Saturday, June 30, 2012

Lack of Privacy!

I NEED a spanking so bad.  Even a barn burner.  Something!  Anything!  But we have NO privacy.  Absolutely none.  We are still staying with SIL.  We will be here until we find a camp ground closer to Dragons new job.  Even less privacy then!

My bottom has that itch and I feel like I am about to explode!  It is getting so bad that I am about to ask for the icy hot and clamps.  Yes it is THAT bad.

I miss my hytochi.  I left it for the movers to pack.  Taped up in a box ready to go!  I had no idea I would miss it this much.  I miss the unique stimulation it gives me.  Nothing else feels quite like it.  I miss our paddles and the privacy to use them.  Dragon still gives me "the look" but with nothing to back it up with....  it doesn't mean much.


I can't live like this for long.

Yes, I think i will ask for the icy hot and clamps.  At this point I can't be too picky, now can I?

Thursday, June 28, 2012

We made it

We made it cross country!  I ended up driving the entire way.  Yuck.  I guess there is only one way to learn how to pull a camper.  That is to do it!  2000 miles, 3 major cities and one blown engine!  It is good to be back in the south.

Some how it still doesn't seem real.  There is still so much uncertainty.  Pray.  There is another glitch with the job.  House hunting will begin very soon.

I need to go.  Privacy is nonexistant right now.  We are staying with Dragon's sister.  I don't think she likes me very much.  If I don't respond to every response, please forgive me.  I'm trying.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Eating Disorders

Non DD and not kinky.  Sorry

I saw this artical today and found it interesting.  ED strikes older women too.  Finally!  The medical profession is seeing what I already knew.

There is a lady in my small town that had gastric by pass surgery.  She is VERY thin.  Skeletal and feels like a million bucks.  Trust me, I know the feeling.  Every pound lost makes you feel better.  And it is always just one more pound.  Just one more and I will be the perfect weight.  I know this but I worry about her.  She is too thin, doesn't feel good and seems to be leaving her family behind in the process.  The hardest part is that her children are paying the highest price.  She went from morbid obesity to the other end of abnormal.

My message?  Ladies, you are beautiful in the skin you are in.  Beautiful comes in all shapes and sizes.  It isn't limited to skeletal models or bean poles.  And don't let a few pounds change who you are.  It is better to be fat and happy than thin and mean.  Live life to the fullest no matter what size you are.

My weight yo-yos.  Up and down.  I need to get this lesson.  I need to learn it too.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Memory Swats???

Why?  I have been good.  I thought I was being good.  Yes?

It was at the end of a long day.  Packing, sorting and trips to the dump.  Home repairs and separating kid fights.  Doggy diarrhea and kitten drama.  I didn't exactly keep a smile on my face.  Yes, I did yell at a few of the kids and threatened to put a diaper on the dane.

The kids were finally in bed.  The doors locked and the animals fed.  We had planed a fun, play spanking a few days before but it never happened.  I thought that is what this was going to be.


Not a chance....

After many mild to middlin swats (yes, middlin is a word.  Ask any southerner) he said those awful words.  "Memory Swats" and gave me a number.  He counted them off one at a time.  In the same spot over and over.  With just enough time between swats to make it sting to full effect.

My eyes leaked the tears that had threatened to fall all day.  Not the full out cry I really need.  Enough to dampen my eye lashes.

I did feel better after it was over.  Dragon said that needed to remember what they felt like.  After all, they are called memory swats.  We won't have much privacy for the next month.  I guess he is trying to get a few good swings in before the movers pack away all the paddles.

ps,  I will have all the kinky stuff pre-packed and secured in a double taped box.  I seem to always forget something.  Good thing kink is going main stream but I still don't want a bunch of strangers seeing or handling my toys.  Yikes!

Monday, June 18, 2012


We have been working on our driving plan to go south.  Who drives which truck, when and how far.

OH S#@$  It looks like I am going to drive pulling our camper most of the way.  I have only pulled it short distances and only on our little back roads.  Guess this means I'll have to learn on the road.  Three major cities are on our path cross country.  Not too bad I guess.  I am happy I am not trying to do this in our old SUV.  That would be miserable.  And I don't have to drive my daughters standard.

