It has been a long time since a spanking has brought me to tears. I crave them but they just won't fall. The tears give me a little extra release that the paddle just can't bring.
Why do the tears fall so rarely? It has nothing to do with pain. I deal with pain every day.
So what is it?
Part of it is seeing Dragon's disappointed face. When I have done something truly nasty and we both know it. I hate seeing that look on his face. If my own guilt is bad enough I'll start crying before the first swat falls.
Sometimes I go into a spanking defiant. "I didn't do anything wrong! You are the one that is wrong." These tears come after. During that quiet time after a punishment while I am trying to pull to pull myself back together. The guilt hits and Dragon knows those tears are a signal that I am ready for the real punishment to begin.
Yes, I get spanked a second time. Think barn burner. The second round usually leaves marks that last a while. It is a spanking I don't forget.
Sometimes the tears just come. After a few swats my eyes start to water and before I know it I am a mess. Or after the spanning is over I'll cry in his arms.
What is it about those tears? No matter how they started or why we always end up making love. The slow and gentile kind that takes a while and leaves us both spent.
My tears give us both something that nothing else can.
Update on the spider bite:
One week later and it is finally getting smaller. Yesterday I tried to cut down my benadryl dose. It makes me so sleepy that I hate taking it during the day. Big mistake. The hives came back worse than ever. Miserable.
The pain I can only compare to a dental procedure gone terribly wrong. It felt like bees attacking my side day in and day out. The hives feel like little bugs creeping across my skin.
The red halo around the bite is much smaller. The bruising where the bite is shrank. It is slowly getting better. I can move without screaming.
We suspect a brown recluse spider. Much worse than the wolf spider bite I had in Utah.