You Asked For It

I have an idea for a spanking story. It will probably be short but we'll see what happens.  I am playing with idea a little right now.

Hmmm

Christmas Books

We have a family tradition.  Every year, around Thanksgiving we pick out a Christmas story for me to read to the family.  Every year it is a new story.  This year's book is by Debbie McComber.  "Mr. Miracle".  It isn't the worst book we have chosen but it isn't the best either.

What makes it funny are my thoughts as I am reading it out loud.  I have to stop and giggle to myself before I am able to continue.  I keep thinking, "Dang that girl needs a spanking." or "Why doesn't he just tan her backside. I know he wants too."  and one more "I can see her standing in a corner with a very red behind right about now."

I know.  I'm bad.  I am the one with spanking on the mind.  Sigh...

Dragon got home late last night.  He was tired and spanking didn't happen.  He woke up ready for the day though.  A quickie before his morning shower.

He wants to get me my own laptop.  I wrote constantly as a teenager.  I had so many story ideas.  My aunt made fun of my notebooks and I sadly put them away. She never even bothered to read what I wrote.  With a few thoughtless words she crushed something I took pressure in.  I didn't even think about other people reading my stories.  I just loved to write.  Dragon wants me to start writing again. Even if no one ever sees my stories.  He said that when am ready to publish one of them, he will do all the leg work.  Find an agent, editor, publisher.  Whatever he needs to do to make it happen.  I have a great husband.  Love my Dragon just a little.

Punishment should NEVER be erotic???

I keep seeing this said. Usually on Christian Domestic Discipline pages.  I have to admit that I really don't understand it.  My husband is supposed to discipline his nude wife, stand me in a corner with my red bottom on display and be completely unaffected. I wouldn't want a spanking of any kind to be that impersonal.

Just before a punishment, he gets nervous.  Every time.  He has never explained why, just told me that it happens.  Then comes the little lecture.  It is never long.  My Dragon doesn't get long winded.  Then he gives me the next step.

I find out how much I am required to undress.  Spanked over my clothes is a rewarding for submission.  It is less embarrassing but Dragon can't see the results of each swat so those tend to be harder.  Usually about 30 moderate to hard swats.

Jeans down panties up. That doesn't leave much protection and is probably the most humiliating.  He bunches my panties up in the center and uses them as a handle to hold me still.  The paddle falls on bare cheeks with  the extra discomfort of straining panties.  These swats mostly fall on the sit spot.  Owie!  Cussing and forgetting my seatbelt put me in this position.

Jeans and panties off.  These last a little longer.  He covers more of my backside and throws in a few swats centered on my girl parts.  Gently because these are intended to startle and not really hurt.

Completely nude.  He is trying to make a point.  Embarrassment is one goal.  This one usually has more of a warm up because it is going to last longer.  

We haven't discussed the differences.  These are things I have noticed over time.  Something else that is obvious?  He gets aroused. That bulge is hard not to see.  If he wasn't affected by punishment I would be worried. I am usually in some state of undress.  I would be very concerned if he didn't find my body sexy.

He gets a view of the spanking that I have never had.  The lilly white skin first turning pink then red.  He finds my squirming sexy too.  I can't stay still no matter how hard I try.  He hears my squeaks and panting.

As soon as the first swat falls his nervousness is gone.  Replaced with determination and that crooked grin of his.  Our emotions go in opposite directions and that is just fine.

DD would end if he got nothing out of it. He gets pleasure.  I get release.  I get a way to let go of the guilt that I tend to hold on to.  He gets a very submissive wife which we both like.  Punishment makes submitting to him easier.

A punishment always ends with sex.  Why?  Spanking is hot.  Yes, even a punishment.  I need to know that he still wants me. That he loves me with everything that he is. He needs to know that it is okay. He just gave me a humiliating and painful spanking.  He needs to know that I am not angry at him and that he hasn't damaged our relationship somehow.

The arousal and love making are both very important. We both NEED it.  I can't imagine standing up after a spanking and not being aroused.  His hands on my body in the most intimate way.  How can I help it?  I want to see his body react to mine.  Making love in the aftermath of a punishment is like nothing else.  It is hot and a little desperate. I feel very uninhibited.  No shyness left.

It allows us to reconnect in a way that is absolutely amazing.

Yes, we are Christian and we are DD.  No, we don't use the Bible to guide, describe or defend DD.  It is just simply part of who we are.  Dragon doesn't punish me very often.  It isn't necessary but I can't imagine our relationship without it.  I can't imagine someone else telling me how DD is supposed to fit into our lives. I can't imagine trying to make something so personal fit into a set of arbitrary rules and guidelines.

Ps.

The spider bite is nearly healed. The black center is slowly coming off and the swelling is nearly gone.  My immune system is still in hyperdrive but I can't do anything about that.

If Dragon gets home at a reasonable hour, I am going to ask for a stress relief spanking.  These look like a punishment without the strong emotions that come with one.  From fully dressed to fully nude.  Mild to barn burner.  After I ask for it, my control over the results is over with.  Since the garage will be cool I doubt he will completely undress me.

Here is hoping he gets off at a reasonable time.  I really need to reconnect and he needs to know that I am okay after the scare with the spider bite.  I can't think of a better way to get back on track.

Morning Fun

Dragon had one of his rare days off.  He tried several times to wake me up but I was enjoying the extra sleep.  He was persistent and he had one thing on his mind.  

He had already checked out my temp charts and knew that it shows not fertile. He was ready for some fun without worrying about producing a baby.  But.....  I was worried.  The spider bite sent my temps all over the place.  From to cold to not even registering on my thermometer.  My thermometer doesn't register very high at all.  I probably should get a fever thermometer for those days.  I wasn't completely convinced even though we have used nfp for years with no unexpected surprises.

He teased and touched and fondled until I finally gave in.  He got what he wanted just not the way he planned.

I am very much in sub space
My backside is sore
Sitting is most definitely uncomfortable
I feel well used
He has a satisfied smirk on his face every time he sees me attempt to sit

I am sore because it has been to long since I have been taken there and he wasn't exactly gentle.  If he is going to take me there at all I like it rough.  I like feeling the results latter.  It is a constant reminder of his touch.  It is like a good spanking that leaves my back sore.

But I don't understand why it always puts me in subspace.  Ultimately it is sex.  Not very vanilla but still just sex. There is the humiliation factor. It always embarrasses me no matter how many times we do it.  Don't know why.  Maybe the taboo of it?  I don't know.

Submissive, humble and about as obedient as I have been since he retired.

Yes, he has taken me in my backside since then.  I don't know why it messed with my head so much.

I can probably expect round two latter today.

And one more thing.  Yes, I love the crooked grin on his face and the swagger. I have missed deep, lasting subspace.  It is great to be back.  It didn't take a scene or a spanking.  Just sex.  Hmmm.

Overtime Tuesday

It was another overtime Tuesday at my house.  Last week Dragon worked over 70 hours.  It makes for a good paycheck but I sure do miss him.

We sat down to eat with an empty spot at the table.  I cooked alone and w ate without him. I hate it.  Who knows what time he will get home.  I will be waiting.

It is bad this year.  He was scheduled to work 7 days a week. He finally pulled out the ADA and asked for reasonable accommodations.  As soon as the new supervisor figured out he has PTSD, it wasn't an issue.

Last year they only worked one Sunday and had to be done by 6.  Somehow he was still putting in ridiculous hours.

This too shall end.  Christmas Eve will end the rush.

Holding Him

I had forgotten how much it means to me.  Being able to reach my arms around and snuggle up to Dragon as he sleeps. The feel of his chest rise and fall. His heart beat under my fingers.  The warmth that he radiates at night.

No,nothing has happened to him.  He is just fine.  I am the one struggling.  The spider bite is on my left side.  I have to lay on that side to hold him but it hurts to much.

The bite is slowly healing.  First the halo went away and the hives improved.  The nausea went away and I could finally take a deep breath. For the last few days the dark bruised looking area is getting smaller.  A small ring around the edges turns red then pink. Now all that is left is the black center and pink irritated skin.

It is taking time but it is healing.  The blessing?  A reminder of something that I take for granted.  Holding him at night.  Being held at night.  He is afraid of hurting me.  I still can't lay on that side but that is okay.  I am snuggled up as close as I can get.  Skin to skin.  No hands but I am kinds glad.  My skin is still super sensitive.

Good night.  I am going to enjoy a good snuggle with my Dragon

Tears

It has been a long time since a spanking has brought me to tears.  I crave them but they just won't fall.  The tears give me a little extra release that the paddle just can't bring.

Why do the tears fall so rarely?  It has nothing to do with pain.  I deal with pain every day.

So what is it?

Part of it is seeing Dragon's disappointed face.  When I have done something truly nasty and we both know it.  I hate seeing that look on his face.  If my own guilt is bad enough I'll start crying before the first  swat falls.

Sometimes I go into a spanking defiant.  "I didn't do anything wrong!  You are the one that is wrong." These tears come after.  During that quiet time after a punishment while I am trying to pull  to pull myself back together. The guilt hits and Dragon knows those tears are a signal that I am ready for the real punishment to begin.