Lots of mountains and steep drop offs, cross winds and winding roads.  Oh joy.  The good part is that we won't be packed in. My husband and oldest daughter in her truck.  Me and the other 3 kids in mine.


The motorcycle will be on the trailer.  Poor thing.  The battery charged and a full tank of gas.  Ready to ride but strapped down.  I'll have to take her for a ride when we get to our new home.

I have been looking at rent prices. All I can say is OH CRAP!  $$$$$  everything is so high.  I can't even afford a card board box in an ally!  We are moving to an area that is booming.  An area that the recession barley touched.

I have faith though.  Something will come up one way or another.  I don't want something fancy.  4 walls and a roof sounds good to me.

So much to do and so little time to do it all in.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Fathers Day

To those of you who are fathers, Happy Fathers Day!

Here at my house, it is just another day.  Packing, cleaning and repairing.  We don't celebrate Valentines day and this was our first year of ignoring mothers day too.  I have to tell you, it is a relief!  Just another day in Dragon's house.  No fake cheer or false celebrating.  

Breakfast and dinner as usual.  Life goes on.


Friday, June 15, 2012


Laughter is the best medicine of all.   It cures nervousness, chases away sadness and demolishes a bad mood.   When times get tuff, we get silly.  Here is a silly little song me and my oldest daughter came up with in a moment of pure goofyness.

No offence intended please.  We are both blessed in the boobage department!   A little too blessed maybe? My girls are racing to my knees and Amber had just noticed a little sag on her youthful chest.

What did we do about our sad situation?

Yep....   We sang a song!

Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder
like a Continental soldier!
Do your boobs hang low?

See?  I told you it was a silly song.

Yes, you are allowed to feel sorry for my husband and son in a house full of girls.

Poor things.  They were totally scandalized.

Packing is coming along.  One room at a time.  We worked in the garage today and I helped the girls some in their room.  The bathroom needs to be painted and the porch rails need a coat of paint.  Those two jobs will be a team effort.  We figured out why the tail lights don't work when we hook it up to my daughters truck.  A broken wire!  That is fixed.  Now we can travel at night if we need to.  The small kennel is fixed.  The top rotted and needed to be replaced.  So I made a new top for it.  No jumping out of it now!

I need to make a list of things to do.  Things like calling the doctor to get a copy of our medical records.  Don't want to do that but we need to.  My first appointment when we get settled into our new home is the allergist.  Gotta keep the asthma and allergies under control!

Have you watched the movie Tangled?  The star runs away from her tower and is torn by her decision.  One moment she is trilled and the next crying bitter tears.  That is me right now.  I want to stay but I want to be in the south too.  I miss being close to family.  I miss the beach.

This move is bitter sweet for sure.

Pass a tissue please?  I need it.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Hanging on

I am hanging on so tight my fingernails are bleeding.   A headache put me out of commission yesterday.  STRESS! And now a migraine is making its presence known.

GIVE ME A BREAK!  I have to get this house ready to pack out.  The camper has to be packed.  I have to figure out how to pack my bernina in the camper and get the Happy boxed up.  (huge professional embroidery machine)  I helped my son sort his toys this morning and moved fabric around my sewing room.   Sorting, flinging, packing and stacking.

I am not sure how happy the kids are about spending a few weeks with their grandmother.  She should be better behaved this time.  New boy toy.  I like this one.  Lets hope he isn't an ex-con or child molester like the last two.

Leaving is bitter sweet.  I am happy to be moving closer to family but I am leaving behind some very good friends.

Pray for a smooth move and for our house to sell fast.  We are taking a pay cut and can't afford two houses!

Spanking?  NOT.  I so need a sore bottom side.  Right now I think it would take a flogging and the paddle to even make a dent.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Wooo Hooo JOB

That job we thought he had but never heard anything about?  HE  HAS IT!  We are in crisis pack out now.  We are going to get the house ready for movers and go.  I'll take the kids and animals to Grannys house.  He stays and works at his NEW JOB.  I fly back to the west coast to finish supervise the movers and sign contracts with a real estate agent.

Hope we can sell this house in a hurry!  I am ready to have a forever home.  So tired of moving every 2 or three years.  

