. No more watching or reading the news. Not even just to read the headlines. Routine. Step by step each day I learn to survive. Run, breakfast, cut grass, shower, lunch, clean, check email, walk the dog. Same thing every day moving in a daze. I am afraid to hope.

At the airport again. The seasons have changed. But then so have I. I stand at the arrival gate waiting for a stranger. He is my husband and the father of my children. My tears fall once again. I am nervous and afraid. Will he really come home this time. Will everything be the same? I hope so. There he is. I see him. He has cut his hair again, his skin is darker, his eyes are different. I expect his hug to feel the same but it doesn’t. He walks ahead of me much faster than I can keep up to get to the luggage pickup. I know I should understand why but I don’t and he can’t explain. We are strangers again.

a military wife

Husband US Air Force Operation Southern Watch /Endearing Freedom /Iraqi Freedom /Task Force Horn of Africa /Korean cease fire,  Grandfather WWII army air corps, Grandfather WWII Army infantry,  father Vietnam Navy, great uncle WWII Interpreter Army?,  step dad army tanker Korea and Vietnam and many more

My family is filled with veterans.   I am proud of every one of them.

Dragon spanks

Dragon had taken me out to the garage to show me where he hid a Christmas present.   I saw the motorcycle still not fixed and reminded him that he had the parts to finish the job.   I lit the heater while he got the parts out of the truck.  

Putting the gas tank back on the motorcycle was frustrating.   A few dirty words and a new bruise latter it was done.  The bike is ready to ride.  

Dragon decided that he wanted to celebrat hhis accomplishment with a spanking.   He settled himself in the spanking chair, gathered his chosen tools and tapped his leg.   That is his signal that it is time.  

Pants and panties lowered, I made myself as comfortable as possible across his lap.   He started with a thick cherry paddle.   Tapping to warm up my backside.   A few harder swats added here and there.   Switching to the thin cherry, he picked up the pac .   Owie.   When I started panting he switched one more time.   Walnut this time.   After a few light taps he gave me a number.   Three very hard swats
  Owza those hurt.   Tears filled my eyes but he wasn't done yet.   About 10 more light stingy swats and then he was done.  

It was a good little stress relief session.   Love my man.   He was sick and just wanted to go tobbed. But he took the time to see to my needs.  


What is up with those strange double letters that happened at random?   A smart phone.   Auto correct insists on messing me up.   Sorry about that.   Trying to fix it just makes it worse.

Veterans Day

Here in the USA, Monday is Veterans Day.   We don't make a big hug event of it.   Never have.  Irremember going to a veterans memorial ceremony with my grandparents growing up but that is the most we ever did.  

There is one small thing you can do to recognize the day.   It is simple and small.   Shake a veterans hand and say thank you.  Did his wife follow him during his career?  Thank her to.  Their children who had no choice and the parents who had to say goodbye to their child.  

See?   It doesn't take much.  

Ready for something more? There are many organizations out there that help vets.   Programs to get them in homes, train service dogs and ptsd treatment centers.   These programs need money and there is never enough to go around.   A donation would be an excellent way to pay it forward.  

One more idea for you.  Take flowers to your local veterans cemetery.   Recognize the price of freedom with one red rose.

Stepping off my soap box now.   You know where I want my roses for Veterans Day.   On my backside.   I hope that with an extra day off, Dragon will find the time to play.   I want to write that post about how Dragon spanks His wife... Have a great three day weekend.  

Spanking, Privacy and Kids

I bet you know exactly where this post is going.    After my last post I had planned to give a detailed account of my latest spanking.   It wasn't meant to be.  

Dragon had a rare day off in the middle of the week.  He wanted to work on the motorcycle and get a few things done around the house.   He let it be known that if I wanted a spanking that I was welcome to come out to the garage.

We moved a space heater out there and the sitting area in the garage was nice and toasty.  PPerfect for some private time.   Dragon just had to finish up with the bike.   It was a cheap fix.  The choke cable was broken.   That was a huge relief.  

Almost done.....

And you guessed it.   Kids come streaming into the garage.   I had a movie playing and for some reason, my little TV in the garage is cooler than the much larger TV in the house.   I didn't want to chase them off.   But dang....

No spanking

Sorry folks.   Maybe next time.

How to Spank Your Wife

I give up.   Here it is.  A step by step guide on spanking.

1. Lecture your wife.  Be firm and make sure she knows how disappointed you are.

2....

Who am I kidding?   I can't write a step by step guide.   There is no right way to do this thing we do.   Every person is different.   Every relationship is different.   What works for you may be completely different from what works for me.   That is okay.

A look may be enough but then again, you may need something more. Does time out work?  A barn burner? Or maybe just a few light swats on the back side?

I can tell you how Dragon spanks me.   I can share the few rules I have to follow.   I can tell you about kneeling and submission from my point of view but I can't tell you how to do it.   It is something that you have to figure out for yourself.

It is okay for dd to feel awkward at first.   It is okay to have a few missteps.   We have had our share of mistakes.   From rules that don't work for us to spankings that ended to soon.

What makes this lifestyle work?   Communion.  Talk about it.  Write things down if you need to.   Just make sure that you are both on the same page.   And here is the hard one.   Be consistent.   At the same time, it is okay to say "hey, let's take a break.   I'm tired tonight"   This is real life, not some pretend, make believe,  role playing game.   Give yourself some slack.

Most important of all is consent!   When one says no more, you are done.   I don't believe in this consensual non consent.   It either is or it isn't.   I consent to each and every spanking.  Whether it is for fun or for punishment.   No is no.   It is the difference between TTWD and abuse.   No fine lines there.   It is simple.

Communication
Consistency
Consent
Common sense
and last but not least Compassion

How do you spank your wife?   The way that works for both of you.

Brrrr

Fall is here.   The weather is cooling down and the leaves are beginning to fall.  No beautiful, bright fall colors here.  We are still in drought conditions.  The leaves turn brownish yellow,  curl up and fall.  The lake near my home looks more like a dried up mud hole.  

