On a Roll! ! !

Finally!

Last night qualifies and just a quickie.  Supper had too many allergens in it and sceneing with 50 mg of benadryl in your system is a bad thing.  I'll take what I can get.

I had some red ribbon beside the bed.  I found it while unpacking boxes.  The way he wove the ribbon around my wrists was quite artistic.  Loved it.  It was secure.  Tied in a bow just in case I had to get out of it on my own.  He took me places I haven't been since we moved!

He had to remind me to breath!

 "Open your eyes.

 Look at me.

 Now breath.  In, out,

 deeper,

 in, out, in out.  Good.

Now, are you ready to finish what you started?


Dragon was only scheduled to work a few hours today.  It turned into much more.  I can live with that. I sure hope he gets home in time to administer the promised spanking.  The paddles are tucked under the mattress.  I think I know where the floggers are.  I'll have them ready!

Crap.  I don't know where he hid his knife!  I'll have to look for it.

Fingers crossed for round two!

Giggles!

Fly lady

The winter time blues are in full swing.  The depression.  I don't want to move or get out of bed.  The days get shorter, the weather gets cold and I want to hibernate like a bear.

News Flash!

I have 4 kids.  Not small toddlers but they still need their mom.  I have a husband that needs me to be there for him.  The house needs to be clean.  School work needs to get done and I have a business to run.

Fly lady to the rescue.

Bed made and dressed to shoes.

Anything can be done in 15 minutes!  

Today I am going to fly.
http://www.flylady.net/



Yesterday, Dragon helped me re arrange our bedroom.  Today I am going to unpack two boxes and get rid of 25 items.  Time to fling ding the bedroom.  I have too much STUFF and not enough places to put it.  I know we will be moving again.  We just don't know when yet but I want to be ready.

Ps.  I was going get my scene yesterday but it didn't happen.  I ended up in a dark bedroom with my head hovering above the pillow.  Migraine!  Yuck.  Nausea, sensitive to light, dark, sound.  Everything made it worse.  I couldn't even lay my head down on the pillow but I couldn't hold my head up either.  The good news is that it is gone this morning.  The bad news?  Dragon is at work.

Oh well.  Maybe next time....

Very Inspiring Blogger

I was nominated by two wonderful readers of my blog.  Thank you! ! !

There are too many blogs I enjoy to condense the list to just 15 and some of my favorite all time bloggers no longer blog.  B'man and sugarann are missed.  So instead of doing the copy past thing of all the blogs I follow, I'll simply say thank you and list 7 things about me.


1.  I obsess about food and calories with a tendency to eat too little.
2.  My kids accuse me of treating the dogs better than I do them.  Not sure why.  I don't put the kids in cages at night or feed them the same food every day....   hmmm
3.  I have been a home school mom for nearly 15 years.  I took over where the pre school left off when we moved to Japan.
4.  The hardest thing I have ever done is teach my kids to read.  It takes time and patience.  Two things I am always short on.
6.  I burned out as a paramedic when I nearly lost my Pooh Bear.  She was just two.  As a medic I knew how bad she was hurt but the ER doc did not know me.  He thought I was just a hysterical mom.  He NEVER made that mistake again.
7.  Shhh don't tell Dragon.  I am not really submissive.  I keep trying to pretend but fail at it every day.  

Ps  My little pooh bear is about to turn 16.  Wow time does fly.  I still lose my cool in emergencies.  I can't put a bandaid on a boo boo without flashbacks and bad dreams.   When she turned 4 and finally started speaking English fluently, she told me about seeing the angels.  She was angry that they made her come back.  Scary stuff for a mom.

In need

I am in need of a good scene.

I crave subspace and that place just beyond subspace that is pure heaven.  Flight!  That place where reality falls away and all that is left is sensation.  Weightless on a sea of nothingness.  I feel only his touch and hear only his voice.

I crave the ropes biting into my skin.  Binding, secure and safe.  Helpless under his hand.

I crave his knife.  The sharp blade touching my skin.  Marking it.  leaving a tiny string of blood beads.

