No Regrets

No regrets

Journal Entry from November

I don’t have any regrets. When I asked for DD, I knew I needed help to break a few bad habits I had picked up over the last few years. Without consequences, there was no motivation to stop. I don’t work outside the home. No one was holding me accountable and I think everyone needs someone to be accountable to. I knew it wouldn’t be fun and that submitting would be hard. It felt silly and humiliating at the same time. An adult being spanked like a child. If I need to be spanked to act like an adult, so be it. I know what needs to be done in my home. I know how to behave. When I choose not to, my choices should have consequences.

He didn’t show any surprise when I asked for DD. The first thing he mentioned was my mouth. He asked me to clean up my language several months ago. Even thought I wanted to please him, I didn’t make much of an effort to do as he asked. He sat me down, explained the rules and the consequences when those rules where broken. One rule to remember, one habit to break and consequences I knew I didn’t want. He is happy with the results.

Weekly maintenance is doing what it is supposed to do. Sunday morning, before we get ready for the day, he prepares me for the week to come. Standing naked in front of him, he tells me what he expects, takes away safe words and lays me across his lap. Each week they get harder. I don’t know why. He wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t effective. With very little warm up, the paddle leaves behind a sting that will last for days. Impossible to stay still as the paddle sends the message home. Tears sting me eyes. The standard is set.

Today, I am going to ask for help breaking another habit. This one will be harder to break. It has been around longer. Why ask for his help? If I could have done this on my own, I wouldn’t have to ask for his help. He wanted my language cleaned up. I think it has been long enough to consider that lesson learned. Why is this so hard to do? I trust him. I don’t know. Admitting I am not the wife I want to be? Admitting a flaw? I am sure I will find out over the next few weeks.

New this week

*safe words only when he says I may have them
*he can spank me at any time for any reason
*I may appeal not whine
*his decision is final
*position, clothing and severity his choice

It is my job to submit to him. The unknown is the hard part.
One new area I have asked for help with. I don’t know how he is going to help.