Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year! ! !

The New Year will be one of change for my family.  Moving on and moving forward.  I am looking forward to it.  Yes, a little afraid of what the changes will bring but excited too.  The future is here!

Some things will stay the same and some things will change.  We will be getting our house ready to sell.  Home schooling will continue.   Soon we will have to say good bye to one of our family pets.  She is old and feeble.  I don't think she could handle another move.

I hope to have a positive outlook.  This past year has been hard.  I am happy to say goodbye to it.  Next year will be better.  Our circumstances may not improve but in all things, there is a blessing.  I will look hard and find those blessings at every opportunity!  I am going to sew more.  Enjoy the fabrics that bring a smile to my face!  Depression be gone.  You are not welcome in my house!

Happy New Year my blogging friends.  

Thursday, December 29, 2011

My Project! (and another new rule)

Here is what I am making.  My family won't let me alter the sleeves.  I wanted to make them more fitted rather than pointed.  I am already altering it quite a bit.  I tried the long blouse (muslin fitter) on today with the slacks I made to go with it.  Love it.  The muslin for the jacket is ready to go.  I just need the silk to get started!

I am having fun with this one!  So tired after working in the sewing room today but excited!  Here is the link to  the pattern for those interested.  This is NOT for a beginner.  http://www.folkwear.com/108.html

Ok, it isn't really a new rule.  I can't pout and I can't shut him out.  When he kisses me, I have to kiss him back and mean it!

I tried to refuse after a very intense "nap"  He got up, closed the door and asked me if I still wanted to refuse him.  He got his kiss and I didn't get paddled.  No more telling him NO.  

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A New Rule?

It looks like jeans will soon be a thing of the past in my little world.

You are a seamstress, an artist with fabric.  It is about time you look like it!  I am not buying you any more jeans for a while or pretty dresses.  Get in there and sew!  


His reasoning?  If I don't have jeans, I can't wear them.  Grrr.


You see, I love making beautiful things.....for other people.  I am so busy making other people smile that I end up looking like a mom.  Mom jeans, a baggy t shirt, pony tail and no make up.  Ok.  I look a little drab and sloppy.  I get that.

If I ever expect to make a living as a seamstress, I better start dressing better and not in store bought clothes.  How do I get orders for my corsets?  I wear them!  I show off my skill with a needle and when they ask where to get one, I reach for a business card.

I love sewing with and wearing natural fibers.  Wool, linen, cotton and silk.  Beautiful fabrics.  Soft, breathable.  Simply wonderful.  Rayon, I can tolerate in small amounts.

So what is Dragon doing?  Saving his pennies to buy me these expensive fabrics.  And I am to wear the things I make!  Silk to the grocery store?  To the zoo?

Why not?


I am a little flamboyant.  Not crazy with clothes and fashion but always a few years ahead of the current trends. He says, "dress the way you want to dress, wear the fabrics you love, be a trend setter!  People will buy the clothes you make!"  

No more frumpy Mom look for me.  It is either sew or go necked!  I think I am going to be busy!  Where will I be tomorrow?  Working in my sewing room is where!  Making a muslin for the outfit I just picked out fabric for!  $200 in silk! plus another $50 in linen!  I love the fabrics but WOW!  Just WOW!  I am going to be afraid to cut the pattern out!  What if I mess it up?  What if it looks awfullest?  Eeek!

He is the HOH and I am his wife.  Sometimes submitting to him is hard.  I have to design and wear the clothes I have only dreamed of.   Yikes!

Breath! ! !   I can do this... yes?

Friday, December 23, 2011

Ti's the Season of Spanking?

It must be.  I keep reading about spankings on other blogs.  Most of them punishments.  Fortunately mine have been more of the purrrr and stress relief kind.  You know the ones.  When you feel off and gives you just a little something to "settle you down."

Last night it was a flogging.  He started with the softest flogger we have.  Super soft doe skin.  Heaven.  Then he moved on to the thud of the elk and finally The Snake make contact with my back.  He is really getting the hang of the floggers.  I can tell you that.  His hands fly and so do the whips.

This morning, it was discovered that the floggers didn't quiet get the job done.  I woke up this morning growling  at kids.  Normal kid stuff.  I chew a little, they run to get chores done and what happens next?  The cane.  The all dreaded, hateful, never used cane.  You see, the garage is too cold to use right now.  It is not heated and too big for our small space heaters.   I have to admit that he has even gotten better with cane.  Spreading the swats from my upper thigh to just above the sit spot.  Little stingy swats.

No lasting marks that I can feel.  And now he says it still wasn't enough.   Round three?  Somebody Hide Me!  I don't like the sound of this.   

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Fruit Cake


Christmas just isn't Christmas without a fruit cake to toss around the room.  This one is better than most.  Enjoy!

1 lb. Candied Cherries, chopped
1 lb. Candied pineapple chipped
4 Cups pecans
2 sticks butter
1 cup sugar
1 small bottle vanilla extract
1 small bottle lemon extract
5 eggs
2 cups plain flour sifted

Cream butter and sugar.  Add eggs one at a time.  Add 1 cup of flour.  Add vanilla and lemon extract.  Mix one cup of flour with fruit and nuts.  Mix well.  Bake in greased tube pan (bunt pan).  At 365* F  Cool in pan for 10 minutes. Remove and enjoy.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Old Fashioned Spanking

No, I didn't write this one.  I found it on Fetlife.  Yes, I am Christian and I visit Fetlife. (kinky and Christian, yep that's me)  It is where I found support for DD before I found blogland.  It has A LOT of good information and where the OP found the information she posted!

Sorry it copied so strange.  I posted it here instead of providing a link because I know many would be offended by the content on Fetlife.  It comes from the group called "A Sound Spanking!"


Spankings: Punishment and Reminder

The punishment must fit the offence. Minor misconduct merits a thorough warming over by a firm hand. More serious violations justify the sting of a solid hairbrush or wooden paddle. Greater transgressions are corrected by the classic two stage approach that begins with a good hand spanking followed by a thorough session with the hairbrush. Truly bad behavior warrants the sizzling kiss of the time honored razor strap or a truly lickety cane or birch. The foreboding words “This is going to be a spanking that you will not soon forget” will, indeed, be long remembered – both words and deed.

Some spankings are not the consequence of a particular offence. Rather they are those “precautionary reminders” given on a regular or random basis designed to ensure that even good conduct continues on the straight and narrow. An ounce of prevention as it were.

Anticipation

A good old fashioned spanking does not begin with the baring of your naked bottom nor end with delivery of the final stroke. Your spanking will be anticipated.

Consider the suspense arising from the well timed announcement of sound discipline to be delivered later on that day. The anticipation may be further heightened by providing a specific time or leaving it completely open. Imagine the nervous tension arising while waiting in your room just before the actual event: you do not know if your panties are coming down in five minutes or in thirty minutes. But you know with certainty that they are coming down and your bare bottom is going to feel it. The mere thought of sitting suddenly becomes uncomfortable.

