As a boy he is taught not to hit girls. To defend himself is ok but no more than that. Not EVER. In school he gets a daily dose of equality. Boys and Girls are equal. Girls are just as smart, just as strong and have the same rights as boys. Girls are no longer the weaker sex but rather strong leaders. Right?
Stepping into the career world, men are taught that women are equal. My Dragon has had several female supervisors. Formidable women that he must submit to. Women with power. These women give the orders, commands and punishment. The stand there like mad kittens hissing at their subordinates and despise the very ground they walk on. Not very female supervisor is like this but I know you have met one or two. (I’ve had a few male supervisors like this too.)
Along comes his new wife. A free spirited feminist. “You male chauvinistic pig, You won’t be the boss of me! NO WAY.” Some where in the journey of life she realizes that her way isn’t working. She is a destructive force in her marriage. She loves her husband and children very much. No one questions her love for her family. Ok. One person questions it. She does. She acknowledges her temper and her selfish behavior. She sees how she is destroying the very people she claims to love most in this world.
In this day and age of computers, she turns to her friend Google to find a solution. She is scandalized at the thought that there are me who spank their wives but she is captivated too. Could this be a real solution? Will it work for her marriage? Is this the magic bullet that will save her from herself? For months she secretly reads articles and blogs. Researching it. Trying to get her mind around the idea. Submission, obedience, accountability, punishment. WOW! What radical new ideas these are.
She reads testimony after testimony. The struggles. The difficulties. The trials. She is terrified but sees this as her only chance. It is this or divorce. She asks, “how am I going to tell my husband? He is going to think I am crazy.” Six months to a year latter she brings up the subject with her dear husband. Full of hopes. With a rosy unrealistic view of what Domestic Discipline really is.
Fearfully but with hope she presents the idea to her husband. He is reluctant. “Men don’t hit woman! We are equal.” He gives it some thought. “You know, she really wants this and something has to change. This may be the answer.” Hmmmm. He decided to take it slow. Methodical. One step at a time. He is trying to get his mind around the things his wife is asking for.
She is impatient, demanding and as controlling as ever.
A rule is agreed upon by both of them. She agrees to the consequences. He agrees to lay down the consequences even though he knows it will hurt him much more than it will hurt her. It will hit his heart. His very manhood to strike his wife. To cause her pain is unthinkable. Yet here she is asking for it.
The rule is broken. She is acting like a complete brat. Childish and selfish. Ok. It is time for him to step up. He is nervous and unsure of himself. This is new to him too. This idea of being HOH. He doesn’t want to be a tyrant but this has to end! And so the journey begins.
She is defiant and screams at him. She calls him a jackalope. She is going to do what she wants to do and it doesn’t matter what he wants. She didn’t agree to this. NO WAY. She agreed that it should go her way and this isn’t her way!
He is defeated. Head bowed in submissions. Shoulders rounded in defeat. He misunderstood what she was asking for. That is the only explanation. Or maybe it was just another one of her games. Who knows. He is done with this game.
Latter she realizes what she has done. She is horrified by her actions. “What have I done?” She goes to him, frightened but submissive. Finally she understands what it means to submit and she understand her mistake. She begs him to try again. She promices to do better and she does. Sometimes. This is a compleat change of lifestyle. She understands that now. It takes time to change. It is still hard but now she is trying harder than ever to be the wife he deserves.
After a few starts and stops, she is naked, her bottom presented to him for punishment. What has to be going on in his mind? “I can’t hit her. I love her. I can’t possibly cause her pain. But I have to. I have to do this.” Then lo and behold. He leave a mark on he pristine skin. Her eyes fill with tears and his heart breaks. “what have I done. I can’t do this!”
With no thought to what is going on in his mind she pushes forward with determination and more demanding. Sometimes I think our men are nagged into TTWD. We force them to take action out of frustration. Who wants to be nagged?
Step back and ask yourself how all of this is affecting him? My husband can see the results of this lifestyle and likes it. He is starting to really step up and be the head of our home. I am usually obedient. He is almost always on top of things. He still slips. I am still a spoiled brat. I am still his china doll. But now we have the means to bring piece to our home. He lets the small things slide but if it is something that is really destructive, he takes this to the seat of the problem. My backside.
Submit to your husband. Even if he doesn’t understand show him that you are trying to change. Show him that you are willing to change for him. Show him how very much you love him, how much you trust him. You are asking him to take on a huge responsibility. You are asking him to against the very nature of what he is. Your protector. He may not think he is ready. Show him that he is a capable, strong man. It is something only you can do.