When I make my confession to the priest he says a prayer with me, forgives and assignes a penance. All is good.
I still hang on to the guilt. I pour out my heart and confess things that are truly bad. No kneeling on tacks. No hours spent in prayer asking forgiveness. Just told to pray for the poor.
Hmmm. I already do that.
So what is missing? Confession and accountability in my marriage. We have pushed the Ds of domestic discipline to the background and guilt has caused discord. For both of us, not just me.
I try to be a good wife and mother but I am guilty of all of the Ds.
Disobedience - yes, I got the chore done. Almost. In the 5 minutes before Dragon walks in the door I am frantic and working hard to get my chores done. The results are sloppy and half done.
Dangerous - I let depression rule the day. IInstead of obedience I make excuses for lazyness which feeds the depression. That makes it dangerous.
Disrespect - by not doing the few things Dragon asks of me I am showing disrespect. I am showing that I don't value the sacrifices that he makes for our family.
I could keep going but I think you get the idea. It is a cycle that feeds itself. All connected and none of it healthy for me or Dragon.
The confessional at church is a good thing but it isn't magical. I still have to make things right with Dragon. If I leave these issues alone things will not improve. I can make changes but the guilt won't go away.
I made my confession to my Dragon. Listing off the the rules we have and how I have broken them.
Dragon is a thoughtful man. He is carefully considering where to go from here.
I hate punishment in whatever form it takes. But I will submit.
His decision stands.
No. I am not worried. He will be fair and not overly harsh.
PS. My confession to him was more detailed. I cannot put everything here. My shame is to deep. He got it all. You just have a little. Hopefully he doesn't keep me waiting for long.