Rule of Certainty
Once a spanking has been announced there is absolutely no way to avoid it. Argument, pleading and protest are among the quickest guarantees to successive spankings on the days to follow. One such incident, of being soundly and thoroughly spanked followed by a repeat performance the very next day, should be more than sufficient to instill the rule of certainty and the error of protest.
Ceremony and Protocol
Ceremony and protocol play important roles. Corner time serves as an exquisite count down to the approaching event. You survey the two immediate walls with hands clasped behind your head, fingers interlaced, symbolically indicating the inability to protect your soon to be stinging behind. Corner time need not be dull nor unimaginative. You could be standing fully clothed or just in your bra and panties. Perhaps you might just have your skirt or pants removed with your shirt neatly tied or pinned up. More unnerving yet would be corner standing wearing only panties bunched around your knees. Panties around the knees are not without purpose. They were lowered to that position by the spanker after which a handful of sound slaps are given to your pristine bottom. The predicted effect leaves you with a mildly stinging tush sensitive to the cool air now passing over while gripping you with the certain knowledge that more, much more, is yet to come. In the spirit of true anticipation, neither does the style of ceremony nor length of corner time reveal the intensity of the punishment that you anxiously await.
Preparation: Baring and Positioning
Soon your spanking will begin. You are firmly but politely ordered to “Come over here”. You know from experience that hesitation measured in seconds could win you an encore performance the very next day. If clothed you are instructed to clasp your hands behind your neck while your pants are unbuckled, unzipped and lowered to the floor so that you may step out of them. When a skirt is worn it is removed completely. Next your panties are lowered to your knees or ankles. If the corner time ritual saw you clad only in panties or were at half-mast already they too are lowered or removed altogether. Again, with good reason as you will soon see. Next you are carefully and securely placed into the classic over the knee position. Panties if remaining at this point afford you no protection as you feel the spanker’s fingers under the elastic waist band pulling them down completely. Head down, bottom up, outer arm held securely, you are now ready. Shortly there will be that irresistible but futile attempt to cover your exposed bottom.
The Spanking
Your spanking then begins with the sound purposeful punishing due sorely deserving naked flesh: neither too fast nor too slow and always on target. Ever square inch of your shapely bottom from just below your hips to the top of your thighs will become a rolling sea of bright disciplinary red. Your legs will kick with wild excitement as your hands struggle to protect your aching fanny. But to no avail. Your spanking will continue to its sound conclusion. It will not be hurried nor abated by promises of good behavior or other pleading. Throughout your tanning you will take comfort in the knowledge that although the sensation is intense it is administered with kindness, control and compassion. You are never in any danger.
Upon cessation several outcomes are possible. You may be allowed the instant relief of springing to your feet and feverishly rubbing your thoroughly tenderized derriere doing the “fire dance” as it is sometimes described. An alternative may see you held firmly in place for ten to fifteen minutes as the instructive heat continues to do its task. More strict yet is a return to the wall for additional corner time. This time your panties may be fully returned to cover your bottom thus further encasing the disciplinary heat and denying any immediate relief. This stands in particularly fine contrast to earlier corner time that may have seen cool air passing over a lightly spanked bottom. Once again hands are behind the neck with strict instructions forbidding any touching of your soundly spanked bottom. Failure to comply will bring a painful amount of immediate additional swats. Shifting of your weight from foot to foot may or may not be allowed.
The Aftermath: A Gentle Touch
The final touch is a tender one. Once the corrective heat has had its effect soothing cold cream will be gently applied to your well reddened bottom. Your hair will be softly stroked as gentle words reassuringly calm your excited spirit: you will be cradled by love and peacefulness. For good measure you will be reminded of the speed and ease with which your panties will come down again should the occasion arise. There is now no doubt in your mind that you have received one good old fashioned bare bottom spanking.
Variations
The foregoing does not represent any necessary commitment to individual techniques, methods, instruments or degrees of severity. Rather, its purpose is to illustrate a rich set of possibilities combined with subtle but important nuances. Consider the many creative and exciting variations of the foregoing scenario. Does your panty covered bottom receive a brisk warm up before the real business at hand takes place? Are the number of strokes to be administered disclosed in advance or left as a tantalizing secret? Savour the approach of the disciplinarians of old who simply ordered “Strip completely young lady.” before administering a sound and proper tanning. Imagine a truly instructive licking in the great outdoors with a birch or hickory switch. And finally, reflect upon the discussion style spanking also of old. Bent over the knee the discussion begins: questions are asked while your bottom is spanked, your soul of misconduct is probed. Transgressions are noted for later correction while answers slow in coming are immediately punished. The thought of lying, deception or anything less than the full and complete truth is painstakingly avoided. In the end the truth shall set you free.
"A Good Old Fashioned Spanking", copyright (c) Michael Walker 2000-2004. All rights reserved.





Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Poor Dragon





I have been sick off and on for the past few weeks.  Not wanting to eat or move.  My poor Dragon.  I know he has to be wondering if this is an Ana crisis or depression.


No, I really am that sick.  Yuck.


Needless to say, DD has been almost non existent, other than a few threats to make me move.   Even when I have clearly earned a “barn burner” nothing happens.  Dragon is handing out mercy in huge portions lately.  I had to ask didn’t I?  Just couldn’t keep my mouth shut.  I asked Dragon if he had given up his spanko ways.


It feels like it has been forever since I had a nice pink bottom.   (ok, not so long ago but it feels like forever)


This morning he took care of that!  Before he left for work, he picked up a paddle and made my backside a nice rosy color.  He made sure I wouldn’t forget those swats for a few hours.   It happened so fast I didn’t have time to identify the species of wood.   That man can move!  Wowchy!




Ps tonight I think I may have found the cause of weeks of nausea.  Reflux.  I was feeling a bit frisky and in the process of seducing my husband when acid came rushing up my esophagus.  It burned soooo bad.  Talk about killing the mood.  Yuck!   It still burns.  I think I am going to the doctor for this.  It is miserable.  My throat feels raw.

Christmas Traditions

Food is at the heart of many Christmas traditions.  You make food and the family magically appears around the table.  Here are a few of my favorites

Divinity

(my grandmother calls it  No Fail Divinity but trust me, it can fail)
3 cups sugar
1/2 cup white kero
1/2 cup col water
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup nuts (optional)
2 egg whites (beaten stiff with a pinch of cream of tarter)
pinch of salt

Bring sugar, Karo and water to a boil until a soft ball forms in cold water and a slight thread spins from the spoon.  Pour 1/3 of the mixture slowly into beaten egg whites beating constantly.  Continue beating for a few seconds returning syrup to low flame.  Add syrup to egg whites at intervals making 4 beatings, return syrup to low flame each time.  Add vanilla and nuts.  Continue beating until mixture holds its shape when dropped from spoon.  Drop from teaspoon onto wax paper.  Swirl each piece into peak.


Date Balls

8oz package of dates (chopped)
1 stick butter or margarine (I use salted butter)
1 1/2 cup rice krispies
1 cup sugar
1 cup chipped pecans


Mix dates, sugar and butter in double boiler.  Cook 5-8 minutes after butter melts.  add pecans and cereal.  Make into balls (best done with damp hands) and roll in powdered sugar.  Store in tight container.


I also make rice krispy treats and oatmeal cranberry cookies.  I get the recipe for these off of the packaging.   I need to find a new recipe for M&M cookies and fudge.  I lost mine a few years ago.  Still looking.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Christmas Candy

NOT making Christmas Candy and cookies is now a spankable offence!



For years I enjoyed making candy for our family but somehow Christmas lost its magic.  Dragon is determined to bring that magic back for me and to bring back the yummy candies I loved to make.  

I better get a wiggle on.  Memory swats have been promised if i don't have a batch of divinity made by the time he gets home.  EEEEKKKK

Dear Santa,




I have what I need this year and also what I want most in this world.  My family is together.  We have enough to eat and a roof over our heads.  I have been a bit naughty this year but better than most.  You see, in the last year we have brought something new to our marriage.  TTWD.


When I do something that displeases Dragon, he has the authority to punish me.  He doesn’t do it very often and never abuses his power over me.  He is as kind and a gentile as ever.  He grants me mercy and grace much more often than I deserve.  Punishment is used as a last resort in our house.  Only when my heart is hard.  When I am defiant and stubborn.