I crave the fire and ice.  Dripping on my skin.  First hot and then cold until the sensations blend.  Cold becomes hot and hot becomes cold.  My mind whirls in confusion.

The leather rain of the flogger.  Melting away the tension in my body.  Starting gentile.  Building until I feel like I can't take any more.

I crave his gentile hands as my body and mind return to reality.  Wrapped snug in a blanket.  Content and loved.  His hands lift my head as he feeds my a cookie and holds a glass of orange juice steady as I drink.

That is my man.

Oh I need a scene.  It has been too long.

Money Matters

Yikes.

That dirty word all couples fight over.

When we first got married Dragon could not keep a checkbook balanced.  He kept his bank account over drawn.  I was the polar opposite.  I saved every penny I could and spent money sparingly.

Truth time?

On a very good week I brought home $84.  After I purchased diapers, formula and payed the power bill, there wasn't much left.

Nothing left?

Yes, that would be more truthful.  I was broke.  And here comes this young soldier that spends money like it is water.     He buys the name brands at the grocery store, buys me clothes and takes me out to eat just for the heck of it!

What????

It didn't take long for me to take over his check book.  I payed his bills and gave him the rest of the his paycheck for spending money.  Even as a lowly 2 striper he made much more than I did.

After we married money really became a fight.  I quit work to stay home with kids and suddenly there wasn't enough to go around.  Every payday, every trip to the store was a fight.  I wanted to put money back into savings, he wanted to buy me pretty things.

Yes, it was a fight.  And today it could be if I let it be one.  About 10 years ago, I gave up.  I turned the bills over to him.  After a few mistakes and late bills, he got his act together.  Nothing went into savings but we still had food on the table, a roof over our head and the bills got payed on time.

You see, he has a different way of thinking about money than I do.  He wants to buy me pretty things and have nice things for the house.  I want these things too but I want something else more.

Security.  I need to know that we have money put back for a rainy day.  I need to know we will have food on the table if disaster strikes.

We get a little money in the bank.  Payday and a reimbursement check and he wants to go on a spending spree.

After not being able to shop for Christmas, I decided to let him have his fun this time.  Fish for the new tank, finally!  A nice birthday gift for Pooh Bear.  And Dragon finally got a plainer.  (expensive wood working tool)  He has wanted one forever.  Lumber to finish building a work table and a trip to the fabric store.

He had his fun.  The play money is gone and we are back to normal.  I stressed over the money just a little bit but not too much.  I did my best to let him enjoy a spending spree.  Now I hope we can start saving back our pennies.  I want to buy land and for that we need a down payment.

One step at a time....

Happy Tears

Women cry for many reasons.  When we are happy, sad, frustrated.  Sometimes we don't need a reason to cry at all.  The tears simply fall.

Last night I had reason.  Sometimes I feel guilty about being a stay at home mom.  I don't bring home a paycheck.  The house isn't perfectly clean.  The kids get behind on school work....

The list goes on.

Dragon knows me so well.  Winter is when it gets the worst.  Bills stack up, the kids get cranky and I get frustrated.

We were in the truck headed to the grocery store.  Dragon was messing with the CD player as he was backing out of the driveway.  (no it isn't dangers, you would have to see our driveway to understand.)  And a song began to play...

You're My Best Friend

You place gold on my finger
you brought me love like I have never known
you gave life to our children
and to me, a reason to go on

You're my bread when I am hungry
Your're my shelter from troubled winds
You're my anchor in life's oceans
but most of all, you're my best friend

When I need hope and inspiration
You're always strong when I am tired and weak
I could search the whole world over
You'd still be everything I need

You're my bread when I am hungry
You're my shelter from troubled winds
You're my anchor in life's oceans
but most of all, you're my best friend

Dragon sang along.  He can't carry much of a tune but I thought it was beautiful.  By the end of the song I was singing along too, with tears falling.  I have the best husband in the world.

submission is a gift?

Is submission really a gift?

I don't think so.