It is too cold in the garage for much fun.   The mice have taken over.   I have 4 traps out there and every time we have another cold snap,  I have to empty and reset them.   Not a place I want to play right now.   AND the snake is back.   It is hanging out in the garage right now.   I am sure it will check out the house soon.

Blag.  We really need to get into our own home. I really hate renting.   It will take time.   We would love to pay cash for land and build a house.   That is the dream any way.  

So,  what can we do when it is cold ooutside?   I promise you Dragon knows how to keep me warm.   That man has many talents.   Rope, scarves, knives and his most interesting body.   Can't figure out how it could be called dd but it sure is fun.

I would be willing to bet that if he was determined to punish, it would happen.   The mice would be my witness.   Cold body and burning backside.   All the more reason to follow the house rules.  

Learning and Exploring Our Faith

Every week we learn something new in our RCIA classes.   A face book Page I follow seems to follow the lessons from week to week.  This week the fb page talked about home alters and in class about using holy water every day in our own home.   Then the homily was about prayer and visual reminders in our homes.

Think... Think..... Think....

We talked about setting something small up in our home.   Not much.   Just that visual reminder.   A small fountain filled with holy water and a candle.   It was enough to remind us to pray together before Dragon left for work. It ddidn't replace my morning prayers time but was something new.   It was a perfect way to begin the day.

I am still reading the Bra maker's book.   It is endlessly complicated but doable.   It will be added to my resume in no time.   I am going to use a commercial pattern for now and see how that goes.   After a few I am going to order enough of the fabric for matching panties and garter belt.   Big busted women need petty things too!

Putting on the garter is getting easier.   It just takes a little practice to get that back clip fastened.   Dragon loves them and I feel more dressed while wearing them.  

Nothing fun to share from last week.   I wasn't feeling myself.   Fall is the height of asthma season for me.   This to shall pass.   The headaches are still here.   It is a great time to study my new books and learn.

Lesson of the day

Bra design is complicated.

My new bra book just came in the mail.   I have been reading for about 30 minutes and I feel brain fried.   I think I am going to take a break before I get overwhelmed.  

Shower and a cup of hot tea.   Then back to it.   No wonder I can't find a good fitting bra in the store.   There is SO much to it.

Garter belt

So excited.   It finally came in the mail yesterday.   Dragon wants me in a dress when he gets home with my new stockings on.   Giggles.

Looking at it,  I have already picked out a few ways to improve the design.   I'll be making my own in no time.  I can get everything Inneed from bra-maker's supply.   I found some really cute stockings at the Baby girl boutique.   Drool

Dragon really likes the seam going up the leg and a bow at the top.   He said it is very feminine.   He likes a girly girl.   No tom boy for my Dragon.  

I have a dress picked out.   This morning, I am going to work on a pattern for my own design.   Now that I have seen a quality garter belt,  I can get creative and make my own.   No,  I am not going to copy someone else's design.   I just had no idea of where to start.   I wanted a wearable garment.   Not a disposable play item that is garbage after just a few hours.  

I wonder if I will be getting a good girl spankingthis eevening?  

Hmmmmm

A girl can hope.

Ginger

Unfortunately, we didn't get much use out of our play space in the garage this summer.   Now that the weather is cooling down, it will get even less use.   This makes privacy hard to come by.

But Dragon has stepped up TTWD.   How is he going to do that with less privacy?

Ginger

Two times in the last week he has led me into the bedroom with a finger of ginger hidden in his hand.  He treated it more like a maintenance session than pleasure.   It sure did put me into a more submissive state of mind.

He had me remove all of my clothing and lay on my belly.   He placed the finger and had me roll over to place a second slice on the clit.   All I can say is WOW. I don't think he was even using super charged ginger.   This stuff was pretty fresh.   But wow did it ever burn.  

Dragon left it in place while he talked about what he expected for the week and then began to change the feel of the scene.   As usual it turned into lovemaking.  

He removed the burning ginger and showed me just how much he loves me.  

It was a good week.  

Life is always going to be hard but when things are as they should be at home,  it doesn't seem quite so bad.

Taking a Risk

The weather is beautiful this week.   Lows in the 40s and highs in the low 70s.   We have had a few rare rain showers.  Not enough to even touch the severity of the drought but enough to make the weeds in the yard grow.  

It is really starting to look bad.  

So what would the risky behavior be?   Cutting the grass or rather,  the weeds.   I know it is fall but down here in the south, things are green.   My yard looks like an overgrown weed patch.   Since I have been on orders to rest, the yard has been neglected.  

Dragon approved walking but not yard work.   I am risking a painful behind.   With the belt and floggers now on the table,  I am a bit worried but not enough to stop me.   No one else will get out there and get it done.

Hoping for the best....

Rest

Over a month of rest and I a still not back.   I have had enough!   The books Dragon has purchased for me were all very nice.  Two a week.   That is not a record but it is close.  

The goal is to walk one mile.  Last time I tried to walk was a disaster.   The price was to high. The plan is to walk and immediately take a rest break.

I have to move.   All this resting is starting to get depressing.  

With Dragon's approval of course.   I don't want a "P"  on top of a headache.   That would be very bad.

Changes

Dragon was flogging me.   Each stroke felt like it was timed by a metronome.   He started talking.   Dragon NEVER talks like this during a scene but this time he did.  

I would really like to start using the floggers for punishment.   Pleasure on your back, punishment on your backside.  

He paused just a second and landed a few strokes on my backside.   Yowza!  It hurt more than the belt.   He was using the flogger I call the snake.   It has a deep,  stinging, biting touch that makes me squeal every time he uses it.  

See?   It has a nice bite to it.  I think this will really get the point across.  

Oh crap!  What have I gotten myself into?   Dragon did say that the intensity of a punishment has been re set.   Since it has bee so llong he wants to start back with a slightly less intense level.   He doesn't want me calling red in the middle of things.  

