Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Dominance Games

Every morning I get up at 5:00 to make Dragon's breakfast and pack his lunch.  Nothing fancy.  It is the same every day.  I wait for the shower to start and set the timer.  I have my routine timed perfectly.  By the time Dragon is putting on his shoes, I put his plate on the table and zip his lunch box.

He eats, we say a prayer together and he walks out the door for work.  Simple

This morning, after prayers, he grabbed my hands.  His grip was firm.  No getting away.  With a smile, he let go and left.  My foot needs to hurry up and heal!  I want to play
 

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

What a Week

I am very happy last week is over.  It was a wild one.  I didn't even manage to get spanked.  Not one time!  Always somewhere we needed to be.

Sunday was so busy I didn't even take care of me.  I woke up knowing it was going to be a long day.  We had a death in the family and needed to check on her husband and son.  Walking down the hall to the kitchen I felt something weird in my foot and down I went.  One of my sweet English Mastiffs caught me before I hit the floor.

I made it as far as the kitchen table and sat down. No coffee for me until someone else got up.  Every time I put pressure on my foot PAIN!  After breakfast Dragon taped my foot and one of my daughters helped me put on my shoe.  The tape made walking bearable.

Today is Tuesday and I have my foot propped up and iced.  I probably didn't help it any by ignoring it Sunday but I did what I had to do.

My guess is a stress fracture or a deep bruise for some unknown reason.  If I went to the doctor I would have a prescription I'm allergic to and orders to stay off of it as much as possible.  I may get a walking boot but probably not with my insurance.  Why bother. Either way it will be better soon.  Just no fun.

I can get around the house okay.  As long as I don't try to run a marathon or ride in the car all day again, I'll be fine.

Until I can walk without a limp, no funishments.  Blah.
No maintenance
No fun kinky play.
But I guarantee that punishment is still on the table.
Probably something that doesn't involve the paddle or belt.
Dragon is no fun

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Fabric Snob

Yep.  That's me.

My mother in law wants her kids, the grand kids and great grand kids color coded for an event in the fall.  Our color is green.  We can choose different blouses and shirts but they need to be green.

Challenge accepted.

First stop was the local mall and a few of my favorite stores.  Lots of blue, red  and white but not much green.

There are 8 of us that need to be green.  So far I found one blouse.  It's a start.

Why does Dragon call me a fabric snob?  I love high quality, natural fabrics.  Wool, silk, cotton and linen.  That's about it.  Man made fabrics feel nasty.

We were in one of my favorite boutiques.  Dragon watched me stand still a pet a blouse for almost 5 minutes.  I checked out the stitching, quality of the fabric and construction technique.

He had to laugh.  Not once did I wipe my hands on my cotton blouse.  He said that it looks like linen and since I didn't swipe my hands once, it must be.

I had to see if he was right.

Yep.  100% linen.

Figure that.  To bad it was white and not green.  I was broken hearted when I had to leave without it.  I love wearing white.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Moisture

I felt a little frisky.  It was well past midnight but Dragon didn't have to work the next day.  All is good.

Right?

Nope.  I just figured out another problem with this pause thing.

Moisture or should I say a lack of it?

I'm learning.


Sneezing leaks.  Check

Hot flashes. Check

Problems sleeping.  Check

Mood swings. Check

Dry.  Check

I haven't had this problem since breastfeeding.

It is inconvenient but nothing I haven't had to deal with before.

I just hope this stage doesn't last long.

Putting up with all this crap and a super heavy monthly is miserable.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Every Single Night

I must be going insane.

Every single night I go to bed exhausted from my day. I lay down with sweet dreams already forming.

Then it happens.

My feet get restless and my heart races.  I'm not nervous or worried about anything.  Life is good right now. It isn't a panic attack or anything else I understand.

Finally, the sleepies strike again and I lay down full of hope.  And I'm off to dream land.

Just kidding.

In my cool bedroom I pop back up burning hot.  It feels like I am standing on top of a sand dune mid August in Idaho.  113* plus heat index.  Nothing works to cool my burning skin.  A cool wish cloth.  A fresh glass of ice water.  Stripping naked.

