How do you find that balance between submission, mercy and punishment.
Most important I think is my own submission. I do little things to show him how much I love him but then I let some things slide. An example is making the bed. I hate making the bed every morning and think that it is ok to let it slide just one day. One day turns into two and then into three. Dragon didn't say anything but I know he noticed.
Why didn't he call me on it? I think he wants my submission to come from the heart and fear. If he punished me every time I deserved it, I would live in fear. Neither one of us want that. A marriage based on fear is one doomed to fail. I know I couldn't live that way.
Another way I frequently fail is whining my way out of a punishment. I know I have broken a rule. I know what is coming but when he calls me on bad behavior I can't seem to stop it. I am very good at making excuses for bad behavior. Finding just the right excuse to put a seed of doubt in his mind.
Where is that balance? Punished enough to hold me accountable but I am still submitting willingly? Yes, I I I I.... Selfish.
I know I am not perfect. I earn at least 2 punishments a week just from language. I asked him to make a goal of one punishment a month. I need to know what to expect. We need to find that balance between his needs and mine. Between submission and obedience.
I do things for my husband out of love, not fear of punishment. I think that says more about submission than doing something because you'll be punished if you don't. Anyway, that's my take on it.
ReplyDeletealways out of love. But... I am not perfect. I get lazy, forgetful and depressed. Neither one of us want a relationship controlled by fear. With DD that is where the balance needs to be found. thanks
DeleteMe too..my laziness or depression gets in the way. I totally relate to this post. God Bless You and Yours, Belle L.
DeleteExcellent topic!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteWhen you've found that balance, please tell me about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm still in the stage where I refuse to punish when she refuses to obey.
I only punish when she is a nice obedient girl.
Sometimes this whole TTWD stuff doesn't make any sense.
But I'm guessing Dragon suffers a bit from the same problems as I do.
Dragon does better with the fun kind and the pre-emptive ones. He gets that hurt puppy look on his face when I get defiant. I think I need to work harder at preventing that look.
Deletei agree. fear has no place in a relationship. I do what I do out of love and respect. and that i want to please him always.
ReplyDeleteso far we've never needed punishment, and indeed our relationship doesn't include it. BIKSS doesn't seem to think that it's necessary... and I try very hard not to prove him wrong.
We started DD with a habit neither one of us liked but I couldn't break on my own. The first punishment happened fast. It took us a while to figure this DD thing out. Now we are both trying to work on consistency. Communication, submission and enforcing the rules we have. The rules are there for both of us. To keep our relationship stable and hopefully to make it last. We just need to find that balance so fear is not a factor. not ever!
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