He has taken quite an interest in my backside.  TTouching, swatting.   He even ordered a new garter belt.   This one isn't one of the cheap silly things you can buy from Victoria Secrets.   This one is intended for every day wear.   I wonder what he has in mind?   Guess I will find out soon.

A new position

The garage was chilly so Dragon only had me remove my t shirt for the flogging.   He had me kneeling with my hands on the floor and head tilted forward.   It is a position I can maintain even when the scene gets intense.  

When he finished with that part of the entertainment,  he rubbed my stinging back and helped me dress.   But he wasn't finished.   Nope!  He took my hands and helped me to my feet.   Jeans and panties came off next.  

I was expecting the usual OTK but that didn't happen.  Not even close.   He had me kneeling just like before and pushed me down into child's pose.   He straddled my body and took care of my backside.   That position is very intense.   Everything is pulled tight and even a small tap stings.   The humiliation of the position does something to my head.   It is very humbling.

He left me in that position after he finished with the paddle and belt.   Next thing I know he is kneeling between my feet.   Only in deep sub space would I submit to that.   WOW! I am not going to go into detail about the sex but it was good.  

All this happened after his speech yesterday morning.   I think he means business.   Todays task is easy.   Color a picture.  I have a simple box of 8 crayons.  Nothing fancy.   It is a time to reflect on my role in our marriage.   I will be in sub space again by the time I have finished the simple picture.

Yep.  Dragon is back.

Dragon speak

Today is a federal holiday and Dragon has the day off.   We took a little time to catch up on the pleasure side of our relationship.   He flogged me into sub space.  When I was laying at his feet basking in the afterglow of the scene,  he started thinking out loud.

Dragon speak :

I really like it when you are as submissive as you are right now.   I can tell you to do something and you will do it.   When DD is in full swing you are like this all the time.  I need to stop using the excuse that I am too tired to take care of business.   I miss this.

Do I really need to say it?

Yeah!!!

I don't like punishment but I love feeling submissive.   I love the effect it has on Dragon. Everything is elevated.   Sex is better and happens more often.   We both sleep better.  We communicate better.

While I dread the hard parts,  I am already feeling the positive.   I want his hands on me.   I crave the paddle and the makeup sex after.   I can't concentrateon a story book .   Not feeling like I do right now.

And he did it.   With his words after the scene.   Ginger,  flogging and and a partial fisting.   Purrrfect!  And Dragon has promised that there is more to come.

So.....   How long before I am writing about a punishment?

Shivers

Our day ended with more flogging (my back is sore),  the paddle and a very submissive wife.   No punishment but I avoid those automatic spanking triggers as much as I can.   Dragon doesn't want me walking around on eggshells
 He simply misses the dynamic.   About time!   Tonight, I will sleep good!

Balance in DD

Some women almost never get punished in a dd relationship.   Some women walk around on eggshells, afraid to move.   They get punished almost every day for little things.   DD should be somewhere between those two extremes.  

Dragon tends toward the almost never end of the extremes.   He doesn't want me to be afraid of him or afraid to move.   But there are some things that mean an immediate punishment.   Slammed doors,  cussing,  out of control temper.   I have been spanked for each of thesejjust once.   I have learned to listen to his warnings.

Sometimes he will ask,  'Do you need a punishment for that?'  You can guess what my answer is.   NO!   But if he has to ask the question, my answer should be yes.  I think Dragon is over cautious but with both of us having some level of PTSD, that caution is a very good thing.   I'll just have to do better and say yes when he asks that question.  

We talked about it last night some.   We both agreed to do better.  The rule now is that if he asks that question, the answer is yes.   I really hate punishment so my answer will always be no.  He doesn't like to punish me and he accepts that answer.   We both need to realize that if the question is asked it should be yes.  

I know my writing sounds a little mixed up and confused this morning.   My mind feels fogged over.   I woke to the facial painthis mmorning.  So bad that we stayed home.   I couldn't handle church this morning.   Dragon gave me some Benadryl and I went back to bed.   Needless to say, breakfast was very late but I am feeling much better.   Just groggy.

Steep Decline

My health seems to be on the decline.   Again. ..   Just when I really start making fitness goals and reaching then, I hit a road block.   I am down for now but not out.   I'll be back on my feet, fighting for every inch as soon as I can.   Working harder than ever.

The sicker I get,  the worse Dragon gets.   I hate this.   It almost seems like our issues are connected.   Something triggers his PTSD and my headaches start getting worse.   He gets worse and we both spiral down.   Stress, worry and absolute love are the link.

Not sure how to get out of it.   But we are both trying.

Maybe if we can get back on track with the fun stuff.  Spanking, scening and ropes.  We can get the rest back on track too.

Finding Comfort

It is strange,  the things that I find comfort in.  Comfort, security and the knowledge that I am loved.  

At night, I find comfort in Dragon cupping my sex in his hand.   Not fondling or playing, just holding.  It is something no one else on this earth can do.  Just him.  

I also take comfort from dd.   Knowing that he is on top of things.   Knowing that he is in control and says the final word makes my world a better place.  And when things just don't feel right, a good, clear the air spanking brings things back into balance.  Sometimes it takes a good old fashioned punishment to really do the trick.  

Yes,  I just admitted that I find punishment comforting.   I feel fear before it begins, shame that I have forced him to treat me like a child, and humiliated.   We both find the entire process a bit embarrassing.   Not sure why.  We have been dd for years now and spankos for even longer.   The punishment itself is miserable for both of us but the reward comes after.

He is in his proper place.  The head of our family.   I know he loves me enough to make sure that I am doing my very best.    Even though my bottom stings and my face is just as red as my bottom,  I feel comforted.   In his arms, crying,  I know that all is right in the world.  

I thanked Dragon today for stepping up.   I have been sick lately and he has been there the entire time.  Extra rest, small tasks and taking care of me.   He hasn't had a reason to punish and he will do everything he can to avoid it while I am hurting.   But I know that he will do what needs to be done.  