Crisis mode.  I'm not sure how much time I'll have for blog land.  It will probably be off and on.

Gotta get a wiggle ! ! !  

Monday, June 11, 2012


There are times I NEED a spanking.

No, not a punishment.  Simply a spanking to reassure me that he is on top of his game and still in charge.

A spanking to lower my stress level.

A spanking that lets me feel his authority in a very real way.

How do I know when I need a reassurance spanking?  That part is easy.  I can feel the anziety building in my chest.  I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.  And the most accurate indicator?  My backside feels funny.  It almost hurts but not quite.  I can almost feel the spanking.  The sting of the swats.

I get this feeling when it has been a few weeks between spankings.  Flogging is not the same.  He can flog my back and leave some nice tiger stripes behind but I'll still need the paddle.

It is a mystery.  No idea why this happens but it does.  In times like this I need to be spanked to tears but I know that won't happen.  The tears won't fall.  Not from physical pain and not from the humiliation of being spanked.    I wish I could cry.

I'll update this post when I get the spanking I need.  If it happens.

Icy hot?  Hey this isn't a punishment!  My backside is on fire from ICY HOT!  This is going to be a very long day.  I think he may be planning on spanking a pre warmed bottom.

Saturday, June 9, 2012


Over at My Bottom Smarts Bonnies munch topic is anticipation.  Does he make you wait?  How does it feel to wait?  Dragon doesn't make me wait for a punishment at all.  The anticipation turned me into a nervous wreck.  I couldn't handle even the hour it takes to get from the nearest city to our small home town.  I fully admit my weakness.

It was never really discussed.  He simply never makes me wait more than a few minutes for minor infractions or an hour for more serious infractions (seat belt).   He will tell me that I deserve a barn burner but if for some reason he can't get it over with right away, I get away with just a lecture.  (I'll tell you something, the lecture is bad enough!)

Dang Bonnie!

Her blog post sparked a discussion and Dragon got that look on his face.

You know the one....

Half smile?

Half sneer?

Totally terrifying?

Yep, that one.

My heart dropped and my stomach did a fantastic cartwheel.

"You know, there won't be anymore waiting at all.  Not for you.  I have the icy hot I can use anytime you misbehave.  You won't have to wait for your punishment and I know you will be squirming with discomfort."

Oh CRAP!  This is a bunch of male bovine excrement.  Horse poop even!  That apple pie is really going to do it.

Do what you ask?

Good question.

Well I hope that there will be two levels of icy hot.  Rubbed generously into the sit spot for minor offences.  That is uncomfortable but not too bad.  Kinka like a punishment for those little things I do that gets on his nerves.  For a major offence like forgetting my seat belt or dropping the F bomb?  It goes right on the clit.  OH H@#$ Heck!  That burns.  AND NOTHING HELPS!  Ones icy hot is on those most delicate parts, it is there until it is done.  About 30 minutes?  It is miserable.  Try sitting still and eating a meal in a nice restaurant like that!  It feels like someone took a blow torch to your private parts.

And yes, he will be able to tell if I really put it there in the public restroom.  My squirming while we are still out, the red cheeks from embarrassment and the left over scent that is left behind in my panties when we get home.   I think it is too much to hope for that he will separate it into two levels.  The sadist in him loves to see me wiggle with my pink lady parts burning.

And of course he reminds me that ginger is always an option if we have privacy but the sound of the paddle would risk discovery.


Dragon is coming!  Gotta go!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


Sewing is my outlet.  It is how I deal with the stress.  I'm sewing almost every day now.  That is a good thing but I'm not sure how much it is helping me cope.  I'm trying.

My newest project is a dress based off of the folkwear intimacies pattern #219.

I had a simple, comfortable sundress in mind.  I picked out some fabric from my LARGE stash and went to work.  Very carefully, I measured my chest, waist and hips then chose the size and cutting lines.  I carefully measured grain line and lined up the pattern perfectly.  

The first fitting of the partially made dress didn't so so good.  It fits like a flower sack.  VERY disappointed.  I think my mistake is with the tape measure.  My measurements weren't as accurate as I thought they were.

Oh well.  I'll finish the dress tomorrow and have a very pretty nightgown.   Next time I use this pattern, I'll get Dragon to help with the measurements and make a smaller size.