Nothing helps.

Then the heart burn hits.

You have got to be kidding me!

Is this what getting older feels like?

If anyone else was still awake in my house I would scream at them just to get rid of some of the frustration.

The joke isn't funny.  It is miserable.


Friday, July 7, 2017

The Appellate Process

Any relationship that includes domestic discipline can get intense.  Yes, there are many advantages but communication has to flow in both directions.  We started the appellate process with our children.  Instead of laying down the law they have one last chance to give us information we did not previously have. It is our way to make sure our decisions are fair.

It works the same between us.  Dragon tells me why I am being punished and I have three choices
1.  Immediately submit
2.  Call for a time out that lets both of us calm down
3.  Appeal his decision.

In our house punishment happens immediately or not at all.  One of my appeals was on a date night.  We had tickets to the symphony.  It wasn't fair to go with a tear streaked face and it wasn't fair to make us both worry about it all evening.  I got a pass for the night.

Sometimes my appeals are shot down.  I dropped a dirty word in a very put place.  I tried it.  I made excuse after excuse but I knew I had earned a barn burner.  That is just what I got.  I didn't sit down for days.  Cussing is not lady like.  It was our very first rule.

The first time Dragon punished me for forget my seatbelt was on a snowy day in Idaho.  I argued that it isn't a rule.  I lost that argument.  First, it is the law.  Second, I agreed to the 4 Ds.  Seat belt use falls under dangerous.  I ended up with a very sore bottom and I didn't forget my seatbelt again for a very long time.

I have even called one punishment unjustified all together until I sat in time out with a very sore bottom.  I got frustrated with my Dragon.  I snapped at him, refused to listen and slammed the bedroom door.  After that spanking we added the cooling off period.  During the spanking I stayed defiant but after some time to think, I was in tears.   Dragon was ready with a hug and forgiveness.

This lifestyle isn't always easy.  I promise you, laying across his lap for a punishment is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Barring my bottom and accepting the consequences for my actions.  Just doing that much is almost punishment enough.  Knowing that I do have some choices helps.  We didn't begin DD to save our marriage.  Starting something like this when trust is shaky is probably not a good idea.  We brought DD into who we are because we don't ever want to get that close to divorce again.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

RED

We use safe words.  We use them for a reason.

I needed our weekly session.  I needed to feel it tomorrow.  And he knows it.

Light swats with the paddle. It was a stingy warm-up.  Then the belt.

All is good in my little world.

He went back to the paddle and it happened.

RED

A swat landed harder than expected.  Right on the sit spot.

I was done


No guilt

No anger

No fear

It happens

He respects my boundaries.  It's why TTWD works.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Happy Independence Day!


While you grill and feed the masses.  When you set off your fireworks and drink your beer, remember why we celebrate.

Freedom is not free.

We bought a few sparkles and smoke bombs for the kids to enjoy.  And I'm sure I will enjoy the fireworks caused by the paddle connecting to my backside.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

No Fun for Us

Independence week is hard for both of us for different reasons.  Some years we almost celebrate like a normal family.  Not this year.  Nope.

Dragon's PTSD is bad.  The sounds of the fire works, the smell of burning gunpowder and grills.  We celebrate the 4th with fire works to mimic the bombs and gun fire of a long ago war.  The sounds of war haven't changed that much.  A mortar round is still a mortar.  For Dragon, he is back in Afghanistan.  He isn't here with us.  He is far away reliving a nightmare I can't even imagine.

And let's add to the problem.  Because he has permanent damage from larium toxicity, the drugs used to treat PTSD don't work for him.  I have learned how to help him by changing his diet.  Absolutely NO MSG for one.  And I've added foods that are rich in the amino acids his brain needs to produce hormones.  I have done a lot of reserves trying to find anything to help.  Tremors, mood swings that make pregnant ladies look calm, panic attacks and flash backs.  The diet changes really help but every few months everything stops working.  Life becomes hell while his body re-sets.  Next week I'll reintroduce the foods that help and in a few days he will be back to normal.

