Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Wanted: A better attitude

Christmas seems to bring out the worst in me.  I can't seem to find a gracious bone in my body when it comes to extended family.  A few years ago my SIL had two mortgages and couldn't afford Christmas presents for her one child.  This was several years after her husband separated from the military and before the divorce.  The entire family rallied around them and purchased gifts for the pregnant teen.

Fast forward a few years.  We have a mortgage and rent.  Sometimes bills don't get payed on time.  One will wait a few weeks to keep the power on or fill the the propane tank.  The house is sold but we still payed the payment this month.  Now Jan 1 we won't owe that payment but we will have to repair our credit.  That will take time.  I am not sure how long it will stay on our credit history.

We have one more pay check between now and Christmas and not enough money to fill the propane tank.  Since we heat our water and house with it, it is a necessity.  Buy gas or make sure the kids get a few necessities for Christmas.  They usually get 3 decent gifts from Santa.  One big thing and two smaller gifts with a stocking stuffed with nick-nacks and batteries.  Wrapped under the tree they get necessities.  A new outfit, pajamas, socks and underwear.

This year they each have just one gift.  Not a big deal right?  They are all old enough to understand mom and dad are a little short on cash this year.  Right?  My mom will be sending $50 each.  That will get the a gift or two to unwrap from my mom.   That will help a LOT but how about the rest of the family?  Where are they? Are they offering to help out?  Giving up anything for my kids?  Nope.  I get a pat on the head and told to pray about it.  Ok done that.  Now what?

Did you see that green bug that just bit me in the butt?  I did.  It is a jealous bug.  They care more about SIL and her daughter than they do my kids.  OK.  I'll admit it.  It makes me down right ANGRY.  You insist on drawing names in a year we can't even afford to get our own kids gifts and then don't offer to help at all?  In the mean time, his mother is in a snit again.  Dragon didn't get her birthday card in the mail on time.  That mandatory  yearly, I LOVE YOU sent out of obligation.  

I have decided I am the Grinch this year.  I hate mandatory gift giving and card sending.  Too many feeling hurt and I can feel my own heart growing hard.

I am so disappointed in myself.  I am the one in the wrong here and I know it.

I'll work on that.


  1. Rose,
    I'm sitting here, waiting for inspiration to say something very encouraging. Alas. No inspiration is coming my way.
    And when I saw your blog title I even thought, that is going to be simple. She has her own attitude adjuster at home.
    But even the best attitude won't take away all the problems. Only time will do that. The house is closed, credit will be repaired. Times will be changing.
    Hang on,

    1. times are changing and so is my heart. I have to learn to accept the love Dragons extended family has to offer and not worry about what they do for each other. My oldest daughter, Mina said that I should feel angry and that is ok. Acting on it would be the wrong thing to do.

      Forgiveness is really a selfish thing. To forgive them would soften my heart and bring joy back to the holidays for me. I will just have to find a way to get there.

  2. Rose dear, I do understand your anger. I have a horrible temper and when I feel my children are being treated 'less than', it really pushes my buttons.

    You are right in that forgiveness would soften your heart and bring joy back to the holidays. In order to get there, you might try thinking "A joyful heart to celebrate Christmas with my awesome husband and wonderful children is more important than anything!" Hope you find the forgiveness soon.


  3. I know it's hard but just consider your blessings. Your house is sold, Dragon is home and you are all together for Christmas. That is the important stuff, the rest is just "stuff" and you can drive home to your own house at the end of the day.

    I'm sure you'll get there once you put the rest of the stuff off your shoulder and on the floor.

  4. Believe it or not, I feel better already. Writing it down made me see how silly I am being. While I still refuse to send MIL a card, she is just going to pout about it anyway, I am going to so something for her birthday. Make her an apron. My little flower child is excited about the idea. We are going to dig in my fabric stash today. It only takes one yard each of contrasting fabric. I am sure we can find something.

  5. (((hugs))) Rose, there's not much I can say, other than I know how that feels. It doesn't matter their age. We just don't want our kids touched by our worries. I don't think you're wrong in feeling that, but I'm glad you were able to let go, because it's your heart that would have been burdened with it, not theirs...that's part of what stinks, isn't it?