Monday, April 23, 2012

Funny isn't it?

It is funny how DD affects us.  I just realized it isn't just how I react to my Dragon but how I react to the kids as well.

Yesterday was stressful.  I cleaned my son's room. He stayed right by my side, quietly picking up broken toys and putting them in a garbage bag.  Pale and shaking like a leaf.  He knew he was in trouble.  You see, earlier in the day he called his sister an f@##in B@#$%.  Those two words are never to be spoken in this house.  I didn't yell at him when he said them nor did I punish him out of anger.  Since his daddy wasn't home, I decided to keep him by my side and make him work.  And work he did.  Without complaint.  He had to face daddy with those ugly words and didn't want me to have any thing else to report up the chain of command!  

His room had been cleaned recently by Amber.  She spent a day in there sorting clothes and putting toys away.  He threw a temper tantrum and dumped everything right back in the floor.  The stinker refused to pick up.  Now I know why.  His floor was piled a foot high with stuff.  As I started sorting I realized that a lot of it was mine.  Things he had taken into his room and broken out of spite.  The more I cleaned, the more I found.  I should have been angry.  

But I wasn't.  I didn't yell, scream or throw my own temper tantrum.

I had reason to be angry but for a change, I kept my temper under control.  I calmly worked my way from one end of his room to the other.  Sorting and throwing things away.  Broken sewing rulers and a seam ripper that had been missing for weeks.  Torn fabric and I found my missing socks!  Forks, spoons and a butter knife.  Even a jelly jar and books with the covers ripped off.  But I pushed on, instead of getting angry, I worked.

Before DD I would have been a mess.  Shaking, angry, overwhelmed with what had to be done and wondering where I had gone wrong as a mother.  Yesterday I looked for solutions instead.  Most of his toys are gone.  His mutilated clothes are gone and he has lost his right to privacy.  His door is gone.  Now he can't shut himself up  in there and throw a baby fit.  He has so much more room in there without the broken toys.

I had a long talk with him and so did his daddy when he finally walked int he door at 9 pm.  Looking back on it I see something now.  I talked to my son the same way Dragon talks to me when I have broken a rule or picked a fight.  Calm and assertive.  I acted like a leader not an angry maniac.  DD has touched my in a way I never expected it to.  I wasn't afraid of being punished.  That never crossed my mind.  I honestly didn't even think about Dragon much, other than to wish he was there to help.

Would I go back to the way things were pre DD?  Never.

Ps, for some strange reason my girls decided it was a very good time it give their own rooms a good cleaning.  Their clothes are sorted, the floor is swept and they have a bag of toys ready to go the thrift store. There is a load of clothes in the washer, one in the dryer and 3 more loads sorted and ready to go.  I didn't do any of it.  WOW.  I need to channel Dragons calm, assertive energy more often.


  1. That is wonderful. I'm so glad to hear that you found a quiet strength in the the midst of what could have been a devastating situation... those are the changes I hope for J and I in TTWD.

    My move became official with word from the grad program I have been waiting on. I'm excited, a little worried (mostly about affording food) and overwhelmed with packing/sorting, ect. My performance season just wrapped up, so now I just teach a few days a week (at home) and work a few nights a week at the bar... and I have 9 weeks total to whip myself together. A month of my summer is gone with a summer program I'm attending and in the two+ weeks I return before the move I'm running a triathlon with my brothers, so I'm not counting those weeks as any kind of "real time".

    (big sigh) Luck to you, luck to me... here we go. Crunch time!

    Ps. Congrats to Dragon on the new job! J is working temp jobs at the moment, its actually a pay raise since his last full-time gig, but the hours are a little jumpy.


    (Sorry to write a novel)

    1. Autumn, a long reply is not a problem. It is a huge relief that he has a job. That it is in another state is another reason for stress. I hate moving. This is not the first time we have done this in the last 20 years.

      Break it down into small steps and set the timer for 15 minutes. Work as fast as you can and get that one small bite done. Set the timer and work. The third time you set the timer, take a break. It helps.

  2. It is neat. You were in a good place despite all the stress and were able to model that for your son. I'm sure the whole situation was still hard on you but it didn't cause one of those heart-rending, energy killing meltdowns...and there's a LOT to be said for that!

    1. Susie, not having a meltdown and being in an ok place was much better. My son willingly helped me with a huge project outside! No pleading for money or a treat, he asked what he could do and I put him to work.

      I love what I am seeing in my family right now.

  3. I'll echo what Flylady would say to you: "I'm so proud of you!"


    1. Hermione, I am a fluttering flybaby. I never seem to get off the ground but that doesn't stop me from trying!