Friday, April 22, 2016

Why Does TTWD Work?

Why does the thought of getting a barn burner of a punishment put me in my happy space?

I have worried over the answer to that question for years.  Ever since that very first punishment and we had the hottest sex ever before my tears even slowed.

I have an answer.  Domestic discipline is more than just about paddling my backside.  It is more than just pain. The sting of the paddle is just a small part of it.  Think about all the minutes in a day.  How many of those minutes are spent getting a spanking?  Less than two minutes on a regular day.  I'll say as many as 5 minutes for a reminder or bad punishment. That isn't a lot of time.  And it is only a small part of this thing we do.

It is about relationship.  Mutual respect and paying attention to each others needs.  It isn't about him exercising his omniscient power over the little wife.  It isn't about changing who I am but about bringing us closer together.

On my last post you saw our hard rules. Just three.  That's it.  One is to keep me safe from my own forgetfulness.  The next is to break a bad habit I formed during hard times and only one of them is his own pet peeve. The most recent rule came because I asked for help.  I have to be up and dressed my 8:30. Workout and showered my 10.

 Why does that give me the warm fuzzies?  Even knowing that I have already earned a punishment, he set a new rule because he loves me.  Because he cares.  When he gets home from work he will paddle my bare backside until tears fall from my eyes because he loves me and want to help me get back on my feet.

I feel loved because he loves me enough to take the time to listen.  To take action when I really need it even when it isn't pleasant. Even when my tears hurt him.  He does it because it is what we need as a couple.  We are closer. We touch more, make love more, kiss more and talk more when he is stepping up into his role as HOH.

I am happier when I am Taken in Hand. More relaxed when I know what my role in our marriage is.  He is more relaxed at home and more efficient at work when he is stepping up into his role as HOH.

Because I respect him.  Because I respect myself and integrity is important, I will ask to go to the garage tonight when he gets home. I will admit how hard it was to follow the new rules today and that I was defiant. Not just lazy but defiant.  There is a difference.  Depression I could get away with, a few minutes late I could get away with but it is the bad attitude I will confess because it is the right thing to do.

In will cry as he lectures me and the paddle heats my behind.  Then I will probably kneel in front of him while we watch a movie and make love.  The damage I did will be repaired and my guilt will be erased.  Tomorrow, when 8:30 rolls around my backside will still be sore.  I'll have one more reason to get up and move.

At the end of the day, we will both be in a better place.  I will feel absolutely loved because he took the time to help me beat these bad habits.  He will respect me for my honesty and forgive my defiance.  What has been a wedge in our relationship has turned into healing for both of us.

I get it now.

I am Taken in Hand.  I know that I am loved by my Dragon.


  1. Beautiful explanation, Rose. So happy you and Dragon are doing so much better.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    1. His ptds is still bad but different. The wild mood swings have slowed down. They made life nearly impossible for both of us. Now the flash backs are ramping up. I learned what dust off means and what happens when it is denied. He tells me a little bit at a time. Without the constant panic attacks, he can deal with the flash backs. One day at a time.

  2. Nope. He didn't punish me last night . Instead we talked about consequences. I get a two hour nap/quiet time at some point during the day. For every 5 minutes over the time limit I get a swat. This was all decided by Dragon. He laid down the rules and consequences. He will stick with them. My defiant delay didn't fit the criteria he had already set I his head.

    I got spanked and hard but it wasn't a punishment.