Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A Spanking Gone Wrong

He finally took the time to take care of my backside last night. Dragon wasn’t in a hurry but all I can say about is that it was bad.
 
WOWCHY
 
I wonder…. When I get spanked two or three times a week, it hurts but not as much. The swats are easier to take. I can stay in the position he puts me in without trying to wiggle away. When it has been a while, I just can’t do it. Before my skin was even warm, I was trying to get away. ….. Does my backside toughen up after a few regular sessions?
 
I think it does. I think the nerves in that most tender area shut down and deaden the pain of the paddle.
 
I could not stay still or quiet. He brought in a sexual element that I could not deal with. Sex. My mind could not comprehend the pain of the swats and the way he was touching me.
 
Should have called red.
Not sure why I didn’t.
 
Was it the length of time between spankings that made it so hard, my emotional state before the session or the sexual nature of the spanking that made it so hard. A combination of all three?
 
What was it about this session that left me feeling so disoriented? I’m not sure how I feel right now. I want to scream at him. I want to cry. I want to ….. I don’t know what I want to do.
 
One thing I am going to do is document every spanking I get in detail until I figure this out. What do I think went wrong? Sadness. I had been crying all day for the loss of a young woman. She was the same age as my Amber and had a baby boy. A life lost too soon and a little boy who will grow up without his mother. 
 
I wanted tenderness. I wanted him to understand. I wanted to be held.
 
 
 
 
 

5 comments:

  1. Oh hon, it's probably a bunch of things. You're feeling emotional and mourning for someone else. You probably needed a different kind of spanking altogether, but he didn't know it.

    I do think that it hurts more or less at different times, even though I'd say what I get is pretty regular...as in I rarely get a whole week off. Sometimes I act like he's murdering me and he says it's the same intensity as a few days earlier when I barely flinched. Someone told me that hormones do make a difference too.

    Hang in there!

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  2. Thank you Susie
    The girls funeral is in just a few days. Her family will be in our prayers for a long time to come.

    It will probably be a few more weeks before I get another session with the paddle. Unless I earn that very rare punishment.

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  3. Sorry it was such a bad day for you.

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  4. It might not be so much the spanking that left you feeling so disoriented, it may have been life. So often spanking, if it's your thing, can sooth and settle and calm your mind, quiet your world.

    But when your heart is sad and for the reason you list it's understandable that your body and mind would not respond in the typical fashion. It sounds like maybe you were just hurting too much right then.

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  5. Hope you are feeling better now! I think we all go through ths, I don't say that to less your experience, but to let you know that we understand how you feel! Smiles

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