Years ago my sweet dependable Dragon wasn’t so good at managing money. He liked to spend money he didn’t have. I had so little and he wanted to give me the world. He replaced my old fuse box for a breaker box, bought me a stove that worked, new clothes, groceries. You name it. If I needed it, he was right there with his wallet out.
Problem is, his generosity left his bank account over drawn. We weren’t married. We weren’t even engaged but I took over. We opened a joint savings account. I withdrew enough to pay his bills and part of my power bills. His spending money was left in the savings account to spend how ever he wanted.
It worked!
One year after we started dating, we eloped. I added him to my checking account and got him an ATM card. ATM machines were just starting to pop up. You could find them around banks and maybe at the mall. With in two months I realized that wasn’t going to work. It took all the courage I had to put my had out for the card. I cut it up and he didn’t get it back.
Over 10 years latter and several major moves latter, I got tired of the hassle and the fight. Every trip to the store I had to convince him that we didn’t have enough to buy everything we needed or wanted. Yes, we have $300 in savings but we need that for car insurance. Yes, we have $1000 but rent is due next week.
What did I do? I gave him the passwords and the check book. Handed him a pile of bills and a bank balance too low to pay half of them. He learned fast and hard that those bills have to be paid. We didn’t have as much money as he thought we did. That paycheck didn’t go as far as he thought it should.
Now I live relatively stress free when it comes to our finances. He takes care of it. I ask before I spend and he makes sure we have what we need. It turned out that he just needed a few years of family life to figure this money thing out. To learn that you have to save for the things you want.
At the beginning of our marriage, I had to take on more of a leadership role that I wanted to. It was necessary but as time passed, I gladly slipped out of the drivers seat. He holds the keys now and I can breath a sigh of relief.
Problem is, his generosity left his bank account over drawn. We weren’t married. We weren’t even engaged but I took over. We opened a joint savings account. I withdrew enough to pay his bills and part of my power bills. His spending money was left in the savings account to spend how ever he wanted.
It worked!
One year after we started dating, we eloped. I added him to my checking account and got him an ATM card. ATM machines were just starting to pop up. You could find them around banks and maybe at the mall. With in two months I realized that wasn’t going to work. It took all the courage I had to put my had out for the card. I cut it up and he didn’t get it back.
Over 10 years latter and several major moves latter, I got tired of the hassle and the fight. Every trip to the store I had to convince him that we didn’t have enough to buy everything we needed or wanted. Yes, we have $300 in savings but we need that for car insurance. Yes, we have $1000 but rent is due next week.
What did I do? I gave him the passwords and the check book. Handed him a pile of bills and a bank balance too low to pay half of them. He learned fast and hard that those bills have to be paid. We didn’t have as much money as he thought we did. That paycheck didn’t go as far as he thought it should.
Now I live relatively stress free when it comes to our finances. He takes care of it. I ask before I spend and he makes sure we have what we need. It turned out that he just needed a few years of family life to figure this money thing out. To learn that you have to save for the things you want.
At the beginning of our marriage, I had to take on more of a leadership role that I wanted to. It was necessary but as time passed, I gladly slipped out of the drivers seat. He holds the keys now and I can breath a sigh of relief.
Nice post :) isn't it funny how things can turn around :)
ReplyDeleteDee x
Thanks Dee. I'm happy that did turn around. I was tired of the fight. Now we don't fight over money at all.
ReplyDeleteDragon told me that he is going to write a blog about our fight with Ana and depression. I have tried to write about it but it is too hard. I’ll find out what he has to say when you do.
Oh I wish "H" would magically come in and save me form the bills! I do that all in our house. I do that in my job too so "H" thinks I'm better at it. Let the computer nerd handle everything!
ReplyDeleteI was living on my own since I was 18 and when I met "H" he was 25 and living with his mom! AK... He had NO clue really how to do anything. I had a 2 year old and an apartment. Wow... I couldn't imagine the stress being let go of these bills, but I am a super control freak and I micro manage every cent. *(sigh)* Your Dragon is awesome!!
Hi Rose,
ReplyDeleteThis sounds very familiar to me, I'm so happy I no longer am responsible for our finances.
Emi, letting go was hard. I was very much a micro manager. If something was 2 cents off I knew about it and wanted to know where those pennies were. He made a few mistakes. Some bills were late and others were paid twice. But it is the best thing I ever did for our marriage. And I do think Dragon is pretty awesome. Thanks! ! ! ! !
ReplyDeleteFaerie, it is a relief isn’t it? I even manage the occasional whine when I don’t get what I want. Not very often. I don’t want that to turn into a spank able offence. My little revenge for all those fights over money.
This is one piece of our life that we have not changed roles on. LOL, it's just better that way and I have more time to take care of all the details. It's neat that he has taken up the responsibility and you were able to let go of that control. Neat!
ReplyDeleteSounds right out of a page from "The Surrendered Wife"! It's funny how when we really let go, they will pick up the slack. Good stuff!
ReplyDeleteSara
Susie, I realized I had submitted to him more and more every year in small ways. A little at a time, I gave up control. This was the biggest and most important for both of us.
ReplyDeleteSara, it is funny how that works, isn’t it? I don’t have even one moment of regret. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I haven't read "The Surrendered Wife" but I think I just may have to.