Dragon asked if I had shared Strangers this year. Looking back at my blog I see that it has been several years. The journal is long gone. This is the only entry that remains. I know it is hard to read. Know that it was even harder to live.
Strangers
Why do I share this every year? Most people have no idea what it is like to be military. Most people have no idea what it is like to be the one left behind.
This was written at the beginning of a deployment to a war zone, at the mid point and finally back at the airport. The journal page was tear stained. That was the hardest deployment of a long career.
******
I hate airports. They are places of tears. My body shakes as I try to control them. Then I look at my children and I see their hearts breaking. My own tears fall….He sees my tears and his iron grip of control begins to slip. People turn away. They can’t stand to see our pain. They know where he is going. They know we are left behind. I stand at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Walk that lonely walk back to the car. The drive home seems longer than ever. The house does not feel like home.
My best friend, my husband, the father of children has left. I don’t know where he is going. Don’t want to know. More questions than answers. When will he come home? Will he come home? How do I survive? He is my life. He is everything. I am me because he is with me. No more watching or reading the news. Not even just to read the headlines. Routine. Step by step each day I learn to survive. Run, breakfast, cut grass, shower, lunch, clean, check email, walk the dog. Same thing every day moving in a daze. I am afraid to hope.
At the airport again. The seasons have changed. But then so have I. I stand at the arrival gate waiting for a stranger. He is my husband and the father of my children. My tears fall once again. I am nervous and afraid. Will he really come home this time. Will everything be the same? I hope so. There he is. I see him. He has cut his hair again, his skin is darker, his eyes are different. I expect his hug to feel the same but it doesn’t. He walks ahead of me much faster than I can keep up to get to the luggage pickup. I know I should understand why but I don’t and he can’t explain. We are strangers again.
a military wife
This was written at the beginning of a deployment to a war zone, at the mid point and finally back at the airport. The journal page was tear stained. That was the hardest deployment of a long career.
******
I hate airports. They are places of tears. My body shakes as I try to control them. Then I look at my children and I see their hearts breaking. My own tears fall….He sees my tears and his iron grip of control begins to slip. People turn away. They can’t stand to see our pain. They know where he is going. They know we are left behind. I stand at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Walk that lonely walk back to the car. The drive home seems longer than ever. The house does not feel like home.
My best friend, my husband, the father of children has left. I don’t know where he is going. Don’t want to know. More questions than answers. When will he come home? Will he come home? How do I survive? He is my life. He is everything. I am me because he is with me. No more watching or reading the news. Not even just to read the headlines. Routine. Step by step each day I learn to survive. Run, breakfast, cut grass, shower, lunch, clean, check email, walk the dog. Same thing every day moving in a daze. I am afraid to hope.
At the airport again. The seasons have changed. But then so have I. I stand at the arrival gate waiting for a stranger. He is my husband and the father of my children. My tears fall once again. I am nervous and afraid. Will he really come home this time. Will everything be the same? I hope so. There he is. I see him. He has cut his hair again, his skin is darker, his eyes are different. I expect his hug to feel the same but it doesn’t. He walks ahead of me much faster than I can keep up to get to the luggage pickup. I know I should understand why but I don’t and he can’t explain. We are strangers again.
a military wife
So glad that part of your life is behind you.
ReplyDeleteMe and you both!
DeleteLife is still awesome ;)
ReplyDeleteYes it is. It took a while to put things back together after that deploy but we came out stronger than ever.
DeleteOh Rose...this really brings the tears. I'm with Sunny...so happy all y'all don't have to go through that again. I truly think you should post this every Veteran's Day. My heartfelt thanks to all y'all for your sacrifice and service.
ReplyDeleteHugs and blessings...Cat
Cat, I wrote it and it makes me cry. That part of my life is over but the memories will always remain. I intended to post this on 9-11 since that is the day all the crazy hit the fan. It is so good to see you back in blog land. Hugs
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