Yes, I get spanked a second time.  Think barn burner.  The second round usually leaves marks that last a while.  It is a spanking I don't forget.

Sometimes the tears just come.  After a few swats my eyes start to water and before I know it I am a mess. Or after the spanning is over I'll cry in his arms.

What is it about those tears?  No matter how they started or why we always end up making love.  The slow and gentile kind that takes a while and leaves us both spent.

My tears give us both something  that nothing else can.  

Update on the spider bite:

One week later and it is finally getting smaller.  Yesterday I tried to cut down my benadryl dose. It makes me so sleepy that I hate taking it during the day.  Big mistake. The hives came back worse than ever.  Miserable.

The pain I can only compare to a dental procedure gone terribly wrong.  It felt like bees attacking my side day in and day out.  The hives feel like little bugs creeping across my skin.

The red halo around the bite is much smaller.  The bruising where the bite is shrank.  It is slowly getting better.  I can move without screaming.

We suspect a brown recluse spider.  Much worse than the wolf spider bite I had in Utah.

Happy Spanksgiving

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I did.  This is the very first time we haven't cooked.  We ate with my sister in law.  It was a good day.


Before we left home Dragon wanted a trip to the garage.  It was in the mid 50s.  Not warm but not freezing either.  I finally got the spanking I needed.  Hard and fast.  I'll call it memorable.  A little help before we faced family.  Definitely not a pleasure spanking.  Just what I needed.

The swats were really hard to take.  I don't know if I was just being a brat or if I am out of practice.  Staying still was impossible but Dragon was determined. He gave me a number and told me how hard they were going to be.  He stuck with it.

When we finally loaded up to go my bottom was still stinging.  No rubbing.  No lotion.  He wanted it to last as long as possible.  How did he know?  Yes, he knew I wanted a spanking.  He even knows what a punishment does to and for me.  I want to know how he knew I needed a stiff tune up.

Maybe it is what he needed too.

NFP
It is going okay.  I keep forgetting to do the internal checks.  Oops.  The morning temps are going great.  We have already gotten into a routine with them.  We have only ran into one problem.

While I was digging the Christmas tree out of the garage something bit me.  It left a quarter sized, very sore bite on my side.  I have to keep benadryl in my system to keep the hives under control.  It has also caused a fever.  My basal thermometer doesn't register high enough to get an accurate temp before I take Tylenol. It looks like I need to buy a fever thermometer to keep by the bed.  It doesn't really matter but I like everything accurate.  It is annoying to know that two of the temps are probably recorded low.  Way over the norm but not accurate.

For now I am watching the bite.  I think the biggest problem is allergies. I am obviously allergic to the critter that bit me.  If it isn't better by morning I will go to the doctor.  This is miserable.

If wishes were kisses

I love the beautiful colors of fall.  The bare and sepia tones of winter are depressing but without winter we wouldn't have spring.  Yes, spring is my favorite season.  New greens.  Lillies and flowers in bloom.

Love it

 What is the worst part of fall and winter?  My backside gets neglected.  The garage is to cold for any real playing and Dragon says that a punishment is bad enough without adding the cold.

I can almost feel the sting of the paddle I want it so bad.

I wish we were close friends with a spanking couple.  Another HOH with spanking privileges.

Oh well

If wishes were kisses.

tick tock

Time marches on.  We have finally started taking the morning temperatures.  His alarm goes off, I grab the thermometer.  He watches the time. Three minutes and the results are recorded.

I am not sure that the method we are using is going to work for us. Several temps were exactly the same and then a steep drop for no reason.  In all the years that we have tracked my fertility this way, I have never seen a drop like that.

I'll give it a month and see what happens.  If I keep getting weird results something will have to change.

A positive side effect?  Tracking fertility this close makes us both think about sex frequently.  That morning temperature usually leads to some fun.  (Oops, Dragon was late for work one day) Then there are the rest of the things we check during the day.  Dragon loves doing the internal checks for me. Cervical height and opening.  Sometimes it is almost clinical and impersonal. Fast and efficient. Other times he likes to play a bit.  Both leaves me shaking and wanting more.

The garage is to cold for spanking fun again.  We are saving our pennies for a heater to put out there.  The only reason he would make me freeze my backside is a punishment.  It would have to be something nasty ugly for him to do that.

There are other ways to have fun and other creative punishments Dragon has thought up.

Life goes on.

A Million

worries are on my mind right now.  Some small.  Most not so small.  I can't bring myself to really write about them.  The guilt.  The fear.  It is always there. Most of the time I cope pretty good but I think November may be to blame for the tears.  And a few extra worries loaded on for good measure.

One of my kids had a bad bike wreck.  It was terrifying.  She was in so much pain. Almost a week later she is still recovering.  No broken bones but definitely sore.  Another daughter is headed down a path of hopelessness.  She has been given every opportunity but refused it.  Now that she has to stand on her own, she is making all the wrong choices. Dragon's seasonal PTSD is in full swing too.  Then there is my grandmother's stroke and an uncertain future.

Mass last night was just what I needed. It felt like Father was speaking to me as he gave a short homily.  I walked in the door with my worries weighing me down.  I left with tears falling.

The daughter that had the bike accident woke up feeling better this morning.  That is a huge worry off my shoulders.  The rest will come in time.

Sorry for the whiny post but I figured my blogger friends deserved more than silence.

Today I am going to put on my happy face and get the house ready for the Christmas season.  Tree goes up very soon.

Touch

Dragon doesn't ask to touch me any more.  He just does.  A VERY nice change.  I wake up to his hands exploring my body.  As his stress at work increases, my submission to him deepens.  I am doing my best not to use the word no.  I have my safe words but they have specific meanings.  I won't abuse them just because I am sleepy.

Instead of withdrawing like he does every year, he is drawing closer.  I love it.  He even took the time for a pleasure spanking.  It has been a while so my backside was extra tender.  I couldn't take the intense swats I was taking with a smile.  Mild to moderate with just a few harder swats.

It was very good.  Even better since it felt so normal.

No secret can be kept OTK.  I can feel what the spanking is doing to him and my body is on display for him.  It is obvious that we both love that very intimate position.

Conversion has turned more and more to ttwd.  The fun and the serious. We both love the effects this life style has on our relationship.  I need to work on my fear.  I have nothing to fear from Dragon but old habits are hard to break.  The older they are, the more challenging they can be.  Dragon needs to look at DD as trust building.  Even punishment.  His touch.  His voice.

Instead of completely backing off, he is going to start comforting and reassuring me.  Helping me get past my fear.  One spanking at a time.

Submitting to his touch is a beginning.  For me, spanking is simply another kind of touch.  Harder, stinging, sexy and incredibly intimate.

For now punishment will include lots of reassurance and genital touch.  Quite words and probably a very light spanking.  We will take it slow.  My fear put a stop to DD but it isn't going to get better by ignoring the problem.

I should feel shame and disappointed in myself but not outright blind terror.  There is a huge difference.  Some of this fear comes from my past.  Some comes from reading other blogs.  I can't do this alone.  I need balance that can only come with both of us understanding the problem and both of us working for solutions.

Submitting to his touch any time, any where is helping.  The fun spankings are helping.

They are helping BOTH OF US! He is still struggling but focusing on our relationship seems to help.  He replaces the horror of war with touch and pleasure.  I am replacing my bad memories with gentle hands and kindness.  

We won't know if this is going to last until after the holiday rush.  Until we are both faced with a punishment that can't be ignored.  If we rush to fast, we will be right back where we started.

Slow and easy.  Baby steps.

Accepting his touch.  Doing the tasks that have to be done and both of us remembering that we have rules to live by.  Rules that keep us healthy, built trust and give our relationship a strong foundation.

Dang

He is at work and all I want is him.  A stinging backside and sweet loving.

The Holidays

As the holiday season ramps up so does Dragons work load.  A new set of supervisors isn't helping either.  Along with the rush and stress is PTSD.  Dragon always struggles this time of the year.

My nniece posted this on Facebook and then Father talked about PTSD during the Homily Sunday.  How the nightmares ate a memorial to those the soldiers couldn't save.

Dragon left Mass very quiet.  Quietly he told me that he needed to hear that today. That it helped.  His PTSD seems worse than ever right now but that is how it workes.  It gets a lot worse before he gets better.  

This time of the year i have my own struggles.  I need Dragons leadership to make it but he isn't able to give it to me.  This is when I wish we were very close to another dd couple.  To have someone to lean on right now.

Maybe one day.

For now I'll pull up my big girl panties and do what I do every yesr.  Put on a happy face and pretend this is a happy time.

Dragon finally admited to me that the Christmas music the rest of us love triggers him.  It makes him and triggers memories of the war zone.  He doesnt want us to turn it off.  In a wsy it is minor. Turn off the music.  No big deal but it is such a huge part of who we are.  It  is a sacrifice we are all willing to make.

Todays chore is cleaning the garage.  Dragon is overwhelmed by it.  A few hours and I'll have it under control.  One stressor gone.  One more thing Dragon wwon't have to worry about.

