Early Morning Spankings

Two mornings in a row Dragon woke me in grand style.  With the paddle!  He loves to wake me with kisses and love making.  That is the norm.  The paddle isn't a new idea but it has been a while since he has used it that way.

Sunday morning the sun was up but neither one of us wanted to start the day.  He decided it was time to get moving but I had other ideas.  After fooling around like two teenagers for about 30 minutes he decided it was time.  The covers came down and he grabbed the only paddle left in the house.  Balsa.

Balsa is a very soft wood.  All pop and just a little sting.  But let me tell you, Dragon can make that paddle talk.  My bottom got the message hard and fast.  He put his weight across my back, a signal to me that it is going to be a hard one and gave me a few memory swats.  I didn't know it was possible to give memory swats with that paddle!  Now I know!  Lesson learned.

It wasn't a punishment but it serve to reconnect us.  I didn't get much done yesterday.  I felt off all day.  Dizzy and tired.  Almost sick but not quite.  Off?  I don't know.  It was a lazy day.  So lazy for me that I had the kids take the Christmas decorations down instead of doing it myself.  I need to repack them but I was happy to have some help this year.

It is funny how it works.  When I talk about DD with him, he is much more attentive.  He said the reason he doesn't punish more often is just that he is tired from long work days.  Well....  I reminded him about non spanking punishments that take little or no effort from him.  Now what did I do that for?  Honestly?  I like what the DD dynamic does for our relationship.  I like what it does for both of us.  I don't like being spanked or punished in any way but it brings us closer.

Today is a work day for him but we still made love this morning.  Unusual but nice.  I think I want to do this again!  Just before he got me out of bed, the paddle came out again.  Not as hard as yesterday but just enough to let me know he cares.    Funny how that works, isn't it?

Update on my leg.  The bruising is just a faint outline now with a hard knot still in the center.  It doesn't bother me at all anymore.  I am doing my step aerobics two times a day and walking to the mail box several times a day, just to walk and get out of the house.  Dragon says that my hips are getting slimmer and my butt is getting a very nice shape to it.  :)  I think I'll keep doing what I am doing.

Obsession

I loved that my fitness pal thing.  Loved it.  I could track my activity level and food too.  I didn't even have to do the math to track those nasty calories   Just one problem.  I am anna.  "Recovered" but still anna.  It never really goes away.

I obsessed.

Majorly

Every bite of food.  Every sip of water.  Every minute spent moving.

What does that add up to?  One unhealthy me.

No scales in the house and now that fitness thingy is gone too.

I had to take a break from exercise when I hurt my leg.  Now that it is starting to look better and feel better, I can get back to it.  No obsession.  Just simple exercise to stay healthy.

I eat about every two hours.  Not a full meal but I try to make those calories count.  Fruit, vegetables and whole grains.

I would like for my weight to be 130-140.  It will take time to get there the healthy way.  Oh I could do it on just a few months but not the right way.  My leg was a set back but it won't stop me from trying to live healthier.

Day one   15 minutes of step aerobics   No idea what my weight is.  It doesn't matter.
Day two  Today! ! !  15 minutes of step aerobics again.  Consistent!

A friend of ours is going to give us a tread mill!  Yippee!  I walked our old one to death.  I killed it.  That will give me another option!  Happy me.  My goal right now?  My new jeans are a size 12.  Down from a 14 this summer.  So my new goal is to be in a size 10 by spring.  I can do it!  When a size 10 fits, then I'll try to get a new weight to see what kind of progress I am making with BMI.  The gold standard of health right now according to my doctor.

White Christmas

Even way down south, we had a white Christmas.

Dragon left for work at his usual time on the 24th prepared for a busy day.  What we didn't expect was an insane day.  He got home at 2 am Christmas morning.  An 18 hour work day.  We usually open presents and have a special dinner Christmas Eve but not this year.  I made chicken and dumplings and snuggled with the kids on the couch.

I warned the kids that the pickin's would be slim this year.  ONE present only.  They were prepared.  And they were all happy with what they got.   I used a gift card to get a small fish tank but ran out of money for fish.  My son offered to use his birthday money to get a few fish.  That was so sweet.  Two of the kids asked for fish but I couldn't figure out which one to give the thank to, so I got it for myself.  I'll end up taking care of the tank anyway.

No Christmas spanking for me this year.  My leg still looks awful.  The bruise looks like an thunderstorm cloud.  sickly yellowish brown with a long, narrow, hard lump in the center.  It isn't sore anymore but is a long way from being completely healed.   Dragon struggle too much during the holidays anyway to to stay on top of DD.  We help each other during this time of the year with gentile reminders.    A touch, a look and a frequent hugs to help keep us balanced.

We will leave our decoration up until the first.  New Years day the house will return to normal.

