Thursday, December 31, 2015

The New Year

2015 is coming to an end and tomorrow is a new beginning. 

My marriage survived another year of PTSD, loss and new life.  It has been a rough ride.  I am happy to say good bye to the old and hopefully welcome in a new year.  Maybe next year will be better.

I don't do resolutions.  Those never work out but I'll continue to make my weekly and monthly goals.  My goal for the week is to walk everyday and do a short workout.  The next week goal is to do the warm up portion of a workout video along with my walk.  The dogs do need exercise too!  The mid way goal is to get rid of the back boobs and the long term goals remain the same.  Do a pull up and run a 5k. 

DD is what it is.  It will probably continue much as it has.  On again, off again unless I break one of his major rules. 

Have a Happy New Year and may 2016 be the best year ever!

Monday, December 28, 2015

The Punishment

Dragon was cold when he finally got home from work.  The rain was falling in wind blown sheets and ice cold.  Flooding forced us to cancel our plans.  We would have needed an amphibious vehicle to go anywhere.  The rain just won't stop.

We put away the groceries.  Dragon had to buy them in the city.  Our little small town grocery didn't have power.  No refrigerated food at all.  The entire family worked together to get dinner on the table.

After a hot meal, he felt much better.  Dragon sent me to the bedroom and followed soon after.  I expected a trip to the garage but he wanted to stay warm. Pants and panties removed, I figured out how he intended to punish me with a full house.  Ginger!  He placed some against my bits and then a full finger into my backside.  FIGGING!

During one of those discussions where we reevaluate hard limits, I took punishing my ass off the list.  I let him know that we needed quiet punishments and that could be one.  Plugs, ginger and sex were added to the soft limit like. Meaning, I may not like it but I'll submit.  I added things that I already struggle with.  He decided that it was time to do it.

After the ginger was firmly in place, he had me dress and go put away dinner.  (Don't show any discomfort.  No wiggling or squirming.)  After the table was cleared and teeth brushed it was time for bed.  To make sure that the ginger did its job, he had me perform oral.  With my bottom burning, it wasn't hard.

Dragon removed the ginger and took my burning backside hard and fast.  Just goes to show that a little prep goes a long way.  My obedience with the plugs paid off.  He took his pleasure without hurting me and left me wanting more.
With strict instructions not to finish the job myself, he went to sleep.

I still feel the burn of the ginger.  My body aches to finish what he started.  But I know that submitting to his every demand pleased him.  After he was done I was deep into subspace.  The impersonal handling makes me not want to repeat the experience. That and not being allowed to climax myself.

Definitely a punishment.

I wonder what he will come up with for next time.  I am almost afraid to ask. Only almost.  I trust him completely.  Heart and body.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Confession and Submitting

Life has been hectic.  So much going on that we are in survival mode.  Dragon is very much the HOH.  When I forget he is quick to remind me.  We have even started back with the submission games.  Things that push me hard.

All that is great.  It has kept us close during hard times.


Something is missing and I need it.

Our play time is already serious.  It pushes my boundaries hard but I NEED punishment.

Not a barn burner every week but enough to know there are consequences.

Since I need it and Dragon actually does enjoy it, I confessed.  When I mess up and I need the slate wiped clean I am going to tell Dragon.  He isn't a mind reader.  Nor is he home to see that the rules are followed.  Once I confess my part is done.  What happens from there is up to him.

He has an arsenal of punishments.  Some take effort from him.  Some take effort from me.  Reflection time, paddle, belt, kneeling, ginger, toothpaste, loss of privileges.  Which one he picks is up to him.

The first confession today was my mouth.  I have let a few ugly words slip in the past week.  The garage is cold but I have a sneaking feeling that my backside is going to be bare and on fire.  Dragon hates it when I cuss but he understands stress too.  The only question in my mind is if he is going to use the paddle or the belt.

It won't take long.

It won't even take much effort on his part.

We shall see....

Am I strong enough to keep this up?

Friday, December 25, 2015

Twas the Night Before Christmas

And my mind is on a blogger,
Gone several years ago.
Cancer took his life.
He left behind a lovely wife.

Corny I know but I am miss Bass from over at A New Life in DD.  If you ever wonder whether or not you make a difference on blog land, just think of old Bass.  He shire made a difference for me.

Dragon had retired from the military only a few months before.  Our house in the north west finally sold but it cost us dearly.  $500 to repair a broken window.  There was very little money for Christmas presents.  Just a few cheap gifts and I was in tears.  Christmas is a time of giving and we had so little to give our own children.

