Monday, July 2, 2012

July 1 1990

My tears fell that day.  My daddy passed away during the night and no one thought to tell me.  They wanted to wait until morning.  No one told me he had lapsed into a coma.  I had no idea.

My mom showed up before I was even out of bed.  I worked late into the night and was not ready to start my day.  She told me that my step mom had called her.  I blew her off.  She told me daddy was gone.  I blew her off again.

Nope.  Daddy isn't gone.  He is going to go into remission one more time.  He said so.

My mind couldn't accept that he was gone.  That he died in a hospital bed with me in a different state.

Then the mother of all family drama followed.  The nastiness that I have learned to expect from my family.  I was caught in the middle.  And my tears fell even harder.

I spent the first and second of July on the phone trying to figure out the funeral plans.  No one would tell me.  I had to track his body from the hospital morgue to the transport company, an airport, another transport company and finally to the funeral home.  I could tell that the funeral director had been told not to give me any information but his self respect got in the way.  He couldn't see keeping an 18 year old girl away from her fathers funeral.  I found out when and where.

My mother made arrangements to go with me.  All the while my step father threatened to report me as a runaway and a car thief.  Such a lovely family I have.

On the morning of the third, me and mom set out for on the long drive to go to the funeral.  Stocked up with bags of chips, a cooler full of soda, sandwich fixin's and coffee.  We took turns driving.

On the forth, I said good bye.  The man in the coffin didn't look like my strong daddy.  Bald as an egg, pale and swollen from the steroids and chemo therapy.  I sat in the very back of the chapel.  At the cemetery I stood beside a tree away from everyone else as I struggle to stay composed.  Ladies do not cry in public.  Nope.  Not ever.  A lady always shows a composed face no matter how feels inside.

It has been a long time and I still miss him.  Thinking about him still brings tears to my eyes.

Daddy, I love you.


  1. Sorry for your loss. it takes a lot of time to come to terms with losing a parent.

    Both mine are gone now and all I have are fond memories.

    Take care

  2. Sorry about your loss - it never goes away does it I am even sorrier about your family.

    And a lady can cry when and where she wants.

  3. I'm sorry D's Rose. My Dad passed away on July 2nd 4 yrs ago today. I have some wonderful memories too! Sara

  4. Heartfelt thoughts to you. I am so sorry for your loss as the others have stated. May you be comforted this day. God Bless.

  5. I'm sorry Dragon's Rose. The anniversary of these awful days are hard and am glad that you have some great memories to hold onto.

  6. Oh honey I'm so sorry. I keep thinking that it is going to get easier but it never seems to. It's been nine years since my father passed, also from cancer. *hugs you* I hope that you can hold on to the happy memories.

  7. Ah, Dragon's Rose, so sorry. I lost my mom 16 years ago this September, and I still miss her dearly. Grief comes in waves sometimes, doesn't it? Praying for you -- Anna