My head is still spinning from the last 30 days. At times it has been hard to breath. No death or really huge disasters. Just lots of things piling up.
Fall sports. Kid drama. Family drama. And something bit me. I was sick for over a week! Spider maybe? We have been invaded by St Andrew's spiders and a few mouse spiders have been spotted too.
But there has been fun stuff too. Dragon has to go slow and gentile. He has to watch for the panic that ends with me shivering in his arms. No impact. No spanking or flogging. No knife play, no restraints.
My daughter triggered me hard. It is going to take time to get my head around things again. Dragon is working hard to make me feel safe. It may take weeks or months.
Lots of touching in safe places until I quit flinching. Then we will try some nudity and hot spots. Slowly.
We are starting all over again. But my Dragon is a patient man and I am trying. Dragon didn't hurt me. My daughter told me she was assaulted by one of her dates. It put me back in a defensive mode. It brought back the fear. (PS. I am nearly 100% sure my daughter lied about being raped. Sometimes I wonder if she knows the difference between the truth and a lie. )
This to shall pass.
One more stressor? We don't have the $$ for my next service dog. I have chosen an American Mastiff because of the size, health and longevity. But the breeders like them too. $1800. I have $60 so far. Praying for a miracle.