A Ruby

I started this blog to have a place to record my journey.  There are things that I don’t feel are appropriate for fetlife and some things that cannot be posted on the CDD group.  Some subjects are taboo.  Ok.  I understand that.  But they are still a part of who I am.  I will not discuss how I discipline my children.  That has no place on this blog at all.   This is about my journey.  Not theirs. 

A lady on the CDD yahoo group send me an e-book.  There is a chapter on ritual.  The word ritual sounds a little silly to me so I had to use a substitution.  Routine, protocol.   Either word works for me.  Those are things that are already a part of our daily lives.  The blog is a place for me to work these issues out.  To help me find my place in this thing we do.  Corner time is something else I can’t get my head around.  Thankfully, my Dragon can’t bring himself to use it either.

Sometimes writing about things and seeing what others have to say helps.  I find it encouraging when other women share my struggles.  I don’t feel so alone.  I don’t know anyone in RL that uses CDD.  Not in the Fet community or church.  It can be lonely as I struggle with what all of this really means.  It helps to see how others have dealt with the issues that come up.  Maybe one day I’ll meet someone and have a RL friends who shares this journey with me.  Until then blog land will have do.

I know I’m an odd duck.  A very conservative Christian, yet I love some aspects of BDSM.  I don’t participate in immoral behavior.  There are people I distance myself from because they are bad for my spiritual health.  But I also find opportunities to witness to others in the community.  People get frustrated with churches cherry picking the bible.  I admit I do to.  Oh this applies but this doesn’t.  I witness to them using the ministry of Jesus.  Forgiveness and love.  I don’t know how many people I have reached but I have planted many seeds.   Keep in mind Jesus ministered to the tax collector and prostitute.  I learn what I can about playing safely and I spread the seeds of faith along the road.  

A  ruby is a multi faceted jewel.  It is a precious stone that is used to represent the wife and daughter.  I think it is very appropriate.  Valuable with many sides  You can look at the stone in its setting and think you know every single facet.  A jeweler removes it form the gold holding it in place and suddenly you see so much more you didn’t know was there.  That is a perfect illustration on the human heart.  Multifaceted with most people never seeing the true complexity of the jewel.

Ps. I took me a long time to come to terms with all the facets of my own heart.  I couldn’t see how the facets of the jewel all fit together.  I felt shattered.   When I read the ministry of Jesus for myself, without the commentary of church ladies, I began to see where I belong.  My ministry is teaching love and forgiveness.  Others can have their fence law.  I’ll stick to the word and works of God.