Thursday, October 27, 2011

What is it that we do?

What do you call it? What label do you put on it? Yes, I’m talking about discipline. You know…. The idea of a wife submitting to her husband and a husband stepping up as Head of Household? When you slap a label on it, people jump to all kind of conclusions.

People want you to put a label on things. Just what is it that you do? What do you call it? I think the most accurate would be “marriage.” But since my way of doing things doesn’t fit into the feminist box, that won’t work.

Domestic Discipline focuses on spanking. The act of punishment. That is just one very small portion of who we are and what we do. He doesn’t put me in the corner 10 times a day or switch my legs every time I step out of line.
Christian Domestic Discipline. Ok … Now there is a mouth full for you. Biblically based discipline. But wait. There isn’t anything in the Bible about a husband spanking his wife or physically disciplining her in any way. Stoning her to death in the Old Testament, yes. But nothing in the New Covenant. The bible talks about relationship. Wife submit to your husband. Husband love your wife and obey God.
Loving DD/Living DD One reaches way into the kink/fetish world of fantasy and the other is harsh. Not for me. I’m all about fantasy and kink but not with DD. Kink is fun. DD is not. And personally, I don’t like harsh, ridged rules or punishments. My Dragon can be strict but he is flexible too. He understands that we are both human.
Taken in Hand. Now we are talking. Maybe? Still not a great fit but a little closer. It is more about relationship than punishment. The husband stepping into the role of HOH and the wife submitting to his leadership.
TTWD. This Thing We Do. No set definition that I have found. It is just this submission. This HOH. This spanking thing we do. Not connected to religion or a web page moderator. Not connected to a person or an organization. It is just what it is. This thing we do, how ever you choose to define it.
I like it. Or better yet. Tweed.
“Guess it is time for you get your Tweed on, my dear. I didn’t finish my task for the day.”
Nice. Vanilla. And anyone listening will wonder why I want Dragon to wear his tweed jacket.
Ps. Your definition of these labels may be different than mine are. That is the problem with labels. Everyone has their own definition and they are all just a little different. Our language is just as complex and complicated as people are. We come from different backgrounds and diverse cultures.

Who me? Childish?

Maybe just a little….
What could an adult woman of 39 do that is childish?
Get sent to her room for bad behavior? Check
Get spanked for bad behavior? Check
Get put into the corner for back talk? Almost check…. Dragon has threatened to do just that
Do you see a trend here? Unfortunately I do too. It must be that thing about a second childhood. Maybe?
I forget to act like a lady and get spanked.
I forget to control my mouth and cuss. Yep, I get spanked for that one too.
I let my emotions control me and hurt the people I love. Another spanking.
My task does not get completed because I spent all day in bed. Spanked again
And the list goes on and on.
I balk when he tells me it is time to go otk for bad behavior. Argue about rules I have agreed to. Whine on the way to my room for a time out. Kick my feet and grab at his hands when a spanking hurts more than I think it should.

Sleeping with my old teddy bear is the least of my problems. It is the only childish thing I do that doesn’t end with trouble. I think I’ll save Dragon some time today and put myself in the corner.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Teddy Bear

It has been so long since I have had a good nights sleep. A good hard stress relief session with the cherry paddle didn’t do it. His arms wouldn’t send me off to dream land. Every night at 11:00 I have an asthma attack. You could set your clock by it. The albuterol I take to help me breath, keeps me awake.

Until…. Last night…
Last night I remembered something I saw on facebook….

A teddy bear I have had since I was a little girl sits in a chair by the bed. He sits there untouched, collecting dust. Until last night. When my head hit the pillow, I reached out and tucked him under my chin and wrapped my arms around his soft body. Dragon held me and I held my old bear.
It must be true. Teddy bears protect us at night. They stand vigil and keep the monsters away. I finally got a good nights sleep. No bad dreams. No asthma attack that I remember. No worry bear thoughts. Just good, sound sleep.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Tool Bag

In Honor of my 101st blog post. I am sharing the contents of our tool box. Some how I can’t think of it as a toy bag anymore. Not since we have started using the paddles for discipline.
The paddles are for discipline.

Balsa is all pop. It is loud but doesn’t have much of a sting. Oak is the most likely to leave a lasting bruise. It has more of a thud and leaves a deeper impression. Cherry is more of a sting. It has a zing that is sure to change a poor attitude. Walnut? Hide under the bed. I try to keep it out of sight and out of mind. It has the surface sting and the deeper, lasting thud.
Thing 1 and Thing 2 …. Yes the loopy belongs in this category too but is MIA.
These don’t get used very often. I don’t like them. He doesn’t like them. End of story…..
The floggers? You want to know about the floggers? Yummy.
These are for fun and fun only. Never used for discipline. They look to scary. The first one is a soft doe skin flogger. Used full swing it has only a mild sting. It is the first one used in a session and feels like leather rain falling on my back. The next one is elk. It is the heaviest of the three and all thud. Used too hard it takes away my breath. Used just right, it prepares my skin for the third flogger. I’m not sure what it is made from but it is a thicker, stiffer leather. Cow hide? The falls are thinner and it bites like a snake. This is the one that leave the tiger strips across my back. Love my stripes. Purrrr…..
Tools for the future? Switches, belt and other leather implements. Used lightly of course. And in the far future? I want to feel the cutting sting of a bull whip on my back. One time, just to say I did it. Neither one of us likes the cane. It takes too many swings to get good coverage.
Our schedule has gone from crazy to insane. It will stay that way for a while unfortunately. Not sure how DD will go. He has been too tired and when he is home I just want to be in his arms. We have become more distant. Living parallel lives. I see it and now he does too.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A Spanking Gone Wrong

He finally took the time to take care of my backside last night. Dragon wasn’t in a hurry but all I can say about is that it was bad.
I wonder…. When I get spanked two or three times a week, it hurts but not as much. The swats are easier to take. I can stay in the position he puts me in without trying to wiggle away. When it has been a while, I just can’t do it. Before my skin was even warm, I was trying to get away. ….. Does my backside toughen up after a few regular sessions?
I think it does. I think the nerves in that most tender area shut down and deaden the pain of the paddle.
I could not stay still or quiet. He brought in a sexual element that I could not deal with. Sex. My mind could not comprehend the pain of the swats and the way he was touching me.
Should have called red.
Not sure why I didn’t.
Was it the length of time between spankings that made it so hard, my emotional state before the session or the sexual nature of the spanking that made it so hard. A combination of all three?
What was it about this session that left me feeling so disoriented? I’m not sure how I feel right now. I want to scream at him. I want to cry. I want to ….. I don’t know what I want to do.
One thing I am going to do is document every spanking I get in detail until I figure this out. What do I think went wrong? Sadness. I had been crying all day for the loss of a young woman. She was the same age as my Amber and had a baby boy. A life lost too soon and a little boy who will grow up without his mother. 
I wanted tenderness. I wanted him to understand. I wanted to be held.