Ask Him

This is a crazy busy week. Getting ready for the big day! ! ! Finishing a project for a client, giving the house a good cleaning. the list goes on and on. My stress level hit a peak Friday night and dropped back down to a more normal high. Should I ask for what I know I need? It’s hard. I don’t like pain. Should I admit I need a good session with the paddle? I don’t know.

Another thing I am not sure I should ask about is where we are going with ttwd. He is very good at stress relief and taking care o a guilty conscience. But will he follow through with a punishment? I am afraid to ask. What is this? Afraid to ask the one person I trust most in this world? I think I am more afraid of the answer. He dreads a punishment as much as I do. I think he is putting it off as long as possible but it will come. A stress relief can get intense but has not brought me to tears.

The key word here it trust. I trust him. I trust him in all things. Even this.

On a better note. I have been working to rehabilitate my service dog.

A vindictive neighbor began the process of turning my sweet dane into a quivering, helpless, fearful dog. Then his trainer did a Jeckle/Hyde impression and fished the job. As a service dog, he needs to walk confidently at my side. When I need him the most he is all business but when he is on standby mode, he is a mess.

I am working with a new trainer to undo the damage that was done. It is taking a lot of time but it is worth it. I was just thinking this morning that what we are doing with the dog, is not so different than what my husband had to do with me. When we met I was afraid, didn’t know how to trust or accept being loved. I loved freely. Very giving but I had not idea how to be on the other side. I didn’t know how to react to being loved.
To undo the damage done to my dog, I am going to put him into increasingly stressful situations. Gradually re-socialize him to the world. That is what my husband had to do with me. He led me by the hand and first taught trust. That was the hardest lesson I have had to learn in life. When you trust people with your heart, you will be hurt eventually but denying yourself the luxury of trust is lonely. He led me one baby step at a time.

Just as I have to teach my dog to trust me again, my Dragon had to teach me how to trust him. He had to teach me how to be calm in the face of storm. That I would never EVER be alone again. He makes mistakes but he is always there for me. Most important of all, he is the first person in my life to ever say, “I’m sorry.” Those words are as important as, “I love you.” They are used freely in our house. They are words I rarely heard before I met my Dragon.

Day by day my dog is improving. He is getting better and so am I. As I walk with God on one side and my Dragon on the other, I can feel safe. I will never feel alone again.