Sunday, November 10, 2013

Strangers

Why do I share this every year?   Most people have no idea what it is like to be military.   Most people have no idea what it is like to be the one left behind.

This was written at the beginning of a deployment to a war zone, at the mid point and finally back at the airport.   The journal page was tear stained.   That was the hardest deployment of a long career.


I hate airports. They are places of tears. My body shakes as I try to control them. Then I look at my children and I see their hearts breaking. My own tears fall….He sees my tears and his iron grip of control begins to slip. People turn away. They can’t stand to see our pain. They know where he is going. They know we are left behind. I stand at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Walk that lonely walk back to the car. The drive home seems longer than ever. The house does not feel like home.

My best friend, my husband, the father of children has left. I don’t know where he is going. Don’t want to know. More questions than answers. When will he come home? Will he come home? How do I survive? He is my life. He is everything. I am me because he is with me. No more watching or reading the news. Not even just to read the headlines. Routine. Step by step each day I learn to survive. Run, breakfast, cut grass, shower, lunch, clean, check email, walk the dog. Same thing every day moving in a daze. I am afraid to hope.

At the airport again. The seasons have changed. But then so have I. I stand at the arrival gate waiting for a stranger. He is my husband and the father of my children. My tears fall once again. I am nervous and afraid. Will he really come home this time. Will everything be the same? I hope so. There he is. I see him. He has cut his hair again, his skin is darker, his eyes are different. I expect his hug to feel the same but it doesn’t. He walks ahead of me much faster than I can keep up to get to the luggage pickup. I know I should understand why but I don’t and he can’t explain. We are strangers again.

a military wife

Husband US Air Force Operation Southern Watch /Endearing Freedom /Iraqi Freedom /Task Force Horn of Africa /Korean cease fire,  Grandfather WWII army air corps, Grandfather WWII Army infantry,  father Vietnam Navy, great uncle WWII Interpreter Army?,  step dad army tanker Korea and Vietnam and many more

My family is filled with veterans.   I am proud of every one of them.

20 comments:

  1. Dragon's Rose....I am proud of them too, and I am proud of you! Stay strong, I am sending prayers your way!

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    1. Thank you. I don't feel strong. Most of his deployments, I spent in tears. I am thankful now that he is retired and we won't ever have to do it again.

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  2. So proud of and thankful for you, your family, your Dragon and your children Rose!

    Sending lots of prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts that you all continue to heal.

    How lovely Faerie! If I want to lose weight, guess I'm gonna have to learn to knit since there's no 'dancing' around here! ;)

    So happy to hear that you and MM got this wonderful time together!

    Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thank you Cat. It is a roller coaster. The good times are great. The hard times are harder than I ever thought it could be. My friends here in blog land help more than any of you can ever know.

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  3. Thank you for your sacrifice and you are very strong...Idont think I could sacrifice the way you do thanks again...

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    1. Some things you do because you have to. You never know how much you can do until you are forced to survive. One second at a time. Thanks

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  4. Your post touched my heart. Thank you for your sacrifice. I pray that God will keep your husband and family safe. God bless you with all you need, and then much more. -Belle L.

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    1. Thank you Belle, I wasn't going to share Strangers. After all it was a journal entry filled with pain. Dragon said that it may help someone in the same situation. After a lot of thought, I gave it to a friend who worked in family support. When I saw how it really was helping others, I started sharing it more publicly.

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  5. That is an amazing thing to share with all of us.
    Thankful for Dragon & all of our veterans!!

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  6. this brought tears to my eyes. such strength you must have. beautiful! thankful for all who make such sacrifice to protect our people.

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    1. I am sorry. I sill cry when I read it and remember how my heart was breaking.

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  7. I can't even comprehend the sacrifices that military families have had to endure. Thank you doesn't seem enough.

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    1. We did what we did so won't have to. And yes, thank you is enough. If you want to there are ways to help. My focus is on ptsd and saving lives. 22 veterans and one active duty soldier commits suicide every day. We can do better than that

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  8. Thank you Dragon for your service. Thanks to all the families that have endured the sacrifices of being a military family.

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  9. Tears filled my eyes the last time I read this too.

    So very grateful for the sacrifices made by the military AND their families. There are not words to express my deep appreciation.

    Hugs to you and Dragon.

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    1. I cried too and I wrote it years ago!
      The pain I felt then was so intense, I remember it.

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  10. Thank you for the sacrifices that your family has made for our freedom.

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