Saturday, April 30, 2011

6 new paddles EEEKKK

6 new paddles, oak, cherry, walnut and balsa. that way he says he won't have to use THING 1 or THING 2. He even agreed to give the LJ a hair cut himself. Love my man but 6???

It just shows he was listening when I said, “Hey that hurts and not in a good way. NOT in a productive way. Now he gets to give each one a test on my already sore butt. Stress relief this morning with THING 2 left my buns a bit sore. Not unusual for a Saturday morning but ouch, THING 1 and 2 are brutal.

THING 1 is a two layer leather paddle
THING 2 is made from two 5galon paint sticks glued together, sanded and painted.

I will be very happy to see them retired to the back of the closet again. Maybe they will get permanently lost.

Hey, a girl can hope. Yes???

I’ll add feel to each paddle latter but here is an inventory of the new tools of ttwd

Walnut 3”x ½” packs a thuddy sting
Walnut 3”x ¼”  Yikes sting.  Hide under the bed
White oak 3x½  thuddy sting
Cherry 3x1/2   Yowch

Cherry 3x¼  I'm just going to move in with the the dust bunnies
Balsa or pine??? 3x ½  Not as bad as the others but that could just my backside was already on fire. 

Well those are the new ones. After he has tried each one on my sore bum side, I am sure I will have something to say. I'll add a comment by each paddle listed on the inventory.  So check back latter.


Friday, April 29, 2011

One More Month

My husband has one more month of lifting restrictions, then he starts physical therapy. The doc said he has about 4 more months to go until he is back to 100%. With the way he swings that paddle now, I am sure I have unpleasant swats in my future. With one arm in a sling he can’t put me OTK. He has to make do with other less effective positions as he calls them. Spend time putting me back in position just when he thinks the swats are starting to really sting.

Now that he is gaining more confidence with ttwd I am sure that I do not want to go OTK. When he has that other hand to hold my stubborn backside in place, I am worried that he won’t stop when I start having problems. Eeeekkkk. The pillow will have to muffle most of my squeals and squeaks. My hands will be blocked from the business end of things so they can help with noise management.

Since he read my blog about being afraid of maintenance, he has changed how he does things. Now there are stress relief sessions, attitude adjustments and the ever dreaded punishment. There isn’t much difference between them. He stops when he gets the point across or we get interrupted. A stress relief usually ends up with lovemaking and fun. If it does what it is supposed to do we are both relaxed and in a playful mood when all is said and done. An attitude adjustment doesn’t start with the same energy a punishment begins with. I am typically frustrated but not angry or afraid. Days when I feel out of sorts and just can’t keep it together. After a few memorable swats, I am back on track. A punishment starts with both of us frustrated and usually, I’m angry. Defiantly in no mood to submit to anything he wants me to do.

This morning I talked to him about feeling angry after punishment. I don’t like feeling that angry at him, not even for a moment. I have been told that he didn’t go long enough or hard enough. I disagree but do think we need to do something different. We are both still figuring this thing out. Telling him was almost as hard as submitting to punishment. I guess I should expect the next punishment to be much worse. What have a done now?

Foot in mouth syndrome

That is what I am going to call it. Oh well. The deed is done now. I don’t like being spanked. I hate being punished at all but I have to admit that I love the results. Just not the angry part. And if there is a result that I don’t like, something needs to change. Somehow I don’t think he would be willing to go back to the way it was. No spanking. Equals in the house.

It sounds like harder, longer punishments are in my future.  Don't think I like the sound of that. 

Friday, April 22, 2011

Happy Easter

A little baby was born in a barn. As a boy he loved to fish and work with his daddy. As a man he became a fisher of men. He was executed on the cross, clean of sin. He committed no crime. He paid the price for your sin. Because he died, you live. On the third day he rose again. The tomb was empty.

Easter is a time to celebrate the coming of Christ. To remember his sacrifice. The wonderful gift of eternal salvation. Right? Yes? So why do I find all of this so stressful? When I figure that one out, I’ll write a book and make millions of dollars.

