We use safe words for play. Yes, we play that hard. And we use safe words for TTWD. Why? Safety.
Yellow = We don’t need to stop yet but something isn’t right.
Green = Hey that was great. Do that again
Blue = medical. Cut the ropes,. Get me out of this now. Asthma or other serious medical emergency.
I have heard that it is a trust issue. Is it really? How can my Dragon know for sure when I am having an asthma attack? How can he know when my leg is cramping? Or that I simply need to reposition myself across his lap? Most of the time he can see when I begin to panic. He can see when he has pushed just a little too far but not always. No is always no. Stop is always stop. The lights or safe words give him more information in one word. (right now my color would be blue)
I trust this man with my life. I trust him with children. Why wouldn’t I trust him with DD or kinky play? I do. It isn’t a matter of trust. He can’t read my mind. He doesn’t know when something isn’t working. My body language can be hard to read. It might be important for him to know that I just broke my toe and that I am bleeding. Oops.
It doesn’t matter if it is play or a more serous punishment. Safety is our first goal. Shouldn’t safety always be a concern? Both physically and emotionally he wants what is best for me. He doesn’t want to push too hard or go too far. Safe words are our safety net. They are always there to use.
Some people have raised the concern about misuse of the words. Worried that they would be used to get out of a well deserved punishment. That is always a possibility for some people but not for me. I feel like I have let him down. I feel like a failure when I use them. I am sure there are women out there who would over use them. My trouble comes from not using them enough.
He reassures me that using my colors is never a failure. If I am having an asthma attack, whatever we are doing needs to stop. If I am panicking play isn’t fun anymore and punishment damages. That is not what I am supposed to feel.
Guess I’ll have to work on that one.