Safe words

I have been asked how safe words work with Domestic Discipline.  It is obvious how they work with play.  To me it is just as obvious how they work with DD.

Green does not always mean all is right with my little world when used for DD.  It simply means that I am ok and the session can continue.  My heart may be breaking and my tears may be soaking his shirt but I can continue.

Yellow means something needs to be adjusted.  Punishment should be painful but that doesn't mean it has to cut off my breathing or that my hair trapped under his leg is ok.  That hurts and isn't part of the punishment.  Yellow lets us readjust positions, get a drink of water and continue.

Red!  Now that is the big one.  That word stops a punishment cold.  If I feel he is too angry or I am.  If I feel that he isn't listening to my side of the story.  If I think the punishment isn't justified.  All of these are valid reasons to call red.  My hearing is better.  The phone may be ringing or there may be someone at the door.  So many reasons to call red.

Wouldn't no work just as good?  Or just saying "wait a minute"  Yep, it sure would but would it get his attention as fast?  Safe words are ingrained in our minds.  They have more meaning than no or wait.  They are specific in meaning and intent.   I can scream no and stop all I want during a punishment but it won't do any good.  It makes me feel better but I know he really won't stop.  He will finish what he started and continue until I submit.

So what happens when I call Red during a punishment?  It isn't over and done with.  Red is not a get out of jail free card.  He lets me up and we talk.  We may go about our day like nothing special happened.  But we are both still thinking.  What went wrong?  Was the spanking fair?  Was it deserved?  Who was wrong?  Latter in the day, we sit down together and talk.

I will admit, I am usually wrong.  Something about being a spoiled rotten brat and wanting my way.  Foot stomping, door slamming, filthy mouthed and spoiled.  That is me.  I can't always admit it when he wants me to.  It takes time for me to see the damage I have done with my stubborn ways.  I have to see the wedge I have created between us.  I can't do that when I am angry.

After the talk, then comes the lecture all over again.  By this time my tears are falling.  Given time to process what happened, I begin to feel guilty. The spanking doesn't cause the tears nor does the lecture.   After I have gained some self control, I go back over his lap to finish the punishment.  It isn't any harder because of the delay.  Dragon only spanks me until he feels my body submit.  That usually doesn't take long after a good cry.

Red has not negative consequences as long as it isn't misused.  The only reason a spanking would be any worse is if I did something else during that down time to deserve it.  Lets say I got off of Dragons lap after redding out and called him a f--ing a$$blaster.  Yes, that would earn more swats.  He would probably put me back otk and take care of that right then and there.  The punishment I redded out of would still be waiting.

That is how it works for us.  I couldn't live this lifestyle without the safety net of safe words.  They are there for both of us.