Ooops.  With everything going on, I forgot to post a photo of the outfit I made this past winter.  I'll ave to do that soon.  

Ps After worrying about Emi overdoing it, I over did it today.  Blag.  I know better than that.  It only makes me miserable.  Oh well.  I'll take it easy tomorrow.  My body will make sure of it.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Temper, Temper


Didn't work....  Slower this time?

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

Still didn't work....

Today is not going MY way.  Grrr

I want to work in my sewing room but the kids are being their usual needy selves.  Even Dragon is needy today.

I had to put my sewing down to find poohbears lap suit.  She has lessons today.  I found all of the girls new clothes thrown in the floor.  $30 blouses, $50 dresses.  I am glad I didn't buy them much.  That is so frustrating.    Old, broken toys they have out grown, garbage, ice skates I thought they had donated to the youth ranch last year.

Every time I open my mouth, my bad temper shows and Dragon gives me THAT look.


I better get this under control fast!

One mississippi
two mississippi
three mississippi

Breath dangit!

This day is fornicating vertically....

Monday, June 4, 2012


I have finally found a way to get a good nights sleep!  I should patent the idea!

You see, every night when I turn off the light and lay down to sleep my heart rate spikes and I get hot.  It doesn't matter how sleepy I am or how cool the house is.   A stress relief spanking before bed doesn't work.  A BDSM scene with the floggers is a waist of effort.  All those beautiful tiger stripes and still no sleep.

I have tried taking benadryl right before bed and Nyquil.  I have tried taking a warm shower and a cool sower. Long walks and long days of yard work.  I still end up sleepless and exhausted the next day.  I try my very best not to nap hoping for sleep the next night.

Nope.  None of those things worked.

Ok.  My heart rate skyrockets and I get broiling hot.  What can I do to improve the situation?  I have no idea what to do about my pounding heart but there is a solution to the other issue!

Last night, I covered up with a damp towel.  Not dripping wet, just a little damp.  That kept me nice and cool.  My heart was still pounding but it didn't last long.  With the cool towel across my legs, I was out in minutes.  

My first good nights sleep in WEEKS!  Yippee! ! ! !

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Movie Nite

All I can say is wow.  

Dragon was away from home today.  I spent the day doing what I always do.  The kids did school work and I supervised.  When school work was done and the kids had some free time, I worked on my own projects.  It was a nice normal day.  

It was getting late and he STILL wasn't  home.  The kids were in bed, animals fed and the house was locked up.  Nice and quiet.  So I decided to have a movie night.  Just me.  Dragon can't watch this one.  Too much violence that triggers PTSD.  

American History X

So much violence and hate.   Brutal.  It was chilling.   

It was meant to draw the audience into the hate.  It doesn't matter which "side" you are on, it draws you in.  Lets you believe for just a little while that all things bad in the world can be blamed on "them".   Them who?  Whites? Blacks?  Hispanics, Jews, Muslims or Christians.  Even gays.  Yep.  It is them.  Not me.  No no.  There isn't anything wrong with my hateful thinking.

The movie shows how just a little trash talk can change hearts and not in a good way.  It is easy to teach people how to hate.  It is much harder to teach them love.  

I couldn't help but think about a children's bible song.  

Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Oh be careful little ears what you hear
Oh be careful little mouth what you say
Oh be careful little hands what you do
Oh be careful little feet where you so
For the father up above is looking down in love

It is so important to show love and kindness in everything we do.  As humans, we slip up.  We get hurt and then get bitter.  A little trash talk and a family isn't safe in their own home anymore.  A little more trash talk and someone dies.  

"The pen is mightier than the sward"

My voice is just as powerful to those around me.  

I have a lot to think about and even more still to learn.  

Life is hard.  God didn't promise us an easy road, only that he would be there for us.  He teaches us to love and to forgive.   So many lessons in one short movie.  

Now I understand why Dragon had Amber watch that movie when she was talking trash and angry at the world.  Now I understand the change in her after she watched that movie.  

Hard to watch.  Not for small children, those with PTSD or weak stomachs.   

Worth Watching?  Absolutely (once)

Ps I am very happy Dragon is home.  That movie is going to give me bad dreams.