Monday, October 12, 2015

Fear vs Terror

I understand now.

I got frustrated.  Sweaty from working outside, I wanted a shower.  There were no clean towels. I told my teenage daughter to wash a load of towels that morning.  She has a habit of disobedience.  I reminded her several times.  I dried off with a wash cloth.

I was beyond frustrated. I let her know exactly what I thought about her disobedience. "Oh, I guess I misunderstood Mom."  Things turned ugly from there.

I went to my room still fuming.  Dragon gave me the look.  Fear replaced frustration. Not just fear but absolute terror.  I knew that I deserved a punishment.  She shouldn't have been allowed her little act of defiance. I should have stood in the laundry room door and watched her put the towels on to wash.

I understand now why Dragon backs off so often.  Terror.  I learned very young to fear punishment.  Not just a smack on the backside but something far worse. For 18 years I lived in fear of my parent's tempers.  Over 25 years later, that fear is still just as real.

When faced with a punishment I turn into a 4 year old looking at a giant of a man holding a belt.

Instead of reassurance and following through with it, Dragon backs off. He loves me more than that.

I understand.


  1. Replies
    1. I fell asleep in my Dragon's arms. What could be better than that? :-)

  2. So sorry you still have issues with the terror Rose but very happy Dragon knows how to deal with it. Teenagers! I'm surprised that my boys...especially my oldest survived their teen years...teens can be so selfish and manipulative. Sending you lots of healing energy and positive thoughts.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    1. Dragon knows me better than I know myself. What gets me with teenagers is the look of surprise when I catch them being little shits. Grrrr

  3. You're not alone I had a friend who has the same issue. ((((HUGS)))))