Out with the old

One part of getting ready for a move is down sizing.  What to keep and what to get rid of.

First on the block was the toy bag.  All things latex more than 6 months old went first.  The we looked at the toys that we plain out don't like.  Too loud, too much thud and just not right.  Worn out, broken.  Dragon gave me a free hand with down sizing it!  So many owchy things gone!

We have already had round one with books.  They still need a round 2, 3 and 4.  It is hard for me to get rid of books.  With that said, Dragon has promised me a Kindle Fire.  I can't wait!

The project this weekend was the walk in closet!  Oh boy.  What a job.  Dragon finished putting down the new flooring in there yesterday.  Today we got rid of most of our clothes.  Some with the toys.  What was worn out? What is dated?  What hasn't been worn that has no sentimental value?  Wedding dress stays, 1970s dress gone!  All 80s style dresses gone.  Most of the 90s dresses gone.  Shirts with worn collars and stains gone.  All "house" dresses gone.  A few outfits too big and too small stay.  My weight fluctuates quite a bit and so does my size.  Part of the anorexia.  As soon as Dragon lets his guard down, my weight drops like a rock.

The closet is done.  Now I need to move ALL those clothes out to the truck.  Some donate but most go to the dump.  Yuck.  I can't believe how many worn out gross clothes I have kept over the years.    I have already decided what furniture to take with us if we move and what to leave.  I need to take a hard look at the the kids movie collection and my sewing room.  My girls are doing their own rooms.  I may have to send them back several times but that is ok.  My oldest is going to help my son, the baby of the family.  Yes, I'll have to go behind them and get rid of more stuff but that is ok.

Reality is become more and more clear and my stress level is building.  I was doing ok until my sewing machine decided it didn't want to work anymore.  It is an older Bernina.  Still a very nice machine by any standard.  One little screw.  I have my old Kenmore sitting on the kitchen table ready to adjust.  I need to work with it a while before I can confidently finish the competition dress I am working on.  The stitches need to be perfect.  The balance has to be just right.  The with of the stitch and length exact.

The repair projects that have been postponed due to time or money are suddenly a priority.  One thing at a time.

Dragon has an interview for another job next week.  He had 2 promising interviews last week.  We have some breathing room but not much.  Fingers crossed.

And no. DD has not been put aside.  It is in full swing.  Fortunately, a stern look from him is all that he usually needs to bring my back down to earth.  I am very lucky to have him.  When I first met him I thought he was a nerdy cowboy.  Yep, he still is but he is my nerdy cowboy.


In with the new will come latter.  A lot latter. 

of sticks and bears

Who ever thought Dragon getting help for ptsd would affect me so dramatically?  We are talking constantly.  Digging up old wounds that come back to haunt both of us.  Lives we should have been able to save.  What ifs and whys.  The triggers for me have always been there but now, they are stronger than ever.

Watching a movie.  Putting together a puzzle.  A news story.  Him getting help is like poking a sick at a mad bear for both of us.  He turns on the charm, gets cocky and arrogant.  Over compensates.  I get ill tempered and super sensitive to the little irritants of life.

We are both restless at night.  Dragging and tired during the day.  It is good that he is getting help finally but wow.  I didn't realize it would help me too.  It has to get worse before it gets better.  That is what we were told. One step at a time.

Happy Easter!

A cute bunny song in honor of Easter before I go to sleep tonight!

We have a family day planned.  Baskets, breakfast and Bible study in the morning.  In the afternoon and Easter egg hunt, The Lords Supper and the yummiest meal of the year.  To me Easter is more special than Christmas.  It is the day we celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus.  He died so that we may live.  Stupid simple but hard for an adult to understand.

In a little while, after I know my kids are sleeping, I get their baskets ready and arrange them on the couch.  The oldest two get e readers.  $$$  but they have both asked for them.  In one basket is a gift certificate for Build a bear and the final basket for my son has a few small toys and a movie.  Nothing fancy or extravagant. It is what it is.  Flowers basket is a little slim but next month she will get her very own computer and she needs more sports gear before the summer season begins.  She is almost as tall as I am now.  WOW they grow fast.

Easter is commercialized but not nearly as much as Christmas.    There isn't the pressure to spend spend spend.  Yes, you do have the Easter bunny but you have the story of Christ too which you can not separate from the holiday.

Best wishes to my blogging family!  Remember why we celebrate and enjoy your day.

God Bless!