But that doesn't help either of us this week.  Nothing we haven't done before.  Situation normal for a house with a combat vet.  FUBAR.  F@#$ed Beyond All Recognition.

This to shall pass.  We will both feel better after this holiday neither one of us feel much like celebrating.

Independence Day

As we celebrate our freedom this fine holiday, remember that freedom is never free.  Someone had to pay the ultimate price.

I'm not sure the video is going to work but it is Trace Atkins singing Arlington

Friday, June 30, 2017

The Day After

My backside is sore and still has a few marks.  Not as many as I expected but I am still feeling it!  Yesterday was a new beginning for us.  The first of many weekly reminders of what is really important.  I get caught up in family drama no matter how hard I try to stay out of it.  The stress builds and I fall apart.

This was a bad one.  Most of the time these sessions will be more erotic than pain.  This one had to be hard.  It wasn't a punishment but the stress has been building for a long time.  I needed for him to be the strong one and not stop until he felt my surrender. I couldn't ask for it.  Who in their right mind would?  But I did give my consent.  One word would have stopped everything instantly.

I'm not sure if he will stick with once a week or add more days in.  This is part of being Taken in Hand.  Surrendering the control.  Handing it over to him.  It takes absolute trust.  For now Thursday is the official day of our re-set.  He may even make it random to keep me guessing.

I just finished a little workout and I need to jump in the shower before Dragon gets home.  For some reason the impressa is a little uncomfortable today.  I think it will take my body a few days to readjust since I went a full week without it.  A warm shower and I'll be back on my feet.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

The Re-Set Button

Remove your clothes.

Do you know I love you?

I do this because you need to cry.

You have needed this for a long time.

What are your safe words?

And the worst spanking Dragon has ever given me began.  I don't know how many swats he gave me but there was no warm up. The only warning I had that this one was going to be different was his pre-spanking speech.

First the paddle.  Left, right and again right on the sit spot.

5 Don't move.  These are really going to hurt but you can do it.   You need this.

Yes I did need it but that didn't make it any easier to take.

His hand eased the sting before more swats fell.  It felt like my backside was on fire.  Like I couldn't take another swat but he didn't stop.

3 You can do this.

The paddle cracked across the sit spot.  He has never given me more than a few mild swats there.  WOW it is sensitive!  Understatement of the year.

More swats with the paddle.  Not soft but not as hard.  Then I heard his belt being pulled free from the belt loops.  A distinctive sound.  The first swat fell softer than the paddle but that didn't last for more than 10 strokes.  Then he really got down to business.

Things I learned
*The paddle was the warm-up.
*I can take a harder spanking than I ever imagined
*Dragon is capable of delivering justice
*The belt also makes contact with other bits.
     Startling but not necessarily painful
*I'm absolutely sure I don't want to earn a punishment if that was just a 're-Set.

My bottom is very sore.  I have no desire to put on panties or jeans.  And he was right.  That was just what I needed.




Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Punishment

What does it look like at house?

He whispers in my ear.  "You just broke _________ rule. You know what that means."  I usually reply with a no please or ask for another chance.  If I have a very good reason he may change his mind.

At the first opportunity he administers the punishment.

D:  Do you know why you are being punished?
r:  Yes sir
D:  Do you know I love you and would never do anything to hurt you?
r: Yes sir.

I hate hate hate the punishment.  If Dragon sees terror in my eyes everything stops.  Anger or if I look resigned to my fate the punishment happens.  I still have safe words but RED won't get me out of a punishment.  It will just delay things while he figures out what is wrong.

Then he has me remove or drop my pants and panties and puts me in the position of his choice.  Laying down, standing with my hands in a chair or across his lap.  When I'm in position he tells me how bad it is going to be.   30  swats or more.  And he shows me what he is using.  His hand, one of our paddles or a strap.

Sometimes he lectures as he strikes my behind.  Sometimes he gets it overwith in silence.  It depends on his mood.  When he is finished he pulls me into his arms and if the waterworks didn't start with the lecture, they make up for lost time.  His gentleness after the spanking is over does me in.

