Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Trust part II

We are back from our week in the mountains, not just looking at them in the distance. It was a nice getaway even if it did snow two times. It was cold and too wet to do anything outside until our last two days there. Lots of cuddle time spent under the blankets and too much time for my mouth to get me in trouble. Oh well. It was going to happen eventually anyway.

I have to admit that I was surprised by the force of emotion I felt after being punished. Angry? Why? I asked for this didn’t I? So why am I angry at him? I long to reconnect with him the way other woman do after a session. The problem is that I don’t want to be helped. I want to sit down, pout and complain about what an unfair @$$ he is. I want to feel submissive after it is over, not resentful. I want to reconnect, not pull further away. (can I please have it both ways?  without the extra swats, corner time and tears?)

Is it possible? Can that happen for us? I don’t know. Sitting here beside him, I am afraid to hope. A punishment or any session for that matter, ends when I say, “I can’t take it anymore.” What I should be saying ?

I trust you to do what needs to be done.
I trust you not to go too far.
I trust you not to hurt me.
I trust you to be there for me when it is over.
I trust you enough to let you see my tears.
I trust you enough to fully submit.
I trust you …..

That is all I should say. Not the defiant words that come out of my mouth when he tells me to bare my backside. I shouldn’t tell him when the punishment is over, when I have had enough. I am clearly not a good judge of that. Not when I’m still angry several hours latter. Instead of dropping my pants but leaving my panties in place, I should obey.

For now I am going set a few goals. Things I want to change in myself.

1. Not use the words, “I can’t take it anymore.”

2. Be still even when the swats are coming hard and fast

3. Bare my backside when he tells me too with No defiance.

Maybe I should just work on one at a time. Hmmm. He doesn’t know about this list or this post. Not yet anyway. The goals I set are scary when I think about his words. He has decided that it is time to break the tear barrier as it is called in or house. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stick to any of my goals but after all they are goals. Something to work toward, Right?


PS. Based on yesterdays session, he is good to his word. In the garage, with the door locked for privacy. He placed a chair in front of me and sat down. “drop um.” I went a few steps further and stood nude for his inspection. He pulled me across his lap, positioned my backside to his satisfaction and gave me the hardest hand spanking he has ever given me. He pulled the skin tight and hit that sit spot over and over. Dragon was quite pleased with the results. Tears stung my eyes but did not fall. I used those awful words. You know the ones. :/ Got to work on that one. I’ll do better next time? (not sure what that spanking was about. Punishment? No. but it wasn’t a regular stress relief either)

Today, I am wearing panties I hate and he loves. Dragon didn’t tell me to. I am doing it just to please him. A little discomfort on my part is worth the sexy grin on his face. I wish thongs were more comfortable….


  1. I hope he doesn't take the thong as an excuse to spank....


  2. I like the idea of setting goals. I wish I could submit calmly but usually I protest, struggle, and feel defiant. But not after. I am taking baby steps to stay calm and in position but I have a long way to go for this goal.

  3. Baby steps. He is moving slowly into the life style and gives me time. It is still hard to drop those panties. I hear of other wives submitting and want what they have.

  4. yes i like the goal setting idea. Its a strange thing - i asked for this but when the time comes im reluctant, i drag my feet to get into position, i cant stay in position and i wiggle and resist. I wish i could if not get into position without reluctance but stay in position and not try and deflect the spanks with my hand. And like Stormy - afterwards is when i feel completely submissive, calm, loving and respectful and thankful.