I worry that the kids don’t fully understand what the story means. What they get in Sundays school is just a bunch of fluff. They have the ability to understand so much more. I worry that they will be disappointed with their Easter baskets. Why? I don’t know. I was always happy with a few filled plastic eggs, a hand full of candy and chocolate bunny. Noting fancy. I even used the same basket for most of my childhood. I want their clothes perfect. Dresses pressed, crease free, stain free. Tights clean with no snags, dress shirt neatly tucked in.

Nope never happens

As things fall apart one by one I fall apart.

We get to church. One of the most popular days of the year to attend. People are shoulder to shoulder. No room to move. Then the first wave of stench hits my nose. Perfume. My airways close, the room spins and I run out the door. My sour mood just turned into a frustrated tears bordering on rage.

I have decided that perfectionism is a disease. I have had this infection for most of my life. It was fed by parents that expected me to always be an underachiever. The less they encouraged me, the harder I worked to please them. The disease is systemic. It turns in to an acute attack of attitude every major holiday.

My dear sweet husband has discovered the cure for this often fatal disease. Him. I need his leadership, his patience, his authority. With those three things, I can step back and appreciate the joy of the day. I can see the smiles and feel the love radiating from my family.

With my stress level spiking to record levels, Dragon may need to extract THING from hiding place. My toes stay right on the line. Never straying very far into the realm of D land. Just enough to set his teeth on edge. Just enough to spread discontent in our home.

For this weekend, I think I’ll provide updates. If I don’t get my temper under control soon, THING will be in his hand. I will be very unhappy for a short little while, then our house will be at peace once more. And why do people read spanking blogs? To read about that unfortunate wife getting her backside blistered by an angry HOH. It is sure to happen this weekend. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. Blah…. I shall find out soon if corner time is part of ttwd.

Sunday morning update.  So far my backside is safe.  He fussed at me one time for sleeping late but that was it.  Two of the kids got in a fight over something small.  The one at fault got talked to and put in the corner to calm down.  He feels much better now.  Time for bible study and the egg hunt before the rain starts.  A good day so far.

Almost bed time.  I had one major blow up today but only after everyone in my family had at least one argument. I didn’t fuss about chores not getting done or the new basket getting crushed. Everybody was blaming somebody else for all that went wrong. It is your fault my basket was crushed. It is your fault the dog ate my chocolate. It is your fault I can’t find my shirt. ENOUGH ALL READY! Yep. I had a melt down moment. Dragon got the hardest chewing. I didn’t get spanked and the house has been peaceful since.

I think this is the first time in history that all the eggs have been found. One fell down a pipe out of reach but we know where it is. Giggles. A history making Easter weekend. LOL

Sunday, April 17, 2011


THING makes me quiver in fear. It is made from two thick pieces of leather, glued together and supported with metal between the layers. It has been hiding in the closet for a year or more. Kept hidden. Out of sight. Out of mind. I have thought about it several time but hoped my Dragon did not. Shhhh. Don’t tell! ! !

The paddles disappeared. The only flogger to be found was the Loopy Johnny and he thought I needed a good stress relief. Something to do with my attitude bordering on disrespect but not quite going over the line.

He wanted to make this one count.

Oh boy did he ever.

THING fell on my bare backside and I wanted to run, hide, scream…. Anything other that stay there and submit to that awful THING. Tears never came. I don’t think I can cry with just a spanking. If tears were ever going to come, they would have been falling from the very first swat with that THING. Swat after swat in what felt like never ending misery.

Can we please do TTWD Burger King style? I want it my way.

What is my way? Get rid of that awful thing and never let that THING be used on anyone again. EEEKKK

My poor backside is still sore two days latter. No marks to show for my misery. Just the ache that reminds me to hold that sharp edged tongue of mine. To bite back my words before they fall on my undeserving family.

Shall I hide that THING? I didn’t hide the other paddles. I just don’t know where they are right now.

He has found his implement of punishment. The one that leaves an impression on my backside for days with very little effort on his part. Knowing what is waiting, hiding in the closet, will keep me on my toes for a few days. Until I forget how much that THING hurts.

ps.  now that prom is over maybe my stress levels will go way down.  I can hope.  Oh and the 26 yo looser is gone too.  I haven't even seen him around town.  Yippee

Sunday, April 10, 2011

???Questions about Corner Time???