I don’t like to be punished.  Most of the time just the threat is enough to set me strait.  A look from my Dragon and all is right in the world again.  On those rare occasions that more is needed, I accept the consequences for my actions.   TTWD has brought harmony to our home.  


This coming year will bring many changes.  One career will end and a new life for our family will begin.   Possibly yet another move.  One of our children will finally leave the nest.  She has chosen a college and a career path that makes her mommy very proud of her.  Only with God can I handle all of these changes.  God and my Dragon that is.


So you see Santa?  I really don’t need anything for Christmas; however, there are a few things I need this year.  A new job for my husband.  A home for our family.  The safety and security we have enjoyed all of our married lives.  Since I don’t do well with change, it is a good thing that Dragon now has tools to help me cope. I hope that he can find a way to use TTWD to help me during the year.  For these things I pray.


Maybe I should ask for a set of knee pads for Christmas?  Life has a way of driving me to my knees in prayer and sometimes my poor knees get sore.  It is when I am unable to pray that I end up OTK, so maybe a butt pad too.  A nice soft pillow to sit on when I earn that dreaded punishment.




Sunday, December 11, 2011

Love my man (non DD, D/s)


After a crazy busy Saturday, I was looking forward to spending the day Sunday with my family.  Warm and snug inside, out of the cold.  Bible study, maybe a movie and story time.  A little house cleaning to get ready for the week.


Long story short?  It didn’t happen.


The morning started off normal.  Late start, family breakfast and Bible study.  Soon after Dragon began to read the first words of Matthew Chapter one, my head started to ache.  By the end of chapter three, I had to ask him to stop for the day.  I couldn’t hold my head up anymore.


Ok, you know I am a mother, so my idea of pain is not for the faint of heart.  Once you have experienced natural child birth, you rate pain differently.  So when I say this was an 8 on the scale of 1-10, you know I was in pain.  It hurt so bad I couldn’t sleep.  Then the nausea hit.


Finally I got some benadryl and Alive down.  But I still couldn’t nap.  Dragon gathered the children, leaving only one at home to watch Mommy, and went on an outing.  He took his old black powder rifle, the squirrel gun and the bow.  They had a history lesson, gun safety class and target practice.


I have no idea how long they were gone.  I finally fell asleep.  Time was meaningless, endless today.   I woke up to a quiet, empty house.  They got home about 5 minutes after I opened my eyes.  Still not 100% but feeling much better.


Dragon fed the kids and kept them entertained so that I could rest.  After supper, he fixed me a nice warm bubble bath.


I am one lucky girl.  What more could I ask for?  Love my man!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Thought for the Day

This is the busiest time of the year for my family.  A little chaos added to the holiday spirit.  So I give you only my thought of the day.  Something my Dragon constantly tells me and I find hard to believe.

I am BEAUTIFUL! ! !


 
I realize that some parts of the video may be offensive to some of my readers but I know a few of you will listen and understand what it means to me.  

Friday, December 2, 2011

Spam Not in a Can

I am talking about the kind that gets sent to this handy dandy folder that blogger provides for advertisers.  Has anyone else had an uptick in spam?  I am getting about one or two a day.  Pain is the @$$ is what i call it.  No way would I buy anything from a company that advertises that way!

QUIT TRYING! ! ! !   IT ISN'T GOING TO WORK! ! ! !  

Something else I consider spam?  Those people who come to my blog to slam my lifestyle.  I am not looking for approval.  Yes, I am Christian, kinky and my husband disciplines me on the very rare occasion.  I am not a victim of domestic violence, I assure you dear reader!

My children are not abused.  I do horrible things like changing the pass word on the router, putting the TV in the garage, boxing up all the DVDs.  If that is abusive then I guess I am a horrible mother.  School work comes first in our house.  All four of my children will tell you that I am not strict enough and let them all get away with too much.  I tend to error on the side of lenience to avoid any hint of abuse.

Any posts that attacks me or my family will be deleted .  I won't have it.  If you have an honest question, I will make an effort to answer it to the best of my ability.

But be for warned!  This is a Troll Free ZONE! ! !  

    green troll

Ok.   I feel sorry for this little guy.  I'll let him say.  But all other Trolls?


Keep Out  
Posted
No Trespassing!

Monday, November 28, 2011

The Envelope


Just before the thanksgiving holiday rush began, I asked Dragon to tuffen up just a little.  I reminded him the holidays are always hard for me and I need him now more than ever.

He agreed

What was I thinking?  He is already strict enough.  I am one of the lucky ones.  Naturally submissive and easily disciplined.  All it takes is a look from him to bring me back in line, most of the time.  However, he has slipped over the last few months.  He finished his degree and the classes took up most of his time.   The kids took up the rest of our time.  There was nothing left for us.  

When his schedule filled, ttwd was one on many things that were put aside.  He is slowly getting things back on track but I am still falling.  We had discussed non spanking punishments before but decided that they weren’t needed.  They are now possibilities.  For punishment as well as pre-emptive.  Not sure if or when he is going to use them but they are now officially in the tool box.

Something else new is the envelope.  Some days he will tell me to take an envelope to be opened at a specific time.  In the envelope will be a task designed to put me an obedient, submissive state of mind.  What will the task be?  I will find out when you do.   I’m kinda nervous.   My imagination has to be worse than the reality.  Doesn't it?


Here goes nothing.  I just got a call to open the first envelope.


Opening the very first one…..


The slip of paper is in my hand….


On no….  The plug.   Yep.  That will put me is a submissive state of mind.

What was i thinking?  Next time I'll  have to remember NOT to think at all.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Hanging of the Green....one year latter


I can’t believe it.  My little blog turns one year old Monday.  I looked back at my very first post and it is about our annual tradition.  “Hanging of the Green”  We drag the rubber maid boxes out of the garage one by one and decorate for Christmas.


In years past this has been a disaster.  I always fall apart.  You see, Monday is also an anniversary of a different sort.  It is the date of my fourth miscarriage.   I carried This baby longer than I had the other three.  I thought this one would be ok but something just felt wrong.  Then the bleeding started.  It was late so we raced to the ER.  The baby was ok for a little while.  I was put on bed rest.  Three days latter.  November 28, the cramping returned.  This felt more like child birth.  I could time the contractions.  I lost the baby on the morning of the 29th.


We nearly gave up.  He could see how much I was hurting.  So much that I was incapable of seeing his pain.  He never wanted to see me in that much pain ever again.  I think I know why I couldn’t stay pregnant for more than 8 weeks.  I was too thin.  The human body needs body fat to maintain a pregnancy and I had very little.  In my sadness, I quit moving.  I ate when I was told, moved only when I had to.  I gained 20 pounds.  WOW.  That brought my weight up to a whopping 115 lbs.  But it was enough.  This time I didn’t loose the baby and in blogland I call her pooh bear.


This year, we did things a little different.  Instead of me doing all the decorating with a little help, I stood at the box of neatly packaged ornaments, unwrapped them and as I handed them to the kids told them where it needed to go.  The living room looks like it was decorated by a bunch of kids.  That is ok.  No temper tantrums from me.  No tears.  We actually had fun!


WOW!  What a concept!  Fun over the holiday weekend!  Who would have thought?


Toward the end of the day, Dragons temper began to slip.  I could see the pain in his eyes.  I pulled him aside and we talked.


“Thank you Jimminy Cricket, I needed that.”


Who ever thought I would be a Cricket?  That is what he calls me when I quietly let him know he is getting off track.


The rest of the evening was nice.  The dishes were done, the living room straitened and we all cuddled on the couch to watch a Movie.   Just before bed I read two chapters in “Christmas Jars”    This long weekend has been nice.  Did TTWD do it?  Or something else?  I’m not sure.






Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving! ! !

Wishing you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving! ! !