My request?  Pray for the soldiers who are alone.  Who don't have a wife or family to lean on.  Being alone makes the holidays nearly unbearable for them.

Happy Dragon

The super crazy busy Christmas season is here.  Dragon has no off days in sight.  7 days a week for the next two weeks.  Project Happy Dragon continues.  I know he won't be able to give much back but that just means that I work harder.

Marriage isn't 50/50.  It is two people giving 100%.

On the agenda today.  Make laundry soap.  It is cooling.  When it is jelled I can put it in jars and do a few loads of laundry.  Sheets need to he washed.  (That is a Monday chore but I an behind). Work on my fun projects and clean in the mom cave.

Dragon got home so late last night that I was already in bed. He missed the pretty dress. I'll try again tonight.

Squeamish

From time to time Dragon gets a little squeamish about TTWD.  Don't get me wrong. He is still fascinated with my ass.  Random swats are plentiful and so is sex in all the ways we both like it. The problem comes with a more serious spanking.

Over the last few months I had issues.  I couldn't submit to a spanking.  Just couldn't do it.  Flogging was fine and great. Marks and all.  Now the floggers are ruined and we are left with paddles and his ever present belt.

I say yes and he squirms.

It is all about head space. It isn't abuse.  It doesn't even have to be about discipline.  It is about us and connecting and being together.

I have a plan.

* clean up our play space.
*move one of our space heaters out there
*finish up a few fun sewing projects I started but didn't finish
*give up panties at home
*wear my dresses and stockings more

These are all things that please him.  Things that make him smile.  They will show submission on a level I haven't given him in a LONG LONG time.

Will these things make him pick up the paddles again?

No

But I know a secret.

He is happier when I am submissive.

We are closer when I submit.

Isn't that the goal?

I know something else too.

When he is happy with me, he is much more likely to spank.

I have a plan!

Since the weather us bad today, I'll work in the sewing room.  When he gets home I'll be dressed just for him.  A nice dress and the stockings I know he loves.

Panties

A lot can be said with panties.

An old pair of stained panties tells Dragon that I am on the rag.

Pretty, silky panties invites seduction.

A thong tells him that I would love a sexy spanking.

No panties invites his touch.  My bare bottom tells him that it is okay to wake me up for sex.

No words.  Just a small scrap of fabric.

I have decided that I love sleeping with a bare backside.

HOME!!!!

It feels great to be home.  I slept in my own bed last night with my husband right beside me.

My grandmother can talk when she wants to and walk with LOTS of assistance.  She knew me and even recognized my son.  Not bad for a 90 year old Lady who just had  a massive stroke.  She is s feisty one!

Dragon is just WOW! Anything we need to do to take care of her. If she comes home I may be spending a lot of time away from home.

Stress relief spanking tonight!  I have something to look forward to.   Happy me!

PS.  My sister in law had lots of curious questions for me.  Mostly about bdsm.  She is inching her way to TTWD.

I bet they have a collection of floggers next time I see them.

Soggy

I keep crying.  I don't know what to think.  My grandmother's sister seems set on putting her in a nursing home.  She would hate that.  It is something that has always terrified her.

Now that her health is declining her choices go away?

She isn't herself.  So frail and helpless.

I am fighting it but I'm not sure what I can do.  i live in Texas. She is in Mississippi.  I can't even talk without crying.  I can't think.

Breath

In

Out

Breath

Update

Thank you very much for your prayers.  My grandmother is already in rehab.  8 hours of physical therapy a day and if I know her, she is giving it 100%.  Now I can make the drive and not cry the entire way.

It isn't as urgent that I get there now but it is probably better this way.  I'll be safer driving.

When I get back from the trip I'll be mid cycle but we are going to start the temps then.  We are going to order a glass thermometer and see if we get more consistent temps that way.  They are more expensive than digital but if it gives us consistent readings it will be worth it.

Dragon is staying on top of the new rules too.  Exersize eery day and sewing.  It feels good to have some accountability again.

No punishments.  I sm very careful to avoid those.  I am sure that I'll slip eventually but not for a while.  Dragon wouldn't even consider kneeling for the longest time.  Now it happens almost every day.  Safe words always apply so he is happy with that. We both are.

I am not sure how my trip is going to work.  I may have time to play on blog land or none at all.  Fingers crossed that it isn't to stressful.  Packing begins today.

spinning in circles

My head is spinning.  Just a week ago we were camping at a lake. On our last day there I got a phone call from my brother.  Our grandmother has had another stroke. Because she also had a small bleed they couldn't give her thrombotics.

Our oldest was going to move three states away but changed her mind at the last minute.  Dragon took several days off work to help.  The out of state rush rush rush trip wasn't needed any more but we still had the time off. So we took advantage of it.  After discounts, not counting gas or basic groceries our  mini vacation only set us back $35.  Not bad at all.

It ended with me in tears and wondering how I was going to get to my grandmother across two states.  I wanted to leave right then.  I was ready to hop on the motorcycle and go.  My brother was not thrilled with the idea but it was all I had.

Since he vetoed the bike I asked for help.  My mom offered but the logistics just were not working out.

On to plan C.

Wait until payday and then go.

It has been decided.  I know what day i am leaving and how long Ill have the rental car. My youngest will be my travel partner.  No driving those long miles alone. My brother even found a church for me.  I won't miss mass.

Days latter than I wanted to go but I think it is better this way.  Dragon is still on a hair trigger but more relaxed.  We have a plan in place that all of us can live with.

Please pray for my grandmother.  She is closest thing to a mom my brother ever had.  Pray for healing.  Pray for a safe trip and for the ones I leaving behind to find comfort.  I know Dragon will miss me but I need to go.  I can't explain how it feels but I absolutely know I need to be here.

I started one day relaxed and having fun. Well before lunch I was in tears.

More Change

With NFP going again, I should have expected more change.

A NEW  rule.

Exersize every day.  Unless I am obviously sick something is expected.  Fever, vomiting, clogged head.  Those are valid reasons to skip.  If it is just checking the mail that is something.

I may get away with one day but not a week.

And another rule.  Work in the sewing room.  This one is a little more flexible but not much.

I think I should be worried.

Time to get busy.

His Hands... again

After a warm bubble bath,  Dragon's magic hands went to work.  His focus was just a small area of my body but he used his hands to great effect.  No demands for sex.  He wanted only to bring me pleasure. A reward for my last post.  We both settled down to sleep but I had other ideas.

In each others arms after all the fireworks, I thought, "wouldn't it be nice to do that with that nasty condom?"

We are going to try once again.  I kept up with NFP for years on my own but I just can't get motivated to do it alone.  He has agreed to take a more active role.  We will see how that works out.

New glass basal thermometer and all the knowledge we already have.  We will start with oral temps but I don't have my hopes up that it will work. My mouth is to dry in the mornings.  Vaginal isn't even uncomfortable and not embarrassing at all when Dragon is using those magic hands.

We will chart on paper and on the phone app to see if the two agree.  I don't trust a program that doesn't have human judgment.  Maybe eventually but not now. I don't wanna baby and I have to be absolutely confident that it is a safe day.

A little work with huge rewards.

Dragon's Hands

What should be simple and easy to write about, isn't. His hands do so much.  They provide for our family, repair broken dolls, make our cars run smooth, they bandage boo boos and pull my hair back out of my face when I am sick.

His hands taught me how to trust and then how to love.  They showed me that all hands are not cruel.  That they can be gentile and loving.

His hands bring me unimaginable pleasure.  There isn't a part of my body immune to his touch.  Under his loving hands I am one big hot spot.  By the time he finally gets around to sex,  have already climaxed several times.  He says that I am all about the foreplay and that is great.  He loves to loves to watch me squirm in pleasure as he brings me to the brink over and over again.

His hands provide stress relief bare bottomed over his lap.  They remind me that I have shelter in the storm.  They give me boundaries and guidance in a world gone crazy.  His hands punish me when I need it the most.

Dragon wanted me to write a post about his hands.  He thought it would be easy.  His hands just provide pleasure during sex.  Right?

No.

It isn't simple at all.  His hands do so much more than just one little job.

Love my Dragon.  Can you tell?

 Fingers crossed that I get to go to bed tonight with a sore bottom.

White Noise

With the weather cooling off, the fans go off.  There goes a good nights sleep.  I cannot sleep in silence.

The house was silent.  No dogs barking, the cat wasn't making a fuss, the kids weren't fighting.  But there was a one sound and it made me smile.  It wasn't annoying.  It was soothing.

The sound of Dragon's snores.  I wake him up when it gets really bad because I know he isn't getting good sleep. But honestly, I sleep better when I can hear him sleep.

No more long deployments.

No more 24 hour shifts.

No more travel for pointless classes.

He is home and I can sleep without the comfort of a fan.

One more check mark added to the list of things that make me happy.

Dragon Snores

Baby Steps

Fly lady teaches baby steps for a clean house.  I don't know why I didn't think to apply those steps to other parts of my life.

I have some health issues.  Chronic headaches are just one of them.  The constant discomfort leads to frustration and depression.  The depression leads to more pain.  It is a cycle that is hard to break.

