Saturday, April 20, 2013

A Note to Dragon

I love you with all my heart.  A spanking, even a punishment will not change that.  It will only strengthen us.  You have seen that in the past.  It will help both of us.  Just because I don't agree doesn't mean you can't push.  If you insist, I will submit.  You made a rule and I broke it.  Even if I think it should be an exception to rule, you are probably right and I am wrong.

So what if I get mad at you?  Isn't pouting against the rules too?  You have threatened to spank for pouting before.  My bottom won't break of you spank me twice in day.  I have safe words and you know when I start to panic.  Wait a bit and let me calm down, then get my backside!

I depend on you for so very much.  You deserve my very best.  When I fall short of your expectations you have some powerful tools in your hands.  I would never love you any less for using those tools to redden my backside.

It is too cold in the garage?  You have spanked me over jeans before and if I get too cold that might just be a little encouragement not to do disappoint you again.  

Owch that hurts!  Well... isn't it supposed to hurt?

I don't deserve it this time?  Oh?  What is different about this time?  It is against the rules.  Who gets to decide if it is an exception to the rule or not?  Apparently I wasn't a very good judge of my behavior to begin with.  That is why it is a rule.   

You are tired from work?  Now that I do understand.  My punishment doesn't have to be a punishment for you too.  Lines?  Corner time?  What would please you?  Your naked wife curled up in your arms?  That works too.  

This is the part where I submit to you.  So why am I writing this?  Seeing your shoulders drop when I get defiant.  That breaks my heart but I keep doing it.  I know you can't force my submission any more than I can force your dominance.

I promise to do better.  The next time I earn a punishment, when you call me on bad behavior, I will do my very best to not argue myself out of it.  I will do my very best to be an adult and accept the consequences for my actions.


14 comments:

  1. Its takes taking and giving, I know.

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    1. yes it does. And I have been doing more than fair share of taking. Not sure how Dragon will react to my post. I guess I'll find out when he gets home from work.

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  2. We all let our beloved's down at some time or another. It's part of love. It's great that you have a method to restore the balance.

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    1. I let him down much more often than he lets me down. In a way, I don't want him to see this post. I may end up with a sore backside. Believe it or not, I really DO NOT like punishment. However, seeing his shoulders drop is harder to take than any punishment I have ever had.

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  3. I can imagine you hate to see his shoulder drop because you don't want to disappoint him.

    FD

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    1. We had a good talk and exchanged ideas. I think things will improve. We both have issues to work on.

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  4. I just caught up on the last 3 post. I hope you get your diagnosis soon. I have fibromyalgia and it wasn't diagnosed for several years. It's when I started having really sore pressure points in areas that didn't make any sense. I was in a car accident that hurt my lower back. They treated it but could not find any evidence of medical abnormality other than my pain. I felt like a hyperchondriac because there was always something else that hurt. Sometimes it's the over-doing, sometimes the under-doing, sometimes it's the stress, sometimes there's a lot of stress and not so much pain, and much of the time there is no explination for the pain at all. I have a few pressure points that aren't on the chart. I would recommend going to a rheumatologist. Fibromyalgia is an autoimune disorder, and they specialize in diagnosing. There are different conditions that can cause some of the same type symptoms. The sooner you get diagnosed, the sooner you can address what you need to do to make things best they can be. You will have to be VERY honest in DD for it to work, when you have a chronic pain illness. He needs to learn to ask questions before punishment. There are times you really DON'T feel like doing certain things, and there are times that you have some pain, but not to prevent you to accomplish what you need to do, or at least a modification. I tell my husband that he helps me by expecting me to do and holding me accountable. Chronic pain can cause depression and both can make you just want to go to bed. I would probably sleep through life if he wasn't there for me. Well, I say that but sleeplessness is part of the problem. My doctor had to give me something to help me sleep. I will be praying that you get your answers sooner than later. I will tell you what my rheumatologist told me.. "I know it seems cruel to tell a person, who hurts all the time, to exercise, but my patients who do end up doing better with less pain". I joined a all ladies' gym that has an indoor pool. The pool and whirlpool help. Regular pain meds do not help. Meds that are specifically made for nerve pain help. Same kind of meds given for diabetic nerve pain. Some doctors still don't understand FM. Find one who does. Love and prayers, Belle L.

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    1. I have been trying to find out what is wrong for about 8 years. I am not ready to quit yet. I want the pain to end. Dragon is very careful with me. Constantly checking in. That is why I have safe words even with punishment. If he has any doubts, everything stops. He is more understanding than I deserve. If the house isn't clean, his first concern is for me.

      Thanks. A rheumatologist is one kind of doctor I haven't seen yet.

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  5. I think he will probably see that this has been a hard week, with things in the world going on, and with uncertainty about your health. Fear, uncertainty and nebulousness are triggers for me, they can make me do crazy things. I believe he sees you and will see in your heart that things are wearing on you I think he will see your heart and intent and will love you all the more for giving him this gift. And I think no matter what happens you can count on ending up in his arms.

    (((hugs))) you'll get through this together.

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    1. I spent the night curled up in his arms. I think we worked things out. He understands that I still need to feel his dominance even when I don't feel good. Sometimes that is when I need it the most.

      One step at a time. With Dragon at my side, we will make it.

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  6. Hey Rose...late to the party but your last sentence in your reply to June says it all...one step at a time with your Dragon by your side! I have faith in you two and your love...you will make it.

    Sending lots of prayers and healing energy your way.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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