On other blogs I read women say that it is a choice. Punishment. Whether I choose to obey or disobey is a choice. Therefore, I choose to be punished or I choose to be praised. What??? Is it really? He makes the rules as we go. When he sees something that is important to him, he makes it a rule and all rules are spank able offences.
It feel like he is really getting into the swing of things this week. Pun intended. With three new rules that he knows are hard for me. : / I want to call him a jack ass but I did ask for this. It was my idea…. Right? It doesn’t matter that he was on the verge of bring it up himself. The only thing we added were punishment spankings. He already had a few rules for me and a daily task. He put me in “time out” quiet often, though we didn’t call it that and he frequently took away privileges. Who knew we were already practicing DD?
All of my rules fall under the four Ds. Even if something isn’t a specified rule but falls under the Ds, I can be punished for it. Imagine my surprise when I realized that?
Join in family activities when told to
*Complete the daily task or chore
Submit to his authority and do what I am told
*I am to keep my stuff off of his side of the bed
Act like a lady
Be respectful to all family members
Be respectful to others outside of our family
Do not pick a fight with the Dragon
No slamming doors or throwing objects in anger
Do not walk away with an issue unresolved
And the forever popular…. don’t’ whine
This one is not a huge issue but I do get in trouble for it
I lie about the task of the day getting done promply
I lie about getting out of bed on time
I lie about taking my asthma meds
I hide my level of pain (this one gets me in the most trouble)
Seat belt use
*Taking my asthma meds on time
I must go to bed at a reasonable hour
I must eat 3 meals a day or 6 snacks
(*new this week)
As I look at my list of rules, I am shamed that these rules are needed but a little proud too. Why? Even with so many rules made out of necessity, he doesn’t have to spank me very often. The weekly reminders are getting harsh because I have a hard time getting out of bed. Depression is hard to fight. He fights it with the paddle on my backside. When it looks like I am slipping he has a reminder session. Wowchy. Those are the ones he has to hold me down for. It is impossible to stay still with that much pain being inflicted on my poor backside. Since he has increased the severity of the weekly sessions, I know I don’t want to see what he in mind for punishment.
Some how It feels like Dragon has really stepped up to the plate in the last month. He hasn’t punished me but I work very hard to avoid it. I hate the paddle when it is used that way. I hate the way I feel. The shame, anger and hurt. It is a flood of negative emotions before I get back to that submissive, happy place. I hate the hurt look on his face. That determined look to do what needs to be done. I hate being told to drop my pants, bare my backside and get into position for punishment. It is shameful and humiliating. Did I mention that it hurt? That paddle striking my backside repeatedly really, really hurts. Nothing erotic or sexy about it.
I know it all sounds horrible. Believe me. Punishment is. But knowing that my man cares enough to do it makes me feel loved. TTWD has brought harmony to our home. Something that was never there before. Even though we have always had rules and accountability, this new level makes it real. The consequences can not be ignored. He isn’t overly strict but does expect my complete obedience. Dragon isn’t a controlling man. I am allowed to be my own person. I’m not a door mat, a slave or a chess pieces. He simply expects me to follow the household rules. That is reasonable.
So why do I feel like such a brat this week? Rebellious and defiant? Shhh don’t tell him. I am working hart to be obedient even though I don’t want to do it. With three new rules just this week, I don't think this is going to end anytime soon.
Every get the feeling that your HOH is looking for a reason to wear your tail out? Yep. I got that feeling right now.