I have tried going full speed ahead.  "I am going to beat this." And I crash and burn. Done it several times.  Full speed crash.

I am trying a different approach this time. A schedule with plenty of rest.  Baby steps with little fly missions.

One baby step at a time.

A morning walk with the puppies.  School work with the kids.  A few steps on my most recent project and dinner for dragon.

Baby steps.

Writing it down intimidates me a little but as long as I move and alternate with rest I can do this.

No more full speed ahead.  It didn't work but I know this will.

PS.  This week I am adding a home blessing hour.  With 4 of us home every day, that is 15 minutes of moving fast to get an area clean.  No perfect but good enough.  Perfection is a disease I am trying to cure.

prayers please

My oldest daughter just lost yet another job.  Fired for being late multiple times and working too slow.

Honestly, I would have fired her.  She lives in a bad part of town. One where the police don't like responding.  The crime rate is very high and violence is the norm.And she complains about people stealing her gas and letting the air out of her tires.  That is one reason she gets to work late.  The other is not getting up on time.

Right now she is feeling absolutely defeated.  I know that feeling.

All In

Dragon has two extremes.

What I will call null.  Lots of cuddle, some sex and lots of fishing

 The other extreme?

 Everything kinky fun.

He is all into it right now.  That man really knows how to rock my world.  That means all things kinky AND DD.

I hope this lasts.

How Dragon says "I love you"

I came into our marriage with a LOT of baggage.  Damaged from a lifetime of abuse. I had trust issued and I was afraid of my own shadow.

I put on a good show of dealing with it during the day but night time was a different story.  As soon as the lights go out the fear escalated.

 During our 20 years together Dragon has adjusted to my night light.  A lamp with a low wattage bulb in it but sometimes, most of the time, it isn't enough.  As I am falling asleep I startle very easy.

The slightest unexpected noise, shadows, movement.  It could be anything.  Dragon's arms around me help but they aren't always enough.

Last night, before I even began to struggle, Dragon got up and turned on the over head light.

The light bugged me at first.  It is very bright.  But I began to relax I'm his arms.  I fell asleep within minutes.  No startling.  No jumping.  No muffled screams.

Just sleep.

Good, rest full sleep.

Dragon doesn't even like my night lights but he knows I haven't slept in two days.  He wanted to try leaving the light on to help me.  Just to see.

Why is that odd?  I can't stand bright lights on at night.  I have lamps.all over the house to keep the lighting soft.  T gets rid of the hard lines of shadow.  But.I wasn't sleeping at all.  Only with the sun shining in the windows could I find rest.

Dragon's experiment was a success.  I can't remember the last time I had such a restful night.

Love my man just a little.  He is so good to me.

Waking up

In the mornings our alarm is set to go off about 40 minutes before we have to get up.  The first round of beeps never wakes me up.  About 20 minutes into Dragon's alarm clock ritual I finally start waking up.  He puts his arms around me.  I keep snoozing.

It isn't until my cell startes buzzing that I wake up. Almost silent, an app on my phone buzzes to tell me to take my basil temp.  Reaching over, I silence that alarm and roll over to enjoy one last cuddle.  When the alarm goes off again it is time to get moving.

We have our routine down to the minute.  Breakfast, coffee, making his lunch.  Routine is comforting.  I love it.  Slow, easy and relaxed.  No rushing.

My Imagination

A few weeks ago Dragon slid my panties down, bent me over the bed and inserted a fig of ginger.  He re dressed me and told me to go get a shower.  That was one very uncomfortable shower.

Ginger is a fibrous root.  He peels off the tuff outer skin, carves the tip into an easy to insert point and a ring to hold it in place about an inch from the other end.  Since lubricant keeps the root from doing what it does, water is the only assistance I get. Let's just say that it is very uncomfortable going in.  And the burn?  It feels like my ass is on fire.

That little scene was enough to get my imagination going.  What if he inserted a fig....

* just before we had to start dinner?

*out in the garage while we are working on the car?

*while we are fishing at the pond?

*in the car just before we go shopping?

I am all hot and bothered just making my lust.  Ummm...   list!

I told Dragon during some after sex pillow talk.  He got that look on his face that makes me nervous.

Yikes!

What have I done?

I think that I have a burning add and a red face in my future.

PS.  I emailed the breeder and let her know that I can't take the puppy.  I am sad but I know God has a plan
 

didn't happen

I got an email from the breeder today asking for the deposit.  $400 for hockey or $400 for puppy?  We can't do it.  Then another $1400 in November.

Like I said, we needed a miracle.

I thought about a go fund me page but I am just not that popular. I have tried to do fund raisers before for a cancer event.  No help.  The only person to donate was my mom.

I am a four legged fury person.  I haven't met an animal that I can't make friends with.

God has a plan and I can't see it.  I am spoiled and don't like to hear no.  I'll get over it.

Pouting tonight

crazy life this is

My head is still spinning from the last 30 days.  At times it has been hard to breath.  No death or really huge disasters.  Just lots of things piling up.

Fall sports.  Kid drama.  Family drama.  And something bit me.  I was sick for over a week!  Spider maybe?  We have been invaded by St Andrew's spiders and a few mouse spiders have been spotted too.

But there has been fun stuff too.  Dragon has to go slow and gentile.  He has to watch for the panic that ends with me shivering in his arms.  No impact.  No spanking or flogging.  No knife play, no restraints.

My daughter triggered me hard.  It is going to take time to get my head around things again.  Dragon is working hard to make me feel safe.  It may take weeks or months.

Lots of touching in safe places until I quit flinching.  Then we will try some nudity and hot spots.  Slowly.

We are starting all over again.  But my Dragon is a patient man and I am trying.  Dragon didn't hurt me.  My daughter told me she was assaulted by one of her dates.  It put me back in a defensive mode.  It brought back the fear. (PS.  I am nearly 100% sure my daughter lied about being raped. Sometimes I wonder if she knows the difference between the truth and a lie. )

Tis life.

This to shall pass.

One more stressor?  We don't have the $$ for my next service dog.  I have chosen an American Mastiff because of the size, health and longevity.  But the breeders like them too.  $1800.  I have $60 so far.  Praying for a miracle.

Never Forget

9-11-2011

I was expecting our son. Dragon had just returned from a tense deployment.  It was a honey do day.  He was hanging wallpaper, the kids were watching cartoons and I was prooning an out if control bush.

Then my mom called.  It was an international call and very expensive.  She didn't have one of our super special calling cards.

She told me to turn on the TV.   The first tower had been hit. It was a tragic accident.  A major disaster.

Then the second plane hit and we knew it was no accident.

 I knew Dragon would leave again soon.  My hope was that he would be home for our son to be born.

Don't ever forget those who died that day and those who died defending us.

Where were you when the world stopped turning?

corsets in the news

Kim Kardishan waist training?

NOT!  Just click on the NOT to read the article on Yahoo news.

Now that is a strong opinion for me.  Why?  This is the store she is promoting and from the sad looking garment she is wearing, she purchased it from this page.

Oh yes!  I am a horrible snark.  This fashion disaster could not go without a comment.

Why is it so bad?

The items sold here do not have a steel busk.  They don't lace.  Nope.  They have four rows of hooks.  The same kind you see on a bra.

Fancy underwear?  Yes
Corset? No

I could be generous and call it a bustier but it doesn't cover the breasts.

It is super cheap and it shows.

For a quality corset, you are going to pay several hundred dollars to thousands.  You can start out cheaper but they aren't going to fit as nice as a good quality custom made corset. A good place to start is Corset Story. Similar in price to the recommended page but they are corsets.  I call this the try it out page.

Real quality comes from custom made and that costs big $$$$

PS.  I LOVE corsets and corset training.
  I make my own and they fit like a glove.  If a glove could take 3-6 inched off your waist and push those droopy boobs up.

Sorry for the rant.  Reflux has me up again.  Nausea, burning, yuck. I am waiting for the Zantac to help.

Early morning surprise

Dragon loves to hit the snooze button. He has 3 hits before he has to get up.  It was after the third hit.  He rolled over and said "I want you."  

Is there a better way to start the day?

Out of necessity it was a quickie.  He had to get ready for work and I needed to fix breakfast.  Fast but oh so good.

No spankings this week. We had company on the only evening we had available.  Oh well.  Maybe tomorrow. I really want a long, hard session but I keep calling red just as it starts to get good.  That moment right before the endorphins kick in.  It hurts but I know if I can get past it, it feels great.

I gotta stop doing that.  I want to fly!

A Need

I have a need I can not touch. A tingle that won't go away.  I crave Dragon's touch and I can't have it.  When I am with him, it never gets this bad.  His hand is always ready to sooth my body and bring me pleasure....

Why do I always want him more when he is at work?  It has nothing to do with the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder".  Nope.  It is just that I miss his touch so very much, my body burns for him.

Guilt

Why should I feel guilty?  Why should I be judged?

I lost my constant companion.  My friend and helper.  My Dane loved me as much as I loved him.  When he got sick, I took care of him.  When it became obvious that he was suffering, I loved him even more. I said good bye.