The Christmas Jar

Every year I read Christmas stories to our family.  Last year, one of the books I read was called "Christmas Jars"  It is about a family that collects spare change  all year long in a jar.  On Christmas day they give the jar to someone who looks like they need a blessing.  

This year we made our own Christmas jar and delivered it yesterday.  I sat the jar on the front porch and rang the door bell.  It is my hope that they found a blessing in that jar of change.  It wasn't much this year.  Hopefully next year we can use a bigger jar and hide a bigger blessing in the center of the jar.  

I just got some sad news.  A little girl we knew passed away.  She was about 15 years old and full of promise as all young people are.  She was in a car accident and lived for only 6 days.  My prayers this year are for her family.  Now I have to tell my kids on Christmas Eve.  I don't want to do it but I think they need to hear it.  It wouldn't be right to hide it from them.  

We will make our cookies and candies.  Latter, I will fix our evening meal and celebrate the birth of a little baby.  

The gifts are wrapped and under the tree.  Fewer than I have ever seen but we have much to be thankful for.  

What do you think?

I got this in reply to my last post.

Hi Dragon's Rose! I am an editor for an online magazine called Top Floor - www.topfloormagonline.com - and would love to do an email interview with you about your blog and your lifestyle particularly from the standpoint of you being Christian and a conservative. I think there's a lot of assumptions out there that only politically liberal or far-left people enjoy D/s activities. It would be for the April issue. If interested, contact me at hwestebooks@yahoo.com , I'm also on Twitter. Thanks again, hope to hear from you when you have a moment. I know things are hectic this time of year! Merry Christmas to you and your family! All the best, Honey West :) on Christmas is Saved

I will talk this over with Dragon before any decision is made.  There is no way I would do something like this without his consent.  It is his life too after all!

But still.  I value your opinion.

What do you think?

The Grinch

Dragon was all Humbug about Christmas.  Rude people, bad traffic and too many shoppers.  Too much work for him.  He didn't complain about the over time, just people.  So I called him The Grinch.

I didn't realize what was wrong.  It was that old PTSD thing biting him in the backside again.  On Christmas day, a few years ago, he was in Afghanistan.  When I spoke to him on the phone I heard soft, muffled booms.  That was the incoming stuff that really didn't hit anything.  The louder booms were the more efficient out going bombs that did what they were intended to do.   

There were no lives lost on the FOB where Dragon was but several people died at a FOB near by.  Every year he hurts for those soldiers that went home in a box.  When Dragon was scheduled to return home several days latter, his plane was no longer available.  That plane was taking someone else home.  Dragon didn't complain.  He stepped aside quietly and waited two weeks for the next plane and for the snow to quit.  No landing a plane in a blizzard.  

Last night we were out driving around, looking for the prettiest lights in town.  Dragon got very quiet and distant.  Flying in the distance, he saw 3 planes flying in formation.  A trigger.

It breaks my heart that he can't even enjoy the simple things in life without remembering the worst.    I hate this.

Good news though.  When I called him The Grinch, he realized what was happening and turned it all over to God in prayer.  He is doing better, not perfect but better.

He wrote the name of a local Catholic church down and two contact numbers.  We may finally be moving forward with finding a few church.

Maybe.

Christmas is Saved

My mom was able to send a little and my father in law gave us enough cash to get to payday.  The paycheck will be enough to so shopping for the kiddies.  All this over time Dragon is getting does have some advantages!

They won't have a big Christmas but it will be enough.  3 gifts each from Santa plus a few presents under the tree.  I am glad that they expect socks and underwear.  That is what they will get to unwrap on the 24th.

Blogger Day of Silence

I will be observing a day of blogging silence for the little angels who just recently arrived in heaven.

December 18, 2012

Grounded???

  

NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONO

Sigh…..  Yes

And over a fall…

Ok it was a really bad fall. 

I was in the shower getting cleaned up and ready to go to the family Christmas party.  Hair washed and body clean.  All I needed was the razor.  It was sitting beside the sink, well out of my reach.  I opened the sliding glass door that encloses the bath, put one foot out of the tub and reached.  When I had the razor in hand I put my weight on the foot still in the tub to just step right back in.

This is something I have done almost every time I have showered in this new house.  50 times?  A Hundred times?  Who knows.  I haven’t counted how many showers I have taken here.  And all without any accidents. 

I put my weight on that foot still in the tub, on a very slippery surface.  My foot slipped out from under me and I fell backwards.  The back of my leg hit the railing that hold the glass in place.  Pain.  OH MY GOD.  No that is not a curse.  That was my prayer.  GoD HElP me.  I stood there after I got my balance, dizzy, nauseated and shaking with pain so intense I thought I was going to pass out. 