I submit for purely selfish reasons.  Some of them may not sound so selfish but really they are.   I like it when he is happy and satisfied.  I enjoy seeing his smile as he walks in the door.  The soft thank you I hear when I have done something for him.  When I submit to him he is more attuned to my needs and wants.  It goes both ways.  It really is a balancing act.

He leaves home every day to provide for our family.  It is only fair that I maintain our home and try to make life as easy as possible for him.  After all, who makes it possible for me to stay home with our kids?  Who pays the bills?  He even does most of the grocery shopping.  I don't feel like his maid or his servant.  I am his wife.

The more I give.  The more I get in return.

Two people giving 100% to make a relationship work.

I know it is all semantics.   Just a different way of saying the same thing.

worried about Dragon?

No more.

He has worked so many hours lately   First it was the Christmas season and how the flue season.  Lots of over time.  6 12-16 hour days almost every week.  Dragon is a hard working man that does not turn his back on a little work.  He does not believe in leaving until the job is done.  That is my man and I am proud of who he is.

So....  Why was I worried?

He hadn't asked for sex is almost 2 weeks.

Until this morning.

Ok.  I'm not worried anymore.

Yes, I am still worried about him but not for that reason.  Too many hours at work, tired and stressed.  Worried about bills and icy roads in a state where people have no idea how to drive on them.  But Dragon is back.  :)  As long as he is asking for sex, I know he is ok.

Giggles.

What a way to start the day.

New Church

So we tried the new church.  It is another Mega church but we are going to give it a chance.  For us, it is a huge change.  You see, we grew up Southern Baptist and this is a Catholic church.  So far, much of what I learned growing up about the church is wrong.  Everything was biblical based.  All the Scriptures read were familiar as was the lesson taught.  Clean and unclean food.

The music was different, the formality was new, the fancy robes and candles.  Very different but I think different is a good thing.  What I didn't hear preached was hate.

I think we will go back next week and take the kids.

Now for the hard part.  How to tell the family!

You see, Baptists don't think too much of Catholics or any other denomination for that matter.  The topic of Sunday school lessons, discussions and sermons is often the evils of other faiths.  I saw many Mormons driven away from churches I have attended because of this.

I couldn't understand it.  Still don't.  That could be why I so rarely go to church at all.

I think for now I'll leave the topic alone.  I'll just say that we are going to church this Sunday and had a very good lesson.  Is that all that needs to be said?  I thinks so.  For now anyway.  When we get ready to join the church it will be time to "come out of the closet"

on my todo list.  A Catholic song book.  I would love to have some sheet music.  And learn every thing I can about it!

puppy news
He is still improving.  Not back to 100% but getting there.  He dropped a lot of weight last week but that is a good thing.  He was getting fat.  I have hope.  We may still have to put him down but not today.

puppy update

He has spent the day on the couch.  I have tried to kick him off in the past but you know the saying.  Where does the Great Dane sleep?  Any where he wants too.  They are huge dogs and can make themselves into immovable objects.

He holds his head up more and is eating more.  Almost his normal amount of food.  The difference is that he isn't begging for more.  He loves to eat.  He is moving with more coordination now too.  Before his movements were spastic and jerky.

Why haven't we put him down yet?  Dragon said a prayer.  "God if it isn't his time, let me be called into work."

Dragon should have had Friday off.  Most of the day anyway.  That would have given us the opportunity to take my baby to the vet.  Not a trip I was looking forward to.  Usually when they call him in to work we get the call about 8 or 9 in the morning.  Friday morning we got the call just before 6 am.

WOW.  How about that?  Early enough that we hadn't started getting ready to go.  To that I say, "Yes Sir God.  I'll love him a little longer."  And "Thank you God for not taking my puppy yet."

We are still watching him close.  I don't know how much he will improve but I'll take what I can get.

Ps.  I think we may be going to church Sunday morning.  Maybe.  I'll let you know how it goes.  

My Week

This has been a VERY hard week.  Dragon has worked 12 hr+ days every day this week.  The only day he had off was Sunday.  He got called in again this morning.  :/

Pretty normal at our house.  So what is the problem?