And that is comforting.  

  

Politicians

Who thinks politicians from all parties need to be horse whipped?

Me!!!!

I have had enough of this foolishness.   They need to play nice in the sand box and quit using us as a litter box.  

Grrrr.

Okay.   I feel better now

Dragon's Love

If you are a regular reader, you know that I haven't been feeling all that great.   Dragon has been trying to get me to rest and let my body heal.   That is hard to do.  

I love to stay active and move.   Walking, running,  P90X anything!  Sewing, taking care of the kids and making life easier for him.   I stay busy.  But not in the last few weeks.   I haven't felt like doing much at all.   Every day I feel guilty.  He works so hard and I am sleeping around the clock.

Then last night Dragon bought me another book off of amazon.   Nothing strange about that other than the fact that he has been getting me 2 or 3 books a week since I have been feeling bad.   Normally I may get one a month, two if he is really happy with me.   Dragon wanted me to rest and the best way to make sure that I stay off my feet is a good book.  

I feel loved this morning.  I have 3 new books to start the week and his approval to start walking again.  No running or strenuous workout.  Just a slow walk.

Anniversary spanking!

It was great.   A nice, gentile reminder that he is still on top of things.   I was hurting, so it wasn't the barn burner that I crave but it was just right for last night.  

I had a thought this morning.   Dragon is having a hard time with a supervisor that really doesn't need to be in a leadership position.   She screams and yells.   She has no idea how to lead and tries to bully instead.   I pray for Dragon every day.   These morning, I decided to pray for her to.

I know she has several grievances against her. I hope something happens to change her attitude.  She makes mornings miserable for everyone.  

Date night

Dragon asked me what I wanted to do.   I only had to think for just a minute.   Dragon has had a very hard time with ptsd lately.   One problem is lack of down time.   He has no time to do the things he loves.  

So for our date we went fishing.   I HATE fishing but marriage is about us and not just me.   Love my man just a little.   I'll let you know how the spanking is when I get it.  

Kid issues mixed up our weekend plans

Anniversary time?

What was that?  Yep.   We will be celebrating our anniversary this weekend.  20 years together.  19 of those years as husband and wife.  

Not sure what we will do yet but I have a feeling that it will include an anniversary spanking.  I think that is the perfect way to celebrate.   Maybe a picnic or dinner out.   Movie?  No idea.   What we do isn't important, as long as we do it together.  

Hope

I have hope!  Hope that Dragon will get off in time for a scene.   The ginger is in the refrigerator,  paddles and floggers ready.  This will be the first time we have combined impact play with figging.   Both are intense.  It may be too much sensation but it is worth a try.

We have been talking about alternate punishments.  Things that can be done away from home.  Or even at home if spanking isn't possible.   He has used time out for a while.  Funny,  it never feels like a punishment.   It is a relief but just what I need.

Getting Better

The facial pain has not completely gone away but it is much better.   It doesn't last all day.   Today I had two flair ups.   They hurt just as bad but I am grateful for the improvement.


The bad news?  One of the drugs I take on a regular basis is making me sick.   Aleve, Alegra, Benadryl or maybe the sudaphed.   Blag.   Only the Aleve is for the facial pain.  The rest helps with the seasonal allergies.   Good news is that I don't think it is any of the asthma meds.


I took the Alegra this morning and nothing else all day.   So far so good with that one.

Dragon is working so many hours right now.  I worry about him.  Fewer people to do the same job as last year.   It makes for good paychecks but I miss my Dragon.

Late Night Pain Relief

We went outside to look up at the moon.  It was beautiful and shining bright.   The garage door was right there. It seemed like a shame to miss such an opportunity.


My mouth was hurting.   The pain was getting harder to deal with.  It just won't stop.   But there isn't anything a few endorphins won't help.

Dragon sat in the chair with me kneeling in front of him.   He gently flogged my chest.   Therain of lleather continued until I was so relaxed, I started falling over.   I went into child's pose and Dragon continued, flogging my back.

Then comes the knock on the door.   Brave child.  None of them have ever dared to disturb up in the garage before.   But it wasn't anything serious.   I don't think she will do that again though.

When Dragon finally got back to me,  I was stretched out on the cardboard I use as a yoga mat.  (fitness on a non existing budget)  He paddled my backside and rubbed my stinging back.

For one night,  I slept like a well flogged subby.

Living

It has been one week since the dental work was done and I am still in a great deal of pain.  I think the dentist damaged the trigeminal nerve.  The dentist thinks some of my headaches are associated with that trigeminal nerve already and with it damaged by a shot of Novocain, it is even worse than usual.

But here is the deal.  I can't stop living.  I cope with chronic pain every day.  I get out of bed with a limp.  I hold the spatula with aching hands as I make Dragon's breakfast.  Running, I smile even though pain is shooting up my legs.  Shin splints maybe?

My point is that every thing I do, every day is painful.  My body is falling apart and has been for years.  Why should this keep me down?  Headaches are a part of life for me.  Sometimes a daily part of life.  This headache just hurts in a new spot.  This one is centered on the spot the dentist injected the novocain.  No different than any other pain I deal with just in a spot that is new.

One step at a time.  I can do this.  Get back into my routine of getting up, cooking, running and working out.  Doing school work with the kids, working in my sewing room, playing with the animals and cooking supper.  All the things that keep life busy for a stay at home mom.

I feel a little like Bob the Builder.

Can we do it?

Yes we can!

I have had enough of laying around.  It is time to get up and put on my big girl panties.  I can do it!  One task at a time.  And it isn't a failure if I have to take extra breaks.  Who cares if my run turns into a walk.