Is that what child birth feels like?  I can’t remember childbirth but I know I didn't cry.  Yesterday, tears leaked from my eyes.  It hurt too bad to bawl like a baby.  I called Mina because Dragon was at work.  Razor forgotten, she helped me out of the shower and stayed with me until the dizziness passed and I could get dressed. 

Today I have a spectacular bruise across the back of my thigh.  About football sized and swollen.  Needless to say, I am using my  walking stick.  Ice packs, heating pads and Nsaids are my friends. 

Now as for being grounded? I asked about my Sunday spanking.  After all I need my reward!  I behaved at the Christmas party even being in pain I behaved! 

Nope…..

Grounded……

Until my leg is completely healed. 

Blag…..

Dragon says he has to keep me safe.  Especially when I seem to be on a self-destructive streak.  I think I will ask for a box of chocolates instead.  I think it is a good trade.  (Dragon just laughed at me.  What a jackalope.)

I can't pray

I can't think of the words to pray.  The words I say feel empty.  What do you say to mother who just lost her small child to a stone killer.  It is ok to be mad at your mother.  It isn't ok to kill a classroom full of children because you are angry.  What kind of monster does something like this?  All those presents that will never be opened.  No smiles or squeals of joy.  Only sadness for so many families this year.

Me?  I'll do what i always do.  I will cry at my sewing machine.  Sew to forget.  Sew to understand.  Maybe by tomorrow I'll be fit to face family for the Christmas party.  I can't even think about that now.  I don't want to think about it.

What can you do for a family that has lost so much?  Nothing is enough to heal their pain.  Not even time will heal this one.

Home owner no more

I no longer own a home.  Now that we aren't paying for two houses, up keep and utilities, maybe we can get back on our feet.

Some how all I feel is loss.

Today I am making MIL an apron for her birthday.  I am going to use the same fabric to make my own mother one.  It is a good project for me and my little flower to share.  Time to connect with my youngest daughter.

See?  Good things do come out of times of trial.  Even if I do get it wrong more often than I get it right.

Wanted: A better attitude

Christmas seems to bring out the worst in me.  I can't seem to find a gracious bone in my body when it comes to extended family.  A few years ago my SIL had two mortgages and couldn't afford Christmas presents for her one child.  This was several years after her husband separated from the military and before the divorce.  The entire family rallied around them and purchased gifts for the pregnant teen.

Fast forward a few years.  We have a mortgage and rent.  Sometimes bills don't get payed on time.  One will wait a few weeks to keep the power on or fill the the propane tank.  The house is sold but we still payed the payment this month.  Now Jan 1 we won't owe that payment but we will have to repair our credit.  That will take time.  I am not sure how long it will stay on our credit history.

We have one more pay check between now and Christmas and not enough money to fill the propane tank.  Since we heat our water and house with it, it is a necessity.  Buy gas or make sure the kids get a few necessities for Christmas.  They usually get 3 decent gifts from Santa.  One big thing and two smaller gifts with a stocking stuffed with nick-nacks and batteries.  Wrapped under the tree they get necessities.  A new outfit, pajamas, socks and underwear.

This year they each have just one gift.  Not a big deal right?  They are all old enough to understand mom and dad are a little short on cash this year.  Right?  My mom will be sending $50 each.  That will get the a gift or two to unwrap from my mom.   That will help a LOT but how about the rest of the family?  Where are they? Are they offering to help out?  Giving up anything for my kids?  Nope.  I get a pat on the head and told to pray about it.  Ok done that.  Now what?

Did you see that green bug that just bit me in the butt?  I did.  It is a jealous bug.  They care more about SIL and her daughter than they do my kids.  OK.  I'll admit it.  It makes me down right ANGRY.  You insist on drawing names in a year we can't even afford to get our own kids gifts and then don't offer to help at all?  In the mean time, his mother is in a snit again.  Dragon didn't get her birthday card in the mail on time.  That mandatory  yearly, I LOVE YOU sent out of obligation.  

I have decided I am the Grinch this year.  I hate mandatory gift giving and card sending.  Too many feeling hurt and I can feel my own heart growing hard.

I am so disappointed in myself.  I am the one in the wrong here and I know it.

I'll work on that.

CRAZY

That is how I feel this morning.  I am craving a punishment.  The hard, stinging swats that feel like they will never end.  The tears stinging my eyes and almost falling.  The humiliation....

And most of all?  The deep submission I feel after it is over.  The emotion  that nearly forces me to my knees in front of my Dragon.

I know.  Absolutely stock raving mad kind of crazy.


We have no money to buy the kids Christmas presents.  I have one gift each hidden in my bedroom closet.  That is it and they aren't even wrapped.  And I am still expected to buy presents for the family Christmas party.  I don't even want to go to this stinking party.  NO WAY.  My mother in law will be there and I am sure she will be in fine form.  I wish I could get her husband a birch bundle.  Do you think that would give him a good hint?