The turkey is in the oven.  The final few dishes are being prepared.  My kids are watching the Macy's day parade.  Life is good.  My family is together!  As my children get older I find that I appreciate every moment with them more and more.   Time goes by in a blur of memories.

Enjoy your day and hug the ones you love! ! !   Make sure they know how much you truly do love them!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

P is for what?


This blog is brought to you today by the letter P and the letter M.


Yes, I messed up.  I messed up in a very big way and dropped the F bomb.  I received a little mercy.  I didn’t get the punishment I dearly deserved.  You know the story.


Saturday, I knew the punishment had to happen but it was a very busy day.   Between sports activities there was no time for us.  When we finally got home we both fell in bed with no pillow talk.


Sunday, I admitted to him that I needed that punishment.  The guilt was eating away at my heart.  We slept late and had a lot of pillow talk before we got the kids out of bed.  He knew I was struggling.  He knew I needed the P that should have happened and planned to deliver it latter in the day.  Latter Sunday didn’t happen, asthma did.


Monday.  Work, late night game, huge fire in a neighboring city.  No time for P and when there was, we were both tired and I had another asthma attack.


Tuesday, even with grocery shopping after practice, we were home earlier than usual.  A quick and easy supper was fixed.  I read, a family tradition this time of the year.  I was expecting P as in punishment but it turned into pampering.

I walked into the bedroom and heard the water running in the tub.  The scent of lavender and chamomile filled the room.  BUBBLE BATH! ! ! !   I soaked and relaxed.  As the water was cooling I shaved my legs.  Easier done in the bath than the shower.  When I was ready for bed, I crawled in beside Dragon.


He gathered the floggers and told me to take off my shirt.  I rearranged the pillows and positioned myself for a long flogging.   The tails felt like leather rain.  Heaven at first.  Gentile, relaxing.  I almost went to sleep.  Then he brought out the one I call “Snake.”  That thing is wicked.  It BITES.  As in, it has a wicked sting.  Thankfully, he didn’t use it very long.


When he put snake down I thought he was done.  I was beyond relaxed and ready to sleep the night away.  No such luck.  He pulled my panties down and picked up one of our many paddles.  No idea which one.  I can usually tell which one he is using but not last night.


At first it was just a series of gentile taps.  He drummed out a tune on my backside.  Slowly the swats got harder until I felt him throw his leg across mine.  If you think that is a bad sign, you are absolutely right.  He held me down and told me to burry my head in the pillow.  The paddle fell again and again.  It hurt so bad.  I kept trying to get away but his leg held me firmly in place.

I asked, “was that a Punishment?


No, those were memory swats.


What are memory swats?


Swats that you will remember tomorrow.


Oh.


Vocabulary lesson learned.


P is for Pampered wife and for punishment.    But… Not at the same time


M is not for maintenance.  It is for Memory swats.


Yep, I remember them this morning.  My sore backside won’t let me forget.

Friday, November 18, 2011

To Confess or not to Confess (update)



Yes, I know I have to do it.  I have to tell him I dropped the F bomb.  OHHHHH I hate that word.  Why did I ever say it?  I had every right to be angry and frustrated but not to be cruel.   That was our very first rule under DD.  And strictly enforced.


I don’t want to tell him.  Hide it and feel guilty or confess?


I’ll confess.  Putting the computer down to do it right now.


Oh no.  He is pointing and looks mad.  Be back latter to finish this.  Maybe.


Latter now….


Dragon knows me.  He had my sewing on the table.  He wanted me to work.  That was all.  Do what he knows I love to do.  He knows that always calms my mind and brings piece to my heart.  I went to my sewing chair and when he came in the room, I closed the door for privacy.  It is a sliding glass door.  Not much of a barrier but it let us talk without being overheard.


I confessed and we had a LONG talk about kids.  The two oldest are slipping.  Sneaking around, not following the rules and not getting school work done.  We discussed what to do about it.  I grounded Bear and told her how to get un-grounded.  With the oldest, Amber, we are going to take a tuff love stand.  We have to.  She has to know that there are standards.  She needs to figure out what her priorities are.  If they don’t line up with ours, she needs to find a new home.  I won’t allow her to mooch off of us.  I won’t be walked on.


Consequences for the F bomb?  No idea.  I think we are both a little too upset right now.  I am sure there is a P in my future.  Tonight.  I’m worried but mostly just about the kids.  I know Dragon will be fair.

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Ok




So….. I got tired of waiting and finnaly asked around 8:30.


Me:  Do I get a hall pass?


Him:  For what?


Me:  (dang, why didn’t I just keep my fool mouth shut?)  For what I said earlier.


Him:  Ohhhh  that.  Do you deserve a hall pass?


Me: Can I plead the 5th?


Him:  I already know the answer.  I want to hear you say it.


Me: (dang I’m an idiot)  No, I don’t deserve one.


Him:  Tonight isn’t a good time for a punishment.  I won’t spank you during an asthma attack and I am not going to let this carry over for a day or two.  You get your hall pass but you don’t deserve one.  Not for this.

I hate to admit it, Dragon is right.

Not sure if I am relived or not.  Here is hoping he doesn’t read this entry.  I know I am relieved that he hasn’t thought of writing lines or corner time.  As much as I hate asthma, it did get me a hall pass tonight.




Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Dang




Dragon is snoring and I didn’t get my needed stress relief.   This is a no spanking night.


I am recovering from the worst asthma attack I have had in over a year.  Six.  Yes you read that right SIX hits of albuterol latter, I am shaking like a meth addict but breathing easier.


Here is hoping I don’t loose my temper tomorrow.  Fingers crossed and the paddles are right by the bed.  Lined up and ready for him to use.  I’m worried.


Asthma sucks.

Blogland




Blogland is a great place.  I can be open about a part of my life I have to keep hidden from everyone in Real life.  I can admit I’m kinky, whine about getting punished and ask for help with DD.  Here I meet other people who share my lifestyle.   People who don’t think it is weird that I am a submissive wife or that my husband spanks my butt when I break a rule.


It is a place I can be me.   I am not politically correct in real life or on line.  The things I say sometimes makes people mad.  And they leave my little corner of blogland.  I have been called hostile for asking a question and calling bull.  Well you know.  If it comes out of the south end of north bound bull, it isn’t a rose.  It is bull poop.    That is fine.  You don’t like my blog.  I don’t write for the reader.  I started this blog for me.  Pure selfish reasons.  I think it shows


There is just one HUGE problem with Blogland.


Just one.


I will probably never meet my blog friends.  They will forever remain in blogland.  That makes me sad.  There are so many of you I would love to meet.  Too many to list.  I am afraid I would leave someone out and feelings would get hurt (my lame attempt at political correctness)   Yes, I’ll call it a fail.  I’m not very good at being PC.  Not in my nature at all.


Just a note here.  If I ever do by chance meet you out in the real world, don’t ask me if your outfit makes your butt look fat.  I will be honest and tell you no, your butt makes your butt look fat.


Monday, November 14, 2011

Disaster Averted


Friday morning, Veterans day, Dragon was home.  He had the day off of work.  It was a work day for us.  The fall yard work needed to be done.  Grass cut one final time, leaves raked and limbs picked up from a recent storm.  And where we live, tumble weeds collected before they covered the yard.   I also had projects to finish up for a few clients.  (hate that serger.  It was still not working)


I was enjoying a lazy morning in bed.  Dragon got up.  A few minutes latter he came back in, asking questions about the coffee pot.  I started to get worried.  The coffee pot wasn’t dripping.  After several minutes it hadn’t started.


Yes, it is plugged in.


Yes, the right buttons are pushed and the lights are one.  One green and one red.


No, it isn’t doing anything.


