I thought so but is he really?
Yesterday morning I expected a stress relief session. It didn’t happen. I was disappointed. On a Saturday, I woke up to an empty bed.
I felt crushed. Absolutely disappointed. I needed his arms. I needed for him to assert his authority.
About noon, I figured it out. It was like the wind blew the clouds out of the sky and the sun began to shine.
I over did it. For a few days in a row, I worked too hard. Pulling up carpet, moving furniture, getting the walls ready to paint. My body hurt. Hands curled up on my chest to protect them. Tucked into a tight ball to try to ease the pain in my legs and back.
I felt guilty for not helping him. While he worked, I hid. If I joined him in the living room, I tried to help. I wanted to help. It was so hard to sit by and watch. But my body was rebelling.
So why was I so surprised when he didn’t spank? I crave consistency. “I” thought he had dropped the ball. “I” thought he really didn’t want this at all. “I” thought wrong.
At first he did get frustrated when I didn’t help. Then he really looked. Dragon saw the pain I was trying so hard to hide. He saw the limp. He saw my hands cradled protectively against my chest. He didn’t fuss.
Didn’t say anything to me at all. Just did what needed to be done.
And I was hurt.
He ignored me.
Right?
WRONG!
He saw what I needed. He provided as much comfort as he could. There is none to be found when it gets that bad. The pain fills every corner of my existence. Moving hurts. Staying still hurts. Nothing helps.
But I thought I needed consistency.
What was he giving me?
Consistency.
His way. The way I needed it. Not the way I thought it was needed.
When my mind is foggy with pain. When I can’t cope with a body that won’t do what I want it to do. He takes care of my needs. Not with TTWD but with gentile care and kindness. His dominance comes out to protect me from making it worse.
I am happy that he gives me what I need and not what I think I need.
I love my man!
Ps. This morning, my backside is burning. Nearly 2 hours after my Dragon spanked me, I still feel the sting. A day late? Nope. Right on time.
funny thing is we trust them to do what's right as long as its our way lol...they know what we need and once we learn to truly trust them ttwd is smoother...ik i struggle in the same way
ReplyDeleteThe funniest part is that he didn’t realize it. I have had problems for so long that my family doesn’t even think about it. They just work around it. Dragon read my blog and said, “you know, you are right but I haven’t thought about it that way before.”
ReplyDeleteSad that we never see how much they know us until it's too late. I'm glad he's taking good care of you.
ReplyDeleteThey love us enough to give us what we need even when we think we don't need it.
When my health goes down hill, he is still my HOH. He just changes how he does things. We don't notice it. It is just part of who we are. The only reason I noticed it this week, is a missed stress relief session and he let me sleep in. Did too much today too. Oh well. I had fun.
ReplyDelete