Last comes what could be called corner time but he doesn't usually put me in a corner.  He sits me down on my burning behind in silence. He leaves my sight but stays close.  Punishments are intense for both of us and this gives me time to cope with the flood of emotions.  Resentment, anger, guilt or shame.  I cry even harder and eventually calm down.

Then and only then is the punishment over and we end up making love.  Tender, loving and absolutely amazing.

He sometimes asks me why I want a domestic discipline relationship.  Every time I tell him it is the love make afterwards.  And that is what I miss most.   That is why we keep coming back to it time after time.

I love my Dragon so very much and trust him absolutely.


Monday, June 26, 2017

Shhhhh it's a dirty little secret

Shhhhh
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.
.
.
We aren't supposed to talk about it
.
.
.
.
It's a secret.
.
.
.
.
.
It's embarrassing.
.
.
.
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But it's happening to me now!

What is?

Stress incontinence.

It was a small problem and has been for years.  A few drops with a sneeze, laugh or cough.

But now it is a big problem.

My daughter came to visit.  Our granddaughter was celebrating her first birthday and she wanted to share it with us.  A huge honor.  But my daughter started getting sick somewhere around the state line.  I was the first to get sick after she arrived.  This was the kind of tummy bug that you don't trust a fart.  You sit on the throne with the garbage can between your knees.

Thanks child of mine.  That's just how I wanted to celebrate!

No.  Not really...

After I finally recovered from the bug it didn't take long to discover that the stress incontinence was now a major problem.  Panty liners weren't enough.  A single sneeze ment a change of clothes.  If that wasn't enough I somehow ended up with pneumonia.

Fun times.

Cough, pee, cough, pee.

I was constantly changing clothes.

I did what I do and figured out what I needed. #3 poise pads and the Impressa sizing kit.  The poise web page and you tube were my main resources.  Quick fix.  That's what I needed.

With my head down and in a small voice, I told Dragon what was wrong and what I needed.

He headed right out to the store and got what I needed!  He understands!  He knows why I feel shame even if I shouldn't.

Now more than a month later my control is much better but still not as good as it was.  I am just one step up from a liner.  Poise #2 pads are basically liners.  Just a little longer and wider.  Very thin.  And I love the impressa.  I have more confidence now in public.  I don't have to limit liquids or avoid laughing.

The tummy bug was kind of a blessing.  I am talking about it with Dragon.  I'm not ashamed of something I can't control and I'm taking steps to fix it.

No, surgery is not an option for me.  I have seen it go very wrong. And after my misadventures with an IUD, Dragon won't pressure me to do it.  I have non surgical options now.  What a relief!  I can live in comfort with confidence!

Ps. Impressa is sold by Poise.  It is similar to a pessary device but is sold over the counter.  It was developed to treat stress incontinence.  The device comes in three sizes and poise sells a kit to help you find your size.  After 8 pregnancies and 4 births, I am a size 1.  The smallest one.

I was using them every day but now that my control is improving, I am using the device just when I leave the house.  Shopping, the gym, going for a walk.  Yes, it helps that much.  My only regret is that I didn't discover it sooner!

Don't let incontinence be a taboo subject.  It is a very real problem for so many women.  Talk about it and share solutions.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Crime and Punishment

Our rules are simple and cover EVERYTHING!  But that's why they are so common in DD relationships.  The 4 Ds of discipline.

Dishonesty- don't lie, not even by omission
Disrespect- be respectful and not just to him
Dangerous- seatbelt!!!!
Disobedience-  so much falls under this rule

Dragon hates punishing me but he also believes that the punishment should fit the crime.

Dishonesty-    usually I lie about food.  I go anna and start skipping meals.  Not a big deal until I make myself sick.  For a few weeks I get reminder swats in the morning.  That is enough to make me eat.  I really don't like punishment spankings.

Seatbelt use.  It is really just me being forgetful but he calls it disrespect, dangerous and disobedience.  He lets it slide sometimes but if he has to remind me to often that spanking isn't fun.  I feel the effects for a week and don't forget my seatbelt for a long time.

