My head is still spinning from the last 30 days. At times it has been hard to breath. No death or really huge disasters. Just lots of things piling up.
Fall sports. Kid drama. Family drama. And something bit me. I was sick for over a week! Spider maybe? We have been invaded by St Andrew's spiders and a few mouse spiders have been spotted too.
But there has been fun stuff too. Dragon has to go slow and gentile. He has to watch for the panic that ends with me shivering in his arms. No impact. No spanking or flogging. No knife play, no restraints.
My daughter triggered me hard. It is going to take time to get my head around things again. Dragon is working hard to make me feel safe. It may take weeks or months.
Lots of touching in safe places until I quit flinching. Then we will try some nudity and hot spots. Slowly.
We are starting all over again. But my Dragon is a patient man and I am trying. Dragon didn't hurt me. My daughter told me she was assaulted by one of her dates. It put me back in a defensive mode. It brought back the fear. (PS. I am nearly 100% sure my daughter lied about being raped. Sometimes I wonder if she knows the difference between the truth and a lie. )
Tis life.
This to shall pass.
One more stressor? We don't have the $$ for my next service dog. I have chosen an American Mastiff because of the size, health and longevity. But the breeders like them too. $1800. I have $60 so far. Praying for a miracle.
Hope your miracle arrives, until then keep on keeping on.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you were triggered Rose but very happy you have your Dragon to help you through. Sending lots of prayers and healing energy that you recover soon and also praying for your miracle.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
I'm sorry times are tough for you at the moment, and I am sending you lots of supportive prayers and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteSpiders?!!! Oh how horrible - I am so scared of them.
Hugs
Ami
Not sure how desperate u are time wise for your service dog...but have u thought about a breed specific rescue? ..could save on $$,& u could still focus on breeds that meet your size requirements..since u will train yourself, u could just ask if they have access to a qualified trainer to perform an adult temperment test to avoid issues you had with previous rescue..another idea is sometimes there are service dogs that are partially trained, but "missed the cut"&are up for adoption. .if the reason they didn't qualify isn't a major issue to u, or one u feel u could fix, that could be a great option as well!
ReplyDelete