Ok.  Time to panic.  Me without coffee for a day?  That is NOT a good thing at all.  Not with Dragon home for the day.


Supper Dragon to the rescue.  He heated water on the stove and poured it slowly over the filter basket and into the pot.  Fresh, Dragon brewed coffee.


Am I a lucky girl or what?  Love my man.


While I was working outside raking leaves and pulling weeds, he set up the camper.  It is a pop up and not a small task.  It is a hand crank model with two large beds.  Each side sleeps three.  It had to be set up all the way for him to retrieve the camping coffee pot.  It is just a cheap Walmart pot.  No timer.  No way to set how strong I want the coffee.  Just an on button.


So today, I am thankful to have my resourceful husband that found a way to make me coffee.  I am thankful he went to all that work just to get the camp coffee pot out of the camper.  I am thankful for cheap coffee pots.  And! ! !   I am thankful no one else saw what a treasure he was back when we were both single.


No more expensive coffee pots for me.  They don’t last any longer than the cheap ones do.   I still have two back up pots.  A Coleman pot that is made to sit on a propane stove and an old fashioned percolator.   Dragon wants to make sure I never have to go without coffee.   He gets his morning Dr Pepper and I get my coffee.

It was a good day.  Cold but good.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Temper Temper


(shhh, I am stalling for bed time.  I got out of a spanking this morning.  I whined, grabbed the door and flat out refused to submit.  EVEN when he got that…. are you sure you want to do that…. Look on his face.  Ooops.  I really don’t want it to be bed time yet.)  Stalling….


Food is my enemy.  That is what I have decided.  After the week I have had you would agree.  This bug I have is giving me fits.  For one, I almost NEVER get hungry.  It just isn’t a sensation that I am all that familiar with.  Normally hunger is taken care of with a few sips of water.  Real hunger?  Nope.  Not until this week.


I get hungry, eat, get a tummy ache and vomit.  Nothing would stay down and I always felt that awful feeling the rest of the population is very familiar with.  Very frustrating, I can tell you that.


The results?  Now that I am over that bug, I can eat.  But…. Only very small snacks.  I normally eat 5 to 6 times a day because I can’t eat a lot any time.  Now it is ridiculous.  A few bites and I am done.  It is like I just had gastric by-pass surgery or something.  After a small bowl of soup for supper and I feel like I just ate thanksgiving dinner.


 One good thing?  My “fat” jeans are getting loose again.  They look more like MOM jeans.  Even baggy in the butt again.  I can be happy for that one thing right?


….. Still stalling….  Did he forget?  I can hope…. Right?   Not a chance.  This one is going to be bad.  I was frustrated, trying to sew but with delay after delay.  Dad was home on a Friday, so the kids were off schedule.  Chaos.  I had a melt down then refused the cure.    This is NOT going to be a fun evening.


Time to face that paddle…..

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Happy Thank A Veteran Day! ! !

11-11-11


I love this Holiday! It is a day to say thank you to those who have served our country in times of war. It is a time to honor the living and the fallen. Shake a veterans hand and say Thank you for all you have done. They deserve your respect and your thanks!


If you have spent any time reading my blog, you know that I am patriotic! I love my country! I love the diversity here and the freedoms we enjoy. Although I may not be happy with our current president, I know how to be heard! VOTE! Many people around the world do not enjoy the many freedoms I have. I can choose my religion. I can choose what kind of education my children receive. We have so many freedoms in the USA that other countries can only dream about.
 
As a child, every year, we would pile into my grandmothers station wagon. We would dive the long drive to the state line. Veterans were bussed in from retirement homes. I remember the drive in cramped car more that I remember the ceremony. There was a stage set up, music, people making speeches and I think there was food.
 
I remember my grandfathers tears as he remembered his years as a soldier during WWII. His hands shook for days. In November, there is always work to be done on a farm and my grandfather was always up for the task. Even on Veterans day. The cows were milked, butter churned, hay bailed, garden hoed and harvested. But he made time to say thank you to those who served beside him. He cried for the men who didn’t make it that year. Fellow soldiers who lived a long hard life and were now buried in the federal cemetery beside the small park.
 
The many veterans in my family made sure the next generation understood what a soldier sacrifices and why they do what they do. I would sit and listen to war stories for hours. The older I got the more graphic the stories got. Landing on beach, the Battle of the Bulge, the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Stories of the cold war. Korea, Vietnam. Stories about battle field hospitals, battle ships, airplanes, tanks and foot soldiers. The list goes on and on. I remember being so proud of my military family.


This post is dedicated to veterans of the past and the present. To the veterans who are no longer with us and the veterans who continue to fight for our freedom. To my grandfathers, father, stepfather, uncles, aunts and cousins who have sacrificed so much for the United States of America.
 
God Bless!

Happy Love your Lurkers Day! ! !

Like most, don’t always comment when I read a blog. I don’t read all the blogs I follow and I read blogs I don’t follow at all. Today is for all of us. We all lurk just a bit! ! !
 
This is an event started by Bonnie over in “My Bottom Smarts” It s an annual event to encourage lurkers to speak up and say Hi for the very first time. My blog, like most, has more readers than followers. I would love to hear from you today! ! ! ! !
 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Early Morning Swats

I have been sick for over a week and I am just beginning to feel better. Last night I felt so bad that I didn’t even bother getting ready for bed. I just kicked off my shoes and covered up. Dragon tried to make me undress but I told him I was too cold. At 2 am, I woke up dressed in yesterday’s clothes and hungry for the first time a week. I fixed a small snack and got a glass of water before I crawled back under the warm covers. (dressed for bed this time)
 
When the alarm went off I had to kick Dragon out of bed. The first half of the week is always hardest on him. I have no idea what time he left for work. He put on his coat and walked out the door but then he turned around and came right back in????
 
What is going on?
 
He walked over to my side of the bed and picked up a paddle. Oh no. I knew what was coming.
 
The words I didn‘t want to hear, “Roll over”
 
He played a fast beat on my backside. (the hazard of being married to a drummer) I could even pick out the beat this morning. Very distinctive. Wish I knew what song he was drumming out. It wasn’t a hard spanking. Just enough to let me know I had been spanked.
 
With a hug and a kiss he was off to work again. No reason given. It wasn’t a punishment. Just a little reminder that he is still in charge. That I am still his wife, taken in hand.
 
Love my man.
 
 
Breakfast this morning did not make my tummy hurt. I count myself lucky. Why? Now my kids are sick. Amber is in bed, Flower is on the couch, Bear is complaining in the kitchen and Bug is doing what he does best. Bugging everybody to death. I may just go for a walk to get away from all the moaning. Take a little time for myself and enjoy the crisp fall air.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

From The Dragon

Ana you are a lying witch that just needs to leave! I don’t know who you think you are, but I am stronger.  She may not be, but I am by her side! We will fight you and we will win!  Here is how we are going to do it. 

One you are going to attack, not once, not twice, but repeatedly; I realize this and accept it you are a witch.  You are going to lie to my love and tell her that she is fat, I am going to tell her the truth an let her know she is beautiful every chance I get. 

You are going to make my love look at large women that don’t take care of themselves and think that is what she looks like.  I am going to point out the women that are beautiful and take care of themselves like my love does. 

You are going to tell my love that skinny is beautiful; well well skinny is all over the enquirer, need I say anything else. 

You are going to tell my love to hide what she is not eating, food doesn’t just disappear…I am smarter than that.  Dogs do gain weight too, men do occasionally take out the garbage (believe it or not), and when the garbage disposal clogs who fixes it?

