“I don’t like punishing you.”
That is what my husband said to me a few days ago. I know. But does he know how much the hurt in his eyes hurts me? I hate the cold war games we play. I hate the shoulder drop he does when I have disappointed him. The look of “here we go again” when he tells me no and I get snippy.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
This comes from a man who will flog and spank me back and blue for pleasure and not blink an eye.
“but this is different.”
How? Oh wait. You don’t leave marks for a punishment spanking. Marks are too rewarding for me. I wear them like a badge of honor. How different is punishment form pleasure anyway? I think it has more to do with why and his tone of voice than with how. Why won’t a long warm up work for punishment too? Knowing why my bottom is bare and why I am in that most vulnerable position is more than enough.
We talked a little about the difference between the two. A punishment does not have to be an all out beating. It doesn’t have to look like anything others have described. TTWD is what we make it between the two of us. There is no ultimate guide book to all of this. We apply what the Bible says to our lives and from there we are on our own figuring this out. What works for one couple does not work for us.
I think we made another baby step forward. Have to wait and see just how far that step carried us. While we figure out just how fare we have come, I’ll be very careful to follow the rules. I don’t want him to think I am bratting just to test him out. That first punishment spanking will be well and truly earned. For now I am “grounded” No spanking at all. My backside is too marked up from stress relief over the holiday weekend.
"I don’t want him to think I am bratting just to test him out."
ReplyDeleteGreat integrity. True "ttwd".