A year latter I was ready to begin my search for another friend.  After researching several breeds, I applied for a purebreed dog but I didn't stop looking.

 Every week I went to the pound.  Every week, I left with tears in my eyed.. I wanted to take all of the sweet puppies home.

But I can't.  I need the one...

I made yet another trip to the shelter.  I honestly didn't expect to find the dog.  But I kept coming back to one wiggle butt.  She was too old. Too small.  Too energetic.  But I just couldn't leave her there.

In less than a week she learned how to walk on a leash.  She learned the many commands I needed her to learn faster than any dog I have ever trained.  She was so smart but I never connected to her.

Her prey drive is so strong that training will not solve her one major problem.  She wants to eat Dragon's cat and our pet bunny.  She doesn't bark and growl.  Oh no.  Silently, she stalks them and attacks. She is a hunter.  This is something I could not have known when I found her in the shelter.

Finally, the decision was made to find her a new home.  One without cats or bunnies.  I tried my friends on Facebook first.  Within three days she had a new home.  She is going to a disabled man who will benefit from her many skills.

I still need to teach her a few more skills.  Fetch the phone, get help and pick up dropped items.  She will go to her new home just in time for Christmas.

 Now what do I have? An acquaintance shaming me for buying a high dollar pure bred dog.

What do I have to say to that?

BACK OFF BITCH!

You don't know me.  If you did, you would know that my family has fostered over 180 dogs and cats.  All of them with problems.  I lost count at 180.  I kept most of them until they were adopted.

How dare you lecture me on the over crowded shelters, homeless animals, puppy mills and irresponsible pet owners.

I have 4 dogs in my home right now.  3 of them are rescues.  I had to purchase a dog in Germany.  They didn't let Americans adopt.  3 of them are seniors.  The one dog under a year old is now being trained to do a very important job for a disabled man I love very much.

Even the cat is a rescue.

So get off your high horse.

The dog I am buying comes from a proven blood line.  I know about how tall she will get.  I know she will be strong.  I know she will be calm and alloof.  I will have support from the breeder I know she will be independent and stubborn.

Everything I know about this mastiff is an unknown in a shelter dog.

Do I feel guilty?  Hell no.

the crud

This summer cold put a pause on play.  First Dragon and then the rest of us started getting sick.  I feel good during the day but by the time dragon gets home from work the concrete is back.  Some strange, evil person fills my head with concrete and makes me miserable.

We both feel a little better every day.  This to shall pass.  The honey dos are growing.  Dragon had a dresser to build, his jeep needs repair and now my little car needs an engine rebuild.  It never ends.

I try to keep the house clean, laundry done and the yard cut.  One thing at a time.  Step by step.  That gives him more time when he is home.  Love my man just a little.  Hopefully, I won't always have to depend on him for car repairs.  One step at a time.  I am learning.

Busy day.  I feel like crap but have a long to do list.  Time to get a wiggle.  100+ temps today. It is going to be a hot one.

Prove it

Nope. I didn't need proof but Dragon provided it.

My backside burns.

After I worked outside this morning, he decided it was time to play.

 First came the ginger while I showered.  Talk about uncomfortable but I managed. Just before I dressed, he removed it.  Wowza.  It wasn't the strongest stuff he had used but it burned.

He took my hand and led me to the garage. Out came the paddles.  My backside was on fire.

Call the fire department!

I am feeling a bit warm.

To top it off, he took me. All pleasure for him.  Nothing but burning need for me.   Love it!  Denial is part of the game. He will let me squirm before he scratches my itch.  For now it is stinging, burning need. Delicious

Yep. He is back.

Summer Cold?

Maybe...

Dragon came home dragging his feet a few days ago.  Runny nose, headache, sore throat.  And he blames allergies?

Now my asthma is almost impossible to control with a head ache and sore throat.  Fun stuff.

Do you think he will finally admit he is sick?

All spanking, love making and fun are put on hold for a few days.

Dragon is one grumpy lizard.  I'll be keeping the dust bunnies company until further notice.

Amazon

Amazon is great.  LOVE IT!!!

Hermione's post about the dogging bat sent me on a search.

First was the dogging bat.  Yep, they have it for $13. Riding crops, paddles, floggers.Oh my.  They even have the NJoy plug I have been lusting after.  Bamboo spoons of all shapes and sizes, birch bundles, an endless selection of spatulas.

Oh my at all the tools of ass destruction.  Large, old fashioned hair brushes, flipflops.  Bull whips.  The list goes on.

How about restraints?  Silk scarves, ribbon, rope, tie downs and horse hobbles.  Belts are great for spanking and restraint.  Plastic zip ties, duct tape.

Oh wow.

Who would have thought that Amazon would be a place to shop for all things fun?

Giggles...  my wish list is interesting.  WEG

What is your favorite impact toy or kinky item on Amazon?

So many possibilities.

Trying Again

Grrr

I don't know why I am having such a hard time with fitness this time around.  I just can't seem to get into a routine.  It is a cycle and not a good one.

Work out slow and easy.
Increase intensity and duration slowly
Get impatient and really work out
Done

Takes about a week start to finish.

Today's work out doesn't sound like much but it is for me.  10 minutes on the treadmill set at 2.5, incline 3 and some stretching.

Not impressive but it is a place to start.

Itsy Bitsy Spider

We were home.  The camper unpacked and the washer going.  Finally time for some play.

Dragon had my shirt off and straddling a chair.  Love my ladder back chairs.  I felt a little tickle on my foot but managed to ignore it.  This was a fun, feel good scene.    Light tapping across my shoulders and back.

That light tickle on my foot continued.  I finally took a good look.

SPIDER!!!

With a squeal, I knocked it to the floor and Dragon killed it.  We tried to continue the scene.  It was just starting to get good but the spider killed the mood.

Oh well

It was nice while it lasted.

Camping

It was a whirlwind trip but a nice change of pace.  Two nights.  Three days.

Years ago we decided that three days just wasn't enough to enjoy camping.  It was all we had.  We can't afford more time away from work.  I'll take what I can get.

 We went to a lake a ways from home
 I think Sunny may have mentioned it in a prior post.  Walking trails, swimming and fishing.  Even with 4 dogs and three teenagers, we still had fun.

Dragon caught 4 bass.  I could see him relaxing with that fishing pole in his hand.  The kids and puppies played in the water.We avoided the public beaches . More private and the puppies could go for a swim.  I think my little rescue puppy found every stick in our little cover.

Unfortunately, the 50 Shades preview was released when I had limited access to the internet.  The first thing I did when we for home was to watch it. The Twilight feely parts are there but from what I can see, it will be a much better movie.  I'll wait for it to come out on Netflix.

Time to start cleaning up and get the house and camper CDO organized.  I am in desperate need if order.  Hopefully, after his nap, Dragon will feel like playing.

A girl can hope.

I know that I broke several rules while we were gone.  I hope he overlooks them and makes it fun.  :-)

Tune-up

Since I objected to calling that weekly, just because spanking mantainance, Dragon decided to give it a new name.

A tune-up.

Further proof that TTWD is finally back.

I almost forgot to take my morning asthma meds again!  An hour late, I took them but I didn't forget!

We are busy this morning. Running around, rushing for no reason in a near panic.  No real reason for the panic.  It just is...

Dragon decided to take it to the seat of the problem with a tune-up.  Off to the garage we went.  Bare bottom, over the chair and not his lap.  He says that he gets a better swing that way.

Week

I lost count of the swats.  Since it wasn't a punishment, I got a short warm up.  But wowza did that ever sting.  On an already sore bottom, Dragon made sure I had a sore reminder to behave.

This is after a long, fun scene last night.

I am not sitting comfortably today and I have a huge smile on my face.

Purrrfect

The Punishment

The first one in a VERY long time.  I confessed knowing what Dragon would do.  He is punishing me because it is what I need and because it will benefit both of us.

Pre spanking.

I know it is coming but I'm not nervous.  This isn't an erotic or fun spanking but I am aroused.  My backside tingles in anticipation.  Eat, get the kids and animals put to bed and then we take care of businesses.

 I am doing this entry a little different.  It is going into a draft folder until latter.  It is getting written in stages. Before, the actual spanking, after and the next day.   Not sure if I am going to share this one.  I'll have to wait and see.

Sunday night was a bust. We had a very busy day and had no interest in spanking but the love making sure was nice.  Even had some extra fun sprinkles on top.

Monday after supper, Dragon led me to the garage.

It was time.

No preparation.
No anticipation
Just down to businesses

 I still didn't get nervous. Just a bit shy when he told me to drop my pants.  I don't know why that is worse than completely nude but that puddle of fabric around my feet brothers me.

He pushed my panties down and placed my hands in a chair.  OTK is reserved for fun.  5 swats and none of them gentile.  Not the worst I have ever had.  Then one more because I forgot my asthma meds when I left the house.

No huge scolding.  Dragon is more of the strong silent type but the message came across loud and clear.  DD is not gone.