The Dance

Yes, you know the one.  If you have EVER been really spanked or given a good spanking you know exactly what I am talking about.  It is that energetic wiggle to get away from that stinging paddle!

I can usually be very good for the first few swats.  The 2 or 3 "warm up" swats that come before the main event. When the intensity increases and the tempo turns into a drum roll the dance starts.  If I'm not feeling very energetic it is simply a small wiggle from side to side.  A slight roll of the hips.  Not sure if it is to get away from the paddle or to present my bottom more fully to Dragon.  It is the slow dance.

Now when Dragon moves down to the sit spot and upper thighs....  That is an entirely different story!  The dance turns into something that resembles the tango as I try my very best to avoid the supper sting of every swat.   Turning, rolling over, hands get involved.  My toes inch my body closer to the head board until I can't go any further.

Then it happens.  Dragon gets tired of the fight and throws his leg across mine to hold me down.  This isn't gentile at all.  He puts enough pressure on my legs to hold my protesting body right where he wants it.  His left hand firmly holds my hands together when I reach back to block the swat.

It is quite effective but probably looks kinda funny.  I wouldn't know.  I am left with only one defense that is rather ineffective.  My feet are busy running a marathon!  I know it isn't a comfortable position for me.  I can only imagine what it is like for him.

On the rare occasion the dance falls somewhere in between.  Perhaps more of a moonwalk maybe?  Think high school dance floor during a popular song.  When the wiggle goes from a nice slow love song to a more energetic lively song, his hand firmly holds my knees down.  This is when I find my voice and begin to sing with each and every swat.  Owch, ooooh, watch it, that hurts!  Dragon hands me a pillow and says, "enough of that now."

The dance is a little different every time.  Sometimes fun and other times frustrating for both of us.  Dragon loves my dance.  He says it is cute and that it shows how effective the spanking is.  A tops logic.  As his submissive wife, guess I can't argue with that!



Couldn't resist!  My mom was a huge Elvis fan.  To think of him as a spanko?  hmmm

Lullaby spanking

A lullaby spanking is one given for the purpose of helping me sleep.  It isn't a very hard spanking.  Just enough to let me know I have been spanked and to give a little sting to the bottom side.

Lately life has been getting in the way of a good nights sleep.  I can go all day, working as happy as can be in my sewing room and then it is time for bed.  As soon as I lay down and close my eyes, the worry bears hit.  Full force too.  I don't understand this.

Before this week a bed time spanking was a lullaby.  It would relax me and allow me the piece to get some sleep.  Not any more.   Last night Dragon spanked me.  Harder than usual.  He concentrated on the sit spot and upper part of my legs.  Owie!  Talk about a sting.  My feet drummed the bed as I struggled to stay still.  His free hand firmly at the back of my knees reminding me not to fight him.

It was a good hard spanking.  Not a punishment but a stress relief I still feel this morning.  And still...  No sleep.

I don't know what I am going to do.  I have to sleep.  I walk around all day in a fog of sleep deprivation.  Blag.  Not even lullaby spankings helps.



Ps.  I changed my blog settings to moderate all.  This allowed me to turn off the word verification.  I don't like those hard to read words but hate spam on my blog even more.  I'm sorry for any inconvenience this has cause but it is the best solution I cold come up with for the issue.

Prayers for Texas

Please pray for the people in the path of the storm in Texas.  This one is nasty.  It has hit Dallas and Forney.  There are cars over turned in the elementary school parking lot.


Pray pray pray!


I have friends and family in the path of this storm!

Dragon Ended It

Last night he did it.  He gave me three swats with the belt.  One was very light.  The next one was firm and hurt very bad but still wasn't hard.  The final swat was the worst.

His tender words of love and gentile hands soothed my mind and body.  Then he said, "no more.  I'll never hit you the belt again.  It is too harsh."  I was shaking and closer to tears than I have ever been from a spanking.  The belt really was too much for both of us.

That is the end of it.  I have nothing to fear from the belt.  Not ever.  He is not brutal like my father and step father.  He doesn't want to fill my body with pain.  His goal is to teach my heart, not hurt my body.  Love my man.

I faced my fear.  That will have to be enough for now.  The sound of his belt sliding threw the loops of his pants still gives me a sick, sinking feeling but maybe in time, that will fade.  I am not afraid of him like I was 18 years ago.  Those rare times he yells at me, I yell right back.  I don't cringe and duck.  I learned that he will not punch me.  He will not hurt me.  The only reason we use DD is because I brought it to our relationship.  I did it.  Not him.

I hope I never have to find out what I would do without him.