Pain

I cope with chronic pain almost every day. It is rare that I have a pain free day. It is also rare for pain to take me out of commission. But this has. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ It has been a week since the dentist visit but I am hurting even more. She came in the room, put me on the gas and numbed my mouth. THEN LEFT! Gone for an hour or better. When she came back in she started drilling. I let her know as best I could that it hurt. " That is a little sensitive there" and kept on drilling! Finally, with tears leaking out of my eyes, she decided to give me more novacain. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ I have never been in that much pain. I expected a little pinch and then the numbness that should have followed. NOPE! Not with my luck. It hurt even more. Pain exploded in my jaw. She chanted "just a little pinch, just a little pinch" ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Really? She is a master of understatement. One week later, I am still in pain. It is even worse than it was. I can't function. Every move sends pain shooting from my jaw. I can't do this any more. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ From what I have read, she hit a blood vessels or a nerve. Either way, I will be hurting for several weeks. I am going to call the office today to see if I can get some better pain control. I don't have transportation to go back to the dentist today but I have to have some relief. OTC is not touching this. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ You know it is bad when I am asking for something more than Alieve. I don't do heavy pain killers. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Needless to say, dd is on hold.

Locking the door

At night Dragon rarely holds me anymore. I miss his arms around me at night, soothing away the bad dreams. Last night was different. ♥♥♥ He locked the bedroom door and told me in that HOHY voice that I would be sleeping naked. Hmmmm... Okay, I can do that. ♥♥♥ Every time I woke up during the night, his arms were around me. A groping hand is what probably woke me up. Love it. If that is what it takes to feel his arms at night, we really need to get that bedroom door fixed. It doesn't always like to stay closed.

Insane

Yep. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. ♥♥♥I have very bad headaches. When they get to the point that I can't stand them any more, I call it a tooth ache and head to the dentist. I have extensive work done only on the side of the headaches. AND IT NEVER WORKS. I end up with unnecessary dental work, mouth pain from the dentist and the same old headache. ♥♥♥ Out of $1200 of work, about $500 was actually needed. Oh well. I'll do the whole thing over in a few years. ♥♥♥compromise.... Yep, I can do that. Instead of an expensive box of chocolates, I am getting a pull up sled. Happy me. :-) I like that compromise. Love my Dragon just a little. He looks out for me.

Where were you

when the world stopped turning? I was in Contwig Germany at our rental house. Dragon had just returned from a deployment. I was pregnant. We were both busy. He was hanging wallpaper and I was staying out of his way. The girls were watching a movie. My mom called and I was happy to hear from her. I had no clue... She told me to turn on the TV and come back to the phone. I was in tears. Only one tower had been hit. She called that fast. When the second tower was hit, I knew it was no accident. Dragon would be leaving again soon. My greatest hope was that he would see our fourth child before he had to leave. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Strangers I hate airports. They are places of tears. My body shakes as I try to control them. Then I look at my children and I see their hearts breaking. My own tears fall….He sees my tears and his iron grip of control begins to slip. People turn away. They can’t stand to see our pain. They know where he is going. They know we are left behind. I stand at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Walk that lonely walk back to the car. The drive home seems longer than ever. The house does not feel like home. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ My best friend, my husband, the father of children has left. I don’t know where he is going. Don’t want to know. More questions than answers. When will he come home? Will he come home? How do I survive? He is my life. He is everything. I am me because he is with me. No more watching or reading the news. Not even just to read the headlines. Routine. Step by step each day I learn to survive. Run, breakfast, cut grass, shower, lunch, clean, check email, walk the dog. Same thing every day moving in a daze. I am afraid to hope. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ At the airport again. The seasons have changed. But then so have I. I stand at the arrival gate waiting for a stranger. He is my husband and the father of my children. My tears fall once again. I am nervous and afraid. Will he really come home this time. Will everything be the same? I hope so. There he is. I see him. He has cut his hair again, his skin is darker, his eyes are different. I expect his hug to feel the same but it doesn’t. He walks ahead of me much faster than I can keep up to get to the luggage pickup. I know I should understand why but I don’t and he can’t explain. We are strangers again. a military wife

Out of the Closet

We are here by out of the catholic closet. Dragon has told his family and most of mine too. That is okay. They can't hate me any more than they already do. If they have questions I will be happy to answer them. So far so good. Fingers crossed. ♥♥♥♥ My upper teeth are fixed. They look so much better. The dentist told me that my gums would be sore. She wasn't kidding. Owie and the numzit stuff hasn't even worn off yet. The bottom teeth get fixed in the morning. I want to get it over with. ♥♥♥♥ TTWD is going. Dragon is no longeraafraid my bottom will break. He uses the paddle and belt in a way that makes me want to avoid it. Even the fun ones seem to be harder. But they are still fun. He knows how to make me fly

Anger

Why do men react to fear by showing anger? This is a question that has bugged me for years. Since the day my step dad yelled at me and I figured out he was mad because I scared him. ♥♥♥♥ Now the challenge is explaining this to my teenage kids. Why does dad yell when they bring home yet another bad boy? Why dad yells when they speed or do any of those stupid things teenagers do. ♥♥♥♥ It is the nature of being dad. Of love so big that they just can't keep it in. Mom cries. No, those tears are not a weapon. It is my love overflowing. For Dragon, his anger is kinda the same thing. It is fear and love all wrapped up in one package that is too big to hold. And when his emotions overflows into tears, watch out. The world is ending. ♥♥♥♥ It took being a mom for me to understand the anger I had to cry for my baby and feel my heart break. Now I Understand

On the Book Shelf

I have two new books on the book shelf this week. Both urban fantasy. Yes, it is what I am reading for now. I will get board with it eventually but not today. ★ one star? Yep that is all Magic Rises by Ilona Andrews gets from me. I can't get into it. 2 chapters in and I was done. It is still on my Kindle so I will come back to it latter. It may still improve but the plot is sluggish. ★★★★ the other book is another dark hunter book Night Pleasure. It is very yummy. Sexy, action packed but painful to read. This one make me want to jump in the books and kick some butt. Can't give it a 5 because it is so heartbreaking to read but I am hoping for a wonderful ending to make up for it. ♥♥♥♥♥ Me time now. I have a huge fear of the dentist. Fear that overwhelmed me and I have an appointment tomorrow. I am pulling out my hair and shaking already. This one doesn't use iv valium. Yikes. I am worried Prayers please

Submission

I am sitting very uncomfortablely. The corsets are all too small and my body is no longer trained into then. It is loosely laced but I feel pressure on the floating ribs. That means that I can't lace any tighter tonight. ♥♥♥♥ That is okay. Training back into the corsets is an act of submission. Every day, by order of the Dragon, I am to spend some time laced up. Feeling the snug cage around my torso, squeezing, shaping and hugging. I can't tell you what it does to my head. Love my man just a little. ♥♥♥♥

Fantasy Lover

It isn't as good as the first book I read by the author. The plot isn't as well planned and the story line is weak. Over all it is a good story but doesn't hold my attention as long as the first book I read by her. Hmmmm. It has a super hot hero and a woman determined to save him. It is worth a read but a bit of a let down. ♥♥♥♥The word of the day comes from the book. loins Now that is a hot word but can you imagine using it in every day life? Hmmm. I think I will pass on the strange looks. But seeing it in print did get a giggle out of me.

On the Book Shelf

What is on my book shelf? Lots of books. I LOVE to read. It is my excape from reality. A mini vacation I can take any time, any where. ♥♥♥♥ The most recent author to make an appearance on my handy dandy kindle is Sherrilyn Kenyon. First I started with The Chronicles of Nick. My daughter brought it home from the library. I had nothing new to read so I picked it up. For a teenage zombie drama, it was pretty good. It was well written and had a stable plot. I couldn't have been more surprised. I looked the author up on Amazon and found a treasure trove of books by her. I am currently reading Fantasy Lover . This was definitely not written for a teenage boy. HOT! Oh my. It has even me panting. I think Dragon will have some work to do when he gets home. No battery powered toys for this itch. ♥♥♥♥♥ I am on the second chapter. I'll let you know how it turns out latter.

Again????

Monster in law visiting again!!!!! Won't that lady just go home? Good grief. This time she actually calledto try to set up a vvisit before going home. I am happy that she did but it just feels like too little too late. ♥♥♥♥ I had the kids all excited about going to a state park for a day but no. It is going to be too hot. It is August people. What did you really think the weather was going to be? ♥♥♥♥♥ Rant over. That woman just gets on my nerves. Time to put on my big girl panties and fill the flask. Irish whisky. Yummy.

Living with a Vet

When I read about other people having relationship issues, I think it is trivial. You will just have to forgive me for that. Living with a vet who has PTSD has changed my view a little. Things other people call hard times are the good ones for us. I guess it is all a matter of prospective. ♥♥♥♥ Four years ago Dragon was in the middle of a bad PTSD break. I wasn't sure our marriage would survive. It did but not without scars. One of them really does seem trivial with everything else that happened. ♥♥♥♥ Our oldest was about to have a birthday. One of those major mile stones. Sweet sixteen. I was busy planning a party for her. The first one in years with friends invited. Dragon said no. He didn't think that turning 16 was a big deal and we aren't even going to have cake. ♥♥♥♥ I stood there in shock. It was so out of character for him but then nothing in our lives could have been considered normal at the time. Things were really hard. So many people don't understand what it is like. I have fogiven him for almost everything that happened during that time. Not that he needed to be forgiven at all. But I have held on to this one thing all this time. ♥♥♥♥♥ I read something on one of the ptsd pages that really made me think. How bad was it? What did he see that was so horrible that made a birthday seem pointless? WOW! Where did that come from? I know he saw some awful things. He tells me little bits and pieces but never enough to see how bad it really was. I think part of it is an effort to protect me from there things he saw. And I know he doesn't like to remember it at all. ♥♥♥♥ Now that I see it from a different point of view, there is nothing left to forgive. Only my guilt at holding on to the anger for so long. What a difference a day can make. WOW! love my man just a little

Giving the cat a bath

There has to be an easier way ♥♥♥♥ It all started with a flea crawling across her nose. You see, I hate fleas. For nearly 20 years I didn't have to deal with them. Now I can't get rid of the things. I saw the nasty little thing and started the process of getting rid of it. ♥♥♥♥ The soap was mixed, and towel made ready and an area around the sink cleared. The problem is that the cat knows the process. She knows!!! In the two minutes between seeing the flea and getting the bath ready, she disappeared. This cat was no where to be found. I looked everywhere. ♥♥♥♥ Two hours later, I gave up. I put on my shoes and went for a walk. She was found lounging on my bed covered in dust. I have no idea where she was hidden but it was dusty. ♥♥♥♥ One daughter held the cat while another gathered the supplies. We hid them in hopes she would come out. The yowling began when she smelled the soap It sounded like we were trying to drown her. I held her head. Daughter #1 held her claws and daughter #2 applied the soap and scrubbed. ♥♥♥♥ The cat acted like we were killing her. Next time I am tempted to use the toilet method. Clean cat and clean toilet with just a few flushes. Geezzz

Panic and sub space

The house was quiet. The kids in bed, dogs crated and the cat curled up in her bed. Dragon took my hand and led me to the garage. I have a nice little area fixed up. I use the space for my daily workout and a retreat when the house gets to loud. Now it is a play space too! ♥♥♥♥ Dragon took my camisole and bra off. "are you ready to submit?" Yes I was. In no time at all, he had me deep into sub space. He finished up with the floggers and restrained my arms with stretch wrap. I was purring until he touched my neck. Then he did it again. I was deeply into sub space and unable to use safe words. He did it again and I absolutely panicked. Fear hit me in a way that it hasn't in years. I fought the restraints, heart rate spiked and I was gasping for breath. Dragon ripped the shrink wrap off to free my arms and sat in front of me. I was still so deep into my own head that talking me down didn't work. He had to play me down. Lots of touch, his voice and making me open my eyes. He had to get me aware enough to walk back in the house. Boy it was hard. All I wanted to do was sleep. ♥♥♥♥ Since we don't have a bed or even a couch out there yet, it wasn't a good idea at all. It took about 30 minutes but he finally brought me back to planet earth. I slept in his arms all night. No bad dreams and no worries. For one night, all was good in the world. ♥♥♥♥ All I can say this morning is WOW! Why yes, I had a great weekend. Thank you very much.

