Dragon does things his own way. He is strong willed, hard headed and loves me with all of his heart. What more could a girl want? I am his china doll, his rose and his princess. He spoils me rotten, hold me close at nigh and shows mercy when I don’t deserve it.
The loving dd book and the cdd web page encourage spanking to tears. Dragon says “no thank you. You don’t need to cry every time.” He wants submission and obedience. That comes before the first swat connects with my backside. It comes when I submit to his authority and to a punishment that I know will not be pleasant. Sometimes tears come after all is said and done. Sometimes the tears don’t fall at all. Tears are not his goal. He doesn’t want to beat me into submission. I submit to him because I love him and trust him will my heart.
The Learning DD blog gives step by step instructions for spanking. How hard, position, how many swats. Boy am I ever happy my Dragon can think for himself. Nine swats and my last punishment was over. Sometimes I need fewer swats and there are times when I need more. He listens to my squeaks. He pays attention to the tension in my body. Positioned across his lap, with his hand on back, he feels my body tense and relax. He feels in my body the very moment I have had enough. There is no need to go one step further. No need to continue the spanking until I am in hysterics. I am thankful that he stops when he does.
Every page I have read says, NO RUBBING. Yet after every few swats, he rubs my flaming skin. After the last swat, before he lets me up, he rubs away the pain. He sooths the sting. I treasure those moments. His touch shows that I am forgiven. His touch shows me that all is right in my little world. When he repositions me in his lap and holds me close, I know I am loved.
Dragon doesn’t do “corner time” or time out. He takes me into his arms and whispers words of love into my ear. He sends the kids to their room to let me collect my thoughts and calm down. He harnesses my service dog and fills my camel pack for a long walk. Dragon understands that sometimes I need a hug and sometimes I need a little time alone. On really hard days he gets out my motorcycle leather and the helmet. He moves the bike to the driveway and gets it running for me. I get to take a long solitary ride. Just me, the bike and the open road. I head away from civilization, up into the mountains and across the desert. I love his idea of Mommy time. No standing naked in the corner for me.
Yep. I am one lucky girl and I know it. I am thankful that my husband is the man that he is. I am thankful that he is mine. This last year has been a learning experience. I have learned that labels are man made and that most people don’t really fit any of them. We are all individuals with different relationship dynamics. So much the same and yet very different too. Is my relationship with Dragon D/s, DD, CDD, LDD or Tih? Or are we simply a man and woman absolutely in love finding our way in a world turned upside down?
It is hard to believe that this time last year we were just starting to talk about making some changed in our lives. Talking about what these changed would look like in our relationship and deciding to move foreword with it. Yes, I am the one who brought up the topic but it turns out he was already half a step ahead of me. He had already started moving our relationship in that direction. So now what do we call it? I think it is simply “This Thing We Do” Or as Bman and Sugarann say it "Tweed"
sorry - I started laughing at the beginning of your post and couldn’t stop... apologizing because I know your post was serious and I don’t mean to be disrespectful...
ReplyDeletebut laughing because "spank to tears"??? really? is there a self-respecting woman on earth who cant bring up REAL tears if she needs to?
I am in no way advocating or condoning women who use tears to get their way (in any fashion), but I have simply met VERY few women who couldn’t cry pretty much on demand. particularly when given a reason (spanking). Tears arent any indication of repentance.
We actually laugh loudly when our 12-year-old daughter starts crying during correction (not spanking, but verbal correction) because it is so obviously fake. I've actually watched her work them up. amazingly, the tears stop the second we laugh and she sees that we arent buying it.
The idea that anyone would consider getting someone to tears as the guidepost... I just find that terribly amusing.
Glad for you that your Dragon thinks for himself.
I am not offeneded. I just told Dragon about your post. His words,
ReplyDelete"She hasn't met you then."
There are several women in blog land who struggle with tears. They can cry now but it took time. And No, I can't cry on demand and amost never where others can see my shame.
hmmm - ok - then I amend my comments to "it just wouldn’t work for me".
ReplyDeleteI don’t cry on demand - but I know I can. and I know that if I were in a situation where I learned that crying would make "it" stop (whatever the it was), I would probably eventually start faking it - whether consciously or unconsciously...
and I don’t cry on demand because my husband doesn’t "react" to tears. He needs words - and logical ones.
so I suppose the idea just struck me as absurd because of how silly it would be in our relationship. I'd probably end up getting twice the punishment...
I think too many people are willing to follow any thing they read, like it's the bible, when it's not. The CCD Web site the LDD web site, are both ONE man's idea of a Dd relationship. He wrote it up, and that made it law? Nah!
ReplyDeleteWe do things our way, and much as you do, what fits us, makes sense to us and who we are. That's what any smart person does. I'm glad you wrote about this! Sara
Thank you Sara. What works for us now, wouldn't have worked a year ago when we were first stepping into TTWD. As we grow, so does our relationship.
ReplyDeleteI'm always spanked to tears. Wait, no, actually that isn't true. I used to be, but as I've gotten more used to it, and The Man is more punctuating a point rather than drawing the line.. I'm not always crying. Sometimes I just think I'm gonna cry... lol!
ReplyDeleteI needed that though. It's what it took to get me through the struggles and into surrender.
I agree, and you put it wonderfully, that each couple has to find the way that works for them. Each person reacts to different things in different ways.
Your only doing it "the wrong way" if it isn't working for you, as a couple. Lovely point and one worth making more often I imagine.
Thank you Candy, You are right. The only wrong way to do this is to not talk and keep doing things that are not helpful.
ReplyDeleteDragon has almost spanked me to tears twice. They burned my eyes but didn't fall. Does that count for tears?
A significant and wonderful post. It's this thing WE do. Not this thing we do the way others think we should do it. That would be TTWDTWOTWSDI. Way too long..lol.
ReplyDeleteThanks Stormy and LOL that IS way too long.
ReplyDelete