My backside has that after spanking ache that I have missed so much.  I know this has to sound crazy but I hope there is more to come.  :-)

The Morning After

My backside is just a little sore.  Walking around is fine but I feel it when I sit in our kitchen chairs.

No drastic after effects for this one but I didn't go into it emotional.  It was matter-of-fact tending to business.  Cleansing, good, humbaling but not earth shaking.

This morning, over breakfast, Dragon let me know that there is more to come tonight.  Another spanking on an already sore bottom.  (Those swats were as gentile as a lightening strike). I can choose what kind of spanking I get by my actions today.

Yep, all I had to do was let him remember how good dd is for both of us.

He is back!!!
Domestic Discipline is back
Fun, just because spankings are back

I miss the floggers but it is probably a good thing that they are out of service.  Paddle, rod, belt or hand on the backside. That is the only choice right now.  No feel good flogging.  A bare bottom spanking always comes with a extra level of submission that flogging is missing.

Call me crazy but I asked Dragon for help with something else.  I keep forgetting my asthma meds.  I procrastinate then it is to late in the day.

I feel much better when I am 100% consistent with the meds.  I notice a difference with even just one missed dose.  So it has become an accountability issue.  Just like seatbelt use.  No warnings, no second chance and no excuces.

I asked for it and with the look on Dragon's face, he has no problem taking it to the seat of the problem.  My memory mysteriously improves when my bottom is on the line.

Time to get busy.  I need to work on the curtains and inventory the kitchen.

Today is starting out great.

Reset

Dragon has declared this to be reset week.  With a few days off it is the perfect time to do it.  We are settled in and making bills. The kids are back in activities and the chaos level is set to high.  Situation Normal.  Now it is time to get back on track.

Dragon mentioned BDSM, kink, D/s and DD.  We had a long talk about work, schedules and just being to busy.  But when we are to busy to take care of us, everyone pays the price.

I need his dominance and so does he.  He needs my submisdion as much as i need to submit.  He needs a place where he is in control and I need a place that I am not in control at all.

It all works together to make us both better and to keep our marriage secure.

Last night he was to tired to take care of business until I got into bed completely nude.  His tune changed fast.  I didn't get the much needed punishment but we spent over an hour making love.  It has been a long time since he pushed my limits so hard.  Just WOW

and here I thought he wasn't listening and didn't want this lifestyle anymore.

Fooled me!

There won't be any time for spanking this evening or tomorrow.  That hasn't stopped Dragon today.  As he was leaving for work he gave me a to do list and a reminder to obey.  Toothpaste on the clit burns but doesn't last long.  He left with a smile on his face and my lady parts burning.

A girl can hope.

The pantry is getting reorganized.  That has turned into a group effort. I did my half and now the kids are working away in there.  Now it is time to work on the curtains for the camper.  Lots to do.

Confession

When I make my confession to the priest he says a prayer with me, forgives and assignes a penance.  All is good.

 Right?

Wrong.

I still hang on to the guilt.  I pour out my heart and confess things that are truly bad.  No kneeling on tacks.  No hours spent in prayer asking forgiveness.  Just told to pray for the poor.

Hmmm.  I already do that.

So what is missing?  Confession and accountability in my marriage.  We have pushed the Ds of domestic discipline to the background and guilt has caused discord.  For both of us, not just me.

Disobedience
Dangerous
Disrespect
Defiance
Dishonesty

 I try to be a good wife and mother but I am guilty of all of the Ds.

Disobedience - yes, I got the chore done.  Almost.  In the 5 minutes before Dragon walks in the door I am frantic and working hard to get my chores done.  The results are sloppy and half done.

Dangerous - I let depression rule the day. IInstead of obedience I make excuses for lazyness which feeds the depression.  That makes it dangerous.

Disrespect - by not doing the few things Dragon asks of me I am showing disrespect.  I am showing that I don't value the sacrifices that he makes for our family.


I could keep going but I think you get the idea.  It is a cycle that feeds itself.  All connected and none of it healthy for me or Dragon.

The confessional at church is a good thing but it isn't magical.  I still have to make things right with Dragon.  If I leave these issues alone things will not improve.  I can make changes but the guilt won't go away.

I made my confession to my Dragon.  Listing off the the rules we have and how I have broken them.

Dragon is a thoughtful man.  He is carefully considering where to go from here.

I hate punishment in whatever form it takes.  But I will submit.

His decision stands.

No.  I am not worried.  He will be fair and not overly harsh.

PS. My confession to him was more detailed.  I cannot put everything here.  My shame is to deep.  He got it all.  You just have a little.  Hopefully he doesn't keep me waiting for long.

An Excape from Reality

It was a busy day.   Dragon had to work and I had a crazy day.  One of the kids had an early morning game.  We left home at 6am to get there. It was a hot day and my little car has no ac.

After the game, I took a power nap and got busy again.  Those curtains for the camper need to be made.  I like a little privacy at night.  Latter in the evening I started dinner and took my daughter out for a lesson on driving a standard.  She gets better every time we go for a drive.

Dragon finally got home around 7.  We finished cooking together and had a nice meal with the family.

We were both hot and sweaty from our day but we decided to go get a little time together. We headed out to our retreat in the garage.  We found the floggers ruined. That was a huge disappointment but dragon made up for it.

We made love.  No sex.  Just together.  Touching, kissing and exploring. Talking and of course spanking.

I have no idea how long we were out there.  Out time ended with a knock at the door.  The kids needed help.

Oh well.  It was nice while it lasted.

No grand fire works but in a way, it was better.  We ended our crazy day in the shower together.  Nothing is better than a good back scrub and a soapy hug.  We fell asleep in each others arms.

Drama? What Drama?

I am very happy to have missed it and no, I am not curious about the cause.  I declared blog land to be a stress free zone several years ago.  Even before Dragon retired from the military.  I am selective about the blogs I follow and don't even read all of those.

There is a meme going around Facebook but I don't know how to share it here.  It keeps me sane. Sometimes.

Not my circus
Not my monkeys

I ignore the rude people on Facebook.
Remind my oldest daughter that her love life is not my business.
And in blog land, read selectively.

So for this drama trauma I will remain blissfully ignorant.  I am not even Switzerland on this one.  Just keeping my head down while the monkeys throw their shit.

While everyone else was worried about internet drama I had a great day.  Dragon replaced the breaker box in our camper and we cleaned like crazy.

When we moved,we lived out of the camper for several months.  It stayed closed up for almost two years.  Trust me, after living in a camper with 4 kids,3 dogs and a cat, you don't want a summer camping trip for a while.  We took a peek a few weeks ago and nearly cried.  Mice can do a LOT of damage.

It is a pop up camper with tent sides and beds at both ends.  There was a nest in the middle of the mattress, holes in the tents, stains on the curtains and two sets of curtains were so damaged that I couldn't salvage them.  We stressed over the damage for weeks but finally decided to give it a good scrubbing and see how bad it is.

We scrubbed, swept, shampooed and inspected every inch of that little camper.  It took us all day.  Everything was wiped down. The dishes washed. Shelf liners replaced and mouse nests evicted!

The verdict?

We found enough tent patches in our stash to patch the holes in the tents. One mattress has some minor damage.  The window curtains have light damage.  They need it be replaced but will do for now.  The privacy curtains over the beds took the most damage.  I an going to salvage the clips used to hang them up and make new ones. With the new breaker box, the air conditioner works again,the battery is charging and we have lights.

The camper is useable!!!! (Several thousand dollars to fix it right. That will happen but not this summer)

Fingers crossed that Dragon gets a few days off in a row. Prayers that the truck is still chugged along.

We have scouted out a few camp grounds and state parks.  I am so ready for a vacation.  We need some down time.

Hope my rant didn't come across ugly.  I don't know what I would do without blog land.  I need my little drama free space.

Hugs to all those who were hurt by this most recently blow up.  These things do blow over.  They go away and life goes on.  One blogger left that I follow.  I sure do hope the rest of you stick around.

Twas the night before....

Independence day and all through the house panicked feet ran, searching for albuterol.

I had a late night snack.  A small cup of yogurt. Something I eat all the time.  I never expected an allergic reaction.  My legs got antsy and began to itch.  It got hard to breath and my vision went all funny.

Everyone scrambled to get the drugs I needed to stop it before it turned into a full blown anaphylactic reaction. Benadryl, Zantac, albuterol and Atrovent nebulizer.  With the Epi pens in hand and Dragon ready to dial 911, we waited.

Slowly my breathing improved and the black spots faded from my vision.  It felt like an eternity to me but probably only lasted about 15 minutes.  I am feeling better today.  Sleepy because I am keeping myself doped up on benadryl and shaking from the pro air.

I am not taking any chances today.  No questionable food. No smoke. No fireworks.  My body is set on twitchy right now.  Ready to fight any invaders.

Great timing

NOT!!!

The first really bad reaction in years.  Guess I should count myself lucky.

Independence Day

For the first time EVER, Dragon has the day absolutely off.  He isn't on call anywhere. No mandatory parade, no fire works show to prepare for.  It is great.  We don't even have plans to go visiting.  Just staying home.  A quiet day.