"Hey jackass, you wife is being mean again.  She needs a little kindness beat into her stubborn mean ass."

Ok not kind thoughts.  I know.  But what am I supposed to think?  When my niece wasn't going to get Christmas everybody rallied together and sent money.  I guess my kids don't matter as much.  It sounds petty but when it comes to my kids being treated differently by family, I am allowed.  His family doesn't like me and they take it out of the kids.  They always have.  Why should I expect any different this year.

Here is what i have hidden away.

Mina  A practice changer for bagpipe lessons
Pooh Bear  a kindle paper white
Flower  A leather jacket from jammin leather
Bug  new bedding for his "man cave"  He outgrew his Micky Mouse bedding or so he said.

one nice gift each and I still need to find the money to pay the man for the chanter. I know a big Christmas isn't possible this year but I would like to get them two more gifts each.  They each have the #1 thing on their list.  We have one more paycheck between now and the big day.  I hope we have a little extra in that check for a few more gifts.

Two more

Two more posts have been reverted back to draft.  I had to.  They were getting too much spam.  "The Belt" and "clean house"  Every day I have had to delete adds for porn from comments.  Oh well.  And one more post is on the chopping block.  One more spam post and it is gone too.

Marching orders for the day.  Be freshly showered and shaved when Dragon gets home from work.  Ok.  I can do that.  I think he has plans.  He mentioned the garage and the table saw.  I sure hope it warms up today or it will be miserable for me.  I think we need to put a heater out there.  Shivers!    

oops

I thought I blew it.

We were filling out papers to close on our house.  We are scheduled to close on it NEXT WEEK!  Yippee. On line c of page X there was some legal jargon we were having a hard time with.  It came down to our income tax papers.  I am not sure what it had to do with selling the house but ok.  He wanted me to call my aunt who does our taxes.  He knows that she NEVER answers her phone.  I don't even have her phone number anymore.  Why call someone who won't answer or return your call?  It is pointless.  Right?  That my my thought anyway.

We went back and forth a few times and I got irritated.  Not at him but because we had no way to get our question answered.    And he kept pushing the issue.  Finally I got irritated at him.

and he gave me that look.

Yes, you know the one.

I just knew the paddle was going to be used.

I got a hall pass.  Now that is how I spell relief.

The papers got signed, notarized and in the mail right on schedule.

How do I make my husband spank me?

I got this question as an anonymous reply to "spanked to tears"

girls help me out here i want my hoh to spank to tears becouse i cheated 5 times ! i feel so guilty that i know i need a severe spanking but when i ask they say i forgive you and could not bear to spank you to tears how do i get them mad enough to spank me to tears

Sorry, dear ano but you miss the point of DD.  You don't make your husband "DO" anything.  This lifestyle is about submitting to him in the natural order of marriage.   It helps open up communication and brings you both closer.

You say you cheated more than once.  I would say that you aren't committed to your relationship and have bigger problems than DD can solve.   He can't spank thank kind of guilt away.  You deserve to wallow in whatever you are feeling.  You don't deserve a spanking, you deserve a divorce.  Be grateful for the mercy he is showing you and get some counseling.  Preferably with your spouse.

To anyone out there wanting to be spanked.  NEVER.  Did I shout that?   Yes I did.  NEVER try to get your husband mad enough to spank you.  Spanking out of anger is ALWAYS a bad thing and can lead to abuse and get your hurt.  Spanking should always be done out of love and respect.

This concludes this edition of Dear Abby, the DD way!    

Post? what post?

I had it all planed out and now that I finally have time to sit down at the computer?  Nothing...

Dragon finally got around to a good fun/stress relief kinda spanking Sunday afternoon.  Yippeee!

I love it down here.  December and it was in the 80s.  The wind was blowing but it was warm.  So when we had time to play out in the garage, I was comfortable.  Even kneeling in front of my Dragon, dressed for a scene.  He started with a flogging.  With just the super soft flogger I call Chocolate.  Then it was OTK.  He started with the cherry paddle then moved on to the walnut.  Tap, tap, tap.  Nothing too hard to start out with and then only a few stinging swats after my backside was good and warmed up.  Then it was back to the floggers.  This time he started out with the elk hide.  Nice and thuddy but not too hard.  It felt like a fist tapping my back over and over again.  Then on to the one I call the snake.  That thing normally has bite but it felt different this time.  Not soft or anything but not the usual bite.

After he was done with the floggers, he helped me dress.  Inside he fixed a nice hot bubble bath and scrubbed my back with bath salts.  It stung a little but not too bad.  It was nice being pampered.  It had been a while since we have done anything like that.  We finished the evening with a little love making.

I think that was an excellent way to start another busy week.  He is STILL at work.  16 hours and yes, he has to work tomorrow.  It will get better.  He will get faster and the seasons will change.