Dragon doesn't ask to touch me any more. He just does. A VERY nice change. I wake up to his hands exploring my body. As his stress at work increases, my submission to him deepens. I am doing my best not to use the word no. I have my safe words but they have specific meanings. I won't abuse them just because I am sleepy.
Instead of withdrawing like he does every year, he is drawing closer. I love it. He even took the time for a pleasure spanking. It has been a while so my backside was extra tender. I couldn't take the intense swats I was taking with a smile. Mild to moderate with just a few harder swats.
It was very good. Even better since it felt so normal.
No secret can be kept OTK. I can feel what the spanking is doing to him and my body is on display for him. It is obvious that we both love that very intimate position.
Conversion has turned more and more to ttwd. The fun and the serious. We both love the effects this life style has on our relationship. I need to work on my fear. I have nothing to fear from Dragon but old habits are hard to break. The older they are, the more challenging they can be. Dragon needs to look at DD as trust building. Even punishment. His touch. His voice.
Instead of completely backing off, he is going to start comforting and reassuring me. Helping me get past my fear. One spanking at a time.
Submitting to his touch is a beginning. For me, spanking is simply another kind of touch. Harder, stinging, sexy and incredibly intimate.
For now punishment will include lots of reassurance and genital touch. Quite words and probably a very light spanking. We will take it slow. My fear put a stop to DD but it isn't going to get better by ignoring the problem.
I should feel shame and disappointed in myself but not outright blind terror. There is a huge difference. Some of this fear comes from my past. Some comes from reading other blogs. I can't do this alone. I need balance that can only come with both of us understanding the problem and both of us working for solutions.
Submitting to his touch any time, any where is helping. The fun spankings are helping.
They are helping BOTH OF US! He is still struggling but focusing on our relationship seems to help. He replaces the horror of war with touch and pleasure. I am replacing my bad memories with gentle hands and kindness.
We won't know if this is going to last until after the holiday rush. Until we are both faced with a punishment that can't be ignored. If we rush to fast, we will be right back where we started.
Slow and easy. Baby steps.
Accepting his touch. Doing the tasks that have to be done and both of us remembering that we have rules to live by. Rules that keep us healthy, built trust and give our relationship a strong foundation.
He is at work and all I want is him. A stinging backside and sweet loving.