My Great Dane.  ( not a DD post at all)  Sorry

Monday night he didn't want to eat his supper but he did just for me.  I took him for his last walk of the night and tucked him into bed.

Tuesday morning he didn't want to get up.  He moved a few times from the couch to the floor but that was it.  Very unsteady.  He didn't go out at all nor would he eat or drink anything.  Absolutely refused.

Just a dog right?  No big deal?

Not at my house.  He is a part of our family!

Wednesday.  He finally stood up.  I rushed to fill his water bowl with fresh water.  He leaned on my while he drank.  How we did that I don't know.  I held the bowl up for him to drink out of and supported him.  That is a job fit only for a contortionist.  Another mad scramble to find his leash.  He struggled down the steps, nearly falling.   When he was done he hobbled back into the house and curled up on the rug.  He didn't move for the rest of the day.

He was happy to just sleep with his head in my lap.  I was thinking hard about what to do.  Is it time to put him down?  He is such a young dog.  Only 3 years old but so very sick.  Please understand that he has never been a healthy dog but he has never been this sick either.

Thursday started out with more of the same.  Then mid morning he stood up.  He ate the bowl of food that had been sitting there since Tuesday afternoon.  Not all of it but a good bit still.  I refilled his water bowl while he ate.  He drank and went for another walk outside.  This time he was a little steadier.  I wasn't as worried about how I would get him back inside if he fell.     Then latter in the day he did it again!  Got up, ate, drank and went potty out side.  Not even an accident in the house.

Then comes Friday morning.  The first day Dragon had been scheduled for a short work day.  I found a vet to do the deed.  I knew it was time.  A Great Dane limping and seemingly giving up on living.

Nope.  Not going to happen.    Dragon got called into work this morning.  I am not sure if this is a good thing or not.  One thing it will do is show us is he really is getting better or if these improvements are temporary.  The good news is that my dog doesn't seem to be suffering.  He isn't whining, biting or complaining.  Just sleeping a LOT more than usual, not steady on his feet at all and limping.

We really need a second car.  There is NO WAY I can get a Dane on a motorcycle to take him to the vet.  :/  I need someone to tell me what to do now.  I don't want my puppy to suffer but I don't want to put him down before his time either.

Now you know how my week has gone.  Miserable.

Morning converstation

Dragon got home late last night so we didn't have much time to talk.  This morning we did.

Me:  I only lasted 5 minutes on the step yesterday.

Dragon:  Why?

M: My hip started hurting and I remembered what you said.

D: and that would be?

M: Burn is good, hurt is bad.

D: Good

M: and I thought rest my hip now or hurt more latter.  Then I though stop now or get punished latter for disobedience.

Dragon gave me a crooked smile and a hug.

He had to leave for work.  I wonder if there is a reward in my future?  With the look on his face, I think I am going to be a very happy girl tonight.    

Wedding Aniversary

In September of 1994 we went to the JOP and made it legal.  In January 1995 we had a public ceremony with all of our friends and family.

They said we wouldn't last

They said we wouldn't make it

They were wrong! ! ! !

I love my Dragon so very much.

He is at work and I am home with our beautiful children doing what we always do.  It is just another day like any other but today is special for all of us.  It is the day we publicly became family 18 years ago.

Sunday spankings

Giggles....

He remembered!  Even after the morning started out strange.

He got called away to work at 4:30 AM.  Way too early to be up on a Sunday morning.  His one day off every week.  When he got home around 7 he was ready to play.

I was about half dressed but not ready for the day.  With no where to go until the afternoon, I took a morning pre-breakfast nap.  Dragon woke me up with the walnut paddle.  A few pitty pats and he was done.  He does not like spanking me over clothes since he can't see how much damage it is doing.

After breakfast he realized how little impact (pun intended)  he had made.  He allowed me to shower first but that may have been a mistake.  The paddle on a slightly damp backside stings!  Lets just say that he made a lasting impression the second time around.