Bass patiently reminded me about the true meaning of Christmas. A tiny baby born long ago.  He reminded me that I have raised good kids who aren't selfish.  He took my grinch attitude and put a smile back on my face.  He did this while fighting a losing battle with cancer.

Bass, you are missed.

Merry Christmas to those who stop by. Thank you for being there this year while we celebrated the life of an Uncle gone before his time.  Thank you for reminding me that we do have  reason to celebrate.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Keeping Things Tidy

I was shaving my bits long before it was popular.  Before the internet was there to give any guidance on the delicate process.  I did the best I could with what little information I had.  I did it because I liked feeling clean and being clean shaven made that so much easier.

Over the years shaving has become routine.  I rarely miss a day.  Even just a little growth makes me feel icky.  It takes less than a minute to get the job done.  Not perfect but good enough.  Sometimes I take a little more time because there are those hard to reach areas that I tend to miss.

Occasionally I get a little lazy and ask Dragon to help out.  Okay, I'll admit it. It's not being lazy. I think it is erotic to be shaved.  He is so gentle and takes extra time with those hard to get spots.  He even gets that spot that I always seem to miss.

A towel under my backside. Him positioned between my legs.  It is erotic, comforting and a little embarrassing all at the same time.  By the time he is done, I am in subspace.

It will be a few weeks before Dragon will have the time to dedicate to the task.  Right now the Christmas rush is still in full swing.  Somehow, I don't think I am going have to beg very hard.


Sunday, December 20, 2015

The Good and the Sad

My daughter is visiting from out of state. Christmas is almost here, Dragon gets TWO days off this week.  The Good things.

Then there is the funeral. Overwhelming grief and feeling helpless to comfort his wife.  Extended family and all the problems they bring.

No kinky fun.  No spanko.  No stress relief.

It is simple

A tiny baby born long ago. 10 tiny fingers.  10 cute little toes.  Born in a barn but lives to save us all.

Faith is the only thing keeping me going.  Knowing that my uncle is in heaven.  Knowing that on the same week as his funeral, we celebrate a  very special birth. The baby that gives me hope.  The baby that saved him a place in heaven.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Survival Mode

We went from celebrating Advent to just surviving with a single phone call.  Dragon's uncle passed away in an accident on his little farm.  The only good news is that he didn't suffer. He was killed instantly.

We have decided to keep doing what we were doing.  Music, skate, wood working and a brand new gym membership. But instead of doing it with a bounce in our step, we are just going through the motions.

We thought things had turned around.  Dragon figured out that the new migraine meds were making his PTSD 1000 worse.  Mood swings, dark thoughts, hopelessness. Several days off the meds and he is back to normal. Better than usual for the Christmas season.

Then a man we both look up to is gone. He has been more of a grandfather to our kids than his brother.  He was an amazing person that I love with every fiber of my being.  And he is gone.

Happy face glued on.  We shall continue to celebrate the birthday of a child who lived and died for every one of us. The reason for the season gives me hope that the lost uncle is safe and sound in the arms of Jesus.

Prayers for my family please.  Uncle was loved by many.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015


A young idiot, I cannot call him a man, called my daughter a whore today.  It doesn't matter that he sleeps around more than she ever did.  And let's completely forget about the dozen penis pictures he sent to her phone.


According to him, she is a whore.

I truly hope he is out of her life forever.

It is a blessing that an old friend of mine posted a video on Facebook that says it all.  I had to share.

It is ironic that I found out today my first grandchild will be a little girl.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Orders for the Day

Dragon is strictly this Christmas season.  The stress of his job is making the PTSD exponentially worse.  But he still has room for us.

Last night we were out with the kids.  He pulled me aside and whispered in my ear. "Tell me a secret."  I did.  He wanted a sexy secret. One of dominance and submission. I gave it to him.

This morning he remembered and gave me a task for today. Use the plugs to prepare to be taken tonight.  He didn't specify which one but I already know that the smallest ones won't be enough.  When he walks in the door I am to be ready for him to take me hard and fast.  No panties.

Talk about a turn on.  I am so hungry for him.  I don't think either one of us is in the mood for gentle love making.

I really think that our dynamic helps him.  It gives him complete control over one aspect of our lives.  My body.  He makes a demand and most of the time I submit.  I know it helps me.

Time for me to get busy. It is going to take several sessions to get my backside ready for him.