That is how I feel this morning. I am craving a punishment. The hard, stinging swats that feel like they will never end. The tears stinging my eyes and almost falling. The humiliation....
And most of all? The deep submission I feel after it is over. The emotion that nearly forces me to my knees in front of my Dragon.
I know. Absolutely stock raving mad kind of crazy.
We have no money to buy the kids Christmas presents. I have one gift each hidden in my bedroom closet. That is it and they aren't even wrapped. And I am still expected to buy presents for the family Christmas party. I don't even want to go to this stinking party. NO WAY. My mother in law will be there and I am sure she will be in fine form. I wish I could get her husband a birch bundle. Do you think that would give him a good hint?
"Hey jackass, you wife is being mean again. She needs a little kindness beat into her stubborn mean ass."
Ok not kind thoughts. I know. But what am I supposed to think? When my niece wasn't going to get Christmas everybody rallied together and sent money. I guess my kids don't matter as much. It sounds petty but when it comes to my kids being treated differently by family, I am allowed. His family doesn't like me and they take it out of the kids. They always have. Why should I expect any different this year.
Here is what i have hidden away.
Mina A practice changer for bagpipe lessons
Pooh Bear a kindle paper white
Flower A leather jacket from jammin leather
Bug new bedding for his "man cave" He outgrew his Micky Mouse bedding or so he said.
one nice gift each and I still need to find the money to pay the man for the chanter. I know a big Christmas isn't possible this year but I would like to get them two more gifts each. They each have the #1 thing on their list. We have one more paycheck between now and the big day. I hope we have a little extra in that check for a few more gifts.