Then I had the misfortune to get mad out our 19 yo.  She is responsible for doing the laundry   Not putting it away.  Just washing it.  Thursday I asked her to was my good pair of jeans.  Here it is Sunday morning and they are still dirty!

I did it...

I dropped the F bomb.  

I know I know.  It is wrong but grrrr.  She can be so defiant and stubborn.  So much like her mom that it makes me want to scream!

And I did.

Can you believe that Dragon let me get away with it?  He gave me a free pass on this one.  Said that she really didn't want him to talk to her again about the laundry.  Twice in less that 7 days is a VERY bad thing.  

A punishment on an already tender bottom would have been miserable.

Very happy to have a little mercy this morning.

Sewing

Dragon gave me a challenge.  Design a shirt with these features....

Heirloom lace, tucks, pin tucks, double needle stitching, embroidery and a Swiss lace that I love.

But but but.....


I have so many ideas and I have one that I REALLY want to follow.

An off the shoulder blouse with hand embroidery around the neck line.  Since I can't get silk right now, I am thinking rayon or linen.  Both fabrics feel wonderful.  Hmmmm.    If I draft the pattern and make a well fitting muslin, I wonder if he will go for it?

I know I can make the blouse and I know how it will look.  I already see it in my head.  The sweetheart neckline dipping just off the shoulders.  The soft, feminine embroidery drawing the eye.    Darts giving the blouse a very slimming look, with a hidden side zipper.


Is it worth the risk of getting punished?


Yes, I think it is.

The New Year

The Christmas tree is down and all the decorations are boxed up again for next year.  My angels are in a separate box in the top of the closet.  Maybe there won't be as many tears when we decorate next year.  We even moved the furniture around in the living room.  I like the new arrangement much better.  I only took one small piece of furniture out and move everything else around but it makes a huge difference.  Now the room looks more put together and not just a bunch of old furniture shoved into a room.

I even have my new fish tank set up on a pretty table.  No fish yet.  I still need to get some decorations for it and a few plants.  I have everything picked out but we are having to nickle and dime it.  This payday we bought rocks for the bottom and a small heater.  I didn't want guppies or goldfish so the heater was a necessity.  Next payday I'll get the decorations and a few plants.  Then the fish.

Today we get back to our daily routine.  School work resumes and an earlier bedtime begins again. Yes, I let the kids stay up late and sleep in for a week.  I will be happy to see things get back to normal.  Wish me luck!

Warning:  Political Rant to follow

The longer we have our current president the more I worry.  Socialism is creeping in and the federal government tries to regulate everything.  They take away home made lunches from school kids and require the parents to buy to school lunch.  They continue to try to regulate those "weird homeschoolers"  After all we teach our kids to love god and question authority.  That is a BAD thing.  Right?  You don't want young people thinking for themselves at all.  They need to only think about the democratic party line.  No new ideas allowed.  No learning from history.  Just march in lockstep to what is popular right now.   Our right to own guns is in question again after yet another a school shooting.  No one sees that these kids have not been taught to value life.  Freedom of religion has become freedom from religion.  Sad.

Now, just in time for the New Year, our taxes have been raised yet again.  No spending cuts and the budget is still not balanced.  What would happen if I ran my household like the government runs our country?  I would be homeless.

My favorite quote is from Mayor Bloomburg who says that 19 y/o are not responsible enough to carry or own a gun.  Yet 19 y/o join the military every day.  I guess that is just a toy I see across their chest, loaded with water?  And for that Piers Morgan guy?  Don't let the door hit you in the ass.  Please deport yourself.  We don't need the British here telling us we need more regulations.  Many of our ancestors left GB because we didn't like how you did things over there.  If you like it better over there, go home.

Rant over.

I don't normally get political on my blog.  Sorry about that but this is frustrating.  America needs new leadership.  I didn't vote for the fools in office and I don't agree with what they are doing.  I think we are going to have a history lesson in my house today.  I may even find my Copy of "Animal Farm"  Now that is a politically charged book if there ever was one.  It was required reading when I was in high school.  I wonder if it is too complicated for school kids now...