After disciple I am not in a calm state of mind at all. I can’t just get up and go back to my daily activities. My HOH gives me the space I need to compose myself but I have to ask a question. Is this what corner time is for? It seemed silly to me at first and isn’t something we have discussed. He is bringing us both slowly into this lifestyle. I don’t know how he does it but he makes almost all of it easy. Punishment isn’t easy and shouldn’t be. He makes submission to his authority easy.

What is the purpose of corner time?

Does it feel as silly as it sounds?

Does it work?


More questions to come I am sure.

I would love to hear from lurkers, now comers and the husbandly viewpoint as well as the female view. After all there are two sides to every story.

God Bless

My husband does read most of my posts. I don’t make a habit of hiding things from him. This time he read all of the responses too. Here and on the yahoo group. Even the ones I would have rather kept hidden. He hasn’t said much, which means he is deep in thought. I am afraid that my next post on corner time may be made when he decided to stand me in the corner with a bare, red backside.

Oh well.

It is his decision. I asked for this lifestyle, I asked the question out of curiosity. Now, I will submit to what ever he decides. He probably wont give me a warning if he decides to use it. He will give me the instructions and expect obedience. Breath, trust him, obey him. That is my duty. I can do this.

Friday, April 8, 2011

?? read his mind ?? I wish

(update on tuff luv)
I think the high stress level in my house has contributed to writers block. My sweet daughter is working hard to get her life back on track. I think the deputy warned that awful man to stay away. He used to walk by the house 10 times a day or more. I haven’t seen him all week. Good thing. Her cell phone now lives in my pocket and the internet has a pass word that she does not have.

The results? She is staying out of her room. Her chores are getting done. Attitude has improved drastically and she is playing the music she loves again. Earlier in the week she had a job interview that sounded very promising to me. I am keeping my fingers crossed on this one.

I had put her prom dress away in the boxes that I store customer information and left over fabric. When I am upset, I make mistakes. The silk is too expensive to ruin with a bad temper. And I didn’t want to put the time and effort into it, if she wasn’t going to put an effort into becoming my sweet child again. Since she is working harder than I have ever seen her work, I am going to take out the box today and work. My goal is to get the busk into the waist cincher today. If all goes well, it shouldn’t take long. (I hope.)

Now for my question of the day…..

What goes on in the mind of a man. (I have given up on figuring out teenage girls) From the moment I step over the line, his decision to punish, doing the deed and after it is over. I am married to a man who hides behind a strong exterior. I can see emotion in his face some times. Like that little half grin he gets when my toes go over the line. The tightening of his lips after the warning and I continue on my doomed path. His grim expression as he picks up the paddle and the kiss on the forehead when he finally leaves me along for a few minuets.

I wrote a whole blog on the surprising strength of my own emotions. Anger, acceptance, guilt. The need to be left alone for a little while after and the tears that came latter. Is that too much to ask? It must be. I have asked but he gets evasive. After nearly 19 years in his career field he is very good at evading questions he does not want to answer.

He did tell me why he lets my panties stay in place. They offer very little protection to me. The sit spot is left bare (his favorite place to swat during a punishment) He can easily move them aside to check redness or pull then down if he decides to. His words. “it is my decision, not yours” Yep. He is right about that. Whether pants are dropped or removed. When panties stay in place. The position he chooses to use. Which implement he uses. I have heard of others having a “ritual” or a routine for this kind of thing. Nope, not us. He is constantly refining his technique.

So far I haven’t cried during a session of any type. Stress relief, punishment or play. He says I will cry when he is ready for me too, not before. I guess he knows which buttons to push and he will push them when he gets good and ready. I am already having a hard time dealing with the emotions this life style has brought to the surface. I am terrified of what the tears will bring. Physical pain wont do it or hasn’t so far.

Time to get busy or this dress won’t be done in time for prom. She is going without a date and we still need to go shoe shopping. Lots to do. I think I’ll ask for a good stress relief tonight. After my week how bad will it have to be before I am able to let go??? EEEKKKK. (tears???)