Nice.

I am holding up okay.  Had a few moments of tears but still good.  24 years ago when I was 18 years old and fresh out of high school my mom woke me up.  I was living with my grandmother and had just finished my second day at my very first grown-up job.  I thought it was strange that my mom was there but I wasvery happy to see her.  I had no idea something was wrong.

 That was July 1st.

My father had passed away the night before.  I knew he was in the hospital but he told me that it was going to be okay.  I believed him.  He tried to get out of bed on his own and fell. The fall caused a brain bleed.  There was no stopping it.  He only lived a few more hours.

I don't know why it still hurts so much. This year is better than most.  My little car makes me feel like I have a little part of him right here with me.  When it gets hard, I just go sit in the passenger seat and remember how much he loved me.

Watermelon, something cooked on the grill and sparklers.  It will be a good day.  My family will be together.  I think my oldest has other plans.  That's okay. We will have a better day anyway without her attitude.

PS she finally left her pos boyfriend.   With her, I'll take any good news I can get.

Steriotypes and an Angry Mom

My daughter's roommate is sometimes entertaining, always frustrating and sometimes rage inducing.

Her parents are illegal imagrants from Mexico.  I have to say that I am getting an education.  Did you know that the US stole Texas from Mexico?  Let's forget all about the Republic of Texas.  The history she learned in school can't be part of the conversation.

Americans are lazy.  I heard the same thing in Europe too.  Funny thing.  My grandparents, parents and husband are some of the hardest working people I have ever known.  And any of them will give you the shirt off their backs.

My daughter is not cultured because she was homeschooled.  Nope, she doesn't understand the local slang but get her around a bunch of military kids and she can hold her own.  Trips to art museums, the symphony and natural science exhibits.  She has lived in three different countries and visited more.  She learned WWII history standing beside the Rhine river.

Nope.  She can't be cultured.  Impossible.

I am not sure what to think right now.

My daughter barley talks to me. When she does it is to hint for a hand out.  She won't directly ask for help.  Just hints.  Nothing I do is right.  I try to tell her that the neighborhood she lives in is dangerous and I am not comfortable going there.  But I am wrong.  I offer to buy her gas and she says that she doesn't have gas money to come visit.

Excuses maybe?

I give up.

One day she will figure this out.  I'll be there for her when she does.

Sorry for venting.  I am hurting and practicing some tuff love.  She asked for money and I said no.  To many lies.  I have been walked on to much.  No more hand outs.  I'll drop off groceries when she is going hunger but I won't help with rent any more.  The last time I did she went and got her nails done. $100+ .

Enough.  Past time for her to grow up. My job is done.  I raised her and now it is time for her to stand on her own two feet.

Great Day

Dragon had yesterday off.  It was his regular day off.  The only one he gets.  He went with me to get my little car inspected.  I am glad he was there. With aclassic ccar, the requirements aren't as strict.  Just lights and horn.  But that was a challenge.  One of the parking lights decided not to work but Dragon had it fixed in no time.  Then I drove my car into the city and registered it.

Drivable!!!!  Yippee!!!

 My daughter gets her first lesson on driving a stick this evening if the weather cooperates.  The top has a good rip in it.  I don't want it out in the rain until that is replaced.

Now for the fun part. Christening!  Yep, fantasy time.

The reality. In the garage, private and away from biting insects.  The fantasy, a remote picnic spot.  Nude, hands on the bumper while Dragon torturs my body.  First the flogger and then the paddle.

 Yummy!

 My imagination is going crazy.  I can't wait to have a little privacy.  It has been fun working on the car but now I want memories of a different kind.

Soon!

Car Talk

Car talk turns into technical repair talk turns into power words.

You know. Those words used for stubborn bolts, after market parts that don't quite fit and mysterious electrical problems.  Oh....and broken tools that causes bruised knuckles.

Fun stuff

Well....

A certain power word is not lady like and is forbidden.

Oops

 I used it this morning.

Sunday morning at the breakfast table.

 Ut oh...

Dragon had that crooked smile on his face that makes my shoulders drop.

I have been pushing for dd to come back. .Told him that I missed the dynamic. The after effects of a punishment.

Holy guacamole Batman.

Dragon had to leave for work.  There wasn't enough time for more than a hug.  Somehow I have this funny feeling that my backside is going to be sore this afternoon.

Oops.

No more power words for me.

Like He Needed It

Needed what?

 Another reason to spank my backside.

I have to ask for permission to work on my car.  If something else needs attention around the house it has to come first.

 Yesterday the grass needed to be cut.  I didn't finish the yard.  I still have a huge area to cut but permission was given.

I spent most of the day with my little car.  The top is Armoralled, the inside is dusted and the windows are clean.  I even tracked down some issues with the electrical harness.

Tired now.

Yes, I am obsessing over my little car but just wow.  I never expected to have it.  And it is mine!  No loan.  My name on the title.

She still needs work before she is ready for the road but she is getting there.  I just hope I didn't misunderstand Dragon this morning.  Fingers crossed that I am not in trouble.

Honoring a Memory

This weekend is Fathers day.  It would also have been my fathers birthday.  He would have been 63.

One way I celebrated his memory was learning how to ride a motorcycle.  I can't ride without rembering him.

Today I did something big.  I bought a classic car.  The same model he drove when I was a teenager.  I loved that car and it has been my dream car ever since.

I saved money like a squirrel collecting nuts.  Adding when I could and dipping into it for emergencies. (Yes, hockey gear was an emergency. Safety first)

We looked at one car but I wasn't thrilled. The price was low but it needed LOTS of work.  I absolutely fell in love with the second car.  It was perfect but out of our price range.

We took it for a test drive and fell in love.  But we didn't have the money.  We couldn't come up with it but we made an offer anyway. He countered.

It was almost exactly the amount I had left in my stash.  Just a few dollars left.

We don't celebrate fathers day any more than we do mothers day.  This weekend we honored the memory of my dad.  I will feel the warmth and comfort of  his arms every time I dive my little dream car.

A bonus? We finally have a car small enough to fit in the parallel parking spot at the DMV.  NY daughter will finally be able to take her driving test.

History Quiz

What is special about June 6?

What year?

 My American, English and French friends should remember!!!

Driving from the Passenger Seat

That is what I have been doing.

While Dragon was struggling to adjust to civilian life and the PTSD was bad, I reached over to help steer our family in the right direction.  Over time I did more and more of the steering.  Pretty soon all Dragon had to do was control our speed.

Not good.

I don't think either one of us realize it until I stepped down for a few days.  It happen slowly over two years.  When I drive it takes something away from Dragon that he needs.  Something that we both need.

His leadership.

Home should be his safe place. The place where he is in control.  I am trying to let go of that steering wheel and watch him thrive again.

Hopefully DD comes back. Hopefully the Dragon I know and love is enjoying life again.

Speaking of which, I need to get dressed for Dragon to come home.  The grass is cut, the yard is edged and I have had a shower and a short break.  Time to make sure Dragon has a reason to smile when he walks in the door.  Garter belt,stockings and another pretty dress.  For some reason Dragon loves to spank my backside with the garter straps in place.  Love my man.

Requests

Dragon had a few requests for today.

Work on the corset.     Done

Wear a dress.    Done

Wear a garter belt and stockings.  Done

There was only one strap I couldn't get before Dragon pulled into the driveway.  The back left.  It is also the hardest to reach.  He called me earlier to tell me that I didn't have to wear the garter and stockings.  It is a hot, sticky day and Dragon didn't want me to be uncomfortable.

Love my man just a little.


It didn't take long to decide to wear them anyway.

Submission

He wanted me to wear them.  So I did.

The look on his face and the quick trip to the garage made it worth every second of discomfort.

He has the day off tomorrow.  It should be an interesting day.  Hopefully my backside will be bruised by the time he goes back to work.

All Things Anal

Anal can be play or punishment. We have talked about punishment but decided that it would be a bad idea.  Anal play pushes me hard enough without adding the emotions that come with discipline. For us it is all play.

I don't like the way it feels but I crave the head space it give me.  It always puts me deeply into subspace.  Every time.  Even just the simplest, least intense method.  A single finger inserted during forplay.  One finger never causes any pain or stretching sensations but it sure does cause some strange sensations.  Even just that one finger blows my mind.  Add two or every three fingers and I am flying.

Toys would be the next level.  I have used latex plugs but was less than impressed.  I think they dry out to fast for my comfort, if anything anal can be called comfortable.  With beads, I didn't like the string.  Owie.  My favorite so far has been a glass dildo.  Used with or without lube, it feels the best.  I won't say comfortable but it doesn't cause pain or soreness if it is left in place for a while.  I want to try the metal plug called the NJoy.  It has so much more potential than the glass.

Then comes anal sex.  That really blows my mind.  Unless we really take the time to prepare, it is going to sting.  Dragon has to use 3 or even 4 fingers to prevent it but I still get the sting from the stretch.  With lube or without.  It doesn't seem to matter.  For us, this is not the tender side of love making.  It is hard fast and brutal.  I like it that way.