A little less stress

Dragon's disability claim is back. 90% I said that we wouldn't contest anything over 60% but they completely denied his ptsd claim. We have to have that on record. It is something Dragon struggles with every day. Another issue with the truck has been resolved. Now the 4 wheel drive won't engage. It isn't as big of a deal down south as it was when we lived in Idaho. But it needs to be fixed before the dirt roads get muddy. More good news. The back pay from the VA should be enough to fix my teeth and give us a good start on the lasics surgery. Things may be looking up. Dragon has promised a scene after we get kids to bed. Giggles. Just what I need!!!! Time to get get those kids to bed NOW. I don't care that this is the one day I let them stay up late.

Hope

The transmission has been replaced and Dragon can fix the other problems himself. That will save us some money. We finally get to go grocery shopping. Can't completely restock but there will be food in the house. ★★★★ Dragon hasn't forgotten about ttwd. He simply hasn't been as strict lately. He knows that punishment really affects me. It isn't a little done and over with thing with me. He lets things get bad before he takes action to make sure that I have good and earned the consequences. ★★★★★ Spanking started out as erotic play for us. After that very first punishment spanking, it took a while for me to be able to enjoy spanking again. (one reason Dragon didn't want dd) And still, I struggle with any kind of erotic touching. Dragon is slowly bringing it back. Touching and stroking. Telling me how wet I am. So far he hasn't pushed too far. Spanking is becoming sexy again. I think I like it that way. I am almost afraid that the next punishment will undo the progress. Only one way to know for sure is to take a punishment and see what happens. Time will tell....

Aunt Fow

Is late. Much latter than usual. I think it is stress. Dragon is worried. He brought home chocolate, tampons and a pregnancy test. So is he concerned that I am about to start? Or is he worried I am pregnant? ★★★★★Both would be my guess. Not sure which one scares him more.

Family time

The mechanic said to drive the truck, so drive it we did. We didn't go very far. The bait shop for worms and the grocery store for tummy medicine. Then we were off to our favorite fishing hole. ♥♥♥♥♥♥ We had a great day. We caught a bunch of tiny fish and one turtle. Catching fish isn't the point. Having fun is. We have been told that the pond we fish in doesn't have good fish but no one is willing to tell us where their fishing hole is. Those are well guarded secrets. Shhhhh. It would be an issue if we actually expected to catch decent fish. We were happy with the bait that ate our worms. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ No spanking. No sex. No scene. But some things are even better than that. Family ♥♥♥♥♥♥ This was the first time we have left the cat alone in the house. She wet the bed. MY BED. So I am unhappy with her right now but I think it was stress. She was afraid we were gone forever. That happens with rescues. My little found puppy is doing better but they think she is blind. I told them from the beginning that I didn't want to surrender her but I am not sure I am going to get her back. As long as she goes to a good home I am happy but I do miss her.

Dragon

He may be stressed and over worked. He comes home every day dragging and ready to rest. That is what I provide. But HE is still HOH! "My love. It has been a while since you have had a task. Spend some time in your corset today." ****** WOW Talk about a turn on. He still enforces the rules he made. He gives me a warning and I am usually smart enough to listen.

update?

What is there to update? 1. Out of condoms so no sex. 2. Supper stressed so no spanking or fun scenes. 3. Got the truck back but it is still broke. So it goes back in the shop. Can I scream please? Just a bit frustrated today. Sorry for the rant. To top it all off I am itchy. Something ate me up today. Neck to knees.

The Verdict

$2400 trying to get the price down but it isn't doesn't look good. Ramon noodle for a month or two? Probably. I will probably miss a few meals but my kids won't go without. I found a video that is simply amazing. Casting Crown's On Your Wedding Daym. Wow. It has a double meaning that made me remember how much I am loved. Loved by God and my Dragon. Had to share! Not sure how to put the video on my blog. Remember I have been without good Internet for a year.

Super stressed

It is looking like a ramin month. It would cost us just as much to rebuild the transmission as it will to pay someone else to do it. We are going to call the shop and tell them to come get the truck soon. It is going to take most of the paycheck. Dislike!!!! So yes, I am just a little stressed. We should get the truck back soon but we won't have money for gas. Joy. ******** Now for a sweet Dragon moment. He had a little money set back in savings. He has been trying to save money for lasics eye surgery for me. How sweet is that? My vision is very bad in one eye. Less than 20/200. The other one is fine but that one eye being bad affects so many things. He wants me to see the world the way he does. With depth. Glasses won't work for me. The difference between my eyes is too great. And I struggle with contacts. He is so good to me. ***** That money is gone along with most of the paycheck. Dragon is sad and I am supper stressed. But you know what? Dragon won't be deploying again, the rent is payed, we have food and my family is together. What more could we ask for? ******Our bible lesson for the day. Show kindness to those full of hate. With the verdict in the Martin /Zimmerman trial racial tension are high. The black community is angry and often take that anger out on anyone white. I want my family showing kindness in the face of that anger. A little kindness goes a long way.

Unexpected Benefits

We were having a little play session in the garage. Just a short one to de-stress before the new week begins. Dragon moved me from his lap over to the motorcycle. He placed my hands on the seat and moved my feet back a step. After a few swats I started getting tired, so I shifted just a little. I rested my head on the seat and stretched my arms out over my head. Very comfortable position. ***** Well... It is comfortable now. A month ago there is no way I could have done that. ******* Happy me! My hard work is starting to pay off. I am 4 weeks into P90X and I am already seeing results. Still very tired all the time, no energy but I am stronger, more stable and more flexible. I'll take what I can get.

What makes DD worth my time?

