Today is the day I lost my little angel. I was just over 7 weeks pregnant and thought that I finally had a baby that was going to stick. She was named already. Sarah Faith. A little sister for my beautiful daughter.
But it wasn't ment to be. My tummy felt funny and I just didn't feel right. I told Dragon that she was gone. The spotting started. Then the tissue came. And finally a tiny baby. A perfectllittle head. Arms and legs. They didn't let me see her on the ultrasound but she had a heart beat just hours before I held her.
If she had just been a little older. A little bit bigger. Today she would have turned 18 years old. She was my fourth miscarriage and very nearly my last pregnancy. Dragon didn't want to try again. We are both very happy we did . Three more pregnancies and three beautiful children.
All these years later it still hurts. My Christmas tree is filled with angels for her. All year long you can find angels in every room of my house. I see one and have to have it. One day I will meet my lost babies but for now I will enjoy the ones I have here on earth. Heaven will just have to wait.
Dear Rose...I am so sorry for your losses but so very happy at the same time that you were able to have more babies.
ReplyDeleteYou are very right...heaven and the babies cared for there will have to wait...you are needed here by your babies and your Dragon.
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
I have so many blessings.
DeleteMany of us feel your pain personally. It's hard when people can't understand that it's truly a loss and not "just" the ending of a pregnancy like it's some medical condition that one stopped having. I'm glad you got to hold her. I didn't have that. Very thankful for the babies I have!
ReplyDeleteYou are right. It hurt even more when people tried to tell me that it was just tissue. She was my little angel.
DeleteI am very thankful for the children I have. I love them that much more.
Oh...my heart breaks reading this. 18 years ago and yet it feels as if it were yesterday. Sarah Faith is a beautiful name, and she would have been a beautiful little girl. Graduating from high school soon and getting ready to start on her own.
ReplyDeleteI believe that the more we try to suppress grief (especially when other people tell us that we should), the more it hurts. Maybe we can't just blink and get over it, whatever that means, but we can find ways to make room in our lives for memories.
Today I'll say a blessing for your little Sarah Faith.
Today, I found out that my own beautiful daughter has to feel this pain. She isn't married yet but is well on her way. She hid her pregnancy. I didn't know until the baby was already gone.
DeleteMy heart is breaking for her.
Oh Rose...I am crying for your daughter and for you! Sending prayers and healing energy for both of you!
DeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
Oh, no. :( How hard to watch your daughter experience that loss.
DeleteOh, this post brought back way too many tears!! My heart goes out to you, for your losses and to the fresh pain your daughter is suffering right now.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can say is, mourn the loss of that baby. Don't stuff it away. It's a loss and it should be mourned.
Many hugs and prayers.