Last night he did it. He gave me three swats with the belt. One was very light. The next one was firm and hurt very bad but still wasn't hard. The final swat was the worst.
His tender words of love and gentile hands soothed my mind and body. Then he said, "no more. I'll never hit you the belt again. It is too harsh." I was shaking and closer to tears than I have ever been from a spanking. The belt really was too much for both of us.
That is the end of it. I have nothing to fear from the belt. Not ever. He is not brutal like my father and step father. He doesn't want to fill my body with pain. His goal is to teach my heart, not hurt my body. Love my man.
I faced my fear. That will have to be enough for now. The sound of his belt sliding threw the loops of his pants still gives me a sick, sinking feeling but maybe in time, that will fade. I am not afraid of him like I was 18 years ago. Those rare times he yells at me, I yell right back. I don't cringe and duck. I learned that he will not punch me. He will not hurt me. The only reason we use DD is because I brought it to our relationship. I did it. Not him.
I hope I never have to find out what I would do without him.