Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Money Matters


That dirty word all couples fight over.

When we first got married Dragon could not keep a checkbook balanced.  He kept his bank account over drawn.  I was the polar opposite.  I saved every penny I could and spent money sparingly.

Truth time?

On a very good week I brought home $84.  After I purchased diapers, formula and payed the power bill, there wasn't much left.

Nothing left?

Yes, that would be more truthful.  I was broke.  And here comes this young soldier that spends money like it is water.     He buys the name brands at the grocery store, buys me clothes and takes me out to eat just for the heck of it!


It didn't take long for me to take over his check book.  I payed his bills and gave him the rest of the his paycheck for spending money.  Even as a lowly 2 striper he made much more than I did.

After we married money really became a fight.  I quit work to stay home with kids and suddenly there wasn't enough to go around.  Every payday, every trip to the store was a fight.  I wanted to put money back into savings, he wanted to buy me pretty things.

Yes, it was a fight.  And today it could be if I let it be one.  About 10 years ago, I gave up.  I turned the bills over to him.  After a few mistakes and late bills, he got his act together.  Nothing went into savings but we still had food on the table, a roof over our head and the bills got payed on time.

You see, he has a different way of thinking about money than I do.  He wants to buy me pretty things and have nice things for the house.  I want these things too but I want something else more.

Security.  I need to know that we have money put back for a rainy day.  I need to know we will have food on the table if disaster strikes.

We get a little money in the bank.  Payday and a reimbursement check and he wants to go on a spending spree.

After not being able to shop for Christmas, I decided to let him have his fun this time.  Fish for the new tank, finally!  A nice birthday gift for Pooh Bear.  And Dragon finally got a plainer.  (expensive wood working tool)  He has wanted one forever.  Lumber to finish building a work table and a trip to the fabric store.

He had his fun.  The play money is gone and we are back to normal.  I stressed over the money just a little bit but not too much.  I did my best to let him enjoy a spending spree.  Now I hope we can start saving back our pennies.  I want to buy land and for that we need a down payment.

One step at a time....


  1. Yes, one step at a time, and some things are just not worth fighting over, especially if it just continues to be fought over.

    1. What is more important? Money or my husband? Simple

      He is! Every time

    2. Exactly! DH used to be like this, but he noticed that he does like having savings, so we found a middle ground.

  2. Good luck in dealing with this issue. I don't want to take sides but I will add that you do seem to have the right idea. Always good to have a rainy day fund. This would make a good blog post about whether couples fight about money.


    1. Years ago, we both decided that it wasn't worth fighting over. Even when we do fight, it is over with in less than 2 minutes. I do need that rainy day fund but I realize it isn't always going to happen.

      He got to spend a little money this pay period. Next time we will put a little back.

  3. Hey Rose - I do understand both sides - his need to give materially to you and your need for monetary security. May I make a suggestion? Ask Dragon if he any time he wanted to buy you something, that he spend half of what he would have and put the other half into a savings account. He still has the joy of giving and you still have the joy of saving. Wishing you the best in getting that land.


    1. Compromise. Some people say that when you compromise no one is happy. That isn't how it works. It is about finding a happy medium and meeting both of our needs. It isn't always possible every time but what is more important?

      What I want or the person I love?

  4. Oh well, looking at the figures in a bank account is quickly boring.
    Now Fish in a fish tank, that's nice to look at for hours!

  5. Money is always a stressor for me

  6. Cat had a great idea. Alternately, you could make savings a 'bill'. You could even send it to him in the mail, and he would 'pay' it into a savings account. It would feel more 'official' and become more of a habit.