When we are far apart we talk. A LOT!
I finally understand why Dragon is so careful with punishment. My history of abuse. He says that I have known abuse most of my life and he doesn't want to cross that line.
When a punishment is about to happen he watches my body language and facial expressions. He listens. If anything seems off, he takes it as a withdrawal of consent. He knows that if he pushes to hard I'll withdraw from everything. Backing off is his way of keeping me safe. Protecting my mind from harm that happened long ago.
Now we have a plan.
When I am faced with a punishment and absolutely panic he will give me some space. No, I can't leave the garage. I sit there and think. It gives me a chance to remember why we do what we do. That Dragon has never hurt me and never will.
When he comes back a decision must be made. If I am willing to accept the spanking, I am to strip and wait for his instructions. If I just can't do it, he will give an alternate punishment. I'm not off the hook. An essay, lines, extra chores, icy hot. Something.
No more just dropping the issue.
Dragon says that I am ready to be pushed harder. No won't work. Red will only delay or modify the punishment. I should probably be worried but I'm not. I'm happy that DD is back. I'm happy that I have my Dragon back.
I sure do need a spanking.