I give up. Here it is. A step by step guide on spanking.
1. Lecture your wife. Be firm and make sure she knows how disappointed you are.
2....
Who am I kidding? I can't write a step by step guide. There is no right way to do this thing we do. Every person is different. Every relationship is different. What works for you may be completely different from what works for me. That is okay.
A look may be enough but then again, you may need something more. Does time out work? A barn burner? Or maybe just a few light swats on the back side?
I can tell you how Dragon spanks me. I can share the few rules I have to follow. I can tell you about kneeling and submission from my point of view but I can't tell you how to do it. It is something that you have to figure out for yourself.
It is okay for dd to feel awkward at first. It is okay to have a few missteps. We have had our share of mistakes. From rules that don't work for us to spankings that ended to soon.
What makes this lifestyle work? Communion. Talk about it. Write things down if you need to. Just make sure that you are both on the same page. And here is the hard one. Be consistent. At the same time, it is okay to say "hey, let's take a break. I'm tired tonight" This is real life, not some pretend, make believe, role playing game. Give yourself some slack.
Most important of all is consent! When one says no more, you are done. I don't believe in this consensual non consent. It either is or it isn't. I consent to each and every spanking. Whether it is for fun or for punishment. No is no. It is the difference between TTWD and abuse. No fine lines there. It is simple.
Communication
Consistency
Consent
Common sense
and last but not least Compassion
How do you spank your wife? The way that works for both of you.
Perfect.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been on here for ages, mainly because we seem to have hit yet another low point. Or maybe it's just me whose hit a low point. So your post was like a 'hug from a friend' or 'a gentle nudge in the right direction saying "That's okay, it's happened to us all, don't worry." And to think I nearly didn't read it because of the heading. So thank you Rose!
ReplyDeleteThe "figuring things out for yourself" is difficult though at times, isn't it? But I like your 3 C's. Our communication is hundreds of times better than it was a year ago, but we still seem to get these "groundhog days". The consent has always been there. I only withdrew once, briefly, when D got very angry and I was a little nervous, but fortunately we were able to talk things through (and I still got spanked!) and he calmed down. It's the consistency that D struggles with the most. He's very consistent when it comes to 'play' and 'maintenance', but I just long for some sort of consistency attached to discipline. I'm beginning to think it will never naturally occur, and I think it is the frustration which sends me into this loop. Any advice? I'm thinking that you have been doing TTWD for a long time and must have encountered nearly every problem going.
Hugs
Ami
I forgot the forth Click common sense. Oops I got the first three from another blog but realized that they were there all along.
DeleteHere is a question for you. Is he being inconsistent or just not spanking when you think you deserve it?
Just a thought. Hugs
Good thoughts Dragon's Rose.
ReplyDeleteEach couple's personalities and how they fit together is a very important consideration for doing DD. Those three C's help you figure those very things out.
We all know some of the more 'step-by-step' blogs. I feel like I can read those, get what I need from it, and politely ignore anything that doesn't work. However, not everybody can do this, so your points are good for everyone to remember that there's no need to be overly dogmatic about practicing something like DD.
There is no true one way to do DD. People are different. What the step by step blogs are missing is the 5th C. Compassion. That is as important as communication.
DeleteDH wrote a blog post titled this too and it is crazy how many people visit that page every day when I agree with you, it is hard to write this down for anyone but yourself. :)
ReplyDeleteI was going to write several more steps before I gave myself away but I was laughing to hard. Giving a spanking really is not that complicated. A routine developed for us over time. Nothing written down or formalized. It just is.
DeleteSome things you just have to do to figure out.
Excellent post Rose! I was going to add Compassion to your Communication, Consistency and Consent but see that you added it in your comments. Another good one that you added in comments and I didn't even think of but definitely needs to be said A LOT to some people is Common Sense!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny...just as each relationship...marriage, dating, family, friends, etc. is different, so is each TTWD relationship...which is as it should be! ;)
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
Just as it should be. Absolutely!
DeleteI added the other two to the list.
Well said! I love the give yourself a break if you need it....and common sense.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Thanks
ReplyDeleteThanks
ReplyDeleteI'm going to show ask my husband to read the first part of this - at least! Love the post - you're right on the communion. This is where the intimacy grows as well. Great post!
ReplyDelete