OK, now you are going to make here feel bad because she can’t make you leave.  She did not invite you, you got in her head somehow and are hiding in there.  You are hiding so she cant see you.  I cannot either, but you give me plenty of clues.  I will not give you the clues, because you will make her hid them (men if you are reading this and want to know, just watch your wife for one month and you will see it). 
I love my wife, I am not always as quick as I should be about realizing when Ana Strikes again, but I will and we will defeat you again when you do.  We will defeat you with love and kindness.
Sincerely,
Dragon

Wish in One Hand

Spit in the other...  or get a sore backside...
 
Sewing with the serger always takes all day. The thing has me in tears every time I try to use it. It is an older Kenmore. Translate that to a cheaply made badged machine. T ears with a badged machine are to be expected.

Breath……

After the third broken needed of the day my frustrations were beginning to turn violent. I just wanted to hit SOMETHING! ! ! Anything……. That thing just won’t work right for me.
 
WHINE….. I want a Babylock.
 
What is a Babylock you ask? A very expensive machine, is what it is. $3000 for a very specialized machine that I probably won’t use every day. But very, VERY nice. The lower looper is threaded with a soft puff of air. No headache. No whine. Just poof and it is threaded. The upper looper is super simple. This thing is so different that they give you a class on the thing before you leave the store with it.

Want…..


 
Want….Whine….Pout…. HITSOMETHING…..
 
What was that? Hit something? Oops. Dragon is home today. My urge to hit something meant that my stress relief session happened a little sooner than I thought it would. Stress relief when I am in a temper is never very much fun.
 
Calm. Cool. Collected and a bit sore in the sit-upon-part, I am ready to go back to my sewing room and finish this little dress….. On the bernina, which works like a dream. The serger will wait for another day.
 

Saturday, November 5, 2011

food issues

Some of you probably already know but here it goes anyway. I have issues with food. Most people live to eat. I simply eat to live. I eat because I have to. I eat because I have a husband that makes me. I look at my body and it makes me sad. The refection in the mirror lies to me, according to my husband. Reflected back in my eyes is a fat, ugly blob. I can’t be too thin. I can’t be too small in my eyes.
 
I still have the jeans I wore on the day of our wedding. Size 2. That was a 2 seventeen years ago. Much smaller than a 2 today. My hip bones jutted out and held them up. The denim sagged around my skeletal body. I can see it in hind sight. The emaciated girl in those photos is a stranger to me. Even then I though I was fat. Always with 5-10 pounds to loose. Not sure where now.
 
That was then. This is now.
 
Ana does not go away. She is always there. Her voice louder at times and quiet others. Right now she is screaming in my ears. Every bite of food that enters my mouth is a source of guilt. Every ounce of fat on my body is a reason to call myself a failure.
Hunger feels good. It is the feeling of success. It means that I have hidden ana from my family. No one knows I have skipped a meal. They don’t realize that I haven’t eaten in two day.
 
Problem is, I am married to Dragon. Or…. Would that be a good thing? He never overlooks skipped meals. He knows when I haven’t eaten. He knows my tricks at the dinner table. He stares me down until I have enough to make him happy. He will let me enjoy freedom for a few days but when I start getting dizzy and sick, he puts it to a stop every time.
 
He always realizes Ana is shouting before I do. He won’t tell me how he recognizes her and he doesn’t openly acknowledge that I am having food issues again. He fixes my plate. He prepares food he knows I will eat. I hear praise every second of the day. He tells me that I am beautiful and sexy.
 
Where would I be without him? Truthfully I don’t know. Probably in some hospital getting nutrition in an IV bag or NG tube. He makes sure I eat. When he has to be away from home, my weight drops like a rock and feel like a million bucks…. Until he gets home and I see the hurt in his eyes. Then all I feel is shame that I can’t be perfect no matter what I do.
 
I keep trying. I keep living. Pushing on every day. Today I had breakfast for the first time this week and I will probably have lunch too. My body won’t know to react. All that food in one day? I hope I can keep it down. I hate getting sick in public restrooms but my tummy just won’t hold much food anymore. It is like a gastric bypass without the surgery. That is what nearly 20 years of Ana will do to you.
 
Dragon will watch after me. He will make sure I get just enough to eat. He will keep my weight going in the direction he wants it to go. No worries from my friends in blog land. I will not get my way on this. Ana’s voice will slowly grow quiet again.

Friday, November 4, 2011

What to tell your Doctor

Ooops! ! ! You have a mark or two or three from a session and need to go to the Doctor.
 
No, it can’t wait. You have to go today and he will see those colorful marks all over your backside.
 
OH NO! ! ! TIME TO PANIC ! ! !
 
Not necessarily. Slow down. Take a deep breath. You can do this.
 
You have a few options.
 
The first is human nature. Don’t say anything.
 
What is going to happen? He is going to question you and his nurse will give you phone numbers for crisis hot lines and the local women’s shelter.
 
Nope. I don’t like that one at all. Now my Doctor thinks I am a battered wife and my husband will get dirty looks every time we walk in the door. That is best case scenario. Worst case? An anonymous call to the police. I don’t want to be questioned by the police about my lifestyle or what we do in the privacy of our bedroom. Nor do I want to try to explain it to the judge.
 
Or…… you could tell him the full truth.
 
Hey doc, we practice DD. My husband spanks me when I break one of our household rules. I consent to this lifestyle and can end it at any time. Last time he spanked me, he left a nice hand print on my backside. Just didn’t want you to worry about it.
 
Now that could get nasty. You are going to get the women’s lib lecture and a few phone numbers. You may even end up talking to a social worker before you leave your appointment.
 
A better option? Partial honesty.
 
Hey doc, I am into an alternative lifestyle thing and there are few marks on my ass. They were consensual and I had fun getting them. Just thought you should know before you got the wrong idea about things.
 
No, they weren’t really fun but the doctor doesn’t need to know EVERYTHING. He now has just enough information to know that you are not a battered wife. In fact, he is going to think you are kinky whether or not you really are. And you won’t have to deal with all those phone numbers and pamphlets or a visit from the police.

Partial honesty has worked for me a few times. No questions. No awkward moments.
 
What works for you?

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Money Matters

Years ago my sweet dependable Dragon wasn’t so good at managing money. He liked to spend money he didn’t have. I had so little and he wanted to give me the world. He replaced my old fuse box for a breaker box, bought me a stove that worked, new clothes, groceries. You name it. If I needed it, he was right there with his wallet out.

Problem is, his generosity left his bank account over drawn. We weren’t married. We weren’t even engaged but I took over. We opened a joint savings account. I withdrew enough to pay his bills and part of my power bills. His spending money was left in the savings account to spend how ever he wanted.


It worked!

One year after we started dating, we eloped. I added him to my checking account and got him an ATM card. ATM machines were just starting to pop up. You could find them around banks and maybe at the mall. With in two months I realized that wasn’t going to work. It took all the courage I had to put my had out for the card. I cut it up and he didn’t get it back.

Over 10 years latter and several major moves latter, I got tired of the hassle and the fight. Every trip to the store I had to convince him that we didn’t have enough to buy everything we needed or wanted. Yes, we have $300 in savings but we need that for car insurance. Yes, we have $1000 but rent is due next week.

What did I do? I gave him the passwords and the check book. Handed him a pile of bills and a bank balance too low to pay half of them. He learned fast and hard that those bills have to be paid. We didn’t have as much money as he thought we did. That paycheck didn’t go as far as he thought it should.

Now I live relatively stress free when it comes to our finances. He takes care of it. I ask before I spend and he makes sure we have what we need. It turned out that he just needed a few years of family life to figure this money thing out. To learn that you have to save for the things you want.

At the beginning of our marriage, I had to take on more of a leadership role that I wanted to. It was necessary but as time passed, I gladly slipped out of the drivers seat. He holds the keys now and I can breath a sigh of relief.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Prayer

 
When my Dragon is far away, I pray for him. When he is having a hard time, I pray for him. When our relationship needs a little work, I pray for him.
 
