Monday, July 11, 2016


The stress of the law two months finally reached the boiling point.  Dragon didn't realize that he was pushing to hard.  He didn't realize that I have been holding on by my bloody fingernails.

Dragon has been puzzled by my obsession with self defense classes.  Now he knows why.

Six weeks away from him and the kids.  Six weeks spent with people who hate me.  (Funny thing, the things they hate me for aren't true)

If that wasn't enough my daughter told me that my meth head ex husband was seen in town.  The man wants me dead.  He has tried to kill me multiple times.  I slept with my hand on a loaded gun.  I walked with my head on a swivel.  Hyper aware of everyone around me.

I got to spend a few weeks home and then we had to go right back.  More fear.  More stress.

The shootings in Dallas. More fear.  Fire fighters and EMTs told not to wear their badges.

I just got tired of being afraid.

Dragon pushed me and got frustrated when I resisted.  He didn't understand.  It was just a small thing but on top of everything else?  It pushed me to the breaking point. I cried in public.  I NEVER CRY IN PUBLIC!

Dragon finally understands.

One good stress relief spanking later, I feel a little better.  And Dragon understands my obsession with martial arts.


  1. I understand this. Obviously not your individual circumstances, as I'll admit they are much more intense than I have thankfully encountered in my life. But I understand the concept and the later part of this post. I have been there.

    Not to flippant but the best way I can describe it is like a pimple. The pressure is there. No one sees it. Eventually it surfaces and once you relieve a bit of the pressure it feels better, but we all know there is more under there. Eventually it can all surface, but then it has to heal. ( Normally I get more graphic with the explanation, but with the seriousness of your post I'll leave it up to the reader). It helped Barney understand more how I was feeling when I over simplified it this way ;)

    I hope bit by bit, you can release and let go of some more of those pressures!

    all the best

    1. I guess I handled everything great on the outside. No one knew. Dragon is ultimately an HOH and took me right in hand. He still didn't give me the spanking that I think I need. It is time to trust him and understand that he may know something I don't. Thanks for the encouragement and you didn't sound flippant at all.

  2. oh stress and fear are awful things and when we try and keep it inside it somehow has a way of getting magnified! I have cried in public too altho i hate feeling like i had nowhere else to go (emotionally) and sometimes i feel that's the best way to let them know how we're feeling.

    feel better soon sweets.

    1. Dragon was under a lot of stress because I was out of town and he wanted to be there when our granddaughter was born. I didn't want to add to his. I kept everything under control by going to the gym and working myself into exhaustion. It stopped working eventually. Things are starting to settle down. I hope