Swearing falls under disrespect and disobedience.  Add in dishonesty too because I tend to deny the crime.  I'm very happy he isn't into mouth soaping.  Figging and the paddles come out for this one.
8
Sometimes he will surprise me with a punishment.  It violates one of the 4 basic rules but I just didn't think about it.  He usually just gives me a warning but sometimes he wants to get to the seat of the problem.

If I confess something but he doesn't consider it anything major Dragon will ask if I need a spanking for it. If I say yes he will ask what kind.  It doesn't really matter what I say though. He gives me what I need.  Anything from a gentle reminder to a barn burner.  He decides.

My Dragon is always fair.  Sometimes I disagree with a punishment but after the spanking I change my mind and apologize. He is starting to get more creative with consequences.  Corner time is now an option. Clothing restrictions and silent punishment.  Not pleasant, I can tell you!

It is what it is.  I am Taken in Hand by my Head of Household.  The way we do it doesn't have to even resemble what anyone else is doing.  It is about relationship and what works for the couple involved. It took me a while to figure that out.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Rope

Tonight's adventure was jute rope, hand twisted by my Dragon.  I don't know how he does it but it was soft with just a little bite.

We had planned to experiment with his belt but real pain stopped impact before it started.  Oh well.  It has been forever since we played with the ropes.  Dragon knows me.  I play hard but we have to ease back into it.  He tied my legs together nice and tight.  After he showed me how to untie the knot it was time to watch a movie.

He loves watching me squirm. Flex, point, flex point, bend knees, flex point.  Wiggle, squirm, sigh.  That little bit of bondage put me straight into sub space.  I had the silk rope in my hands. Not tied.  Just a fidget tool.

I made it. As the ending credits rolled I untied the ropes around my legs.  Sweet relief.  Next time he adds my hands. Yikes.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Getting Back into the Swing of Things

We had a few false starts and some missteps but we are finally back.  We are beginning to play again and bringing domestic discipline back into the mix.    Baby steps.  You would think that we are a new couple just beginning to explore.

The floggers came out first.  A rain of leather across my back.  Very gentle the first few times.  Now the paddles are coming back.  Even the hated plexiglass. I took about 10 stiff swats last night.  Several of them to the most sensitive sweet spot. I know.  It wasn't very many but I managed to stay in place without restraints!  Progress

Dragon says that punishment will come back when he is sure I am ready.  None of the rules have changed but I still want to review them before my backside pays the price for a memory lapse.  He has added more possibilities too.  Corner time, kneeling, clothing restrictions and a few more than aren't coming to mind right now. He says that the punishment should fit the crime.  Now that has me worried but not to much.  Dragon is never abusive and watches me very close during any type of punishment to make sure I am handling it okay.

For now discipline is a hard look, firm words and a hand on my backside.  He wants me to remember that my actions have consequences.  One day soon he is going to decide it is time to reintroduce punishment spanking.  Honestly, I'm not looking forward to it but I know it's time.  If he decides to punish me tonight I'll bend over the bench and take what I deserve.  It has been a long time in coming.

 I'm tempted to confess my poor eating habits and ask for one just to get that first session over with.  It has been over 4 years since I had a good punishment.  A few minor sessions, yes but the last paddling that left me in a puddle was that long ago!  Next time he asks if I need a punishment, the answer will be yes.  I think we both need it.

More latter.  I need to get to work.  I am behind on everything!

Thursday, June 22, 2017

I'm Back!

Life?  Crazy insane!  My granddaughter turned one.  Kids growing up faster than I can keep up.  PTSD crisis.  Car trouble.  Major pay cut.  And a family emergency in another state.  Blag.

One day at a time.

We are finally getting back into the swing of things.  Blogger, flogger, paddles and all the things that make me go yum.

More latter.  I am still dealing with very bad headaches and right now my head is pounding.  More latter.  I promise.  And this time I'll share email address as soon as I figure out how to change it on blogger.

I'm sorry for disappearing for so long.