It isn't domestic violence. It isn't about spanking. It isn't about being micromanaged. ******* So it isn't a lot of things. What makes it work? What makes it worth the effort? ********* The intensity of DD demands very good communication skills. It forces you to really listen to what your significant other is saying. Both spoken and read in the face and body. DD makes you pay attention. ****** DD increases intimacy. It is a side effect of all that communication. And I can't think of anything more intimate than a bare bottom, over the lap spanking. If a man isn't turned on by his wife's submission and naked body, dd won't fix anything. ******DD encourages honesty. It makes me more aware of Dragon's needs. As I get more attentive, so does he. ***** Why does it work? It just does. All the closed minded naysayers don't know what they are missing. Their loss.

The little things in life

Yesterday morning, I was making Dragon's lunch. Something I do six days a week. I make it the same way every day. Just the way he likes it. When I looked up, I saw Dragon looking at my with a smile on his face. He said " I love you too " ******** To him, that simple act shows how much I love him. The sandwich neatly wrapped, fruit and a cookie. With a napkin folded on top. How do you show love to the the most important person in your life? Sometimes small actions speak louder than words and feel better than a hug.

Spontaneous

Yep. We can still do it. ****** We went out to the garage to look for the Haynes manual on the truck. I saw the Chair and then I saw the Bag. It was dusted with sawdust and hidden under the miter saw but there it was. ***** I looked over at Dragon with that smile that says FUN! He took me up on my offer. He chose the walnut paddle, sat down and patted his leg. Wowza. It has been a while, so the swats had a good sting. It was very nice to be back over his lap. It was nice to feel his dominance.

Change

Slowly my body is firming up. By by pudge. It is coming with hard work and discipline. Not the fun kind, unfortunately. I am exchanging bad habits for positive ones. It is slow going but it is happening! The truck is still parked. Dragon rides the motorcycle to work everyday and I am stuck at home. We have a few more things we can do with the truck before rebuilding the transmission. Something called the solenoid and a simple fluid change. *********** How is life with Dragon? Great. He tries to keep the worry away from me and shoulder it all himself. That doesn't work. We argue, discuss and make up. We are hoping the VA gets around to his disability claim soon. Their doc said 75-90%. We aren't expecting numbers that good but something would help. Life goes on. We play like hormonal teenagers. Always touching and kissing. It isn't the needy clinging. It is all play. I think Dragon loves what is happening to my body? He can't keep his hands to himself. Time to hit the shower. Today I did arms, shoulders and abs. Then cut grass. Still more to do today.

Finally some good news

My grandmother is getting out of the hospital today. It is frustrating to not be there? My brother gets the layman pat on the head. I want a more detailed explanation. Did she get thrombolitics? Why didn't she have a ct scan day one? Just how severe was the stroke. Grrrr. Or did our wonderful medical system which is heading to socialized medicine, write her off because she is 87? We managed to get the truck to auto zone and have a part ordered. I don't know if this is going to fix the problem but we are going to try a few things before we take it to a mechanic. Nothing fun this week. We are both super stressed.

What a week

First the truck starts acting funny. Thank goodness we finally got my daughters car running. Then the dash lights up. Check engine light flashing, the overdrive flashing and a transmission fault warning. WHAT??? Give me a break! Now the check engine light is on in her car again. Ug!!! Can I just hide? #@$% And it doesn't stop there. This morning I got a call from my brother. Our grandmother isn't doing good. They called an ambulance for her. Two states away and I don't have transportation. Can you see me on the motorcycle putting down the interstate at 45 miles an hour? I need my Dragon

Week 1

Week one of P90X is behind me. I have made some small changes in my diet to. A healthier breakfast and a planned lunch. No more skipping meals. I am already starting to see a difference. I can do more of the workout with more weight and I see the difference in my ankles and hands. The scales show a 2 pound loss. Happy me. **************************** Dragon was so happy with my progress that he gave me a good girl spanking in my workout space. Yowza. My backside sure has gotten tender. It didn't take long to put me in my happy place. How does he know just what I need?

Independence Day

This is one of the hardest holidays for me. 23 years ago today I went to my father's funeral. I was 18 years old and only a month out of high school. He lost a 2 year battle with ALL. I thought that Dragon's retirement would mean that I would be able to put flowers on his head stone? Not this year. Dragon is trying to figure it out but I don't see a way. Everyone is celebrating and I am crying again. The good news is that I won't have to deal with family. Dragon has things to do and can't leave the area. *** Tonight, I am going to ask for a spanking. Maybe even a full scene. Dragon knows how to help. He knows what I need. I'll ask and leave the rest up to him. I want to fly. Or at least forget for just a little while. Ropes and knives maybe. That will get my mind off of everything. We don't have any fire sticks made. That would add just the right mind fuck to the night. Nothing blows my mind more than seeing flames dance across my skin. The alcohol we use burns away and leaves my skin hot and mostly undamaged. *** Now to wait. Dragon may have to work late tonight. Even if he is tired, he will take the time to help me. He knows how hard it is to put on a smile and act like nothing is wrong. He will do what it takes to make it easier. Love my man just a little

Today is a BIG Day

Today my hair goes blue. Why? Because I can. Today is also the day I will be taking the before P90X pictures and my measurements. Scary stuff. July is about forming new, healthier habits and hopefully transforming my life. At 41 I am over weight. Back in November, I couldn't even walk down our short road to the mailbox without a break. Now I can walk 4 miles. What a difference. One day at a time. The plan is to do as much as I can and leave the rest. Dragon is in a temper today. Wish I knew what was wrong. Days like this are why we we have safe words. Consent separates DD from abuse. That is a fine line to walk. I don't know how other couples can manage without them. Before every spanking I get asked for my safe word. If I say RED every thing stops. Even if it is a punishment. If we can't come to an agreement, it doesn't happen. The world is now looking at us under the microscope of modern expectations and feminism. The feminist movement gives me the right to choose. Let's show the world who we are. So far the vanilla people who have visited my blog have given me positive feedback. I hope others in blogland are having a similar experience.