Any relationship that includes domestic discipline can get intense. Yes, there are many advantages but communication has to flow in both directions. We started the appellate process with our children. Instead of laying down the law they have one last chance to give us information we did not previously have. It is our way to make sure our decisions are fair.
It works the same between us. Dragon tells me why I am being punished and I have three choices
1. Immediately submit
2. Call for a time out that lets both of us calm down
3. Appeal his decision.
In our house punishment happens immediately or not at all. One of my appeals was on a date night. We had tickets to the symphony. It wasn't fair to go with a tear streaked face and it wasn't fair to make us both worry about it all evening. I got a pass for the night.
Sometimes my appeals are shot down. I dropped a dirty word in a very put place. I tried it. I made excuse after excuse but I knew I had earned a barn burner. That is just what I got. I didn't sit down for days. Cussing is not lady like. It was our very first rule.
The first time Dragon punished me for forget my seatbelt was on a snowy day in Idaho. I argued that it isn't a rule. I lost that argument. First, it is the law. Second, I agreed to the 4 Ds. Seat belt use falls under dangerous. I ended up with a very sore bottom and I didn't forget my seatbelt again for a very long time.
I have even called one punishment unjustified all together until I sat in time out with a very sore bottom. I got frustrated with my Dragon. I snapped at him, refused to listen and slammed the bedroom door. After that spanking we added the cooling off period. During the spanking I stayed defiant but after some time to think, I was in tears. Dragon was ready with a hug and forgiveness.
This lifestyle isn't always easy. I promise you, laying across his lap for a punishment is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Barring my bottom and accepting the consequences for my actions. Just doing that much is almost punishment enough. Knowing that I do have some choices helps. We didn't begin DD to save our marriage. Starting something like this when trust is shaky is probably not a good idea. We brought DD into who we are because we don't ever want to get that close to divorce again.