Learning Curve

This morning I asked him about ttwd. “Are we doing this? Is this something you even want? Where are we going with ttwd? “

He didn’t have much to say about the topic. What he did have to say held more meaning than any speech I have ever heard.

“Have you noticed that you have rules to follow now?”

I answered with a very quietly, “yes, a few.”

“Did you have rules before?”

think, think, think, “No, I can’t think of any.”

“You need to know what your limits are and what the rules are before I can hold you accountable.”

By this time my heart was beating a hundred miles an hour. We had one of those uncomfortable silent moments.

“How can I hold you accountable when neither one us of knows what the rules are?”

“Ok, I guess you can’t. So when is that first punishment going to happen?”

“When we both know what to expect and when you break a rule bad enough to deserve it.”

Now I know he hasn’t just given this up as a passing fad. He is doing what he does. He is building our house on the rock. Every angle examined, every board secured, the roof perfect. Measure twice, cut once. He wants to make sure we have our house and relationship in order before he dives into ttwd head first. He corrects my attitude more, has set a bed time and assigned one task to be done every day. He is slowly taking me in hand. One baby step forward at a time. It almost slipped by unnoticed.

Somewhere along the line he began to see that I need structure and his is providing it. So far it hasn’t felt restrictive. It feels safe. We are both in a learning curve here. I am learning how to fully step into my role as a submissive wife. He is learning how to be the HOH and how to take his stubborn wife in hand. I thought our journey had stalled. I thought that these 12 hr work days were a step backwards. Boy was I ever wrong.

I am loved by a strong man and I love him back with all my heart. What we have together is precious. It holds too much value to take lightly. Now I know where he stands. I can see what he is doing. He didn’t just sit down and write out a list of rules. When he sees something that bothers him, he tells me and we work it out together. I think that is just the way it should be. One day he may set a rule with no discussion. For now, I’m happy that I have a little input in the matter. The rules are not written down in a book. They are not carved in stone. There aren’t many but we both know what they are. I feel safe, secure and very much loved.

Now my next question. Will I have any warning? Is he just going to come out and say. “Ok, we’re ready” or will I find out we are there when I find myself on the painful side of the paddle? I’ll have to ask that one soon.