I saved ginger for last because it really blows my mind. More than anything else.  Anal penetration, pain, burning and the aphrodisiac quality of the ginger.  Just wow.  He usually prepares me with his fingers.  It helps me relax a little. No lube. It blocks the effects of the ginger.  The burning lasts for 20-45 minutes and Dragon puts the time to good use.  I usually end up a quivering mess.

No, I don't like the sensation of anything anal.  What I like is the deep submission I feel as soon as Dragon touches my bottomside.  The only thing that even comes close is a punishment but the headspace is different.  Somehow it is connected to little play.  Not sure how but it is.

Dragon has requested that I wear a dress this evening with my garter belt and stockings. I know he has my backside on his mind when he makes that request.  I probably have a paddling in my future and some ruff sex too.

Dang.  He can't get home fast enough.  I am hungry for him already.  Today I'll take extra time with my grooming to make sure my skin is baby smooth for him.

This is going to be a LONG day.  Sigh....

(I hope he stops by the store for some fresh ginger. I think I'll set him a text and request it.)

A trip to the movies

Maleficent was excellent.   It isn't the story of Sleeping Beauty that we grew up with. It is 100 better.  One of my favorite stories of all times even better

So why was the evening and disaster?

PTSD

We can't even go to the movies anymore.

A single movie preview triggered both of us.   I thought that I was okay until I tried to sleep.   But every time I closed my eyes I saw death.  

So...  What could cause us both so many problems?

We were both EMTs.  We saw the worst in people.  In one accident a man though that his political position put him above the law

Game of Thrones

I finally got curious.   I have read about it in fiction.  Heard friends talking about it.  

Yep.   I ordered it from netflix.   And learned a few things

1. It is NOT kid appreciate.   Oops

2. It is misnamed.   It should be called The Game of Boobs, deviant sex and incest.  

3.  I want the next two episodes!   I have to know if the boy survives.  

Ps.   I miss spanking.   It seems like we are always to tired or to busy.   We are just going to have to set aside time for us.  A spanking date. We both need it.  

Memorial Day

Have I ever mentioned that I have a great husband?

Dragon has a rare day off for Memorial Day.   We will be going to a ceremony at a local cemetery early in the morning.   Dragon told me that he would be wearing his uniform.

No problem...

Right?

I worried over it for days.  Made myself sick.   Tears fell in the privacy of my little room.   Finally, I decided to talk to Dragon.   I asked.

"Please don't wear your uniform.   I can't handle it. "

" Okay "

And that was that.

We are going to the memorial service but I don't have to cope with him back in uniform.

It is going to be a good day.

Ps I got in trouble for not telling him soone .  

Yep.   I have a great husband.  

Stumbling along

Dragon's schedule changes,  the kids sports,  doctor appointments, changes and more changes.  

I am moving in a haze of confusion.  

The good news.  My asthma control is getting better.  Not nearly 100 %.  Not good enough but better.   I even felt good enough to try some yoga today.   I didn't make it very far but I tried. That counts for something.

My pain levels have prevented any serious spanking action but the floggers are getting used.  

More safe word training.  More intense play.   The endorphins seem to help the pain but I can'tttolerate the paddles long enough to get there.  

Dragon is getting better with the floggers every day.   It feels like heaven.  He works with each one every time we play.  

DD isn't at a stand still but I'll just call this a pause.   Life is to crazy with to many changes.  We aren't pushing anything very hard right now.  

Backwards

Yes please

More stress and uncertainty with Dragon's job. Would you believe I miss the military
?

Age Play

It is simple.  He becomes Papa and I am his little Missie.

Crayons, coloring books, character panties, lollipops and crooked pig tails.  

I know it doesn't sound like much but it really messes with my head.   Pushes my limits hard. I am more likely to red out with age play than any thing else.  

He lets me get my head around it gradually.  A lollipop or a new box of crayons.   Little hints.   It doesn't take long for the hints to work.   I start asking for it.  

Eventually panties become a privilege and privacy is a thing of the past.    The harder he pushes, the slower he has to move.   One step at a time.  

I think I will leave Dragon a hint tonight.   My handwriting book with the fat pencil?  Or the coloring book and crayons?   If the weather warms up today I may even put on a dress without panties.   That always gets his attention.  

Yep.  Today I am Missie

Mothers day

I don't celebrate Mothers day.  

Why?   It is a day of expectations.   If a dinner isnnot served, if a gift is not given for this made up holiday feelings get hurt.   It has become so commercial.   Purchased gift cards.   Just for mom pre packaged presents.  

It feels artificial.

Fake appreciation.

What means more to me?  

My daughter telling me that I am an awesome mom.

My son telling me that I am beautiful.

The house getting clean without having to nag. The grass cut jujust because it needed to be done.

I don't need one day set aside for to know my kids love me.   They show me every day.

I know others celebrate the day.   No judgment from me.   Enjoy your day and good for you.   For me it is just another day.  

Going green

We have been accused of being Amish by one person and borderline menonite by an entire community.   So many things in our home are hand made by us.   Curtains and clothes.  I embroidery the towels and pillow cases.   I make the runner that goes under the alter.   I even make little dolls for the children at church.

Now we have truly gone over board.   We just made our very first batch of laundry soap.   It was made last night.   3 gallons of the stuff.   And I just scooped it out of the bucket and into recycled soda bottles.  

Craziness.  

Yes,  I reuse disposable grocery sacks and usually use re usable bags at the store.  Going green!   Worn out clothing gets cut up and use as rags.   News paper and old bills are used as fire starters.  Worn out bath towels go in the dog kennels.   My favorite cleaners in the house are vinegar, baking soda and borax.

I have been told that we were born in the wrong century.  

Maybe so....

Gotta go.   Time to get the weeds out of the vegetable garden before they take over.

A Lesson Learned

The hard way!

I warned my 21 yo daughter that her newest boyfriend was bad news.   He drinks like a fish. Tells his friends all the juicy details of their time together.   Sexual things.  Some that happened and some that only happened in his imagination.

I warned her that he was not good boy friend material.  But she didn't listen.   He made her feel pretty and good about herself.   He is a strong, cut bad boy that women love to look at. She talked about marriage,  commitment and forever.

He talked about the next trip to the club.   He talked about Mexico and how much he loves it there.   Did I mention that he is not in the US legally?   HE DOESN'T HAVE A GREEN CARD!

Yes, I have a problem with that.

He talks about getting married to get that all valuable green card.


What made her finally listen?   He had nude photos of her on his phone.   He shared them on the Internet.   She found out.

How long have they been there?   Who has copied them?  Who has shared them?

She was furious.

FINALLY!

She sees what a snake in the grass this guy is!

Another boyfriend bites the dust!

I am relieved.

Now,  when is this girl going to start listening to me?  Find a boyfriend at church or in school!   Not a club.   Not a drinking party.

I am happy this one is gone.   Fingers crossed that the next one is Mr.  Right

Happy place

Dragon had a migraine.  One dose of his new medicine didn't touch it.  A second dose ment that he couldn't operate machinery.  

The second dose helped some but he still wasn't 100%. I drove him to work and picked him up as soon as he finished the part of his job he could do without operating machinery.  

He crawled into bed and slept his headache off.   After a few hours, I stripped and joined him. It didn't take him long to realize I was there.  He forgot all about his headache.

He made my body sing with please.   His hands, his mouth and the hitachi.  

He found my happy place.  

The Allergist

It is official.  I am allergic to almost everything. The ddoctor put me on several new drugs and is putting in a referral for another drug that needs approval.   She wants to do the allergy shots twice a week too.  

Fun fun.

Very happy I didn't have a tiger striped back.   I am sore enough as it is.

No Flogging tonight.   Not feeling very sexy after today.   Time to take my new meds and go to bed.

Flogging

I want a good Flogging so much but it won't happen tonight.   The ruff sex last night was great but it just wasn't what I wanted.  

You see, I have an appointment for allergy testing tomorrow.   My back will be very itchy before we finish.   I really don't want to explain tiger stripes to the nurse or doctor.  

Very bad idea.  

4 days so far without antihistamines.   I am wheezing, itchy and miserable.   My eyes itch. So does my throat and both of my ears.   My ankles and hands itch from working in the yard.  Probably not the best idea but it needed to be done.  

I think Dragon will be more than willing to give me a nice long reward scene after the appointment.   That and a box of Sees candy.  

I think I'll seduce Dragon again tonight.   More ruff sex should help.   Temporarily.  

Happy Easter

A little food for thought.

Mary had a little lamb
His fleece was white as snow.

And every where that Mary went,
He was sure to go.


He made His way to Calvary,
to pray for all our sins.

And three days later, conquered death
And rose to life again.

Mary had a little Lamb
His fleece was white as snow

He followed her to school one day
Which was against the rules

It made the children laugh and play
To see a Lamb in school.

And so the teacher turned him out
But still he lingered near.

He waited patiently about
Until Mary did appear

Why does the Lamb love Mary so
The eager children cry

Why Mary loves the Lamb you know
The teacher did reply.

Think about that today.

Hope you have a very blessed Resurrection Day!