See a theme there? Prayer helps us both cope with the hard times life throws our way. Sometimes I don’t know where to start. I feel a little lost myself and don’t even know where to begin. That is when I turn to a book written by Stormy Omartian. “The Power of a Praying Wife”


The first day is, “Praying for his Wife.” It talks about what you can change and what can’t. Where you as a wife can make your relationship better. Every day has a new topic. A new area of life to pray about.

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Praying-Wife-Stormie-Omartian/dp/0736919244/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1#_

Confession time latter.  Maybe.  I told someone on another blog, in a relpy.  Maybe.  Right now I just want to share a book that helped me cope with the issue and simply life.  Post 9/11 has been hard on my family and this year, life has been even harder.  The power of a prayig wife has helped more than anything esle ever has. 
 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

What is it that we do?

 
What do you call it? What label do you put on it? Yes, I’m talking about discipline. You know…. The idea of a wife submitting to her husband and a husband stepping up as Head of Household? When you slap a label on it, people jump to all kind of conclusions.

People want you to put a label on things. Just what is it that you do? What do you call it? I think the most accurate would be “marriage.” But since my way of doing things doesn’t fit into the feminist box, that won’t work.

Domestic Discipline focuses on spanking. The act of punishment. That is just one very small portion of who we are and what we do. He doesn’t put me in the corner 10 times a day or switch my legs every time I step out of line.
 
Christian Domestic Discipline. Ok … Now there is a mouth full for you. Biblically based discipline. But wait. There isn’t anything in the Bible about a husband spanking his wife or physically disciplining her in any way. Stoning her to death in the Old Testament, yes. But nothing in the New Covenant. The bible talks about relationship. Wife submit to your husband. Husband love your wife and obey God.
 
Loving DD/Living DD One reaches way into the kink/fetish world of fantasy and the other is harsh. Not for me. I’m all about fantasy and kink but not with DD. Kink is fun. DD is not. And personally, I don’t like harsh, ridged rules or punishments. My Dragon can be strict but he is flexible too. He understands that we are both human.
 
Taken in Hand. Now we are talking. Maybe? Still not a great fit but a little closer. It is more about relationship than punishment. The husband stepping into the role of HOH and the wife submitting to his leadership.
 
TTWD. This Thing We Do. No set definition that I have found. It is just this submission. This HOH. This spanking thing we do. Not connected to religion or a web page moderator. Not connected to a person or an organization. It is just what it is. This thing we do, how ever you choose to define it.
 
I like it. Or better yet. Tweed.
 
“Guess it is time for you get your Tweed on, my dear. I didn’t finish my task for the day.”
 
Nice. Vanilla. And anyone listening will wonder why I want Dragon to wear his tweed jacket.
 
 
Ps. Your definition of these labels may be different than mine are. That is the problem with labels. Everyone has their own definition and they are all just a little different. Our language is just as complex and complicated as people are. We come from different backgrounds and diverse cultures.

Who me? Childish?

Never….
 
Well….
 
Ok…..
 
Maybe just a little….
 
What could an adult woman of 39 do that is childish?
 
Get sent to her room for bad behavior? Check
 
Get spanked for bad behavior? Check
 
Get put into the corner for back talk? Almost check…. Dragon has threatened to do just that
 
Do you see a trend here? Unfortunately I do too. It must be that thing about a second childhood. Maybe?
 
I forget to act like a lady and get spanked.
 
I forget to control my mouth and cuss. Yep, I get spanked for that one too.
 
I let my emotions control me and hurt the people I love. Another spanking.
 
My task does not get completed because I spent all day in bed. Spanked again
 
And the list goes on and on.
 
I balk when he tells me it is time to go otk for bad behavior. Argue about rules I have agreed to. Whine on the way to my room for a time out. Kick my feet and grab at his hands when a spanking hurts more than I think it should.



 
Sleeping with my old teddy bear is the least of my problems. It is the only childish thing I do that doesn’t end with trouble. I think I’ll save Dragon some time today and put myself in the corner.
 

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Teddy Bear

It has been so long since I have had a good nights sleep. A good hard stress relief session with the cherry paddle didn’t do it. His arms wouldn’t send me off to dream land. Every night at 11:00 I have an asthma attack. You could set your clock by it. The albuterol I take to help me breath, keeps me awake.

Until…. Last night…
.
Last night I remembered something I saw on facebook….


 
A teddy bear I have had since I was a little girl sits in a chair by the bed. He sits there untouched, collecting dust. Until last night. When my head hit the pillow, I reached out and tucked him under my chin and wrapped my arms around his soft body. Dragon held me and I held my old bear.
 
It must be true. Teddy bears protect us at night. They stand vigil and keep the monsters away. I finally got a good nights sleep. No bad dreams. No asthma attack that I remember. No worry bear thoughts. Just good, sound sleep.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Tool Bag

In Honor of my 101st blog post. I am sharing the contents of our tool box. Some how I can’t think of it as a toy bag anymore. Not since we have started using the paddles for discipline.
 
The paddles are for discipline.

 
Balsa is all pop. It is loud but doesn’t have much of a sting. Oak is the most likely to leave a lasting bruise. It has more of a thud and leaves a deeper impression. Cherry is more of a sting. It has a zing that is sure to change a poor attitude. Walnut? Hide under the bed. I try to keep it out of sight and out of mind. It has the surface sting and the deeper, lasting thud.
 
Thing 1 and Thing 2 …. Yes the loopy belongs in this category too but is MIA.
 
These don’t get used very often. I don’t like them. He doesn’t like them. End of story…..
 
The floggers? You want to know about the floggers? Yummy.
 
These are for fun and fun only. Never used for discipline. They look to scary. The first one is a soft doe skin flogger. Used full swing it has only a mild sting. It is the first one used in a session and feels like leather rain falling on my back. The next one is elk. It is the heaviest of the three and all thud. Used too hard it takes away my breath. Used just right, it prepares my skin for the third flogger. I’m not sure what it is made from but it is a thicker, stiffer leather. Cow hide? The falls are thinner and it bites like a snake. This is the one that leave the tiger strips across my back. Love my stripes. Purrrr…..
 
Tools for the future? Switches, belt and other leather implements. Used lightly of course. And in the far future? I want to feel the cutting sting of a bull whip on my back. One time, just to say I did it. Neither one of us likes the cane. It takes too many swings to get good coverage.
 
Our schedule has gone from crazy to insane. It will stay that way for a while unfortunately. Not sure how DD will go. He has been too tired and when he is home I just want to be in his arms. We have become more distant. Living parallel lives. I see it and now he does too.
 

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A Spanking Gone Wrong

He finally took the time to take care of my backside last night. Dragon wasn’t in a hurry but all I can say about is that it was bad.
 
WOWCHY
 
I wonder…. When I get spanked two or three times a week, it hurts but not as much. The swats are easier to take. I can stay in the position he puts me in without trying to wiggle away. When it has been a while, I just can’t do it. Before my skin was even warm, I was trying to get away. ….. Does my backside toughen up after a few regular sessions?
 
I think it does. I think the nerves in that most tender area shut down and deaden the pain of the paddle.
 
I could not stay still or quiet. He brought in a sexual element that I could not deal with. Sex. My mind could not comprehend the pain of the swats and the way he was touching me.
 
Should have called red.
Not sure why I didn’t.
 
Was it the length of time between spankings that made it so hard, my emotional state before the session or the sexual nature of the spanking that made it so hard. A combination of all three?
 
What was it about this session that left me feeling so disoriented? I’m not sure how I feel right now. I want to scream at him. I want to cry. I want to ….. I don’t know what I want to do.
 
