Thursday, May 5, 2016

sick and getting sicker

I arrived at my daughter's house yesterday.  My eyes started stinging, it got hard to breathe and I hurt everywhere.  I looked in the mirror and my cheeks were red.  I was as pale as a ghost other than my cheeks.

What in the world?  One minute I was feeling great.  The next I was sick.

After my daughter went to bed I figured it out.  The house smells like meth.  The scent that belongs only to illegal drugs and evil.

This morning she finally admitted that she has used crack cocaine.  I am speechless.  To suspect drug use and to know are a world apart.  I wonder where I went wrong.

For the baby, I am going to ignore the elephant in the room. Tiptoe around it and hope I don't disturb it.  I don't want my daughter to send me away this close to her due date.

Fear, anger, pain, confusion.  I'm not really sure what I feel. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Sorry.  This isn't my usual post.  This one is?  What?  I guess it just is what it is.



  1. Has she used crack while pregnant? If so, the doctor should know.

    So sorry Rose

    1. I don't know. She won't tell me. I am scared for both of them.

  2. Yes, the doctor needs to know to be ready for needs at delivery. You can prep the doctor secretly. All you have is a suspicion. Problem is, in some states the baby is taken away at birth if there is evidence, until the mother is treated.

  3. I'm sorry Rose. Please don't feel like a bad parent. You didn't go wrong, your daughter has made some bad choices, but as we age we realize we have to be accountable for our own actions. The girl you raised is in there somewhere, she needs help to remember that.

    She also needs a safe place. By that I mean one of support. I hope for both your sake and the baby you will find the words/actions that will reach her and she will eventually open up to you.

    I think generally, no one feels worse about themselves than the addict. That doesn't mean you didn't offer the right support all her life, it just means she may have stopped choosing to see it.

    I wish you all the strength in the world and a lot of luck~yes luck.


  4. So Sorry Rose. Thinking of you.

  5. So sorry for all of you, Rose. Just because your daughter made poor choices does not mean you were a bad parent or did anything wrong. Even though she refuses to tell you, I hope your daughter has told the doctor if there is a chance the baby will be born with issues due to the drugs. Sending prayers and positive energy for all of you. Remember...your Dragon is only a phone call away and you have support here in blogland.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat