Accountability? Interesting!
After several weeks of careful reading, I broached the subject with Dragon. He didn't want to take more responsibility. No way. He liked our care free ways. We didn't really fight. I wasn't a spoiled brat of a wife. What good would it do? We are in a good place already. Right?
We had to take baby steps. We both needed the baby steps! First a very mild erotic spanking, then one a little harder and finally one that left marks. Then we moved on from just a hand spanking to paddles and finally to floggers.
We both received a great deal of pleasure from our adventures into erotic spanking. Eventually, I got brave enough to ask for DD again. Still, he didn't want to take on the responsibility but I had a habit he hated! I had picked up the F bomb, a word I hated but used too frequently! Silly or not, he decided to give me a taste of DD and break that bad habit.
The first spanking was awkward and really didn't do anything. So mild it was a joke but we both learned from it. The next time he stepped up and delivered a punishment it wasn't a joke at all. I think this is when he really started seeing DD as something other than a silly female fantasy.
Soon after that first real punishment he started adding to the list of rules. He was taking things to a new level. I was ready but afraid. Not of him but whether or not I could handle this new Dragon that was emerging.
Yes, I wish he would be more consistent. That he wouldn't let me talk my way out of a punishment. I wish for a stricter household and more accountability. It is coming. In Dragons own sweet time. He is a very methodical person. One step at a time. Test it out, see how it works and only then take the next step. He is getting stricter over time but so slowly that I almost don't notice. That is a good thing. It is easier to take things slowly.
The hardest part for me is the uncertainty. When I know a rule has been broken, is he going to punish me or not? Should I be worried or is this something I can do again? Hmmmm. Dragon is not an all or nothing kind of person. I'll have to learn how to accept that and take DD his way. Still, I long for accountability.
A silly fantasy of his wife to reality. What a journey it has been. We are still growing and still learning. Both of us. He is learning to step up and taking that responsibility one baby step at a time. At the same time, I am learning how to submit to him. Baby steps.
ps. SIL will leave for church soon and the house will be empty. Just us. Hmmm. Send the kids outside and I think I can talk Dragon into using that paddle I packed in my bag. Yep. I am going to ask!
Enjoy your time of solitude. Hope it is all it can be.
ReplyDeletewe left soon after they did to house hunt. No private time. Oh well. Biding my time and hoping for privacy soon!
DeleteI see a LOT of similarities between Dragon and MDK. I recently asked for the same sort of thing and let me tell you yesterday I flung out a bunch of angry texts. They weren't really directed at MDK but I was upset that I felt he questioned something that had little to do with him.
ReplyDeleteHe told me to wait up for him instead of going to bed. That one small text that he sent, sent shivers down my spine. I tried to play it off like it didn't concern me. Surely he would not punish me at 1am? Well as my very red bottom can attest to, he sure did. *grumble*
It's a new and strange place and you're right every day can be a journey. I also know what you mean about feeling scared. It's not scared of them and I venture to say it's not being scared of the discipline just what is to come and if we will be able to handle the consequences of our own actions? Forgive me if I am assuming, it's just that you posted the very same thing that I have been thinking the past week or so. (I hope you ask nicely for the paddle!)And sorry sorry for the long post!
We have been dd for a few years now. I have lost track of how long and I STILL feel that anxiety every time. A little for stress relief and A LOT for a punishment. I don't think that ever goes away. It is disappointing when they don't step up but terrifying when they do. What a dilemma.
DeleteThanks for the long reply! I read every word. :)
Ooh, so hope you got to use the paddle. thank you for this description of your journey. As someone just dipping my toes in the water of erotic spankings, it's great to hear how your journey progressed. The CDD site was the first one i found too-- I was so turned on and shocked at the same time, i didn't know what to do with myself!
ReplyDeleteI didn't get spank but we did fit in a little love making. That was almost as good as a spanking. LOL
DeleteWhen I found that CDD site I was so turned on I didn't know what to do with myself either. I questioned my sanity at first. Spanking as something hot and sexy? Submit to what? No way! I was tied up in knots for weeks.
I am happy he gave my silliness a try! Things did get so much better after we brought DD into our marriage.
It is interesting reading about your journey. I'm sure many of us wish that it all fell into place immediately and how we imagine, but little by little is more realistic and what works. Yes, send the kids outside! ;-)
ReplyDeleteLittle by little is much more realistic. And isn't submitting about doing it his way? If we did it my way that would be topping from the bottom and defeat the purpose.
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