One thing I am going to do is document every spanking I get in detail until I figure this out. What do I think went wrong? Sadness. I had been crying all day for the loss of a young woman. She was the same age as my Amber and had a baby boy. A life lost too soon and a little boy who will grow up without his mother. 
 
I wanted tenderness. I wanted him to understand. I wanted to be held.
 
 
 
 
 

Friday, September 30, 2011

Spanking (or lack of it)

Yes, this a DD blog. It is about our relationship as we figure this stuff out. This blog was started as we began to put our relationship back together after the Great Divide. We had a few years where we weren’t as close as we were before. Our marriage was as cold as ice. DD came after we started working to fix things between us. After we started dating again.
 
DD is still a part of our relationship, I think. Is it really though? I can feel myself going back to the way things were. Depression is creeping back. I can feel it creeping back like a dark cloud. My dirty mouth is back. As much as I try to contain it, without real consequences, there isn’t a reason to try.
 
Honestly we haven’t talked about DD very much lately. I haven’t mentioned it and neither has he. Stress relief happens when I ask for it. Life has been quiet around here. On the DD front. (not with my attitude) I promise, I’ll write a detailed post as soon as he steps back up to the plate. Every wiggle, every tear.
 
When he gets home tonight, I am going to talk to him. I am going to be the brave one. He has a tool box that has gone largely ignored.
 
Life sometimes gets in the way of living it. Even our camping trip last weekend was stress filled. It is time to put aside the crap, take out the garbage and figure this thing out. I need to get my one small task done and then get to my real to do list. I hope our talk tonight is productive. Somehow I bet it will end with a sore backside. MINE. Even knowing that, I don’t like were life is taking us. It is time to get back on track.

Time to get a wiggle on!
 

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I Love The Way You Love Me

17 years ago I was so scared.

September 29, 1994  we did the deed.  We made the vow to love each other in sickness and in health.  For better or for worse.  As long as we both shall live. 

He Crossed His Heart and promised to love me forever.
 
He told me that I am Beautiful

 
He told me I could still wear white


He Became the Father he didn’t have to be
 


And I do so dearly Love The Way He Loves Me.

 
 
I love music. It is one of the many ways Dragon speaks to my heart. When he can’t get the words out, he finds a song to say it for him. We eloped September 29th. On that day 17 years ago I was so scared. My heart was broken and damaged by cruel men. I was afraid to give love another chance. This man seemed too good to be true. Too kind. Too generous.
 
He isn’t perfect and you know I have my issues. What do we have? Each other.

Best friends.

Husband and Wife.

We made it one more year.


 
By Dragon's request.  One more song!  Love my man! ! !

 

Monday, September 26, 2011

His Arms


This has been a hard topic to write about. I keep trying but everything I write falls short. How can I tell you how good his arms feel wrapped around me? The comfort, the security, the love I feel when I am held so very close to his body?

I thought this would be an easy topic. That the emotion would imprint itself on the page as I write.
 
Nope. Not going to happen.
 
At night he would go to seep turned away from me. I have a small lamp on my side of the bed and usually fall asleep with it on. Every night around 11 I have an asthma attack. You can set your clock by it. I am sitting strait up in bed and he is snoring with his back to me. When my breathing returns to normal, I lay down and try to sleep.
 
With his back to me it is hard. I need to feel his arms around me. I need to know he is there.
 
Instead of pouting over his night time lapse, I said something. I asked him why he turns away now. And what does he do? He makes sure his arms are around me every night. As soon as I lay down I feel his weight shift as me moved to wrap me in his warmth.
 
In his arms

I feel loved. I know that I am his.
I feel secure. Chaos and worry do not exist
I feel warm. He warms my heart
I feel safe. Nothing can ever harm me when I am in his arms
In his arms I have learned to love and to trust another human being.
 

Thursday, September 22, 2011

serenity, forgivness and unconditional love

My daughter keeps dropping little bomb shells on me. “Granny said this.” “Granny did that.”
 
I know she needs to vent and I really do want to know what went on while she was gone. But I am getting just a little bits and pieces of the story at a time. Amber needs to talk about what went on. She wants me to know what my mother thinks about me. The whole truth.
 
How can I keep forgiving? When do I finally say enough? When is it time to confront my mother?
 
Those are the burning questions. I know my husband will never allow her to spend any unsupervised time with the kids. Not after this summer. She spent two months doing her level best to turn Amber against me. I don’t want to let her spend any time with the kids. EVER! But I know that is the wrong attitude.
 
I want to confront her. I know it will have to be done with a quiet voice and calmly.
 
Shhh.. What to know a secret?
 
Don’t tell.
 
I have a temper and this woman hurt my child. I am one mad momma bear. She tried to turn my own child against me. What am I supposed to do with that?
 
I want to scream. I want to tell her how much she has hurt me once again with her selfishness. I want to throw all those years of abuse back in her face and prove to her once and for all that I am NOT an abusive mother. That I am a good wife. I want to make her hurt as much as she hurt me. I want to make her listen. I want to make her love her only daughter.
 
It all comes down to one thing.
 
I am a Christian lady.
 
I can’t scream at her like a lunatic. I can’t make her love me. I can’t make her see past her hate and jealousy
 
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen
 
That says it all. I’ll keep my mouth shut. I will work on my bad habit of holding on to anger and resentment. I’ll pray for my mother and I’ll remember the lessons I have learned about unconditional love. If something needs to be said in the future, Dragon will by my side. He will say what needs to be said. He is head of our house hold and protecting us from harm is ultimately his job.
 
God can do all things.  In his love, I will find my way out of this darkness.  Healing will come.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Living 15 Minutes at aTime

Our schedule is hectic. Dragon is taking some classes in addition to working full time and local volunteer work. The kids play sports and home school is in full swing. I am dealing with a spiteful teen who doesn’t want to live at home but dearly wants the coveted high school diploma. It is enough to send any self-respecting lady scrambling for the nearest hiding place.

Yes, TTWD is still part of our home. A big part but with so much going on, it is limited to quiet warnings and the evil glair. He is gone more than he is home right now. Dragon comes home, eats supper, studies for a few hours and starts snoring before he falls into bed. Add to that, this week is a 12 day work week.
 
I can’t ask him for help with the kids or Mt Never-Rest. I can’t ask him for help with the anxiety building in my stomach. I have what feels like a permanent case of indigestion.
 
So……
 
Where does that leave me? With Fly Lady. She is an angel in this house. I can’t do the routines she has on her page but I can modify them. “Anything can be done in 15 minutes. “ Is one of my favorite Fly sayings. “Perfectionism is a disease.” is the other.
 
I can’t work for long periods of time. My health just won’t allow me to have a cleaning day. I have to break things down into 15 minute fly mission and 30 minute breaks. Those are the magic numbers for me. And since I expect the kids to spend 45 minutes per subject that works out perfectly. Everything is based on having a routine and not being a perfectionist about it.
 
Routine and timer. I can do that. Easy. It is the perfectionist part that gets me.
 
I can do this.
 
Breath.
 
It only takes one step to walk a thousand miles. I only have to think about the next step in my day not the million or so things on my to do list.
 
Ready?
 
Set the timer!
 
MOVE! ! ! !

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Where were you?

Where were you when the world stopped turning? That day had a huge impact on my life. Most of it I can’t talk about in blog land. Make of that what you will. It has changed my family forever. That day wont go away for me. It keeps coming back to hurt us. I don’t know how much more I can take.

Pray for the Fire fighters, police and the brave soldiers who fight for your freedom

Thank a soldier today.  And be sure to take time to honor those who were lost that day and the lives that have been lost fighting for your freedom.