Sunday, October 29, 2017

His Rules

Something I didn't accept when we first started practicing Domestic Discipline is that he is totally in charge.  Yes, I have my safe words.  Those can stop even see well deserved punishment immediately. But he is still the one in charge.  He makes the rules, not me. 

The basic framework is built on the 5 Ds.  We don't really think about them.  They are so basic that we don't need to.  There are only two rules that are specific.  No cussing and seatbelt use. 

The cussing rule came after a hard deployment.  The seatbelt rule came up during a very nasty winter.  That is the rule that usually gets me in trouble.  If the warning ding happens in a parking lot, I'm okay.  But if I get caught on the highway nothing can get me out of the paddling. 

I broke the second rule last night.  Only a warning from Dragon kept me out of serious trouble.  I got off with a crooked smile and a stern lecture.  My bottom is thankful. 

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Beating Depression

I can't fight with my health.  There are times that my body just says enough.  That is when I fall into a funk.  It is very hard to pull myself out of it but I have to live! 

I am one of those odd people that actually likes working out.  Endless running, walking or aerobics isn't my thing.  My lungs say nope.  Once my pulse rate hits a certain bpm, I'm done. 

Right now my endurance and energy levels are very low.  I'm starting over.....  again....

That's okay.  I know what to do. 

I thought about turning to Beach Body.  They sell great workouts that are mostly cardio.  See the problem?  And the entire company is based on a pyramid scheme.  Not something I really want to support.  I might actually go for it if the products weren't so overpriced. 

When I started looking for a fitness guide to follow this time, Dragon reminded my how effective the Buff Dudes schedule was.  Their eating plan is for men looking to add bulk.  Not my goal at all.  I already know how to eat clean.   I like the original 12 week plan.  It is available on pdf and is free.  The equipment I need is waiting for me in the garage. 

When I build lean muscle mass, the fat melts away, my endurance spikes, I sleep better and feel better.  All endless cardio does for me is shape my backside a little and make me tired. 

Tomorrow, I am rearranging my workout space.   The bench needs to be more convenient to use.  The mats need to be cleaned and things need to be organised a little better.  Yep, I'm a perfectionist. 

Gotta start somewhere. 

Saturday, October 14, 2017

A Stolen Moment

Dragon's favorite place to study is my cave in the garage.  Surrounded by workout equipment, a punching bag and targets punched full of holes.

It is quiet out there.  A place the kids avoid.

I needed to get some hand sewing done on a project, so I joined him.  We both worked in silence for over an hour.  He closed his computer and gently put my project back in my basket.

It was time play.

He picked up the paddle and I removed the clothing that just seems to get in the way. It wasn't the longest or hardest paddling I've ever had but it sure did feel good.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

What a Crazy Life

Dragon in school, kids sports, music, school work.  All the things that make life hectic and rewarding and just plain worth living.

But my head is spinning.  Going a million different directions.  I love it and I hate it.

Then I realize it is all about to change

I honestly only have one school aged kid.  Yep.  Just one.

The girls are all 18 and older.

One last year of high school sports for my 18 yo.  One last season of music lessons.

They are growing up so fast.

What is next?

I have to let them go but I feel so lost.  I guess this is what growing pain feels like.  I'll figure it out.  

Thursday, October 5, 2017

The Media

Once upon a time Dragon was a professional firefighter.  In his off time he volunteered at our little hometown department.  One day the fire he responded to was just a few houses down from our home.  That is the day that I learned not to listen to the media.

I was an eye witness to the spread of the flames but not how it started.  I told the reporter what the home owner said to me.  She left shortly after speaking with me.

Listening to the evening news was more like a game of telephone in elementary school.  The final news report was what the final kid in line whispered back to the teacher.  It didn't even resemble what the reporter witnessed or heard.  It was so far from reality that I thought she was talking about another home fire.

Now I'm listening to fantasies about the awesome power of a simple AR with a bump stock.  Huge exaggerations and pure fiction. I hear what the mainstream media is saying but then eye witnesses are telling other sources what they saw.

Ring ring

Be careful what you believe.

We don't have a gun problem.  We have a hate problem.  We have a media problem feeding the hate for ratings.  Hate and rage makes for huge profits.  Don't be fooled.

Sunday, October 1, 2017


Shame is a huge reason for the pause.  Dragon's busy schedule is part of it but not even the biggest issue.

In a word?  Incontinence.

Actually it is all that comes with it.

Silly I know.

I'm not shy about the Impressa devices.  That is just a little string visible. Not a big deal.  What makes me push Dragon away are the pads.  Impressa comes with a time limit.  8 hours.  12 hours at the absolute most.  With the devices I use a pad about the size of a panty liner.  Just a little bigger but not by much.  When I have to go without the devices is another story.  For me to feel confident that my clothes will stay clean I use a much larger pad.

90% of the time the smaller ones would be enough but occasionally it isn't.  That's why I started using protection to begin with.  I had an accident away from home and had no way to change clothes.

I'm fine with Dragon seeing the little string and the thin liner but the heavier pads make me duck my head in shame.  He knows that I use them.  Heck, he buys them for me most of the time.

I just can't do it.  Until today I haven't told him. But I finally confessed.  "What can I do to help" was his response.  That has been his attitude with all of this.  Helpful, kind and gentle as always.

He doesn't deserve my rejection.  I just don't know how to get past this.

I'm sure he will come up with something.  Love my man just a little.