Saturday, May 25, 2013

Why?

Why oh why did I do that?

I told Dragon that I am ready to move from resistance during a spanking to the final stage.  Surrender.

That is going to be one hard spanking but I miss what it does to my head.  I miss what it does to my head but ouch  That is going to hurt.

I have on my skirt without panties to try to prepare my  mind.  The more submissive I feel going into it, the easier it will be to accept.

The second mistake?  The same night I confessed to majorly loosing my temper.  I cussed.  BAD.  Over nothing.  So what if I was under a lot of stress.  It was bad.

Dragon didn't say much and hasn't said anything about it since.  The confession was last night.  If he was going to punish, he would have done it before bed....  I think.... maybe...  I'm not sure.....

He agreed that I am indeed ready to move past resistance.  What else?  He is ready to move past that point too.  His PTSD has been so bad lately that we haven't done much with DD.  We have both been walking on egg shells.  For a while he wouldn't spank me at all.  We both built walls around our little world for protection.  From what I'm not sure.  Slowly those walls are coming down.

First we need to both get past the resistance stage and move on to surrender.  That is as hard on him as it is on me.  Next will be a punishment.  I know he is there.  I can see it every time I slip up just  a little.  He is waiting for his chance.  It won't be over something small.  He wants the next punishment to count.  I know my Dragon.  He would rather punish once or twice a year and really make it count, than to find a reason every week.

I left it up to Dragon, as always, to decide how to use the information I gave him.  He let me know that I would be getting a very good spanking in the near future.  With the long weekend, I will probably get more than one.  He has to work late tonight so it may wait for tomorrow.  I guess I will just have to wait and see how tired he is when he gets home and what kind of mood he is in.

ps.  A long weekend for us is two days off in a row.  Impressive I know....


7 comments:

  1. Oh my. This totally stressed me out just reading it. I'm worried for you! I'm not sure I know the stages of submission but the stage you're talking about sounds ominous indeed.

    I hope this gets taken care of soon so you can get back to a calm state. I can't imagine you're being calm now. :( hugs!
    M.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The stages are acceptance, resistance and surrender. I get to the kicking stage of resistance very easy. Surrender? not so much.

      No worries, I trust my Dragon. I am going to bed with a very sore bottom. :)

      Delete
  2. Are you sitting on pins and needles waiting for the spanking? I he it comes sooner rather than later.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It came after supper. He pushed me as hard as I could go. Not to surrender but further than we have been going. My bottom is sore. That is something!

      I just got warned... My bottom is not as sore as it is going to be. Yikes. I think there is more to come....

      Delete
  3. I know for me, Rose, sometimes I need that. I need to be pushed, I need to surrender, and I need the purge of tears, and then to be swallowed in his arms. It's hard to get through, but sometimes so needed, for both of us... to be made raw, to heal together.

    I'll be sending you good thoughts and positive energy.

    (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need the tears. It has been a hard year and now that we are starting to settle in, I need the tears I have kept hidden to fall. He knows.

      Tonight, the spanking was much harder than usual and as much as I could take. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for tears. With the long weekend, I am sure Dragon has a plan to finish the job. And since my bottom is already sore....

      Delete
  4. I hope you both feel better now. I know sometimes stress just messes us up and we need more!

    ReplyDelete